Drama LLama Mama?

[over the rainbow]

x

 

[RuthD]

I think balancing needing and giving is a goal in the future but not necessarily now. I don't believe reaching out for help is drama. It is just reaching out for help which you need and there is not a thing wrong with that. Best wishes for you.

 

[willowoak]

I don't experience what you do but I can relate to the part about when you stop being busy the pain (and for me, memories and fears) suface. Just wanted to let you know you weren't alone in that.

 

[vigilantsoul]

..

 

[vigilantsoul]

Labelling may not help, but I feel it is good to know where you are in your journey, so in that respect it is good to know, label it, momentarily.

So you can heal. Not saying you have narcissism. But I have it in my family, 2 family members, they can't live without chaos or drama. On the contrary they want so much attention, but what they do drives everyone away. They fear rejection, but rejection is their outcome. Very sad.

I would be ever greatful if they got into therapy, cause their disorder affects a whole lake rather than one ripple in the water.

I pray for your healing.

 

[annrobert]

It sounds like you have a great therapist.

be patient with yourself okay.

reading the bible is awesome

always feel free to pour your heart out to God.

Jesus came to heal the broken hearted and set at liberty the bruised.

blessings

 

[Thankful For Grace]

Dear Cindy,

Sometimes people, even Christians, who have felt so much pain in their lives--who have felt their pain is so invisible to others--subconsciously create drama to remind themselves that they are real, and to make people see them. Never fear--God sees you--He always sees you, and He loves you. He knows each of us--all of our struggles and anguish, and He loves us.

Trust Jesus with your heart. He understands you.

tfg

I need some gentle honesty here.

I spent a lifetime of abuse and feeling invisible. I developed splitting due to the abuse. I'm busy integrating it all in therapy.

Part of me is trying to be positive, looking toward God, just "chilling out" because I'm out of the abuse and learning to trust God and God's people. I'm learning to handle interpersonal relationships, cope in stressful situations, and just relax.

There is part of me though that I call my Drama LLama Mama as a nickname. The minute my whole self gets bored or feels like the attention is off, the drama starts.

Part of it is that when I stop from being busy, pain surfaces because much in my past is still not resolved. I'm still working on integrating feelings and there's lots of pain and grief. There's also many learned behaviors and skewed beliefs about people and things that I'm working on.

But this part is just not content with "being average." I try to focus on consoling others in my life, helping others, and focusing on God. I'm even working on consoling and focusing on these other parts who were neglected by me.

But there's this need for chaos and drama. I once diagnosed this part because I'm a counselor and that's what I used to do for a living. My therapist told me that labeling just boiled down to name-calling and it didn't help the relationship.

I've gotten to where I'm really tired of the drama. At lunch I sit in my car to eat because I'm tired of hearing myself talk. Everything I say and do is dramatic. Everything must be told in an elaborate story format. I must have everyone laughing when they're finished talking to me. Everyone must know me and love me.

Yet while I insist that those around me know me and love me, I neither know nor love myself. People around me see me as the life of the party. I sing, I dance, I act silly, I smile, I laugh. Then when alone I sulk, I cry, I brood, I self harm, and I sit in solitude not able to bring myself to help myself. So then I'll go on the internet or on my website and pour out all the drama.

Part of it is that parts of me are hidden away and not able to be expressed. But part of it is that one part is narcisstic? borderline? immature? hurt? I know, my therapist said labeling doesn't help.

So I'm wanting to do what needs to be done to "chill out." If this part (me) needs attention then I want to give myself the attention and not crave it from others. I want to fully believe that the person who sees me always is the one who matters (God). I want the attention placed on serving God and not so much getting attention from people.

I know that this will all come when integration is complete.

I just had to say that the drama is really getting on my nerves.

My therapist said that the fact that I've even noticed what I do is progress. And I have to be patient. When I opened the bible this morning, I read Psalm 69. I realized that I do not have to be angry with myself about this because there was lots of drama happening in that Psalm. But I think as my faith gets stronger, my trust in God will grow, and that will help the drama tone down.

So I'm just wondering if anyone experiences this and how they handle it if anyone would like to share.

Cindy

 

[over the rainbow]

x