Does This Anger You?

[abbygirlforever]

I don't know if it's just me or if most everybody who hears this gets upset.

I've struggled for a long time with depression, suicidal thoughts (although I have realized that Father won't let me kill myself), and cutting. Not a lot of people in my life know this. Of the ones who do, some gave me a certain piece of "advice" that drove me up the wall. They basically told me that I needed to get back to God, throw all my cares upon Him, start trusting God, etc. I'm sure most of you who've ever been depressed, etc., know what I'm talking about. I've also heard about how the body is a temple and I shouldn't cut because it's a sin, blah blah blah. I've had people lecture me all about depression and cutting when they've never even been down that road. I've had people offer to pray for me and then move on to the next person (not that there's anything wrong with praying, but as Christians we are commanded to act as well as pray). I've had people throw scriptures at me like bullets, looking down their noses at me and treating me like some dirty sinner who needs saving (and they are just the person to step in and save me).

That angers me in the extreme. My reaction is usually this: how dare they sit in judgement upon my life? How dare they sit there and tell me all about how bad of a Christian I am and how far away from God I am and tell me about how I need to get back to Him. They have no idea how I feel, what I think, or what my relationship with God is like, and they don't want to know. They don't seem to understand that I'm not asking for people to judge me, I'm asking for somebody to listen to me, to actually help me instead of offering shallow lip-service. I don't need a lecture, I need a friend who will help me even if he/she doesn't quite understand.

Am I the only one who feels this way? This is not a debate about whether or not cutting is a sin - that's a completely different subject. I'm talking about self-righteous "Christians" spouting off about something they don't understand. I don't mean to come across as ungrateful, but I've had enough condemnation and judgement poured upon my head to last a lifetime.

 

[Dummy Commando]

I agree. A lot of people think they know what it is like to suffer depression and to stuggle with cutting, whilst they have never actually been through it themselves. Unless you have experienced this personally they can only offer limited help cause they just don't know what it is like. While what they say has merit, i agree with you - there needs to be more love in the body of Christ (more action).

 

[Rosa Mystica]

I don't know if it's just me or if most everybody who hears this gets upset.

I've struggled for a long time with depression, suicidal thoughts (although I have realized that Father won't let me kill myself), and cutting. Not a lot of people in my life know this. Of the ones who do, some gave me a certain piece of "advice" that drove me up the wall. They basically told me that I needed to get back to God, throw all my cares upon Him, start trusting God, etc. I'm sure most of you who've ever been depressed, etc., know what I'm talking about. I've also heard about how the body is a temple and I shouldn't cut because it's a sin, blah blah blah. I've had people lecture me all about depression and cutting when they've never even been down that road. I've had people offer to pray for me and then move on to the next person (not that there's anything wrong with praying, but as Christians we are commanded to act as well as pray). I've had people throw scriptures at me like bullets, looking down their noses at me and treating me like some dirty sinner who needs saving (and they are just the person to step in and save me).

That angers me in the extreme. My reaction is usually this: how dare they sit in judgement upon my life? How dare they sit there and tell me all about how bad of a Christian I am and how far away from God I am and tell me about how I need to get back to Him. They have no idea how I feel, what I think, or what my relationship with God is like, and they don't want to know. They don't seem to understand that I'm not asking for people to judge me, I'm asking for somebody to listen to me, to actually help me instead of offering shallow lip-service. I don't need a lecture, I need a friend who will help me even if he/she doesn't quite understand.

Am I the only one who feels this way? This is not a debate about whether or not cutting is a sin - that's a completely different subject. I'm talking about self-righteous "Christians" spouting off about something they don't understand. I don't mean to come across as ungrateful, but I've had enough condemnation and judgement poured upon my head to last a lifetime.

I understand completely. I myself hate dealing w/ holier-than-thou types (both on and off CF).

I've never struggled w/ SI, but I have suffered from clinical depression and suicidal thoughts.

PM me if you like. I promise I won't judge you.

Rosa

 

[Vollkommen Warrior]

"I've had people lecture me all about depression and cutting when they've never even been down that road."

