emotional abuse, please help!

[jtrane88]

A situation has arised that I may have to move back and live with my dad, who is emotionally abusive towards me. I'm currently living in Holland and I'm moving back to england in 4 weeks. I'm staying with a friend for the first month to settle in and sort the situation out with my dad. I've been emotionally abused by him in the past year, starting with a BIG thing that happened that caused me to go into depression and want to kill myself. I got better and moved to holland (from england) with my mum (parents are divorced).

Now i'm moving back to england cos i cant stay in holland for personal reasons and so im going to go over and do A Levels.
But what do i do once i've moved? I cant live with my dad at all because it triggers my depression and i constantly get upset whenever i hear about him. I'm emailing my sister and she's telling me what he thinks about me and my situation and what would happen if i came to live with him etc... so i started dreading getting emails from her incase there was any word from him and i didnrt want to get upset over again.

I'm 17, so underage and still need a legal guardian, but my mum has to stay in holland and cant join me, and i cant stay in holland either. what do i do?

Also me and my dad are both christians, but his views are veryyyyyyy extreme, and mine arent the same as his, but he thinks he's totally right. his views are so strong that he will not change them and the emotional abuse will continue because of that.

can i contact social services and maybe move out and be on council benefits, or alternatively, go to a foster family until i finish school?
i really cannot live with my dad at all, and i dont know what to do about it!!!!!

 

[carmen33]

Can't give much advice but I'm praying for you.

 

[Kid Fish]

I can't imagine that there isn't some way to stay with your mom, unless she's a bit of a creep too? You said you have to leave for personal reasons. Is your mom kicking you out? Why not just stay with mom until you are 18?

 

[jtrane88]

I can't imagine that there isn't some way to stay with your mom, unless she's a bit of a creep too? You said you have to leave for personal reasons. Is your mom kicking you out? Why not just stay with mom until you are 18?

well she has to stay in holland because of money/pension reasons etc, and i cant stay in holland because of school, money and other personal reasons. my mum accepts the situation and she would help me out to be happy in england, but she cant come herself and its already final that im going.
nothing can be changed, i just have to sort out how to live once im in england, and i dont know what to do about it once im there.

 

[Kid Fish]

Well if your father is truly so abusive that you considered suicide, then you can't go live with him. I'm sorry I don't have a better solution other than to say anything can be changed it is just a matter of whether we are willing to accept the consequences. By that I mean, unless the Dutch are literally kicking you out of Holland, you can stay there. You may not want to stay there because you have things you want to do in England, but that doesn't mean they are deporting you. Or are they?

I wish you well. Remember to do your best to delineate the differences between what you want, what you need, and what is best for you. The answers to those things are not always as clear as we first think.

I'll say a prayer for you.

 

[Lucis]

can i contact social services

I would imagine that could be a good place to start.

If your father have made you feel like suicide, it sounds like something you should not have to go through again.

 

[Johnnz]

I don't know what the UK laws are, but I am sure contacting social services will give you some useful insights about what options you have.

John
NZ

 

[madison1101]

Now that you have identified the way he is speaking to you, and that it is triggering past abuse issues, you can take this and seek therapy to work through the past abuse, and learn to set boundaries in your relationship with him. I recommend a licensed psychotherapist who has experience working with abuse victims. Pastors are great for spiritual matters. Therapists are experts on dealing with emotional issues.

 

[AxionEsti]

How much longer until you are of age? I suffered mental abuse from my mother until I was 25 - couldn't move out before then - and have not returned since. Not sure how I stuck it out, but it was just the hope of getting out of her house that kept me going. Now I am 59, and she still tries to abuse me, and fortunately, she moved out of state several years ago. I will pray you get some help, and will not have to go back there again. It is my belief that those who abuse their children in this manner have mental problems, yet to be identified. Your dad (and my mom) need some serious help, themselves.

 

[MckDawg04]

I'm not sure how things work in England, but I imagine that it would be a good thing to start with social services like someone else mentioned.

I while back someone I talked to (from CF) didn't live with his mom or dad the last couple years of high school. A friend's family took him in. He was at least on speaking terms with his parents (if I remember correctly) but he just couldn't stand to live with them.

Keep praying that things will get better and trust that God will take care of your needs. I'll pray for you as well.

 

[jtrane88]

Thanks for the advice guys
Well i'm 18 (of age) in November, but I have to continue school til June 2011. Until then I can't support myself.
I'm staying with a friends' family for the first month of going back to the UK and I'll contact the right people from there I think.
I got really angry the other night so I sent quite a mouthy email to my Dad, but now i'm really scared as to what he'll write back. I let him know how I felt and gave him reasons to why I don't want to be anywhere near him. The email came off like I had an attitude or something, but i'll use his reply as proof for social services. good idea?

 

[Johnnz]

Fine. Don't pretend. You own well being is important and your long term future is tied up with your ability to do as wella s you can for yourself in the present.

John
NZ