Domestic Discipline?

Caitlin.ann · Dec 14, 2009

While reading through other boards on this site I encountered a philosophy/lifestyle that I never have before. This of course, being Domestic Discipline. Of course this movement is primarily Christian by what I've found online, but it can pertain to other religions as well which is why I have not used the full term "Christian Domestic Discipline".

Honestly this sort of lifestyle is extremely foreign to me. My father never raised a hand to my mother, that I know of, and they each were equals. In a Domestic Discipline relationship, however, I can't fathom any sort of equality though I've heard many try to rationalize it.

I hope this conversation stays clean and friendly. I want to discuss your thoughts and opinions on Domestic Discipline in general. I do not wish to target Christians or Christianity, but the belief that it is okay and right for a husband to punish his wife either through spanking or other means.

What do ya'll think?

Here's the most extensive site I've found thus far on Domestic Discipline for reference purposes.
Christian Domestic Discipline

Skaloop · Dec 14, 2009

sacredsin said:
While reading through other boards on this site I encountered a philosophy/lifestyle that I never have before. This of course, being Domestic Discipline. Of course this movement is primarily Christian by what I've found online, but it can pertain to other religions as well which is why I have not used the full term "Christian Domestic Discipline".

Honestly this sort of lifestyle is extremely foreign to me. My father never raised a hand to my mother, that I know of, and they each were equals. In a Domestic Discipline relationship, however, I can't fathom any sort of equality though I've heard many try to rationalize it.

I hope this conversation stays clean and friendly. I want to discuss your thoughts and opinions on Domestic Discipline in general. I do not wish to target Christians or Christianity, but the belief that it is okay and right for a husband to punish his wife either through spanking or other means.

What do ya'll think?

Here's the most extensive site I've found thus far on Domestic Discipline for reference purposes.
Christian Domestic Discipline

Sounds a lot like a 24-hour Master/slave relationship that some in the BDSM community have. Kind of funny that two groups at opposite ends of the "Christian community" (for lack of a better term) have such a similarity.

I actually know someone in an M/s relationship, and the man is the boss on all matters. He can dictate what she does and when she does it, and he can punish her with spankings and other more BDSM-centric punishments.

However, she has her own freedom, as well. He does not make all of her decisions for her, and usually she makes her own. Also, she can refuse if he steps outside the pre-set boundaries they have established. For major issues that affect the both of them, she contributes to the decision.

They both entered into the relationship with informed consent, and they seem perfectly happy with their setup. So I can't say I have a problem with the basic idea. But it certainly does nudge open the door a little to become abusive.

*EDIT* Having read more of their website, I am less comfortable with CDD. For one thing, during the course of physical discipline (the spanking), the man is to continue despite any objections from his wife. In my friend's relationship, she is free, at any time, to put a stop to any discipline through the use of a safe word. The more I read about CDD, the more it rubs me the wrong way, but still, I wouldn't deny such a relationship to those who choose it, provided it is chosen and executed responsibly.

Autumnleaf · Dec 14, 2009

Sounds like how Muslims do it.

Caitlin.ann · Dec 14, 2009

I figured someone would mention Muslims eventually, but I'm not educated enough on Islam to make any sort of agreement or disagreement at this time.

Autumnleaf · Dec 14, 2009

sacredsin said:
I figured someone would mention Muslims eventually, but I'm not educated enough on Islam to make any sort of agreement or disagreement at this time.

The man calls the shots and the woman is seen and not heard in Muslim countries. It seems to work for them.

Skaloop · Dec 14, 2009

Autumnleaf said:
The man calls the shots and the woman is seen and not heard in Muslim countries. It seems to work for them.

Depends on what you mean by "work."

Autumnleaf · Dec 14, 2009

Skaloop said:
Depends on what you mean by "work."

They have more stable families than typical Christian Americans do, on balance.

HannahBanana · Dec 14, 2009

How did I know that AutumnLeaf would have something misogynistic to say in response to this thread?

In terms of domestic discipline, I think it's barbaric. There's no need for a man to lay hands on his wife, even if he's angry with her. As a woman, I hope no man treats me that way, because if he did, that would be a one-way ticket out of our relationship. Men should treat women with respect, and beating someone (or hurting them at all, whether it's physical abuse or mental abuse) is the exact opposite of respect.

Autumnleaf · Dec 14, 2009

HannahBanana said:
How did I know that AutumnLeaf would have something misogynistic to say in response to this thread?

In terms of domestic discipline, I think it's barbaric. There's no need for a man to lay hands on his wife, even if he's angry with her. As a woman, I hope no man treats me that way, because if he did, that would be a one-way ticket out of our relationship. Men should treat women with respect, and beating someone (or hurting them at all, whether it's physical abuse or mental abuse) is the exact opposite of respect.

You do love to shoot messengers.

Skaloop · Dec 14, 2009

Autumnleaf said:
They have more stable families than typical Christian Americans do, on balance.

is having a stable family more important than having a happy family?

keith99 · Dec 14, 2009

Skaloop said:
Sounds a lot like a 24-hour Master/slave relationship that some in the BDSM community have. Kind of funny that two groups at opposite ends of the "Christian community" (for lack of a better term) have such a similarity.

I actually know someone in an M/s relationship, and the man is the boss on all matters. He can dictate what she does and when she does it, and he can punish her with spankings and other more BDSM-centric punishments.

However, she has her own freedom, as well. He does not make all of her decisions for her, and usually she makes her own. Also, she can refuse if he steps outside the pre-set boundaries they have established. For major issues that affect the both of them, she contributes to the decision.

They both entered into the relationship with informed consent, and they seem perfectly happy with their setup. So I can't say I have a problem with the basic idea. But it certainly does nudge open the door a little to become abusive.

