Don't know what to do...

[Muko]

I'm gay. I'm going to a strongly Christian university, and free counselling is offered, but I don't want to get help from a counsellor... there are three dicipleship leaders on my residence hall floor, but I'm afraid to go to them. I want to go to a community church pastor (whom I don't even know, but I feel drawn to him, even though I've never seen him before, never heard him speak a word, and I've only seen one picture of him), but at the same time, I don't. My problem is, I'm gay, but I don't want to change. I don't have sex, but I want to go to BiGALA meetings at a secular university nearby. I'm spiritually dying... I don't even get anything out of the Bible anymore, it's all just becoming a jumbling of random stories to me that seem pointless to read, because while they might address my problem, they never tell me how to practically deal with it... I don't know what to do, and even if I did, I doubt I'd do it. This has become a part of my identity, at least as I see myself, and though it causes me a lot of grief, I'd feel as if I'm killing a part of me. I'm not even sure what I'm asking for, or expecting by posting here.

 

[he_is_risen!!]

I'm gay. I'm going to a strongly Christian university, and free counselling is offered, but I don't want to get help from a counsellor... there are three dicipleship leaders on my residence hall floor, but I'm afraid to go to them. I want to go to a community church pastor (whom I don't even know, but I feel drawn to him, even though I've never seen him before, never heard him speak a word, and I've only seen one picture of him), but at the same time, I don't. My problem is, I'm gay, but I don't want to change. I don't have sex, but I want to go to BiGALA meetings at a secular university nearby. I'm spiritually dying... I don't even get anything out of the Bible anymore, it's all just becoming a jumbling of random stories to me that seem pointless to read, because while they might address my problem, they never tell me how to practically deal with it... I don't know what to do, and even if I did, I doubt I'd do it. This has become a part of my identity, at least as I see myself, and though it causes me a lot of grief, I'd feel as if I'm killing a part of me. I'm not even sure what I'm asking for, or expecting by posting here.

Hey I know what it's like. For about... 4 years now I have been struggling w/ homosexuality in one form or another. Porn, masturbation, lusting, fantisizing. I have struggled w/ all of them and felt like there was no hope. There were times that I wanted to just give up because I hated the feeling of being torn between what my sinnful nature wanted and what God wanted. BUt here's the thing, What you have to do is choose to fight. Maybe you don't want to, maybe you do. But in either case, pray, cry and scream to the Lord for Him to come and show you what to do. See, from my experiance, the Bible stopped having meaning when I decided to walk away from the Lord. He wasn't the one that moved, it was me. I had let my human want for the "pleasures" of porn and maturbation to cloud my vision and fool me into thinking that I wasn't in as much danger as I really was. See the Devil attacked me and convinced me that fighting homosexuality was useless and that I wouldn't win. satan would wisper in my ear stuff to make me loose hope and think that I would never escape the struggle. But see, NOTHING that satan says is true. There was and is hope and I AM fighting this struggle. Now I am a lot closer to the Lord and I am on a path to completely getting rid of this struggle. All that I can say is to pray everyday for clarity and then be patient. It might take time for you to get to a place where the Lord can really change you and turn you into the person you want to be. Until then just remain on the offencive and don't believe anything that says you can't fight this. You can if you really want to. I'm here if you wanna talk to something. Casey

 

[Danielof the Island]

I know how to excise your homosexuallity from your personallity and be free of it. First, you have to want to change and recognise that you are not gay, you only engage in gay activities and have gay thoughts.

If you wish to change, please respond.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

You're my little brother and I love you. God loves you too.

If we had things like BiGALA I wouldn't mind going. I know so many gay people who are in so much pain. I see that as an opportunity to love them. They would probably be more open to your point of view. Why are you gay? I don't know. But I see that as an opportunity.

 

[anointedtruth]

Hey Muko,

I think you have a choice to make. Okay you're gay, but then you're spiritually dying. You have to figure out what is more important to you than anything in the world. Do you think you can still survive being spiritually dead? Do you in someway think the Bible is right and hence you're avoiding it? A minister is going to tell you his thoughts and beliefs on homosexuality, but he's also going to counsel you and give you some support. Is it possible that your lifestyle is in conflict with your mind, beliefs, etc.? Are feeling guilty?
You may need to step back and take a look at your life and what you're feeling. I hope everything works out for you.
And just b/c you're at a strong Christian college doesn't mean that people will instantly hate you if you confide in them. You'd be amazed where you could find a friend. Sometimes God places people in our life just to get us through a certain time in our life.
May God guide you.