Abbygirlforever, you have ever right to be upset about these people. They have basically no idea what they are talking about even though they do mean well. God has put us in a time where in serious conditions such as these that we have medications to balance out the imbalance of chemicals that can make us do this. The nature of the disorder is really more physical than mental although counseling is important so that you can learn WHAT affects you negatively (like I have) and learn to avoid it in the furture. Between some missing chems and this pattern of thought it can lead us to a viscous cycle. Don't blame yourself as it is not your fault. I would suggest refusing to discuss the issue with these folks and get some counseling from a REPUTABLE and perhaps Christian counselor that does understand how the body and mind work AND understands the important of modern day medicine to aid these nasty cycles. You may not need meds at all or you may need to go on the for a while or maybe a long time. Some people are simply missing the needed checms to feel normal. Don't blame yourself totally. God Bless.

 

[bliz]

Well said!

I don't understand why so many Christians are so creeped out by "mental health" problems - many of which are actually physical problems. Ignore those who don't understnad and keep your distance from them until you are stronger.

Personally, it always encourages me to read the Psalms. While we of course do not know for certain, but I look at David and I see bi-polar! And look how God used him... and how God loved him!

 

[TheMainException]

you are so right, and although I cannot relate to being treated that way...I know that people act like that, and I know that it makes you feel horrid. PM me if you want to talk, if you want someone to listen. I'm a good listener, and I'll listen until my ears fall off.

 

[VivDaGurl]

That's very true and many people out there think that depression isn't something what a Christian should go through. I've encountered a few series of statements some people gave me when I was going through depression. This girl told me to go to another church because the church I'm attending is not going to bring me to anywhere and I have to be spiritually high for God. Anyway, I didn't follow what she said and I sticked back to the same church. Today, I'm feeling far much better!

Lately, when I went for a retreat of my own with another friend of mine. She told me, "You are too emotionally dependant. Try to be alone and don't talk about your problems with other people but to God and God alone. If you don't, you are not a complete person at all and you can't get a husband because you will tend to rely on the other man to be a complete person." She's a girl with no friends (she told me that she doesn't treat every body out there as her friends because they are not spiritual enough) and she always read a book. We do have to put God as our main focus but God also said that we should have fellowship with others.

There are many people out there think that as Christians, we shouldn't discuss with other people about our problems or any issues we encounter. I used to cut myself many times and I too have suicidal mind.

 

[abbygirlforever]

People need other people to function properly. Humans need other humans. God understands this; after all, He made us.

I believe that a woman is not complete without a husband, and a man is not complete without a wife. Not that there is anything wrong with being single, but I think we were meant to have a partner. After all, God said that "it is not good for man to be alone." That's why He created Eve for Adam. I think that God split the spirit into two beings, man and woman. That's why people refer to finding their partner as "finding their other half."

People who think that Christians shouldn't talk about their problems are very odd. After all, those people seem to want to talk about their problems. Why would Christians be any different? We are still human beings. Not talking about my feelings is usually what gets me into trouble in the first place.

This was a bit of a ramble, wasn't it?

 

[InTheFlame]

I'm not sure that this will help at all, but maybe understanding another's perspective will at least soften your anger when someone says something along these lines.

I'm terrible when someone's hurting. I FEEL their pain almost as a physical discomfort. It's hard to share their pain in that way... sometimes I worry that it will send me back down into depression (it's happened a couple of times). But most of all... it's uncomfortable, and it hurts. My instinctive reaction is to try and make it go away - to 'fix' it for the person so I'm not feeling uncomfortable anymore.

It takes a lot of courage, selflessness and spiritual strength, imo, to just listen to someone and be with them in their pain. Try not to be too hard on people who react the wrong way to your pain.

 

[Maharg]

hi Abbeygirl

I'm suffering from what I think is clinial depression at the moment, and I have realised that I have to be careful who I go to for support. Sometimes, though, I am so desperate that I just want to talk to anyone who will listen, even if I have only just met them. Some others really cannot cope with how you are feeling, though, and it doesn't mean that they don't care, it usually means that they really just do not understand.

