don't feel blessed

[19Duggarfan]

So i am nearing the half century mark, and really leaving my first love more and more, Revelation 2:3-4. Tire of hearing those blessed by God, with a great marriage, telling me how it is such a blessing to be single. I sure don't feel blessed with an overactive sex drive, and nothing I can do with it.

How do you keep that love and desire for God, when it seems like He just totally hates you? Really my prayer life is near death, I figure if I ask God for what I desire, He will just say no; since at my age it is quit apparent that marriage is out of the question, so now of late I have been seeing God as a killjoy to anything I desire.

I trusted Jesus in my youth, and yet if I ask anything in His name, I never find joy; John 16:24

 

[dayhiker]

Hi Duggarfan,
Welcome to CF. This part of CF is in a transition so its a little empty at the moment.

I've been single for 7 yrs now. I must say I'm enjoying my relationship with Jesus as much as I every have. I can also relate to having an over active sex drive.

I don't know of a paragraph or two that I can give you that will get you to a place of excitement about God again. But I do believe God as a path for you to walk that will get there.

But a place to start in my mind is to realize that often people put God in a box. Yet everything about God's creation and the message of the Bible is that God is a God of variety. So it sounds to me you have been fed the God is in this box, but that's not the God that will work for you. So I'd say to start praying something along the lines of God I have you in a box and that isn't working for me. I want to know the you that is out side the box I've put you in. I believe God will meet you there outside the box.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

So i am nearing the half century mark, and really leaving my first love more and more, Revelation 2:3-4. Tire of hearing those blessed by God, with a great marriage, telling me how it is such a blessing to be single. I sure don't feel blessed with an overactive sex drive, and nothing I can do with it.

How do you keep that love and desire for God, when it seems like He just totally hates you? Really my prayer life is near death, I figure if I ask God for what I desire, He will just say no; since at my age it is quit apparent that marriage is out of the question, so now of late I have been seeing God as a killjoy to anything I desire.

I trusted Jesus in my youth, and yet if I ask anything in His name, I never find joy; John 16:24

Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you need a bit of an Overhaul to get your zeal for Christ back, and, to begin walking in the power and direction that God desires to give you. It no doubt is going to require some changes to your Mind, Will, commitment, and emotions so you can be brought back into the fold of what God wants for you. HOW you get there is of course, the challenge.........but it is a very achievable journey because God promises it is.

What you need is what I needed at one point in my Christian Walk and that is to go deep(er) with Christ . I found that as I allowed Jesus to reform and reconstruct my thinking/motives/feelings/and will .... that I began to experience a deeper more fulfilling purpose driven Christian Walk . For me, it required myself to become #2 more and more and to allow Christ and HIS WILL for my life to become #1 . By having greater surrender and humility toward Christ over time...my personal fulfillment and meaning in life became more evident . Once I discovered that, I started embracing that wholeheartedly and chose to multiply it even more in my life. Today, I live a Divorced Christian Life that is filled with great interest, purpose, meaning, fulfillment even though I have to (based on Gods loving moral mandates for me) not excersise my sexual nature with another which would be akin to what a wordly person does . I found the more I chose to become committed to the ways of God and his Word, the more of his presence I was able to experience including his immense love and grace to walk upright as a true Ambassador of God.

The absolute key to doing this Christian Walk successfully so great meaning and purpose can be had is this very simple equation : THY will be done, not mine . When we get to the place of really really wanting his Will for our lives regardless of what that looks like, then its like the clouds of life drift off into the distance and are replaced by marching to the same drumbeat as God. Does it require obedience ? Very much so. Does it require Us altering our views and Mind when it comes to our sexuality ? Yes it does. It is all part of the cross that we are being asked to carry . Are there ways and means that we can implement to handle our urges and desires ? Yes , to that also. You see, its up to each one of us to determine HOW deep or HOW obedient we are going to go with God ; some people who proclaim Christ want their cake and eat it too without too much interference from Gods loving moral mandates for living and so they embark on a self-authority Walk with that Person still on the throne of their life ........while Others who are wise choose to allow God to be on the throne of their Lives and so they experience all that the Christian Life has to offer because they chose to become a number 2 instead of being at the center of the Universe so to speak.

In closing, my humble advice to you is to settle in your heart right now, that you are going to hand over total authority to God concerning your life . If you don't, im afraid that you can never get to the place in your Christian Walk that God has willed for you because it will be SELF and its fleshly desires that become a god in your life. And God cant and wont be second to that. So, its your personal choice which direction you want to go right now...its as if you have come to a 'T' intersection in the road of Life and you will go one way or the other because you have the steering wheel in your hands.

