doormat

[myquestions]

i always feel that i shouldn't tell ppl off if they are mean to me because they may have something in their life that is bothering them and they are putting it out on me.

but i feel horrible for been 'used' like this and not stickign up for myself. but i feel bad, like if i do stick up for myself they will get low self esteem like me and then close to suicide or something

i feel really bad everyday , feeling like a doormat...

 

[tapero]

Hi there,

It's good that you don't tell people off because we really need to love them, pray for them, and set good boundaries for yourself. Tell them they offended you in a kind way if it's needed. Sometimes people say things they don't mean and you can say, 'did you mean that? "That hurt my feelings." You must be a very kind person, a giving person, and haven't yet set your boundaries so that people don't take advantage of you. It's good to be open, but sometimes there's the time to just not respond also. I'm sorry you feel bad everyday. Reading proverbs is great for helping in knowing how to deal with people. Chapter 10 is the start of the sayings. I used to have read it every day before I went to work.

You are not a doormat. Your a child of the King.

God bless you, Tapero

 

[EIChief]

Some good advice...Proverbs is a good book for understanding how to gain wisdom in areas like these.

It is nice that you are thinking of others. Understand that if someone is badgering you needlessly, and you care about this persons feelings, then you are a stronger person then they are already!

Most people respond to kindness in the face of adversity, others need to be ignored until they settle down and are ready for encouragement. A few actually need strong intervention.

Your job is to find out what that person needs and give it to them. Never let people use you as a doormat either. You can respond in many different ways that do not include uncontrolled anger

I hope you find peace

God Bless

LL

 

[myquestions]

i just always think i shouldn't stick up for myself and just let them pick on me , because they might be born like that. like their personalities are like that.........

 

[Onlythingavailable]

I don't think anyone is really born like that. Sure, we have some genetic dispositions, but mostly we are molded through what we experience in life. From what I have seen, most people who bully are unhappy, and picking on someone else somehow helps them forget. But in order for them to get better, they need to remember. What I mean is that just letting them bully you doesn't really help them, but neither does attacking them in the same manner. You also need to consider the effects of the bullying will have on you.

I believe that standing up for yourself, while still remembering they are just human, is the way to go. Don't respond with anger or hate, but with compassion and love. Pray to God to give you strength and wisdom.

May God bless you.

 

[nowhereville]

ut oh - I smell victory LOL

The truth is that you are NOT made in the images of others and you are not made in the image of what others think you ought to be - you are made in the image of the very maker of heaven and earth.

The truth is that it matters not how others treat you and when you can lay hold of that truth - it will set you free!

In the worldly view, therapists would tell you that you need to grow a back bone, but God says look to me - see who you are IN me - see who I have created you to be - count all things as being for your good and my glory.

You could train yourself to be more assertive, but the truth is that you would still feel the same way inside.When you have laid hold of what God has to say about you, you will not be affected by what others say and do.

God is GOOD

Wooooo Hooooo

 

[Donnywazoo]

It is quite okay to say you don't appreciate something someone did. Make it about the behaviour, not about the person. i.e. I like you as a person but I don't appreciate comments such as .... because it makes me feel... This makes it less threatening and helps maintain the relationship - it is a productive way of being assertive.

 

[LoG]

Or maybe you need to not associate too much with people who treat you in that manner. If it is something that happens regularly with a number of people, it may be worthwhile looking at how you are presenting yourself that people feel they have permission to treat you in this manner. ie, if you talk down about yourself a lot it gives people the idea that it is ok to use you as a doormat.

 

[Galadriel]

I also struggle with this, letting people walk on me, but I am getting better at not.

I don't think there is anything wrong with being assertive (note I said assertive, not agressive). There is nothing wrong with saying to someone who is taking advantage of you "hey you need to stop".

Think about it, does it do the other person any good to let them take advantage of you? Is it teaching them anything good? The only thing they are learning is that other people don't need respect, and that they can be manipulated to get what the person wants out of them. Also it doesn't do you any good as a person. It makes you feel worse about yourself and mad (why did I let that person do that to me?). So all around it does not help either you or the other person to let them walk on you.

 

[myquestions]

is it possible that if i stick up for myself they get depressed and suicide??hm

 

[Alive again]

is it possible that if i stick up for myself they get depressed and suicide??hm

YOU are a child of the king. He says you are a priest, a saint ( and yes, we all still struggle with sin), He, the creator of the universe, the one whom created you just as you are says-come. my beloved. So yes, seek out tounderstand who you are in Christ ask the Holy Spirit-God to show you and give you wisdom about who youreally are in Him. Ask Him to show you Himself and how much He loves you. This understanding will allow you sto stand up for yourself in love andin truth-in a way that will help others to face the truth of their actions and their choices that will help them and not leave them feeling bad and suicidal-TRUTH IN LOVE is the secret. And God does not want you mistreated or them mistreated, or you mistreaating them or them mistreating you. One book that really helped me is written by a very Biblically solid woman in an easy way to understand is " The Myth of The Submissive Christian Woman" by Brenda Waggoner-do not let the title scare you -it is biblically sound and not written by a woman's libber, but a woman after God's own heart. It will not lead you astray. Another book I love that helped me understand Just how much Goc loves me is Peculiar Grace by Charlie Jones (peculiarpeople.com or org) and then their is also a book on boundaries i think by Henry Cloud. These were all very helpful for me in sorting out some very similiar issues. pm me anytime, I usually check in about once a day, but will be gone a few days here and there ove rthe next month. But you can break this doormat pattern with a better understanding of scripture and learn healthy ways of loving others and standing up for the truth of who you are and who they are. Blessings and prayers-start by asking God the Holy Spirit to show you yourself through His eyes, to s how you Himself and His deep love an dlonging for you!!!

 

[KGirl]

Also, you are believing a lie from Satan. And that is not good. He wants you to think people would kill themselves. If someone were to think about suicide, you certainly couldn't cause it. It would mean they have deep issues in their life and not have the strong walk with God they need.