Dreaded Vacation

[akmom]

Summer vacation has begun and today did not go well. We had a good routine for the school year, and I realize we all need some structure for the summer. But I'm not sure where to start.

My toddler doesn't comprehend nap time, because he can hear the other kids playing and so he just leaves his room. The other three kids have vastly different ideas of what to play, but all want the others to join them, and come to me constantly to mediate this. They all have chores, but did not accomplish them. Each time they bugged me for something, I'd give them a chore, and they'd be back two minutes later claiming to have done it, or requesting such extreme accommodations that it's no use to me at all to defer the job, and then... I find it not really finished when I checked.

They were literally checking in with me almost every minute of the day, often in unison, and getting frustrated that I can't tease out their individual voices and simultaneously listen and pay attention to what each said. Constant requests for snacks, activities, sibling mediation, permission to use the bathroom (as if they need to ask??), etc. And my favorite - while I'm in the middle of cooking - "Can you give me something to eeeeeeeat?"

After I put them to bed for the fifth and (so far) final time, I see an empty glass lying on its side, its previous contents obviously milk, and a drip pattern that suggests it was dripping onto the carpet at some point. No toys are put away. There are clothes on the living room floor, when our house rules have always been that clothes go into the laundry baskets in their bedrooms. I reminded them all day long. What am I supposed to do? Nag them all day? This isn't going to work.

 

[DZoolander]

How many kids do you have? We’ve got a very similar situation going on at our house since summer vacation just started. Ours are 7 and 3

 

[snoochface]

Start taking away the things that are meaningful to them - whatever that is, if it's toys take them away, if it's internet, turn off the router, if it's television, unplug it, whatever is significant to them - until they do what they are supposed to do. They don't get it back until they finish their chores by themselves. Any questions beyond the first two, whatever they are, so if they waste one on, "Why?" then they only get one left, adds an additional hour to their chores. It will take a day or two of utter rebellion on their part and utmost consistency on your part for them to get the message that you mean business, but they will want their rewards back enough that they'll get the job done.

During nap time, the other kids can have a quiet-time activity of their choice, if they have done their chores. Quiet time means just that, quiet, because they need to respect the fact that a family member is trying to sleep and it's not all about what they want when they want it. They can read, they can watch TV quietly or have screen time (if they've done their chores), or they can do extra chores for an allowance, but it has to be done quietly. Otherwise, they go to their rooms and nap too. With nothing to play with in their rooms AT ALL.

 

[mina]

I'd sit down with them for a kid parent meeting and have them help you make a general daily schedule. It doesn't have to be strictly followed, but it lets them know what's coming which is HUGE for kids. Make a list of quiet activities they can choose during nap time for the youngest. And instead of punishments for things not done, have them earn special things - like extra computer time or Ipad time (or whatever is important to them) and stay up for an hour, etc.... if they follow the rules. You can have punishments too,but put the focus on good behavior gets the attention. Put the schedule and the lists and the rewards and consequences where they can see them: the kitchen, the hallway, etc... and follow through.

 

[akmom]

I have four kids, 2 to 11. My oldest was up until 1:00 in the morning having an emotional meltdown, and the youngest got up at 6:00 bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I am sooo tired.

The 2-question limit is a good idea. I've used that before, but totally forgot about it. I have suddenly become their sole outlet for companionship, I think. I'd like to let them have friends over, but if I don't synchronize it perfectly so they all get a friend, there's problems.

Here's the problem I'm running into with the rewards strategy, snoochface. I'd really like for them to play with their legos, watch a movie, or build their fort. It's summer vacation, after all. I suppose those would be the rewards. But they just aren't. They're getting bored with their standard activities. So they are kind of just overwhelming me with their need for attention and wanting to do things that require a lot of involvement from me. So I gave them chores as an outlet for their time, and thinking maybe they will come up with their own ideas after toiling away. Instead they are just bickering with each other and running back to me every few minutes. And I feel swamped with just plain household jobs... there's a lot more of it when people live here 24/7! People homeschool, without living like slobs, so I know it can be done. I'm typically very structured. But I'm at an impasse on where to start.

 

[DZoolander]

Yeah, our 7 year old is always trying to push the limits of her bedtime.

But our boy is always up somewhere between 5:30-6am every day. Normally I just take him downstairs and lay on the couch with him and he'll rest with me for about a half hour or so.

 

[tall73]

They were literally checking in with me almost every minute of the day, often in unison, and getting frustrated that I can't tease out their individual voices and simultaneously listen and pay attention to what each said.

When this happens, hold up your hand to reinforce you will not speak until they are quiet. If one is a bit slow on the uptake just extend your hand in the direction of the child to reinforce you want that child to stop talking. Don't say anything or try to talk over them. When all are silent let them know that you will point to the person you want to speak first and they can all wait for their turn. Since they are coming to you for feedback they will soon learn they get none if they talk at once.

The finger to lip gesture for silence works the same if you prefer that to the hand. Either way, something they recognize to mean be quiet.

Anytime they start talking at once again, go back to the hand. It is a simple way to reinforce that you will not try to listen to multiple people at once.

 

[tall73]

You have already gotten some feedback as to reward and punishment options. One thing you might consider is that the first few days can set the tone as Snoochface mentioned. If you are having difficulty finding activities and cleaning up their newly made messes, then it might help to change settings for a bit.


Take them to a park, weather permitting. They usually figure out things for themselves from there and you can just keep an eye on them. Once they are tired take them home. At least this way they haven't been making messes at home, and they have less energy.