If you need to know some very specific ways that you can start implementing right away, let me know and I can share some sources that really helped me.

Regards.

 

[exitstageright]

Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you need a bit of an Overhaul to get your zeal for Christ back, and, to begin walking in the power and direction that God desires to give you. It no doubt is going to require some changes to your Mind, Will, commitment, and emotions so you can be brought back into the fold of what God wants for you. HOW you get there is of course, the challenge.........but it is a very achievable journey because God promises it is.

What you need is what I needed at one point in my Christian Walk and that is to go deep(er) with Christ . I found that as I allowed Jesus to reform and reconstruct my thinking/motives/feelings/and will .... that I began to experience a deeper more fulfilling purpose driven Christian Walk . For me, it required myself to become #2 more and more and to allow Christ and HIS WILL for my life to become #1 . By having greater surrender and humility toward Christ over time...my personal fulfillment and meaning in life became more evident . Once I discovered that, I started embracing that wholeheartedly and chose to multiply it even more in my life. Today, I live a Divorced Christian Life that is filled with great interest, purpose, meaning, fulfillment even though I have to (based on Gods loving moral mandates for me) not excersise my sexual nature with another which would be akin to what a wordly person does . I found the more I chose to become committed to the ways of God and his Word, the more of his presence I was able to experience including his immense love and grace to walk upright as a true Ambassador of God.

The absolute key to doing this Christian Walk successfully so great meaning and purpose can be had is this very simple equation : THY will be done, not mine . When we get to the place of really really wanting his Will for our lives regardless of what that looks like, then its like the clouds of life drift off into the distance and are replaced by marching to the same drumbeat as God. Does it require obedience ? Very much so. Does it require Us altering our views and Mind when it comes to our sexuality ? Yes it does. It is all part of the cross that we are being asked to carry . Are there ways and means that we can implement to handle our urges and desires ? Yes , to that also. You see, its up to each one of us to determine HOW deep or HOW obedient we are going to go with God ; some people who proclaim Christ want their cake and eat it too without too much interference from Gods loving moral mandates for living and so they embark on a self-authority Walk with that Person still on the throne of their life ........while Others who are wise choose to allow God to be on the throne of their Lives and so they experience all that the Christian Life has to offer because they chose to become a number 2 instead of being at the center of the Universe so to speak.

In closing, my humble advice to you is to settle in your heart right now, that you are going to hand over total authority to God concerning your life . If you don't, im afraid that you can never get to the place in your Christian Walk that God has willed for you because it will be SELF and its fleshly desires that become a god in your life. And God cant and wont be second to that. So, its your personal choice which direction you want to go right now...its as if you have come to a 'T' intersection in the road of Life and you will go one way or the other because you have the steering wheel in your hands.

If you need to know some very specific ways that you can start implementing right away, let me know and I can share some sources that really helped me.

Regards.

Yes,I realize that you are trying to encouarge this brother. However,if all we need is God,then God would have had no need to create Eve. It was God who said,"It is not good for the man to be alone." The bottom line is that we men need a woman. We men just cannot live without a woman. But it seems that women do not need men.

Yes,we men do need Jesus,but we also need a woman. People have told me,"If you want a companion,get a dog!" I do not want a subsitute. I want the real thing.
That is like me saying that I want a Coke,and all I keep getting offered is a Diet Coke.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

Yes,I realize that you are trying to encouarge this brother. However,if all we need is God,then God would have had no need to create Eve. It was God who said,"It is not good for the man to be alone." The bottom line is that we men need a woman. We men just cannot live without a woman. But it seems that women do not need men.

Yes,we men do need Jesus,but we also need a woman. People have told me,"If you want a companion,get a dog!" I do not want a subsitute. I want the real thing.
That is like me saying that I want a Coke,and all I keep getting offered is a Diet Coke.

Indeed, I agree with what you said in your first paragraph , and, I never denounce that nor have ; what I have said in the past is that Christian Singles (men and women) need good fellowship and preferably deeper variety Friendships with one another. This can be had without moving into the realm of Marriage . God doesn't say that all Men must get married nor does he say that for women ; but we do need each other and significant deep relationship can be had with the opposite sex while still maintaining Gods loving moral sexual mandates .

When you say that 'Men need a woman' ... what are you referring to specifically ? How do you see that played out ?