*EDIT* Having read more of their website, I am less comfortable with CDD. For one thing, during the course of physical discipline (the spanking), the man is to continue despite any objections from his wife. In my friend's relationship, she is free, at any time, to put a stop to any discipline through the use of a safe word. The more I read about CDD, the more it rubs me the wrong way, but still, I wouldn't deny such a relationship to those who choose it, provided it is chosen and executed responsibly.

I know many in the BDSM world. Relationships differ widely. Many dsilike safewords for many reasons. (The best in my opinion being it gives the top a false sense of security taht things are OK). That last points to the huge difference from what I have seen (mainly from the BDSM end). In the BDSM world the Master is very very concerned that the slaves needs are met. Not always, there is exploitive scum in any social group. One indication of thsi is that no safeword, no rights, no consideration is almost always something pushed for by the slave, not the Master in the BDSM world.

Of course there is one other huge difference between the BDSM workd and any of these christian counterparts. In the BDSM world just who is in charge is not determined by gender. Also in the BDSM world jsut who is in charge may not be obvious. Two men (Master and Slave) walk into a resturant, one picks up the menu and orders for both. Which is the Master? If you picked either you picked wrong. I believe this is from 'Ties that Bind' and it describes 2 different couples. In one it would have been the Master, in the other the slave. If yuo can figure out why the slave might be the one ordering then you probably have a better idea about how BDSM works than most.

Steezie · Dec 14, 2009

Spanking? Seriously? Most women I know would break their husband's/boyfriend's face for trying that outside the bedroom

Unequal power relationships are a seriously negative thing unless both parties are fully mature and ready to handle it. I dont really see the benefit of the kind of relationship mentioned in the OP's link.

I don't think it's necessarily more stable, burying what causes instability doesn't make it go away, it just makes it grow. I've found the best kind of relationship is a democratic one, where each member shares responsibility and decision making equally and over-riding the other's wishes in extreme cases.

I personally couldn't STAND a woman who didn't fight back a little. I love a feisty woman and I expect that if I'm being a jerk, she'll step up and say "Stop being such a jerk!" Then again I'm also polyamorous so trust and equitability is kind of a big thing for me.

david_x · Dec 14, 2009

sacredsin said:
While reading through other boards on this site I encountered a philosophy/lifestyle that I never have before. This of course, being Domestic Discipline. Of course this movement is primarily Christian by what I've found online, but it can pertain to other religions as well which is why I have not used the full term "Christian Domestic Discipline".

Honestly this sort of lifestyle is extremely foreign to me. My father never raised a hand to my mother, that I know of, and they each were equals. In a Domestic Discipline relationship, however, I can't fathom any sort of equality though I've heard many try to rationalize it.

I hope this conversation stays clean and friendly. I want to discuss your thoughts and opinions on Domestic Discipline in general. I do not wish to target Christians or Christianity, but the belief that it is okay and right for a husband to punish his wife either through spanking or other means.

What do ya'll think?

Here's the most extensive site I've found thus far on Domestic Discipline for reference purposes.
Christian Domestic Discipline

Wow, not sure about that... I know my school blocked that website.

It's not explicitly wrong, as long as both are in agreement. Otherwise it's abuse.

Autumnleaf · Dec 14, 2009

Skaloop said:
is having a stable family more important than having a happy family?

I recall a study showing they have happier families too, but don't quote me on that. Just because people follow the beat of a different drum than you does not mean they are unhappy or wrong.

Steezie · Dec 14, 2009

Autumnleaf said:
I recall a study showing they have happier families too, but don't quote me on that. Just because people follow the beat of a different drum than you does not mean they are unhappy or wrong.

Ok, there's marching to the beat of a different drum and SPANKING your wife because she burned your coffee.

Autumnleaf · Dec 14, 2009

Steezie said:
Ok, there's marching to the beat of a different drum and SPANKING your wife because she burned your coffee.

It sounds weird to me too. This thread is not one of mine...

keith99 · Dec 14, 2009

Steezie said:
Ok, there's marching to the beat of a different drum and SPANKING your wife because she burned your coffee.

I would never do that. But then in our home she is the only one who drinks coffee.

Autumnleaf · Dec 14, 2009

keith99 said:
I would never do that. But then in our home she is the only one who drinks coffee.

Does she spank you if you burn it?

Verv · Dec 14, 2009

sacredsin said:
While reading through other boards on this site I encountered a philosophy/lifestyle that I never have before. This of course, being Domestic Discipline. Of course this movement is primarily Christian by what I've found online, but it can pertain to other religions as well which is why I have not used the full term "Christian Domestic Discipline".

Honestly this sort of lifestyle is extremely foreign to me. My father never raised a hand to my mother, that I know of, and they each were equals. In a Domestic Discipline relationship, however, I can't fathom any sort of equality though I've heard many try to rationalize it.

I hope this conversation stays clean and friendly. I want to discuss your thoughts and opinions on Domestic Discipline in general. I do not wish to target Christians or Christianity, but the belief that it is okay and right for a husband to punish his wife either through spanking or other means.

What do ya'll think?

Here's the most extensive site I've found thus far on Domestic Discipline for reference purposes.
Christian Domestic Discipline

I am laughing at this one.

A man punishing an adult with spanking or other physical means?

Utterly ridiculous.

That is like saying women are as irrational as children and thus require being beaten.

david_x · Dec 14, 2009

Verv said:
I am laughing at this one.

A man punishing an adult with spanking or other physical means?

Utterly ridiculous.

That is like saying women are as irrational as children and thus require being beaten.

True, though I figure that they do it for the pleasure aspect of pain more than the corporal side.

Domestic Discipline?

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