Double standard? How you view sex

[FearlessHeart]

As I have gotten older my views on sexual relationships has changed. For instance, I'm not a virgin and I wouldn't consider marrying a woman who was not a virgin. It might seem shallow as ive had sexual relationships in the past but am now waiting until I'm married.
It's not something I'm terribly worried about, but would just like to get a discussion going on the topic. Normally I wouldn't be so candid but as of late it seems it is appropriate for the forum.

 

[fdsfndls]

??? what about a woman in the same situation as you?

(ps I'm guilty of double standards in this too - I believed God could restore virginity and sexual purity - but didn't want someone in that situation.)
why test it?

 

[FearlessHeart]

Yeah, that's the double standard I'm talking about. I'm sure there are women in the same boat as me.

 

[fdsfndls]

here's a clip I like

(finally worked out how to post them)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNuwHQyzlVo

 

[Stravinsk]

I'm not really fussed in this area. There's always pro-con arguments. Virgins=not experienced. Non virgins do not equal *good* experience, you could find yourself with someone with some real sexual hangups. Or it might have been a good experience and they pass along that knowledge for your benefit

Neither my former partner (widower) or I were virgins when we married. It really wasn't an issue. Neither of us were feeling guilty for loving one another, physically, and otherwise. What mistakes we made in the past with other people did not form part of *our* relationship, and our virginity or lack of was a non-issue.

Only virgin Christians seem to guilt others over this issue.

 

[Sketcher]

I would like to marry a virgin, but I don't have the double-standard. I am one myself, with the goal of staying that way until I am married. I believe it is just as important for both genders to save sex for marriage.

Only virgin Christians seem to guilt others over this issue.

And OP doesn't? Really?

 

[foundthecure]

feel sorry for you OP

srs

 

[WhiteWolfOfTheDarkForest]

I don't really understand the whole craze about sex.

It's something I've never had - my mind desires it and thinks about it like everyone else, but when in reality I think and look at the idea of it - it's like 'blah, who wants to do that?' In reality it doesn't attract me much at all. It is only a thought in the mind which is like a plague.

 

[PetLuv]

I think you have a lot of growing up to do before you put much more thought into relationships.

 

[FearlessHeart]

I don't really understand the whole craze about sex.

It's something I've never had - my mind desires it and thinks about it like everyone else, but when in reality I think and look at the idea of it - it's like 'blah, who wants to do that?' In reality it doesn't attract me much at all. It is only a thought in the mind which is like a plague.

I never understood how people liked caviar until I tried it. Thinking about eating fish eggs grossed me out. Until I ate it and was blown away.

 

[FearlessHeart]

I think you have a lot of growing up to do before you put much more thought into relationships.

I've had great relationships in the past and I'm not at any point seeking a relationship. I'm willing to listen to why you think that.

 

[Maka]

Yes I think it's a double standard, at least you're honest about it. Staying a virgin until marriage is a choice I make for me and to keep a promise I made to God. I really don't care if the guy I marry is a virgin or not. I guess thats a double standard too. Sex is an important part of marriage and something that you should be able to talk about freely with the person you plan on marrying before marriage. I wouldn't marry someone I didn't feel comfortable talking about sex or any other subject with.

 

[Saucy]

I'm 29. I realize the odds of someone remaining a virgin at my age and getting into the thirties will become slimmer and slimmer. Yet, I have a high sex drive and have been able to successfully remain a virgin and will hopefully continue to do so until I'm married. But can I say 100% I won't slip up if I find the right person? I can't say that. We are all created as sexual beings who desire it. And it's incredibly difficult to suppress something you were designed to do for 29 years.

Now I think I understand why people got married in their mid-teens back in the day

But if the woman I have fallen in love with and intend to marry made a mistake, I'm okay with it. If she believes in casual sex and doesn't care and isn't repentant of her mistake(s), she probably isn't someone I want to be with as I want someone who will help me remain pure as much as I will help her until we are married.

 

[Niels]

I don't like this kind of double standard, but others want what they want. As far as the women I date go, general compatibility is more important than sexual history. Chances are, however, that I'll wind up with someone who is more similar than different in terms of our choices.

 

[twnsrkr]

I believe its hypocritical for someone not a virgin themselves to demand their spouse be one. If someone is a virgin however, I believe their fully within their rights.

 

[vanillakay]

At least your honest about it my friend. But yea, It is a double standard. I myself am a virgin and I would be personally severely dissapointed and disgusted if i found the right one and they had bonded with another woman in that way. I dont think its right you think its ok for you and not for a woman.

 

[jess9450]

 

[Paulie079]

Here's the deal--if you are a Christian, the expectation is that you have repented of the sin you have committed in the past, and daily put your trust in Christ's work on the cross for you, being confident that you are forgiven for your past, present, and future sin because he took the punishment for sin on himself. So I completely understand being in a place where you have had sex outside of marriage in the past, but have now repented of that and hold yourself to a higher standard.
If there is a woman in your life who you are considering marrying, I can understand having had sex previously being a dealbreaker if she is unrepentant of that sin. If she thinks it's totally cool and has no remorse, that's a problem. But if, like you, she has messed up in the past and has repented of that sin and now holds herself to a higher standard and plans to wait until marriage to have sex, then it is utterly stupid, lacking in grace, and completely unreflective of the grace you've been shown by God to say that you will not marry her because she has had sex in the past. The same goes for any person who hasn't had sex. If you would dump a person because of their past sexual sin even though they have repented of it and are walking in righteousness, then you are a fool, and you don't really believe the gospel.

 

[Qyöt27]

Personally, it's not something I put much concern into. There are certain circumstances in which her sexual history (if any) might make me feel hurt, but A) that's a highly specific situation, not a broad generalization, and would also deal with my history as well; then more importantly, B) whether or not A occurs, it's still my decision to be with her, and if I really care the way I should about her, then it's not something I should put any weight on (and I realized point B back when I was in high school). There are far more important things to be concerned with.

 

[SnowyMacie]

I'm not a virgin, and I don't care if I marry a virgin or a not. Like Paulie touched on, if she was so remorseful that she held herself to insane standards and such or was so lose to the point of "we've both lost it, so why wait?" Like a month into the relationship, then there's some issues that need to be worked through. On the other hand, is she was a virgin and making my lack of virginity a bigger deal than it needs to be, then that would cause me to take a step back.