Hello, I have been married to my wife for 14 years now. She suffers from BPD. (although she won't say that she does) Here is my situation. The first affair that she had (at least, the first one that I found out about) she transformed into a person that was nothing like the person I had married.(and I mean nothing!!!!) A short time after we met she divulged alot of very sad things that she had been through during her childhood and teen years. She was very uneasy about telling me these things for fear I would not want to be involved with her. I explained to her that I still loved her and that I wanted to continue our relationship. To her I was, as she put it, "her Knight in shining armor". I treated her son (2 yr old at the time) as if he was my own. We eventualy got married. It was a package deal. Woman and child. From that point on it was typical BPD behavior, although I did not know thats what it was. In 2002 I became very depressed and we fell into financial problems. She was going to college at the time and I was supporting the fam.(now 3 children) She tooka job working nights so she could continue a few classes during the day. All of the typicle affair stuff started to happen along with a total personality change, talking openly about breast enlargments, alowing her boyfriend to put a tattoo on her lower back,having unprotected sex, dissapearing for days on end, calling the police on me, wearing clothes that a troubled 17 year old girl would wear,spitting on me,telling everyone that I abuse her, dressing in his clothes,etc,etc. When I say I was a complete wreck, that is puting it lightly. I had to talk to my parents and her mom. They were asking questions. My therapist informed me about BPD. I explained it to my parrents. It made sense to them, but not like it made sense to me. Her affair crashed with a huge explosion. She would only admit to things that she was certain I found out on my own. I had to discuss the sad things my wife informed me about early on with my mom and her mom so they would understand and help her. It was in no way gossip. I welcomed my wife back but oddly enough everything was my fault. We could only discuss things on her terms. We stayed married. I have no closure From that affair. I did all of the things that she told me she was not happy about, but it is never enough. (at least I know now, the reason is BPD) Since then I found out about 2 more affairs. When confronted she rages. I told her that I would work through it with her. She says that ther was no affair, but when I keep repeating myself that "we can work it out " her response is " You expect me to tell you more things about myself so you can build up another case against me and tell everyone and then crucify me, so you look like Mr.Wonderfull, thers no way Iam doing that again" She says she does not "feel safe with telling me anything" I told her Icant go on any more like this and that Ithink we should get a divorce. Ihave tried so hard...... Please, any christian advise would be a blessing.
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