As a Divorced CHristian Man , I too desire and am keeping an open mind toward having a significant Other in the way of a nice Christian Woman ... and to avoid getting into a desperation trap, I am patiently waiting on The Lords will for that yet still choosing to put myself in plenty of social venues where God may wish to plant a seed . Its very good indeed to be coming from a place on non-desperation where meeting the opposite sex is concerned and I give God thanks for that.

 

[dayhiker]

Good points, exit.
I remember singing those worship songs many years ago about how all we need is Jesus and the Lord asking me if I'm your everything, then why didn't I tell you to become a hermit, why is there the beauty of the universe, why do you have a mind that loves to investigate this amazing creation I put here for you.
Yes, God is 1st place, but God never intended to be our only place. Most healthy humans be they Christians or not have a wide range interests. As a Christian I express thankfulness to God for all He has given me to marvel at. The word is pretty clear that having a thankful heart for what God has given us is a good thing. Like when we thank God for the food. If all we needed was God why do we eat food?
Honestly some of our Christianese keeps is from experiencing the fulness of God.

 

[exitstageright]

Indeed, I agree with what you said in your first paragraph , and, I never denounce that nor have ; what I have said in the past is that Christian Singles (men and women) need good fellowship and preferably deeper variety Friendships with one another. This can be had without moving into the realm of Marriage . God doesn't say that all Men must get married nor does he say that for women ; but we do need each other and significant deep relationship can be had with the opposite sex while still maintaining Gods loving moral sexual mandates .

When you say that 'Men need a woman' ... what are you referring to specifically ? How do you see that played out ?

As a Divorced CHristian Man , I too desire and am keeping an open mind toward having a significant Other in the way of a nice Christian Woman ... and to avoid getting into a desperation trap, I am patiently waiting on The Lords will for that yet still choosing to put myself in plenty of social venues where God may wish to plant a seed . Its very good indeed to be coming from a place on non-desperation where meeting the opposite sex is concerned and I give God thanks for that.

Well.....as a heterosexual male,I feel that when I am working,I do not feel the need to be with a woman. In the Medical Field, there are usually more women than men,especially in the Medical Laboratory. Therefore,in the lab,I do not yearn for female companionship,because there are plenty of women around to talk to.

However,when I am at home,and not working,especially on cold,and rainy nights,I miss cuddling and snuggling up with a warm,caring,affectionate,and soft skinned human female. Oh,not with a skinned female,just so that there is no misunderstaning.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

Well.....as a heterosexual male,I feel that when I am working,I do not feel the need to be with a woman. In the Medical Field, there are usually more women than men,especially in the Medical Laboratory. Therefore,in the lab,I do not yearn for female companionship,because there are plenty of women around to talk to.

However,when I am at home,and not working,especially on cold,and rainy nights,I miss cuddling and snuggling up with a warm,caring,affectionate,and soft skinned human female. Oh,not with a skinned female,just so that there is no misunderstaning.

Well, I see nothing wrong with having that normal affectionate desire , as it is common to both men and women. Its certainly something I miss about being married and from a current void of a significant other in my life at present.

Do you feel you have enough of other things whether they be an active personal relationship with Christ, friends, hobbies, church life, immediate family, interests, etc....to help you have a reasonably fulfilled non-boring life even though theres a current void in your life concerning the opposite sex ?

 

[exitstageright]

Well, I see nothing wrong with having that normal affectionate desire , as it is common to both men and women. Its certainly something I miss about being married and from a current void of a significant other in my life at present.

Do you feel you have enough of other things whether they be an active personal relationship with Christ, friends, hobbies, church life, immediate family, interests, etc....to help you have a reasonably fulfilled non-boring life even though theres a current void in your life concerning the opposite sex ?

Yes,as many readers on this thread already know,I enjoy acting for commercials,Community Theater,and for my church's Drama Ministry. I feel blessed when I am using my God-given talents to present the Gospel and to entertain people. Plays are fun to see,but I would rather give a performance than to receive ( watch)a performance. When I am rehearsing and performing a play,I am always thinking about my lines,and or my lyrics.I do not have time to think about not having someone to share my life with. Yes,it is a great feeling to be sharing your life with someone who shares the same passions as you do. We did Christmas 5 months ago.We just finished Easter. In 12 days from now,I will have an auditon for the musical,"Godspell."

I also enjoy traveling,especially on cruises,where I meet many new friends,exploring different parts of the world,listening to music and playing music.
Speaking of music,when I am walking a mile every morning at 4:30 AM,Monday-Friday,walking is not boring while listening to music.

