dunno what to do... please help

[mahalia]

guys, i dunno what to doooooo...

i started seeing a school counselor last year in may (finally) and it's helped soooo much. now she's leaving in january to go study her masters in psychology and i don't wanna let go...

i'm gonna miss her sooooo much. what's it gonna be like coming to school and walking past her office and seeing another teacher come from it? the teacher taking her place hates me and i don't wanna bare my soul to someone else...

i feel hopeless. maybe no-one will understand. but this teacher is so very dear to me,i don't wanna see her go but she's done so much for me and i grant her the chance to further her studies. she's one of the most amazing people in my life.

 

[Im-revived]

Hi there, I can see this really is bothering you and rightly so cos youve built up a trusting relationship with this counsellor, and most probably told her more things than youve ever told anyone else, but lets see if you can see a more confident feeling about it.

Just one question first for you to think about.
What makes you think this other person hates you, I bet theyve never said they do, its your own fear there thats worrying you. Years ago when I went through SI ing i went through the same many times, but realised in the end it wasn't the fact they hated me, it was me worrying about putting trust in them aswell as feeling rejected for no reason cos they were leaving.

I don't know 100% but usually if you need to continue to see a counsellor, then you will be introduced well beforehand in most situations. Also another positive thing although you may not see it, is you have had at least 3 months warning, to prepare yourself, but also to talk to your counsellor now of how you feel about her going, she can then help you cope with this. Hey and theres more people than you think understand, you'll be suprised. I know the thought of the change hurts, and many emotions are involved, but there also could be many of those emotions of how you feel, being the deep roots of your SIing. In actual fact it could beyour next step on recovery Love.

God Bless

Im-revived

guys, i dunno what to doooooo...

i started seeing a school counselor last year in may (finally) and it's helped soooo much. now she's leaving in january to go study her masters in psychology and i don't wanna let go...

i'm gonna miss her sooooo much. what's it gonna be like coming to school and walking past her office and seeing another teacher come from it? the teacher taking her place hates me and i don't wanna bare my soul to someone else...

i feel hopeless. maybe no-one will understand. but this teacher is so very dear to me,i don't wanna see her go but she's done so much for me and i grant her the chance to further her studies. she's one of the most amazing people in my life.

 

[mamalonglegs]

guys, i dunno what to doooooo...

i started seeing a school counselor last year in may (finally) and it's helped soooo much. now she's leaving in january to go study her masters in psychology and i don't wanna let go...

i'm gonna miss her sooooo much. what's it gonna be like coming to school and walking past her office and seeing another teacher come from it? the teacher taking her place hates me and i don't wanna bare my soul to someone else...

i feel hopeless. maybe no-one will understand. but this teacher is so very dear to me,i don't wanna see her go but she's done so much for me and i grant her the chance to further her studies. she's one of the most amazing people in my life.

Losing someone like that is the same as having a dear one die. You are going to have to let yourself grieve for the counselor who is leaving. Cry your head off if you have to. Don't bottle that up. It is okay to cry over such a thing. You have had a long and productive relationship. So cry away my dear. How do you know the "new" counselor "hates" you. What has she said or done to make you see her that way? PM me about this and we can talk some more. Concerned for you!!
mamalonglegs

 

[mahalia]

well no she hasn't said she hates me, but she was my drama teacher last year and we fought so many times, our personalities completely clashed!! she was always tuning me and it really hurt...

well, i pretty much said goodbye today, cos we start writing exams on monday and then school's break up on 24 november, so i'm harly gonna see her during the exam time... she gave me her cell number and she says she wants to keep in contact and stuff... she knows how things are between me and the other teacher. but you know, studying for master's ain't easy... so i don't want her to be worrying about me while she should be focussing on those studies...

i susrvived 15 years without seeing a counselor... maybe i'll be able ro do it again

 

[Finn88]

Mariechen,
i know how hard this must be for you but dont give up....you dont have to go back to doing this on your own! I dunno if this is right but i just think its sooooo important you have someone to talk to about this!
The way I see it,if you really dont get on with the new councelor, is you have two options: first,see your GP. They might be able to reffer you to a councelor outside of school!
Alternatively: is there another adult in your life you think you could trust? another teacher, a family friend? If you cant think of someone straight off pray! God will send someone your way that can deal with it and help you through this...thats what happened with me! I've never had proffesional councelling but God sent me a group of wise,prayerfull friends who have helped me work out a lot of stuff....
I'll pray for you too! You'll be fine! He is watching out for you

love Finnx

 

[mamalonglegs]

well no she hasn't said she hates me, but she was my drama teacher last year and we fought so many times, our personalities completely clashed!! she was always tuning me and it really hurt...

