Hello,
I have stuggled with anorexia and bulimia for about # years (on and off). During my high school years I was very sick and underweight, and was also very depressed and lost. The year after I graduated I went on a missions trip with my family that changed my life. God healed me and brought me a peace I had never known. For the next two years, my eating disorder was somewhat under control...although I still went through short relapses at times.
Last year I went on another missions trip, and something happened that caused almost like "flashbacks" to my past. It realy just reminded me that while I had been healed physically (no longer starving, binging/purging), I had not allowed the Lord to heal me mentally or emotionally. I still hated myself and my body.
After coming home, I tried to forget about this. I didn't want to go out and ask for help because it would like admitting I was a failure. I know...so stupid. Anyways, three months ago I started to struggle again. I thought it was just another short relapse and it would be over soon...but it didn't stop. I am still strugging quite badly...to the point that i have lost quite a bit of weight
A month ago I found a wonderful Christian counsellor who specializes in eating disorders. It is going well so far but she says she feels these issues are rooted deep into the core of my being, and that it will probably take a couple of years to fully recover A couple of years/?! AH! I am getting MARRIED IN # MONTHS. I don't want to still have this problem then...
Anyways, the reason why I wrote this post in the first place was to talk about the voice of ED vs. the voice of GOD. I have noticed through reading back on journal entries that during the times I struggle the most with the ED, I can't even bring myself to pray. I can't face God. I feel so unworthy, so dirty, so ashamed. I know it doesn't make a difference to God and that he loves me no matter what, but I still can't do it.
Has anyone felt that way before? How did you break through Satan's lies and truly bring your ED to the foot of the cross? I feel like this ED is mine and mine alone and I deserve to have it, to struggle with it, to conquer it. I know that I cannot do it without God though...
Your prayers are much appreciated.
Love and Blessings...
I have stuggled with anorexia and bulimia for about # years (on and off). During my high school years I was very sick and underweight, and was also very depressed and lost. The year after I graduated I went on a missions trip with my family that changed my life. God healed me and brought me a peace I had never known. For the next two years, my eating disorder was somewhat under control...although I still went through short relapses at times.
Last year I went on another missions trip, and something happened that caused almost like "flashbacks" to my past. It realy just reminded me that while I had been healed physically (no longer starving, binging/purging), I had not allowed the Lord to heal me mentally or emotionally. I still hated myself and my body.
After coming home, I tried to forget about this. I didn't want to go out and ask for help because it would like admitting I was a failure. I know...so stupid. Anyways, three months ago I started to struggle again. I thought it was just another short relapse and it would be over soon...but it didn't stop. I am still strugging quite badly...to the point that i have lost quite a bit of weight
A month ago I found a wonderful Christian counsellor who specializes in eating disorders. It is going well so far but she says she feels these issues are rooted deep into the core of my being, and that it will probably take a couple of years to fully recover
A couple of years/?! AH! I am getting MARRIED IN # MONTHS. I don't want to still have this problem then...Anyways, the reason why I wrote this post in the first place was to talk about the voice of ED vs. the voice of GOD. I have noticed through reading back on journal entries that during the times I struggle the most with the ED, I can't even bring myself to pray. I can't face God. I feel so unworthy, so dirty, so ashamed. I know it doesn't make a difference to God and that he loves me no matter what, but I still can't do it.
Has anyone felt that way before? How did you break through Satan's lies and truly bring your ED to the foot of the cross? I feel like this ED is mine and mine alone and I deserve to have it, to struggle with it, to conquer it. I know that I cannot do it without God though...
Your prayers are much appreciated.
Love and Blessings...
praise the Lord for grace, mercy, and forgiveness!! 