Yes, I am a romantic person. My first wedding date( my idea) was on February 14,1987. I would just love to sing Smokey Robinson's song "My Girl",and to be singing about a real woman. Or that Stylistics song that goes like this:

"God bless you
you make me feel brand new
'cause God blessed me with you
you make me feel brand new
I sing this song for you "

But my life is like that Karen Carpenter song that goes like this:

"Oh it's a dirty old shame that
all you get from love is
a love song

and you're staying up nights
waiting for the music to start

yes it's a dirty old shame that
you got to take the blame for a
love song

and the best love song
begins with a
broken heart "

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

Then your life looks pretty full and enjoyable despite the void of a S.O. Maybe that will change and most likely, it will in time. So, keep on counting your blessings and marching forward not looking behind, but forward and serve the Lord well . Peace.

 

[Messy]

Yes,I realize that you are trying to encouarge this brother. However,if all we need is God,then God would have had no need to create Eve. It was God who said,"It is not good for the man to be alone." The bottom line is that we men need a woman. We men just cannot live without a woman. But it seems that women do not need men.

Ha, nothing is like it seems. I can't function without a man, I've got a dependency syndrom I heard two days back. That's neat when you're divorced. When the kids are not here I feel terrible, I just stay too long at the office to have some company and at nights I'm on christian forums.
But maybe for a woman it's easier. I can fall in love with Jesus. I had this really romantic dream of Jesus and me on a cruise ship and He was the Captain. When I feel terribly alone I put my arms around myself and say: Fill me Lord!

 

[Texas101]

I'm about your age and understand where you're at in life. I've been married, divorced, single parent, and now an empty nester. I certainly understand your longings. My singleness has also afforded my the opportunity to do things that I would not be able to do with a spouse, or at least much more easily than with a spouse.

I've been able to rapidly pay down debt in a manner that others would have felt uncomfortable. I can travel on short notice with out dragging a family with me. I can expend financial resources with out any debate. I have much more flexibility in my career path, have made the choice to start graduate school, and can post my opinions on the internet with out a spouse wondering what I'm doing on the internet at 4 in the morning. Actually, its a bit of insomnia that has me up.

I work in healthcare for an employer that is very female centric. With a female/male ratio skewed towards women most of my friends don't understand why I haven't found someone. What they don't understand is one misspoken word or gesture is a career ender. I've seen this happen and its not worth the risk.

I've also found the female/male balance at church tilted towards the female side of the scale. However I've also found that churches in my region seem to attract those, both male and female, from the more dysfunctional end of the bell curve.

Having been married, and observing the marriages of both friends and family, I've witnessed the stresses and struggles needed to make a marriage work. Having swam in each of these oceans; single, married, parenthood, and now divorced I think I have a practical understanding of Paul's teaching on singleness. As I've gotten older my male desires have begun to wane. I'm not certain if the latter is due to age related physical changes or simply a diminishing desire in general due to the aforementioned motivations. At this point I believe that due to the lack of viable spousal candidates, my age, and station in life that the USS Marriage has long since sailed.

Someone said that marriage is like flies on a screen door. Those on the outside want in, those on the inside want out. Most of my married friends have said, at least to a limited extent, that they envy my unmarried life. I've also been in those lonely places as well. Marriage is not a cure for loneliness. There are large number of lonely marriages.

About ten years ago I made the conscious decision to move forward with life putting my energies into my grandkids, niece and nephew, hobbies, career, and education and put relationships on the back burner. I've also decided that if I find a mate then so be it, if I don't it won't end my life. I still struggle with the same things all singles do which is why I'm on this forum.

I'm not certain that I can offer any practical advise for your particular situation beyond sharing where I've come from. I share your frustrations and wish you God's best for your life.

 

[exitstageright]

I'm about your age and understand where you're at in life. I've been married, divorced, single parent, and now an empty nester. I certainly understand your longings. My singleness has also afforded my the opportunity to do things that I would be able to do with a spouse, or at least much more easily than with a spouse.

I've been able to rapidly pay down debt in a manner that others would have felt uncomfortable. I can travel on short notice with out dragging a family with me. I can expend financial resources with out any debate. I have much more flexibility in my career path, have made the choice to start graduate school, and can post my opinions on the internet with out a spouse wondering what I'm doing on the internet at 4 in the morning. Actually, its a bit of insomnia that has me up.

I work in healthcare for an employer that is very female centric. With a female/male ratio skewed towards women most of my friends don't understand why I haven't found someone. What they don't understand is one misspoken word or gesture is a career ender. I've seen this happen and its not worth the risk.

