I spent several years counseling thousands of people. There is no secret formula that makes everything better. There are many counselors who will offer to help you for money. You could actually stumble across one that could be helpful, but they are rather rare.
Many counseling sessions fail because they do not engage the man. This is often because he feels that the hurt he experienced is not fully appreciated. Counseling needs to begin in truth with an honest acknowledgment of hurt so that each person can feel that they are adequately understood.
Some counseling focuses on an almost accounting determination of fault. This is a little like an IRS audit and even less enjoyable. Fault and blame can be somewhat useful in determining who needs to participate in solving a problem but it is often used far beyond this limited function to exact more harm.
If you can get two people to the point where they both admit what they have done wrong and that they both have a desire to repair their marriage, you can reach the point where the work begins.
An example of lost trust can be seen if we consider a person who sits in a chair. In a lifetime a person will sit in a chair thousands of times. He almost never questions if the chair will fail. However, if he sits in a chair that suddenly falls apart and launches him towards the floor, his trust has been betrayed. It will be a while before he can so easily consider sitting in a chair without easing into it or testing it first.
Infidelity in a marriage is a greater breech of trust and results in far more pain. However, restoring trust will still take time and healing.
Here are some steps that can help restore a Christian marriage.
1. Immersion in the word. The Bible is more than a book of tips and tricks. It is the power of God and actively works in us. Jesus said that if we live in his word, we would be his disciples indeed and know the truth and the truth would set us free. Distance from the word often makes us vulnerable to the flesh and the world.
2. Trumping memory. When a recollection of betrayal and an echo of pain and hurt is felt, then is the time to make use of a counter image. We can consider the hurt we caused as well as the hurt of the entire world that Jesus paid for on the cross.
3. Switching financial systems. The Bible says that we should owe no one anything except a debt of love. Biblical love (1 Cor 13:4-7) is essentially selflessness. The book of Galatians contrasts the flesh with the Spirit. It is by the power of the Spirit that we can turn from our natural selfishness and walk in love (selflessness).
4. Copy a template. Find an older wiser Christian couple who clearly show the light and love of Jesus in their life and their love for each other. Ask them if they would help you build a strong marriage like they have and to know Jesus like they do.
5. Redefine failure. The world impresses us with a false idea of failure and success. A marriage like a life can seem successful because it has not been tried in a furnace of affliction. Those of us who have been driven by "failure" or calamity to cling solely to our Savior, find a deeper and richer Christian life than we ever would have chosen freely.
6. Grow in love. When a man can look at his wife and see her in terms of her needs such as her social need for friends, or her need for affection and reassurance, he is becoming mature because he thinks of other before himself. When a woman looks at her husband and sees him in terms of his needs such as not being nagged and being asked to make family decisions, she is also growing in selfless love.
7. Sacrifice and humility. In James chapter four we are told that God gives more grace to the humble. This is not so much a reward as it is an acknowledgment that unless we walk in truth (which can only bring us to humility) we are not in alignment with God and thus unable to receive more of his grace. People who are driven to the brink of suicide often find a peace because they have let go of all that was tormenting them. If a person can rest in the certainty of his Savior, he can let go of everything else, even his life. It is from such a point that we can show a deeper love for others.
We can see a little of the perspective of love when Paul writes the Philippians. We drifts off a little bit saying how much better it would be to be out of this world and with the Lord. Then he sort of shakes off this reverie and tells them it is better for their sakes that he remain.
Jesus is the best example of this type of self-sacrifice.
Philippians 2:3-7 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:
2 Corinthians 5:15 And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again.
If I can be of any help, feel free to PM me.