well, i pretty much said goodbye today, cos we start writing exams on monday and then school's break up on 24 november, so i'm harly gonna see her during the exam time... she gave me her cell number and she says she wants to keep in contact and stuff... she knows how things are between me and the other teacher. but you know, studying for master's ain't easy... so i don't want her to be worrying about me while she should be focussing on those studies...

i susrvived 15 years without seeing a counselor... maybe i'll be able ro do it again

Mariechen: If your "old" teacher/counselor gave you her cell number and asked you to keep in contact with her. Then do so. Don't worry about what she has to deal with. She already knows that. If she didn't want to hear from you, she would not have asked you to call her. Please, do not shut a person out of your life that wishes to continue to be some part of a support system for you. Keep trusting her just as you have these past years with her at school. praying for you mamalonglegs

 

[mahalia]

Finn: yes, there is another very special teacher in my support system, she's my english and history teacher and my debating coach. she's also studied psychology and she's wonderful - i spoke to her in grade 8 and then when i started cutting again in grade 9 she asked me to speak to the school counselor as well... i refused for three months before i agreed. she's still been a huge support to me since then, always sensitive to my feelings and stuff - were good friends. she actually told me today after i wrote my exam (she was an invigilator) that she could see i was worrying and that i mustn't worry about it cos she'll still be there for me next year. she doesn't do counseling for the kids at school cos she's so busy (she's the teacher with the most classes at school). but she said she'd always be available for a chat next year and whenever.

mamalonglegs: thank you. i get what you're trying to say and it makes complete sense. i'll heed your advice. i'm just always so scared of being a liability to someone.

thanks for all the advice. it really means so much!

 

[mamalonglegs]

Finn: yes, there is another very special teacher in my support system, she's my english and history teacher and my debating coach. she's also studied psychology and she's wonderful - i spoke to her in grade 8 and then when i started cutting again in grade 9 she asked me to speak to the school counselor as well... i refused for three months before i agreed. she's still been a huge support to me since then, always sensitive to my feelings and stuff - were good friends. she actually told me today after i wrote my exam (she was an invigilator) that she could see i was worrying and that i mustn't worry about it cos she'll still be there for me next year. she doesn't do counseling for the kids at school cos she's so busy (she's the teacher with the most classes at school). but she said she'd always be available for a chat next year and whenever.

mamalonglegs: thank you. i get what you're trying to say and it makes complete sense. i'll heed your advice. i'm just always so scared of being a liability to someone.

thanks for all the advice. it really means so much!

Being worried about becoming a liability in a relationship is a common thread amongst those who have issues with trauma, self-esteem, amongst a lot of other "stuff". We who have been hurt are so careful not to cause "harm" to others. However, it is time to learn to trust the judgement of those who we love to know that they in turn will make sure that we will not do anything to harm the current relationship. mamalonglegs

 

[Taylor43]

I am glad you got the teachers cells do use it when you need to. Cange is hard but i am praying for someone else to be there and help you cope. Let yourself cry it is a loss do not keep it in. If you need to talk you can pm me.

I had a good school counsellor she moved away it was so hard I did not match up to the new lady but God directed me to someone else. It took along time and allot of fustration. Just keep posting here and know you are not alone. God is understanding and i am praying you feel his comfort around you.

Love
Taylor

 

[HolyOne87]

I know how you feel. Pretty soon, the person who helps me with my problems will be leaving.
As mamalonglegs said, if she didnt want to keep in contact with you and stuff, she wouldnt have gave you her number.
Maybe even try to get her email, if she has one. Then she can answer you when she can. That's definately another option. So you dont have to worry that if you call her and keep wondering, 'i hope this isnt a bad time" and stuff.
I hope things work out in the end for you!

+God Bless+

 

[Finn88]

Marichen, God is looking after you!
It sounds like you have a good support network building up! These teachers care about you...make the most of that! If one isnt available...talk to the other! Try not to worry because things are changing a bit!i know its hard, but ur councellor has said she will still be there for you on the phone! I will pray for you that that continues to grow and strenghten, that maybey more people will come your way so that you have a good NETWORK of friends, rather than just one or two people that you rely on!You always have us too, to add to that!!!
I know exactly what you feel like just now though...the guy i relied on to help me the most hasn't been able to be around so much lately because his wife just had their first child! I felt the same like I didn't want to be a liability...to get in the way of him enjoying his family, but at the end of the day, he's still my friend...he cared enough about me to help me before,so isn't about to abandon me now! Mamalonglegs:thank you for your post, it meant a lot to me too!
but also, God is the one thats at the centre of all our relationships-he sends us the ones who help us! So if ever he "takes one away" they will always be replaced! This is what he has done for me...I trust it will be the same for you!
prayin for you!
love, Finnxx

 

[mahalia]

wow thanks guys!!

God bless