emotional/mental abuse

[Loopi]

Not really sure why i'm posting on here, i just wonder if anyone can relate to what i've been through.

I'm 15, and have grown up in a family dominated by my mum. My dad's relationship with me or my older sister was never allowed to develop, as my mum was always in control, and he was kept out, maintained as a figure in my lifes who's only real connection with me was when things broke and he fixed them. My mum rarely showed my dad any affection, and from a young age i can remember her always putting him down, critiscing and trying to control him. There were always huge rows, the kind where as a little kid you would run and hide from.

at 13 my dad had an affair and left. This opened a communciation between me and my dad where i was suddenly able to learn why he left, and to some extent have a relationship with him. Which was great. However, suddenly the "normal" rows that me and my mother had, escalated. She became incredibly controlling of me, and began playing some horrible mind games. we had rows about things that seemed very trivial. She never set me a curfew, and one night i returned from my boyfriends at 11pm. She went INSANE despite me telling her how i was geting home (A lift from his parents) and she knew exactly where i was. I was grounded for two weeks, and when my sister did the same thing she wasn't punished. From this the rows escalated, with many leading to me being sat on my bathroom floor crying shaking and panicking with the door locked as she screamed at me and hammered on the door.

eventually i ran away from home - only a week ago. I now live with my father but she is DETERMINED to get me back. she is very manipulative and has convinced social services that my dad is unfit to take care of me, and she has told them everything they want to hear. She's destroyed a large part of my self confidence and her control over me.

I guess i just want to know if anyone can relate, and if they can, if they think i did the right thing by leaving. I can't handle anymore mind games, emotional abuse (she will not tell me she loves me, and never has, and has never hugged me in my life), or anything else from her, but i dont know if what i've been through is "normal" my boyfriend says it isnt, but its what i grew up with, so to me it is.

So yes...can anyone relate?

 

[inHisgripkim]

Not really sure why i'm posting on here, i just wonder if anyone can relate to what i've been through.

I'm 15, and have grown up in a family dominated by my mum. My dad's relationship with me or my older sister was never allowed to develop, as my mum was always in control, and he was kept out, maintained as a figure in my lifes who's only real connection with me was when things broke and he fixed them. My mum rarely showed my dad any affection, and from a young age i can remember her always putting him down, critiscing and trying to control him. There were always huge rows, the kind where as a little kid you would run and hide from.

at 13 my dad had an affair and left. This opened a communciation between me and my dad where i was suddenly able to learn why he left, and to some extent have a relationship with him. Which was great. However, suddenly the "normal" rows that me and my mother had, escalated. She became incredibly controlling of me, and began playing some horrible mind games. we had rows about things that seemed very trivial. She never set me a curfew, and one night i returned from my boyfriends at 11pm. She went INSANE despite me telling her how i was geting home (A lift from his parents) and she knew exactly where i was. I was grounded for two weeks, and when my sister did the same thing she wasn't punished. From this the rows escalated, with many leading to me being sat on my bathroom floor crying shaking and panicking with the door locked as she screamed at me and hammered on the door.

eventually i ran away from home - only a week ago. I now live with my father but she is DETERMINED to get me back. she is very manipulative and has convinced social services that my dad is unfit to take care of me, and she has told them everything they want to hear. She's destroyed a large part of my self confidence and her control over me.

I guess i just want to know if anyone can relate, and if they can, if they think i did the right thing by leaving. I can't handle anymore mind games, emotional abuse (she will not tell me she loves me, and never has, and has never hugged me in my life), or anything else from her, but i dont know if what i've been through is "normal" my boyfriend says it isnt, but its what i grew up with, so to me it is.

So yes...can anyone relate?

I hurt for you because I know how important it is to have the unconditional love of a parent. I admire your courage to step up and make a move to be with your father.

Please remember one thing as you grow. Your mother has serious emotional issues and her behavior is not your fault. You are very insightful for your age and your objectivity and integrity is so admirable.

May your father give you the love and nurturing that you so deserve. God bless you. Go forward in understanding and not resentment. Love yourself always and use your experience to be a blessing to other teenagers in need.

