Dont know what to do

[Abstract Devotion]

Can i ask you all something? If you had a friend.......that u used to like at one time..and you tried dating but it didnt work out..... and then a few years later you start hangin out with this friend cause he calls you out of the blue wanting to do things. Things seem to be going great and he's treating you like a real gentlemen....but then things start getting weird. He starts telling you that you have to do this and you have to do that.. and when it comes to askin why he isnt dating you.... or that youre available.. he says no thankyou ill pass. This person gets mad at you if you say you can do soemthing and then something comes up and you have to back out. And he doesnt talk to you unless you talk to him after that. and if you dont take his advice on things he gets mad... and calls a million times a day...... I Dont know... i guess im jsut askin if you all think this is someone to stay far away from or what?! I mean its not like im dating him..... but....

 

[carine]

He does seem to be a bit controlling!!! I guess its up to you to decide when and if and how much time you spend with him. Also maybe this is not the right person to have as a boyfriend/potential husband even if he were to chnage his mind about this.He does seem to be quite hung up on you though but doesnt sound a very stable type of person. I probably wouldnt want to see too much of him if it was me.He doesnt sound like he is going to make you happy.

 

[Living4Him03]

It sounds like he isn't looking for a relationship, but is probably lonely and wants a friend. It sounds like he's the kind of guy who cannot keep friends very long if he's that controlling! He probably wants to make sure you are going to spend time with him. Seems kind of clingy as well! I had an ex who would call me all the time and want to hang out after we broke up (he broke up with me) and would get upset if I didn't want to talk to him or was too busy to hang out. It turned out he had been dumped by this new girl he was dating and was lonely. He wanted me to be his shoulder to cry on and he wanted me to be his friend, yet he was still controlling and demanding. I just simply told him I did not think it was a good idea for us to be friends and that I could not handle being friends with him at that time. He got mad but eventually said "ok" and left me alone. I'd say pray for this guy and keep your distance.

 

[TriptychR]

Were you one who wondered about being in a relationship again? Even so, I think I would stay away from that guy. He sounds obsessive.

 

[lilray]

stay away

 

[Abstract Devotion]

How do you tell someone like that that you dont want any part of this at all? i guess thats what im hung up on because he makes every effort to say that we are not dating yet he totally acts like it. honestly.. im a little afraid of the guy. I wish you all could see him and the way he acts in person.....

 

[Abstract Devotion]

we were supposed to go to the beach and have a picnic..... had to cancel cause i just was not comfortable... and mom needed my help.... was supposed to go have dinner at his place and watch a movie.. just him and i..... couldnt.... he got so mad that he didnt talk to me for a few days.... not til i said something to him. I should have never talked to him. The worst thing is.. .this is the pastor's son. So i feel like if i stopp hangin with him and stuff... that id be hurting the pastor or something... or that he'd get mad... and i dont want that. He's got a temper too especially if things dont go his way.

 

[bubblegirl23]

Now THIS is my specialty! I reunited with a guy who liked me through high school a few years after & he acted the same. Things like, "you have kids or I'll do it with someone else behind your back - despite the medical dangers for me.
Sweetie, get out! You're not dating him but this kind of behavior will still affect you.

Getting rid of them is easy. Say NO and mean it. Men like this get off on being in power. If you can't make a meeting and he goes off, give it to him. "I wanted to go - I had to go elsewhere. But if you don't back off you'll find yourself alone a lot more often!" Don't be afraid - they're all cowards underneath. If he threatens, ignore it. It's just desperation for your attention.

Be strong!

 

[fieldmouse3]

Jst be strong and tell him no....preferrably in a public place so he cant' do anything to you. Talk to your pastor about it if this guy won't back out, even if it might be weird that your pastor is his dad. I'll pray for you!

 

[the_man]

we were supposed to go to the beach and have a picnic..... had to cancel cause i just was not comfortable... and mom needed my help.... was supposed to go have dinner at his place and watch a movie.. just him and i..... couldnt.... he got so mad that he didnt talk to me for a few days.... not til i said something to him. I should have never talked to him. The worst thing is.. .this is the pastor's son. So i feel like if i stopp hangin with him and stuff... that id be hurting the pastor or something... or that he'd get mad... and i dont want that. He's got a temper too especially if things dont go his way.

You seem to keep giving him a life line. Whenever he goes on one of his tantrums and doesn't talk to you again, that's your ticket to St. Elsewhere.

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

You seem to keep giving him a life line. Whenever he goes on one of his tantrums and doesn't talk to you again, that's your ticket to St. Elsewhere.

Exactly. And do not allow yourself to feel guilty or allow him to make you feel guilty. Do not allow him to have this much control over you. I understand that you don't want to hurt his feelings, but you're not responsible for his issues.

 

[Abstract Devotion]

Now THIS is my specialty! I reunited with a guy who liked me through high school a few years after & he acted the same. Things like, "you have kids or I'll do it with someone else behind your back - despite the medical dangers for me.
Sweetie, get out! You're not dating him but this kind of behavior will still affect you.

Getting rid of them is easy. Say NO and mean it. Men like this get off on being in power. If you can't make a meeting and he goes off, give it to him. "I wanted to go - I had to go elsewhere. But if you don't back off you'll find yourself alone a lot more often!" Don't be afraid - they're all cowards underneath. If he threatens, ignore it. It's just desperation for your attention.

Be strong!

I wish sayin no was easy..... but what about the fact that he still needs friends.. is it just that i cant be his friend????? About the behavior affecting me.... yea.... ive been afraid of him.... i wanna talk to his dad about it... but........ what if pastor hates me.. and gets mad at me for not wanting to hang with his son and tellin him this stuff????

 

[Abstract Devotion]

the first *date* that we were supposed to have .... i didnt go cause of a few reasons.. i was sick.... from worry.. cause i got these bad feelins ifi went...s omething was gonna happen.. and i cant let it happen again.. i cant let myself be in that situation......... sighs.....