Eloping

PegasusOnFire · Oct 7, 2003

Ok, I am getting really stressed about my upcoming wedding. I was wondering what you all thought about eloping. I can't keep having my hair fall out like it is, my mother is on me all the time about getting things done, most of which has been done for months now. She lives 500 miles away from me. In the past they have suggested that my fiancee (Jay) and I elope, but he was in the service and we didn't want to. Now we are really looking hard at this option.

Super Gnat · Oct 7, 2003

It sounds like your mother may feel (and/or be) a bit out of the loop, so she's trying to be as helpful as she can from 500 miles away.Maybe you could talk with your mother, lay out exactly what has been done and what needs to be done, and give her a general timeline of when stuff will be finished. Also, maybe if you delegated a few tasks to her, so she can feel like a part of the planning.

If you've gotten most of the ceremony stuff worked out, then you might as well use it. I would suggest that you go ahead as planned.

PegasusOnFire · Oct 7, 2003

Thank you Super Gnat. Well, I have been including her in every aspect of the weddign, she just seems to have a way of taking over everything. My dad has told her that she is going to turn me into a basket case, but she doesn't seem to believe him. I will be seeing her this weekend, and I guess we are going to talk about wedding stuff, as well as them signing the papers to close on the house that they just sold here in Iowa, they live in South Dakota.

Warrior Poet · Oct 7, 2003

There is just something so appealing about not even getting out of the car to be married, i think it would be fun...too much fun. But thats just me I guess. I think eloping an throwing a huge BBQ party type thing for the family and firends later....gotta get those gifts....would be a blast. It really comes down to the toll this whole thing is taking on you Peg, it shouldnt be like this, and there is no reason why it should be, mom and some other peeps might be hurt maybe even offended, but just tape it, and they wont miss anything that way. You do your thing girl and take of yourslef in the process. Best of Luck to you both.

Warrior Poet

YouthPastor · Oct 8, 2003

Go ahead with the wedding. It is probably the most stressful ordeal in your life. At least it was for my wife.

Mom's are mom's. just try to ensure her that everythign is taken care of. It is true - she probably wishes she was not 500 miles away and could e of more assistance to you.

karla · Oct 8, 2003

Buy an answering machine and screen your calls! I'm not joking. When I was pregnant with my daughter my mom called me every day from 2 weeks before I was due until I had my daughter (who was a week past the due date) That was nerve racking - I was emotional enough. With My second I just lied about the due date to everyone and left the outgoing message on my answering machine as - If you are calling about the baby no I haven't had the baby yet, but when I do you will be the first to know otherwise you can leave a messgae and I will get back to you. But she did mean well and was just excited as I am sure your mom is about the upcoming wedding. I say don't elope, have the wedding and remember that the wedding is only the day, the marriage is a lifetime. Good luck and best wishes!

Manna · Oct 9, 2003

While I am a huge fan of wedding ceremonies, I am now a recent fan of eloping! My husband and I scrapped the ceremony to elope, and it was the best thing we could have ever done! We knew then that we were saying "I do" for us, and not for our guests. It was wonderful! However, there are many people in your life that wish to be a part of your wedding, so I suggest the idea of having some sort of a reception at a later time. But either way you go, with a ceremony, or with a justice of the peace, make sure God's the center of all of it, and there will be no regrets.

desi · Oct 10, 2003

If you have lots of friends you want to share it with get married traditionally, otherwise elope or have a small quiet ceremony.

chriso · Oct 11, 2003

Try to relax your mother just wants everything to be perfect. Weddings are very inportant to mothers of the bride and groom. Our son got married this summer and my wife was a bundle of nerves for the last 6 weeks.
This is something your family wants to share with you. It is making memories that will last a life time. Slow down and try to enjoy. The wedding will be over soon. God Bless You and I wish you the best in your upcomming marriage.

allieisme · Oct 11, 2003

Pegasus said:
Ok, I am getting really stressed about my upcoming wedding. I was wondering what you all thought about eloping. I can't keep having my hair fall out like it is, my mother is on me all the time about getting things done, most of which has been done for months now. She lives 500 miles away from me. In the past they have suggested that my fiancee (Jay) and I elope, but he was in the service and we didn't want to. Now we are really looking hard at this option.

Dont do it, one could say I eloped for my wedding, and I regret it everyday.. I wont have my dad to walk me down the aisle. That gets me the most..
I dont know, just think about it,and pray about it, and it will come to you

PegasusOnFire · Oct 13, 2003

After much prayer and reading these posts, my fiancee and I have decided that we are going to go forward with the wedding ceremony as planned. Thank you for all your wonderful input, it really helped alot.

Flipper · Oct 15, 2003

I was going to say, you are so close, you might as well go through with it. However, I will admit that as we got closer to our wedding, I was ready to kill both my mom and my soon to be mother-in-law and scratch the whole thing and elope. Just remember that you need to take care of you in the middle of all this. Get plenty of sleep and eat healthy. Don't want to be sick on your honeymoon (I was).

YouthPastor · Oct 16, 2003

Flipper said:
I was going to say, you are so close, you might as well go through with it. However, I will admit that as we got closer to our wedding, I was ready to kill both my mom and my soon to be mother-in-law and scratch the whole thing and elope. Just remember that you need to take care of you in the middle of all this. Get plenty of sleep and eat healthy. Don't want to be sick on your honeymoon (I was).

In-laws - don't you just love them!!??

Peter · Oct 16, 2003

Remember that there is much in today's culture that is not needed to be married. Flowers, candles, expensive clothes, big feasts, etc. are not needed to be married. These are part of societal customs, but are not required. "Eloping" is a good option. I would make sure it is done with your priest and not just by a JOP. My own parents were married by a minister in a quiet home ceremony. My brother did the same. As did one of my sisters.

Peace.

Peter

IslandBreeze · Oct 17, 2003

Pegasus--you won't regret your decision! I promise! The year before I got married was the absolute worst year of my life. I was angry, and upset, and jealous, and nervous, and anxious, and all of these emotions really started getting to me. I lost a disgusting amount of weight due to the stress of planning a wedding. I avoided weddings, because I wanted to sit and glare at the bride, because I was SO jealous (I wanted to get married SO bad!). But looking back, that was all MY problem, and I brought it all on myself.

Take time for yourself. MAKE your fiance get involved (mine was NOT, unfortunately). IT will take a lot of work off you. Make sure you spend quality time with your fiance while planning your wedding. You won't want to get so wrapped up in the wedding that you forget why you're doing it in the first place!

Good luck and God bless!

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