Don't know if this is the right place for this but here it goes...

[SqueakyGerbil]

Aaron & I have been engaged for quite a while now and more than once the planning of a wedding has almost broken us apart.

The question is, is there anything wrong with a Las Vegas Wedding. It really seems to be the only option for both of our needs to be met. Now I'm not one to give a lot of information but I feel I need to in this post to properly explain the situation so I apologize for the long post.

The reason behind this is family! Namely Aarons parents (in particular his dad)..... The backstory is that 10yrs ago Aarons parents got divorced. Aarons mom started seeing Aarons now-stepdad and then left Aarons dad. Over the years Aarons dad has tried to talk to his mom many times though she has absolutely no interest in having anything to do with him (she wishes him the best, isn't proud of how things happened but the marriage was bad and she want's nothing to do with him, she doesn't want to see him or talk to him or even have him talk to her while she tunes him out....).

Additional problem is the last time Aarons dad remarried, he did it to a woman (the step-mom) that he gave no indication he was seeing (he actually lead both Aaron & his brother to believe that he wanted nothing to do with the step-mom, she was stalking him and he couldn't stand her). He called a week after they got married and while the purpose of the call was to ask for computer help and as an afterthought threw in "oh ya I got married last week". Now due to some happenings that don't matter in the way of this topic, Aarons dad was in trouble with the cops around the time of getting married the most recent time. Due to this he now has a criminal record and can't travel to the states.

When the topic has come up before with his dad, he has mentioned how it would be nice because then he would be able to talk to Aarons mom. We have hinted for him not to do that and we have straight out asked for him not to do that and everything has fallen on deaf ears.

Also another concern is family size. I am from a very close extended ukrainian family (close to great aunts and their kids ect) which means that weddings for my family can easily get into the hundreds and Aarons step-mom has basically assumed that all *her* family will be invited as well. We're paying for this wedding ourselves and would like to not be in debt for it for the next 20 yrs (especially for the step-moms family where neither Aaron or I can stand most of them).

Now the reasoning behind "Las Vegas" is because I can't have a wedding and not have my dad there. To my dad, getting married without him there would be a very hard slap in the face, one I doubt our relationship could recover from and I really think Aaron would use it against his dad the way he feels that his dad used his most recent marriage against him. The idea is that in Las Vegas we can explain how it's what him & I want and that because of the criminal record, his dad won't legally be able to be there. Also both Aaron & I want the tux & white dress and we can do that in Las Vegas.....

So are we being selfish? Is there any ideas any of you have on how to handle this kind of a situation?

 

[FiRePrOoF_bUnNy]

If this is the way you two want it then it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks! It's your day - YOU invite who you want - YOU get married where you want - YOU have this your own way. Because in the end this is just a legality and a celebration to the start of your life together. Nothing more nothing less! The marriage legally binds you two together so there is no family included in that.. Yes by all means it's nice to get on with Mothers/Fathers/Aunties/Uncles .. etc in law but honestly if you can't afford it then some of them are just going to have to be dissapointed! If you both want it in Vegas then Go for it! and Good luck! !!

 

[Southern Cross]

Set the location. Then send invitations to only the friends and family you want there. People these days have a great understanding of what it costs to have a wedding, and many are not offended if they're not invited.

I just literally got home from shooting a wedding for a bride this evening here in Florida. Photography is my profession. Two families that were reasonably well off financially, but there were only 25 people or so in attendance. The bride and groom chose to only invite immediate family (parents, grandparents, siblings) and a few very close friends. They were married in a local park, the reception was at a classy french restaurant, and I think the whole affair was probably under $3K. I was very impressed with how intimate and emotional the whole affair was.

Bottom line, you set the location, the date, the time, and the list of invitees. Send letters to all the other uninvited family members and friends letting them know you prefer an intimate wedding with a maximum of X people in attendance. They'll understand. If they don't, too bad. If your letter is worded correctly, they'll still think you are very gracious and level headed.

I also photographed another wedding that had a similar family situation to what you have described. There was some stress. But they all sucked it up and did a great job not stepping on each others toes. The couple set VERY strong boundaries in advance.

In contrast, I photographed my sister's wedding a few months ago. My mother and step dad attended, and they've been divorced for over 10 years. My mother was so angry about me taking a picture of my stepdad with his girlfriend that she threw a complete tantrum and would'nt get on the riverboat for the reception. I refuse to let myself be caught in the middle like that, and it's my professional responsibility to do what my "client" (sister) wants. My stepdad is her father. My mother - a Christian - has not spoken to me since. The message I'm trying to send here is that sometimes bad things do happen with family, but you just need to ignore them if they do. So the riverboat left without my mother on board. I feel sorry for her, but she can't play favorites at her daughter's wedding or set standards for who is or is not photographed.

Have you thought about a beach wedding? We have couples come down here all the time and get married at sunset on the beach. Then they head off to a romantic dinner with family and friends... you can do it anywhere there is a beach! Or a nice park with a gazebo. Or even a small country church.

 

[AngylBelle]

It doesn't matter how or where you get married! Your happiness as a couple should be the main concern and only the two of you know what is needed to make your "day" exactly what you want it to be.

Me and my beau aren't even having a wedding...both our parents and siblings will be witnesses to a legal ceremony, we are leaving for a two week honeymoon right after it's completion, and upon our return we are having a HUGE beach bbq for friends and family decorated with a hawaiian theme (we're having a pig roast! yum!). It is going to be inexpensive and special, but our main priority is having a "dream honeymoon" so that is why we wanted the money put into that.

His parents hated our idea at first but got used to the fact that if they wanted to be apart of it, this is what is going to happen. It can be hard to put aside the opinions of those you care about, but your marriage is between you, your husband, and God, and you need to enter into it exactly that way. Please do not think of yourselves as selfish, because it couldn't be farther from the truth.

If I were you, I would have your Las Vegas wedding and consider having a large 1 or 5 year anniversary party down the road. This could be the perfect opportunity to let all of your close, extended family members join you and your then husband in celebrating your marriage. By that time you will be able to save enough money, certain personal circumstances may be better, and you don't have the stress that a wedding brings. It is simply a "get-together" or "family reunion" circling around your marriage. In the long run, you get your less-stress, fun-filled Las Vegas wedding! and the chance to let families rejoice in the success of your love. Everyone wins and YOU and HUBBY are happy!

Best of luck to you!

 

[LuvAngel]

I know some of how you feel. I'm planning my own wedding right now but I want to tell you what I've realized for myself.You need to do what is best for the two of you. It's your wedding, it is for you and your fiance, not everyone else. You invite who you want and don't feel obligated to invite people you don't really want there. Have your wedding wherever makes both of you happy because your wedding day is a day that you will declare your love for each other and begin the rest of your lives together so as long as you have each other everything should be right. Don't let other people mess things up. You're going to be fine. Take things a step at a time, always remember to breathe and just do what you want to do. Good luck! God Bless!