Blessings upon blessings to you,
Kim

 

[artjack]

when I was your age I used to stay out late and sometimes not come home or let my mother know where I was & she would ring around and try to find out where I was, well I suppose she was worried, she controled our home,I used to think she was shaming me phoning around, this continued into my twentys, I like to take things easy and avoid working round the house, well one day we had a row about cutting the grass, I didnt want to do it but then after the row I did go to cut the grass & the tool I was using broke & she accused me of breaking it deliberatly & I had a breakdown where I had to go to hospital.It turned out I had alot of other issues though, well for one I binged drank alcohol, when I was at my friends I used to smoke a little weed, I had problems with my sexuality, bullying all through school and abuse from outside the family,my father never got a chance to be a father either & he was an alcholic & they constantly fought & spent all the money which upset her, there was a point where she was going to leave but didnt because the preist told her not to & because I was a baby, anyhow after I had my breakdown I realised how much she loved me & thought how I had made her worry all her life & done nothing to help her & she visited me in hospital everyday for a few weeks, when I was out I could have foned her but I knew she would say come home and I would not have had a problem with drink perhalps, who knows, now we are very close & my father has stoped being an alcholic as she took control of the money and he doesnt get it and it is a good thing because he is now more content and she looks after him, giving him meds and she contols my meds to. I guess it is not good for me in life because one day she will not be there and I will have to much to learn at once doing things for myself but for now at least we are happy because she is happy & it works well for now. It is nice havibg a mother if you are sick no matter what age you are, she is a remarkable woman and I have stopped rebelling now that I have learned the hard way & love her to bits, all she ever wanted to do was love, Im glad I stoped rebeling, pity I didnt before I had a breakdown, I think now it would have been wise.

 

[RomanPrincess]

yes i can relate to what you are goingthrough ..all my life i had to be around a very violent ,verbaly,physicaly, menatly abusive family.Everyone in my family talked bad about the other and put me and my siter down constinatly.The things they said and did i cannot even talk about. I still have a scare on my lip today for when i was hit with a stick in the face..not to mention the other scares i have inside and out.
Still goes on today,for 41 years....in fact it is worse........sometimes i get so sad and i wonder what there is to live for.My life is a living hell.

 

[kimber1]

oh sweetheart that sounds so much like my life it's scary

i cna't say running away was a "smart" move only because of whatcould have happened in the process of you getting to your dads' but at 15 you should be old enough to tell the courts where you wish to live.

it will take time to rebuild a relationship with your mom i'm sure. and also may never happne. but pray that she get shte help it seems she needs and please stay safe.

 

[kimber1]

yes i can relate to what you are goingthrough ..all my life i had to be around a very violent ,verbaly,physicaly, menatly abusive family.Everyone in my family talked bad about the other and put me and my siter down constinatly.The things they said and did i cannot even talk about. I still have a scare on my lip today for when i was hit with a stick in the face..not to mention the other scares i have inside and out.
Still goes on today,for 41 years....in fact it is worse........sometimes i get so sad and i wonder what there is to live for.My life is a living hell.

do you have any children of your own?

 

[NoddaProbBob]

you did what you had to. I am proud of you

 

[Dungbeetle]

If you are 16, your mother has no say in whether you stay with your father or not. It is your choice.

As for mental abuse, try putting up with that for the next 25 years and you'll know what I've been through.

 

[KayliesVoice]

As for mental abuse, try putting up with that for the next 25 years and you'll know what I've been through.

I heard that. My family is the "drama team" and my mother is their queen. It is like group therophy or the Jerry Springer show around my family.

And that is why I pray and stay clear of them.

 

[FallingWaters]

I understand why you did what you did. If I were in your shoes, I may have done the same thing. I wanted to run away many times when I was young, but I didn't have anywhere to go. Whether it was the "right" thing or not, it doesn't matter now. You did it. I'm sure God understands.

However, families have to abide by laws. Your family is governed by the laws of England, which may be different than the laws in the U.S. They may force you to go back and live with your mother. You will need the grace of God to live with her in a way that is honoring to God. I hope and pray that you will learn to lean on God in your troubles.
Proverbs 3:5-8