Elephant in the room?

[memoriesbymichelle]

There is an elephant in the room. Do you see it? It's that one thing that you don't want to talk about or deal with.

What is your elephant in the room?

 

[dayhiker]

I've had elephants in the past ... anything that was confrontational I'd avoid. But I don't have that problem any more. I never did have a problem talking about my money situation. I used to avoid taking about sex for I figured if people knew I had an interest in sex they would think I was carnal. So now I talk about sex and everyone knows .... lol

I'm open to talk about anything ... tho if I've not thought about I'll probably be saying some pretty dumb things!

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I probably have a herd of elephants in my room LOL. I do talk about them sometimes to some people, and some here, but so far, it does me no good. Plugging along is what I do. There are alot of things that I would change if I could, but I can't so....I plug along.

I think my biggest elephant would be my fear of dating and fear of someone actually liking me. I mean when I think about it, I think I'm witty, and loving and caring and devoted, and love God, like to have fun and fun to be around. I don't judge and don't hold grudges. I don't know why I would think someone wouldn't like me.

I know one thing that would hold me back, and it's that one thing you and I disagree on. I do not want sex before marriage this time around. Sex isn't even on my important meter. Companionship and someone to lean on is higher on the list. And I know most guys that I would like would disagree with me on that too.

 

[blackribbon]

I think mine would include certain relationships. I have friendships with people that I wouldn't share certain aspects about their lives with my Christian friends.

Life and the Bible doesn't seem quite as black and white right now as it did when I was younger. I still believe the Bible unconditionally...but I don't think that life is as clear cut. Is "morality" really more important than loving people "as is"?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Well the top two commandments according to Jesus, when asked was to Love your neighbor as yourself and to Love God with all your heart.

 

[dayhiker]

Michelle,
I think your list of qualities is top notch. Just find a guy with ED problems and you two should be fine .... *grin*

 

[dayhiker]

black,
I'm with you on the things are as clear cut as when I was young. Now I read the Bible and see things that no Bible teacher pointed out to me. Like 1 Cor.1-3 where Paul admonishes 4 groups about being prideful. What Paul doesn't say is not commented on. Paul doesn't say one group is thinking correct about the topic, nor does he tell them to think differently about what they are concern about. He says they are to put away their pride in thinking they are better than the other groups. So if different opinions were the real issue, Paul would have deal with the details to get them thinking correctly like he did with the Thess. so that they would think correctly about the resurrection.

There there is the weak and the strong. Again Paul doesn't say who is right or wrong, but only that they need to have the right attitude toward each other.

Then Paul blows me again on his trip to Jerusalem. Every city he gets prophesies about being bound and taken to Rome. All the churches take this to mean God is telling Paul not to go to Jerusalem. Including ME. But no, Paul said this is just what he wants.

yup, its about how we love each other.

 

[mjmcmillan]

So that's what's been eating all the peanuts. Doggone thing never forgets, either.

Spock: "I've just found a wonderful replacement for our ship's computer. It runs on peanuts and never forgets anything."

Kirk: "Spock, get that elephant off of my ship."

 

[iambren]

I'm a pretty open guy, to a fault. But my "elephant in the room" would be my intense desire for sex and affection that I have been without for so long. Sexual rejection was at the root of my divorce 4 years ago so is why it's a tender subject.

 

[dayhiker]

iambren ... there are a lot of guys who have a hurt deep in their being from sexual rejection. I didn't even know I had it till I was listening to a video and could relate to the description. I thank God I'm finally understanding and finding some healing this year.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Well I think for me, when I was younger and even in my marriage sometimes, well alot of the time, I felt used as a sex object. Probably why I don't care much about it. When I was younger guys used me for sex and in my marriage even when I KNEW my husband did NOT like my appearance, he still wanted sex, and that made me feel used and angry. It's hard to "get in the mood" when you know your husband is not attracted to you, but yet he "wants some".
I don't think I ever overcame this, and I'm not sure I can now.

 

[iambren]

Wow,being wanted and used while bypassing the soul--yeah that would hurt. I'd feel like a rag-doll (shuttering).

 

[bhsmte]

We all have elephants, don't we?

Mine is my borderline personality disordered ex wife, who one never knows what she will do next.

 

[iambren]

That's a borderline. High drama,would be very hard to live with.

 

[mjmcmillan]

That's one thing to be real careful about. Referring to an ex-wife as "the elephant in the room" is a real good way to make more trouble than you need. You might want to re-think that. Just sayin'.

 

[miss-a]

Well I think for me, when I was younger and even in my marriage sometimes, well alot of the time, I felt used as a sex object. Probably why I don't care much about it. When I was younger guys used me for sex and in my marriage even when I KNEW my husband did NOT like my appearance, he still wanted sex, and that made me feel used and angry. It's hard to "get in the mood" when you know your husband is not attracted to you, but yet he "wants some".
I don't think I ever overcame this, and I'm not sure I can now.

I'm sure you can, sweetie. You don't have to carry all that old stuff around. You are a daughter of the King! If others failed t notice that, that is not on you. Please give this stuff all over to Jesus. He's the only one big enough to carry that kind of stuff. Sure it will occur to you. The enemy might make sure it occurs one hundred times a day, but that's one hundred times a day you can hold Jesus hand and ask Him to take it and put into your mind who you really are. Please, please don't let satan define you. Only Jesus has that privilege because you are HIS!:

Mandisa - Overcomer (Lyric Video) - YouTube

 

[dayhiker]

Michelle .. I think this is the most courageous statement I've seen you make. So honest, so laying your heart out for everyone to see. Thanks for being so authentic with us.
(((((HUG)))))

Well I think for me, when I was younger and even in my marriage sometimes, well alot of the time, I felt used as a sex object. Probably why I don't care much about it. When I was younger guys used me for sex and in my marriage even when I KNEW my husband did NOT like my appearance, he still wanted sex, and that made me feel used and angry. It's hard to "get in the mood" when you know your husband is not attracted to you, but yet he "wants some".
I don't think I ever overcame this, and I'm not sure I can now.

 

[bhsmte]

That's one thing to be real careful about. Referring to an ex-wife as "the elephant in the room" is a real good way to make more trouble than you need. You might want to re-think that. Just sayin'.

If you have ever spent a lot of time around someone with BPD, you would understand what I am talking about.

 

[blackribbon]

We all have elephants, don't we?

Mine is my borderline personality disordered ex wife, who one never knows what she will do next.

I have several friends who are still married with that same or similar elephants. I am torn on how to support them (this is related to my elephant). Christian common belief says that we hold to marriage at all costs. However, I see my friends being severely damaged (emotionally, physically, and/or financially) by their spouses with these mental illness problems. One may lose her children forever if she continue to stay married to their dad. I "believe" in marriage but is there a point when someone can save themselves from a bad situation?

bhsmte...I wish society had a better understanding of these disorders so that they could support you instead of you having to treat this like an elephant.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

There is an elephant in the room. Do you see it? It's that one thing that you don't want to talk about or deal with.

What is your elephant in the room?

People (usually Non Believers) who assume i dont experience the pleasures of my sexuality being a Christian Single Male because i dont fornicate with Others .