I've also found the female/male balance at church tilted towards the female side of the scale. However I've also found that churches in my region seem to attract those, both male and female, from the more dysfunctional end of the bell curve.

Having been married, and observing the marriages of both friends and family, I've witnessed the stresses and struggles needed to make a marriage work. Having swam in each of these oceans; single, married, parenthood, and now divorced I think I have a practical understanding of Paul's teaching on singleness. As I've gotten older my male desires have begun to wane. I'm not certain if the latter is due to age related physical changes or simply a diminishing desire in general due to the aforementioned motivations. At this point I believe that due to the lack of viable spousal candidates, my age, and station in life that the USS Marriage has long since sailed.

Someone said that marriage is like flies on a screen door. Those on the outside want in, those on the inside want out. Most of my married friends have said, at least to a limited extent, that they envy my unmarried life. I've also been in those lonely places as well. Marriage is not a cure for loneliness. There are large number of lonely marriages.

About ten years ago I made the conscious decision to move forward with life putting my energies into my grandkids, niece and nephew, hobbies, career, and education and put relationships on the back burner. I've also decided that if I find a mate then so be it, if I don't it won't end my life. I still struggle with the same things all singles do which is why I'm on this forum.

I'm not certain that I can offer any practical advise for your particular situation beyond sharing where I've come from. I share your frustrations and wish you God's best for your life.

Thank you for sharing and understanding my plight. Yes,in the health field,there are more women than men. Since I am oftn misunderstood by most women,I hve to "walk on eggs" everytime that I open my mouth.
In California,if you say something,even if you did not mean to offend anyone,you still are guilty of verbal sexual harassment. A man just cannot express himself anymore.

 

[exitstageright]

Thank you for sharing and understanding my plight. Yes,in the health field,there are more women than men. Since I am oftn misunderstood by most women,I hve to "walk on eggs" everytime that I open my mouth.
In California,if you say something,even if you did not mean to offend anyone,you still are guilty of verbal sexual harassment. A man just cannot express himself anymore.

Sorry about the misspellings. When I tried to edit, those darn pop up ads prevented me from making corrections. When I finally got back to this forum ,it was too late to edit my post

 

[quietpraiyze]

So i am nearing the half century mark, and really leaving my first love more and more, Revelation 2:3-4. Tire of hearing those blessed by God, with a great marriage, telling me how it is such a blessing to be single. I sure don't feel blessed with an overactive sex drive, and nothing I can do with it.

How do you keep that love and desire for God, when it seems like He just totally hates you? Really my prayer life is near death, I figure if I ask God for what I desire, He will just say no; since at my age it is quit apparent that marriage is out of the question, so now of late I have been seeing God as a killjoy to anything I desire.

I trusted Jesus in my youth, and yet if I ask anything in His name, I never find joy; John 16:24

Welcome to the forum Duggarfan

I hope you're still around. So do you want to be married or do you just want sex? If you're wanting to be married, what have you been doing toward that goal? Faith without works is dead, so what have you given God to work with? You're making God seem as if He's an enemy to you. Is that really how you see Him?

I do want to say if you're angry with God, He can handle it. Just don't stop talking to Him. I don't know how you've been praying. I know sometimes we're led to believe that we have to be formal but just talking to God and telling Him what's in your heart is prayer. Also there may be something you believe that God didn't say but is just a tradition of man. Know the difference. What you believe matters.

 

[Texas101]

Sorry about the misspellings. When I tried to edit, those darn pop up ads prevented me from making corrections. When I finally got back to this forum ,it was too late to edit my post

No problem with the misspellings. I'm an Engineer which means I didn't spell correctly until spell check came along.

 

[dayhiker]

Texas .. I can so relate to that!

 

[Annessa3]

Yes,I realize that you are trying to encouarge this brother. However,if all we need is God,then God would have had no need to create Eve. It was God who said,"It is not good for the man to be alone." The bottom line is that we men need a woman. We men just cannot live without a woman. But it seems that women do not need men.

Yes,we men do need Jesus,but we also need a woman. People have told me,"If you want a companion,get a dog!" I do not want a subsitute. I want the real thing.
That is like me saying that I want a Coke,and all I keep getting offered is a Diet Coke.

you don't NEED a woman, and yes, you can (and do) live without a woman.

However, if that is the singular purpose you have right now, you will not be happy. Time to shift the focus. Chillax and let God do His work in His time.
Phillipians 4:11-13