Driving myself into depression...

[Maxim2735]

A little bit of background info before I start - I had recently done a history project on The Holocaust, and hadn't really though a whole lot about it until a couple days ago. Soon after I had finished the project, I ran across a picture of Anne Frank (http://www.digitaljournalist.org/issue0309/lm01.html) and read the description below... it tore me up. I had never really thought of six million as more than a number, but after seeing that face of a young child, it struck me how each one of these people was no different than I, they each had dreams and aspirations and a purpose that was stripped from them. That Tuesday I decided to check out Anne Frank's Diary from the local library; never before had I read a book with such great interest or desire. I had cried more in the couple of days I spent reading it than in my entire life, it was an assault to my emotions I'll never forget.

I think it is so sad to me because she is someone I came to truly know, which is something I have with no one. I've rarely felt so attached to anybody, and knowing she is dead (or, would die at the end of the book) made it all the worse. She portrays many qualities of a person I would love to get to know, whether it's just as friends or something more, and I fear there are few people like her left in the world. But even moreso, herself and another person she wrote about (Peter Van Daan) reflect so much of myself, and it's made me consider my life so much, what I'm doing, where I'm going, how much I need to change... There's just so much to reading her diary, more than I could ever explain in words, it's something one must experience... it's like reading 5 books at once, 5 messages and meanings, yet all that wisdom came from a girl younger than I am.. I have no doubt that this is one of the best books of all time and am consoled only by the fact that she has gotten her wish of living on after her death. Yet even now I can't help but think that this was her purpose, that if she had lived through the Holocaust perhaps she wouldn't have published her memoirs as they are now, and I (or nobody else) would be so moved by her tale.

I don't want to forget the feeling that it's given me or what I've learned from it. There's a lot I need to change in my life, and this has showed me just how important it all is, I'm not sure I can say I've been inspired by anything more than this... but I don't want to be depressed all the time because of it. It is hard for me to hold back my tears even as I'm typing this... maybe it will go away in a few days, who knows, but then that means the good feelings from it will be gone too, and probably any desire to change myself as well. I know it may seem like a strange reason to be depressed, but it's truly torture to me to think about it all the time, and I can hardly ever get her out of my mind...

 

[christus]

Yes, it is. But don't forget that it's one story of many in that time and through 2000 years of Jews' diaspora.
I'm sad that the Holocaust happened but it was the only way for Jews to understand that they need a state of thier own.
My mother always say, "When God wants something from a person/ group etc. he first whispers, if the person doesn't listen, he says it louder. If it doesn't help, he says it louder than before, and if the person doesn't listen again, God gives a great "Boom" that the person doesn't know where it came from."

The great Boom in the Jewish history is the Holocaust.

 

[Mayflower1]

A little bit of background info before I start - I had recently done a history project on The Holocaust, and hadn't really though a whole lot about it until a couple days ago. Soon after I had finished the project, I ran across a picture of Anne Frank (http://www.digitaljournalist.org/issue0309/lm01.html) and read the description below... it tore me up. I had never really thought of six million as more than a number, but after seeing that face of a young child, it struck me how each one of these people was no different than I, they each had dreams and aspirations and a purpose that was stripped from them. That Tuesday I decided to check out Anne Frank's Diary from the local library; never before had I read a book with such great interest or desire. I had cried more in the couple of days I spent reading it than in my entire life, it was an assault to my emotions I'll never forget.

I think it is so sad to me because she is someone I came to truly know, which is something I have with no one. I've rarely felt so attached to anybody, and knowing she is dead (or, would die at the end of the book) made it all the worse. She portrays many qualities of a person I would love to get to know, whether it's just as friends or something more, and I fear there are few people like her left in the world. But even moreso, herself and another person she wrote about (Peter Van Daan) reflect so much of myself, and it's made me consider my life so much, what I'm doing, where I'm going, how much I need to change... There's just so much to reading her diary, more than I could ever explain in words, it's something one must experience... it's like reading 5 books at once, 5 messages and meanings, yet all that wisdom came from a girl younger than I am.. I have no doubt that this is one of the best books of all time and am consoled only by the fact that she has gotten her wish of living on after her death. Yet even now I can't help but think that this was her purpose, that if she had lived through the Holocaust perhaps she wouldn't have published her memoirs as they are now, and I (or nobody else) would be so moved by her tale.