I've had a well-meaning Christian friend who has said to me that she has gone through tough times, and she could have chosen to get depressed but she trusted in God's strength to help her through. She says she doesn't see that I'm doing myself any good being at home having a 'pity-party' when I could be at work doing something useful.

It feels as though she's stabbing me through the chest when she says things like this. My job was working with people with mental health problems and I cannot do it while I am depressed because I cannot tolerate listening to other people's pain and sharing it at the moment, as I have too much of my own. I've always been good at being a supportive listener and not offering too much advice, but I cannot do it at the moment. So I guess I'm on the other side at the moment, not being able to listen and empathise. I get angry with people not understanding me - it really upsets me, so I have had to start to be careful who I tell and how much I tell.

If you can, try to find yourself one or two Christian folk who can listen and support you; who know what it is like to feel so bad and who are not going to tell you or imply you are a bad Christian. I've developed a bit of a radar for people who I know can listen and support me, and am starting to work out who not to talk to as ewll.

It is a struggle. I'd love to think that all Christians understand, but they don't. Knowing that I am loved makes me feel better, but it's a tough journey realising that not everyone knows how to help.

Hope this helps a bit.

will say a prayer for you

 

[j_e_s_s_i_e]

yes i understand, i used to cut myself. and i still feel the same way about many things. i can't stand how people in my church treat me and look at mewhen i don't do thngs as they would, or don't believe everything they do. i believe in god, and in my opinion that is all that matters. in church i was taught not to judge others. everyone has different things going on in their lives, and needs support and encouragement to succeed in life. and i believe that is something you haven't been getting. i promise not to jusdge you and im here for you

 

[Amin]

I don't know if it's just me or if most everybody who hears this gets upset.

I've struggled for a long time with depression, suicidal thoughts (although I have realized that Father won't let me kill myself), and cutting. Not a lot of people in my life know this. Of the ones who do, some gave me a certain piece of "advice" that drove me up the wall. They basically told me that I needed to get back to God, throw all my cares upon Him, start trusting God, etc. I'm sure most of you who've ever been depressed, etc., know what I'm talking about. I've also heard about how the body is a temple and I shouldn't cut because it's a sin, blah blah blah. I've had people lecture me all about depression and cutting when they've never even been down that road. I've had people offer to pray for me and then move on to the next person (not that there's anything wrong with praying, but as Christians we are commanded to act as well as pray). I've had people throw scriptures at me like bullets, looking down their noses at me and treating me like some dirty sinner who needs saving (and they are just the person to step in and save me).

That angers me in the extreme. My reaction is usually this: how dare they sit in judgement upon my life? How dare they sit there and tell me all about how bad of a Christian I am and how far away from God I am and tell me about how I need to get back to Him. They have no idea how I feel, what I think, or what my relationship with God is like, and they don't want to know. They don't seem to understand that I'm not asking for people to judge me, I'm asking for somebody to listen to me, to actually help me instead of offering shallow lip-service. I don't need a lecture, I need a friend who will help me even if he/she doesn't quite understand.

Am I the only one who feels this way? This is not a debate about whether or not cutting is a sin - that's a completely different subject. I'm talking about self-righteous "Christians" spouting off about something they don't understand. I don't mean to come across as ungrateful, but I've had enough condemnation and judgement poured upon my head to last a lifetime.

Hi, How ya doing? I agree with you, people should not be looking down their noses at you.
If anything they should be trying to understand so they might be able to help you. The sad truth is, some christians
believe they're so righteous, they don't have time for someone who needs help.
As far as i'm concerned, those people are doing a far greater injustice to
christianity, than the person that needs help. The bible has definite answers as
to this very subject.The more mature christian is not to make someone who is weaker, feel inferior. It's just the opposite. They should accept you, and help you to grow, not cause you to have
wrong feelings about christians. I guess if i had one thing to say, it would be,
look for someone who won't act like that, but try to find someone who will try to understand and help as much as possible without being judgemental.
We are not to judge those who may not understand, or not be as mature of a christian than someone else. Sounds like you were in the wrong place, at the wrong time. Try and find someone who understands Gods' commands. Take Care, and i hope things work out for you.
Amin. ( short for the musical note,
A-minor.