Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.
I haven't dreamed much of Terry, but I did this week. I am moving next week, leaving our home of 28 years. I dreamed that I woke up in the middle of the night and the lights were on in our room. Everything had been moved out of the room, except for the bed. I stood in our room, not knowing what to think. Terry walked into the room and I asked him where everything was. He said he was helping me move and had taken everything to the new house. I asked him why, and he said it was time for me to move on. I woke up and just cried and cried.
It has been almost 7 months since my wife departed, and I am still looking for reassurance that she is OK. I receive subtle hints, sometimes in dreams, sometimes a television show, sometimes my son will say something completely off the cuff that gets me thinking. But I have this desire to know without a doubt that she is truly home, that she is well, that she surrounded by joy and love.
After the one intense dream I had just days after she passed, I rarely had any memorable dreams about her at all. But lately I have been dreaming once again. There seems to be a recurring theme of being reunited and separated, longing for the past but accepting that we cannot go back and must move forward. Strangely, our son hardly figures into them at all. Perhaps that is because he is still with me in this life.
One recent dream began with a feeling of great anticipation, that a joyful event was about to occur. I walked into a crowded restaurant, and approached the bar. As I got closer, I saw a familiar woman turn and look at me. It was my wife. A smile appeared on her face, and it was the same smile she greeted me with when we were first dating and our love was new. In the back of my mind, I knew that she had died, and I did not understand why she was here with me or why I was allowed to see her, but none of that mattered. I felt such joy as we embraced. But I knew we could not remain together, and before I knew it I awoke. I felt such deep loss and loneliness at that moment that I could not even cry.
Another began with my wife and I at home. I remember that she was not pleased with me for the way I have been conducting myself. I was being reminded of all the selfish things I have done. But she still let me know that she loved me, and she forgave me, for there is no healing without forgiveness. Anyway, in this dream we had already been living in our current home for a while, but we had gone back to our previous house, which was vacant. We really missed the old place, and so we began moving things in as if we were going to live there again. Part way through this process, we decided together that we didn't belong there and needed to go back to our new house because that's where our future is. The rest is a blur, but the last thing I remember is that I knew I had to say goodbye to her, and that my son and I were going to be alone. There was such a feeling of sadness that I woke up crying intensely.
I've learned through grieving that sometimes it doesn't matter what you know. You feel things, and you can't deny those feelings, you can't bury them, and you can't change them. There is a deep longing to have our loved ones back, a strong desire to have everything back the way it was, a wish for a chance to right past wrongs.
At the same time you are slammed hard with reality, by the finality of it all, the fact that what you can never go back. It can be debilitating, but you know that you must move forward.
Throughout all of this, the one thing that keeps nagging at me is that I really don't know for certain what the state of her eternal soul is. I probably never will know until I am there too. It is so difficult to take it on faith alone, without evidence, despite the subtle hints I have been given. If anything, these dreams tell me that I am still holding on and refusing to let go.
Anyway, I apologize once again for such a long-winded and pointless post. I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance that this is normal and that I'm not alone.
Dave, dellin here, I know what your talking about. I lost my husband 5mo ago today. It has been a hard day for me. I too wish I had a sign that he is Ok. He always did the yard work, I don't even know how to start the lawnmower, the blower won't work. Leaves are everywhere. I get really down when things that need doing start mounting up. I have 2 girsl and 1 son (grown). They have their own yards to keep up. I need to get someone to show me how to do these things. I guess we are never to old to learn. Keep me in your prayers.
dellin
Dear Dellin, I know your frustration. I have a 6 acre yard to take care of. Keith did all the mechanical stuff with the mowers, tractor, cars, driving. So many things that were easy to do with both of use turned impossible for just me. Our Father has sent help in some unexpected ways over the last 91/2 years. Things are a lot different now and I've learned not to worry about the things I can't handle on my own. I had just lost my Mom and Dad a few years earlier and we didn't have any kids. My in-laws wanted me to sell out let them have Keith's things and treated me like a non person. I had lost everything else I wasn't going to lose my house too and I'm still hanging on here thanks to our Father above. He is able and takes care of what we can't. My prayers are with you.Dave, dellin here, I know what your talking about. I lost my husband 5mo ago today. It has been a hard day for me. I too wish I had a sign that he is Ok. He always did the yard work, I don't even know how to start the lawnmower, the blower won't work. Leaves are everywhere. I get really down when things that need doing start mounting up. I have 2 girsl and 1 son (grown). They have their own yards to keep up. I need to get someone to show me how to do these things. I guess we are never to old to learn. Keep me in your prayers.
dellin
Dear Dellin, I know your frustration. I have a 6 acre yard to take care of. Keith did all the mechanical stuff with the mowers, tractor, cars, driving. So many things that were easy to do with both of use turned impossible for just me. Our Father has sent help in some unexpected ways over the last 91/2 years. Things are a lot different now and I've learned not to worry about the things I can't handle on my own. I had just lost my Mom and Dad a few years earlier and we didn't have any kids. My in-laws wanted me to sell out let them have Keith's things and treated me like a non person. I had lost everything else I wasn't going to lose my house too and I'm still hanging on here thanks to our Father above. He is able and takes care of what we can't. My prayers are with you.
Thank you.I concur!!
Your welcome KarenThank you.
Yes it is amazing how people, family and a lot of friends, people treat you differently, when your suddenly "single" even though I didn't feel like a "single" person so many things change when there is a death in the family. At times it almost felt like they were more like vultures. And seems like I was just numb for over a year and wasn't even catching on to what was happening in my life. I often wonder how it would of been for Keith if it would of been me that died instead of him.
Sorry Michelle, wish I could help you but can't........ Acceptance, reality, whatever,comes to my mind. The only One that truly loves us, as an individual, is God.
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?