I don't want to forget the feeling that it's given me or what I've learned from it. There's a lot I need to change in my life, and this has showed me just how important it all is, I'm not sure I can say I've been inspired by anything more than this... but I don't want to be depressed all the time because of it. It is hard for me to hold back my tears even as I'm typing this... maybe it will go away in a few days, who knows, but then that means the good feelings from it will be gone too, and probably any desire to change myself as well. I know it may seem like a strange reason to be depressed, but it's truly torture to me to think about it all the time, and I can hardly ever get her out of my mind...

Maxim, Anne Frank was a wonderful girl and it is sad for what happened to her, but God has a reason for every single person and event and she is a living example. Anne Frank has inspired so many, and she represents everything that the her people went through... In a way, she is what keeps the strong idea alive on how they kept up their hope in a cruel world... she had to hide her face, but God saw her, and He also sees our tears now... This is a cruel world where terrorists and others lay... but God is here with us and He protects us just as He protected Anne Frank then... Please don't suppress your emotions... the emotions you are feeling... they can't just go away in a few days... understanding why you are feeling this way makes the good feelings last forever. Best of Wishes my friend. "Learn from the past, live in the present, and plan for the future!" Lily00

 

[Maxim2735]

Thanks guys...

I think the main reason I felt this way is because I had become so attached to her. Like I said before, I'm not close to anyone, and reading her diary really made me feel as though I knew her. I'm sure there were a lot of other things that pushed it along too, but that was probably the #1 reason. After I finished reading the book I think I just let the enemy run away with it and play things over and over in my mind. I know God wanted to do something with this experience, but I kind of took it way overboard. I definitely don't want to forget what's happened this week, but I certainly can't let it go out of control, especially not anymore than it already is. Last night was horrible, I was sobbing at first because of thinking about her but soon after because of how much I knew I needed to be using all this energy for God, not some dead girl XD. I couldn't sleep because as soon as I would half-way drift off, my mind would wander and I'd have some strange nightmare, then wake up shaking. I couldn't take it anymore, I knew it was just Satan playing with my mind and I had to take authority over it. After that I went right to sleep. While it was a complete accident, I did get close to the girl I came to know through a diary, that's just the way I am. Perhaps this over-sensativity would be better used on a real girl, eh?

 

[goldenviolet]

big hug from me! i don't think it's over sensitivity. i think it is normal to let these things effect us. ofcourse your feelings will probly play out and you'll recover. but knowing these things have happened or are happening are tragic. we should mourn over such things. perhaps God is stirring your heart fo a purpose not yet known to you. i certainly feel the things you describe when i read of such awful exsperiances. ... i truelly believe this is a normal response to what you have read. you are also a young man. you are developing your personality and being shaped. we all all are. our exsperiances shape many things about us. welcome to CF

love dee

 

[Mayflower1]

Thanks guys...

I think the main reason I felt this way is because I had become so attached to her. Like I said before, I'm not close to anyone, and reading her diary really made me feel as though I knew her. I'm sure there were a lot of other things that pushed it along too, but that was probably the #1 reason. After I finished reading the book I think I just let the enemy run away with it and play things over and over in my mind. I know God wanted to do something with this experience, but I kind of took it way overboard. I definitely don't want to forget what's happened this week, but I certainly can't let it go out of control, especially not anymore than it already is. Last night was horrible, I was sobbing at first because of thinking about her but soon after because of how much I knew I needed to be using all this energy for God, not some dead girl XD. I couldn't sleep because as soon as I would half-way drift off, my mind would wander and I'd have some strange nightmare, then wake up shaking. I couldn't take it anymore, I knew it was just Satan playing with my mind and I had to take authority over it. After that I went right to sleep. While it was a complete accident, I did get close to the girl I came to know through a diary, that's just the way I am. Perhaps this over-sensativity would be better used on a real girl, eh?

It is remarkable how one person can make such a big difference in the world! Maybe it is God telling you that you make a big difference also! Best Wishes. Merry Christmas. Lily00