 

[Enigma42310]

It sounds like they aren't getting enough energy out. Have you thought about setting up a pool in the yard? You could get a good inflatable one for like $100..you'll have no problem getting your toddler to nap then lol! If that's too much money any water toys could work like a slip and slide or even just water guns? Idk summer is the only time my house stays clean because I have the kids playing outside a lot (I only have one but watch a few other people's kids too).

 

[mina]

Here is a useful blog for cleaning routines. Her post today was on teaching kids to clean their rooms. I've used her routines for my own cleaning schedules, but she might give you some ideas on helping kids with chores. Blog - Clean Mama

 

[akmom]

It's a bit too chilly for a pool, but there is plenty to do outside. We have 3 acres of woods, a swingset, slide, playhouse, bicycles. They shouldn't need to go to a park, but I did take them to a nice one today just to change settings and get away from the housework they were constantly creating for me. I think it helped.

 

[mama2one]

wow, you have 4 kids ages 2-11
that's quite a spread in age; no wonder it's tough
how did u handle it last summer?

at age 11, your oldest should be able to help out a lot
also, praising behavior u like, really helps to increase it

 

[*LILAC]

It's a bit too chilly for a pool, but there is plenty to do outside. We have 3 acres of woods, a swingset, slide, playhouse, bicycles. They shouldn't need to go to a park, but I did take them to a nice one today just to change settings and get away from the housework they were constantly creating for me. I think it helped.

When I was a kid, surrounded by the great outdoors in the countryside, summer time was exploring time. We were practically forbidden to stay cooped up indoors. Take them exploring on your own property!

 

[tall73]

If you are stuck indoors, for the older kids, have them each draw something. You pick the theme and make it strange. Giant snail attacks Anchorage, or two ground sloths racing, large flabby animal of their choice, etc.. Something that will make them research a bit and then get to work. If two are similar in age you can have a drawing competition.

We have a whole book now of things the kids would draw for us over the years.

 

[tall73]

Also, remember, this doesn't last forever. My kids are older now. We hang out a lot and discuss the Scriptures, politics, life lessons, a bit of basketball, etc. They even ask if I need something to eat, and get it for me. They do fight every once in a while, but they are old enough now that monetary fines work well! So things do eventually get better.

 

[mama2one]

how'd you do today?


does your 2 yr old like play dough?

as kid got older, she'd love to make the homemade version
which your older kids could do

 

[akmom]

They're doing much better these last two days. I had to lay down some ground rules. I guess they just decided they could do whatever they wanted once the routines of school were over, and they just assumed everything I said was negotiable. Boy is that exhausting!

I told them they needed to stay out of the kitchen while I cooked. I firmly told each of them that if they wandered in, no matter how hungry or thirsty or lonely they were, they'd go to bed. Three of the four ended up in their beds until dinner was done. But we had a family conversation afterward and I'm hoping it sets the tone for the rest of the week.

Thanks for asking!

 

[mama2one]

They're doing much better these last two days. But we had a family conversation afterward and I'm hoping it sets the tone for the rest of the week!

akmom,
it's July now, how's the summer been going?

 

[akmom]

It's going all right, Christine40! We have a pretty good system now, to where we are actually enjoying our summer most days. I am finding that my oldest is getting to an age where kid things aren't as much fun, and she's struggling to replace her pastimes with new ones. So that is still a challenge, and not one I have figured out how to address.

It's an age I distinctly remember, because I no longer got any joy out of playing with toys or playing kid games like hide-and-seek and make-believe. And that's what my family had: toys and younger siblings who still played those things. I was the oldest, so I was growing into new needs faster than my family was realizing it and accommodating me. I think the next step developmentally is experimenting with independence and socialization with peers... a thing I did not get at that age, because my parents randomly began homeschooling us. So it was a very rough time for me, and I'm trying to be sensitive to that as my daughter gets older, and give her privileges and opportunities to socialize. But neither is coming very easily to her, and the socialization aspect is an especially tricky need to accommodate during the summer. It's been rough on her, and as a parent I feel like I am not really meeting her needs, and also don't really know how. So that's been a challenge this summer for sure, but not so much the day-to-day things any more.

 

[cfyahoo08]

Summer vacation has begun and today did not go well. We had a good routine for the school year, and I realize we all need some structure for the summer. But I'm not sure where to start.

My toddler doesn't comprehend nap time, because he can hear the other kids playing and so he just leaves his room. The other three kids have vastly different ideas of what to play, but all want the others to join them, and come to me constantly to mediate this. They all have chores, but did not accomplish them. Each time they bugged me for something, I'd give them a chore, and they'd be back two minutes later claiming to have done it, or requesting such extreme accommodations that it's no use to me at all to defer the job, and then... I find it not really finished when I checked.

They were literally checking in with me almost every minute of the day, often in unison, and getting frustrated that I can't tease out their individual voices and simultaneously listen and pay attention to what each said. Constant requests for snacks, activities, sibling mediation, permission to use the bathroom (as if they need to ask??), etc. And my favorite - while I'm in the middle of cooking - "Can you give me something to eeeeeeeat?"

After I put them to bed for the fifth and (so far) final time, I see an empty glass lying on its side, its previous contents obviously milk, and a drip pattern that suggests it was dripping onto the carpet at some point. No toys are put away. There are clothes on the living room floor, when our house rules have always been that clothes go into the laundry baskets in their bedrooms. I reminded them all day long. What am I supposed to do? Nag them all day? This isn't going to work.

Take a break / breather and enjoy ever moment of it, time passes so, so very quickly and they will be grown and out of the house before you know it, be greatful you have children.