Does my disordered anger towards modernists, stem from mother wounds?

[JesusLovesOurLady]

I had a bad relation with my mother, she was weak, she always complained about every discomfort in her life. She was also very angry and unforgiving. This all left me quite messed up, and I have lot wounds from it. These wounds, are the primary reason why, I have such a devotion to Mary, I need her maternal love to heal my wounds from childhood, although, I'm now trying to move on, from that, and love her purely because the Lord, loves her so much.

Recently, I've had a lot of disordered anger towards modernists, now it is right to have a just, disinterested anger towards them, because of the damage they've done, I now know at least six (two of which include, my father and my brother), possibly seven ex-Catholics. Albeit, one of those ex-catholics is reverting to the faith, I don't know how far she's come, but I haven't seen her having any trouble so far. But coming back to my anger towards modernists, I tend to take the evil of the modernists too personally, I just get really angry when I think about them, their attitude, and what they've done.

Awhile ago, someone pointed out that I should be grateful, that I wasn't caught in their snares. That the Catholic Church was there for me all along, with her medicine to heal my from my sins. Now when that person suggested that, I immediately thought about Our Lady, and how she helped me. Our Heavenly Mother has really done a lot, she has led me really far in my journey, I'm really grateful for that. But that person was talking about Our Lady's Mystical Daughter, the Catholic Church, and after thinking about it for awhile, I've come realized, I haven't really thought about the Church as our mother.

Thinking of the Church as mother, is somewhat problematic for me because, not only did I not have good relationship with my mother, but I was also bullied a lot at school, and have a lot of social anxiety because of it. Thinking of the Church as both a mother and a Mystical Body, a Living Society, makes me uncomfortable because of my past wounds. But she is Our Lady's Mystical Daughter, so I have to try. But coming back to my main question, do you think, that I may be projecting my anger at my mother onto the modernists, and then confusing them with our mother church?

Also, do you have any advice for me, viewing the church as mother?

 

[Michie]

I had a bad relation with my mother, she was weak, she always complained about every discomfort in her life. She was also very angry and unforgiving. This all left me quite messed up, and I have lot wounds from it. These wounds, are the primary reason why, I have such a devotion to Mary, I need her maternal love to heal my wounds from childhood, although, I'm now trying to move on, from that, and love her purely because the Lord, loves her so much.

Recently, I've had a lot of disordered anger towards modernists, now it is right to have a just, disinterested anger towards them, because of the damage they've done, I now know at least six (two of which include, my father and my brother), possibly seven ex-Catholics. Albeit, one of those ex-catholics is reverting to the faith, I don't know how far she's come, but I haven't seen her having any trouble so far. But coming back to my anger towards modernists, I tend to take the evil of the modernists too personally, I just get really angry when I think about them, their attitude, and what they've done.

Awhile ago, someone pointed out that I should be grateful, that I wasn't caught in their snares. That the Catholic Church was there for me all along, with her medicine to heal my from my sins. Now when that person suggested that, I immediately thought about Our Lady, and how she helped me. Our Heavenly Mother has really done a lot, she has led me really far in my journey, I'm really grateful for that. But that person was talking about Our Lady's Mystical Daughter, the Catholic Church, and after thinking about it for awhile, I've come realized, I haven't really thought about the Church as our mother.

Thinking of the Church as mother, is somewhat problematic for me because, not only did I not have good relationship with my mother, but I was also bullied a lot at school, and have a lot of social anxiety because of it. Thinking of the Church as both a mother and a Mystical Body, a Living Society, makes me uncomfortable because of my past wounds. But she is Our Lady's Mystical Daughter, so I have to try. But coming back to my main question, do you think, that I may be projecting my anger at my mother onto the modernists, and then confusing them with our mother church?

Also, do you have any advice for me, viewing the church as mother?

I think it is projecting. I
Have always found it better to focus on self and less on others in my spiritual journey. I'm not quite sure what you mean when you speak of modernists. As long as one is following what the Church teaches and holding true to that seems to be the only thing that matters from point of view.

 

[Saint Beloved]

Even Christ chastized Peter when he inquired about John. Jesus calls us to follow Him our main focus is our growing relationship with Him.

I'd take time off from paying attention to those you consider less than worthy because at the end of the day it's not us who decide whose a goat or a sheep but the One we trust to be Just and True and the effort it takes to hold onto anger takes time away from prayer.

 

[tadoflamb]

When I signed up for RCIA, I didn't know if I had been baptized or no, so I called my mom. "Of course you are", she said. "Why, are you thinking of getting confirmed?" Two things: if I was already baptized, why didn't I know about it and why wasn't I churched, and how did she know about confirmation?

The answer to the first question would be my dad. He's a bit of a rebel and though my grandparents were good Methodists, he rejected Christianity. While my mom always just wanted to be a middle-class wife and mother, my dad was a bit of a revolutionary and though he claimed to be a feminist, stymied my mom quite a bit.

When I converted, I was pretty mad at my dad and disappointed with all the bad information he had given me, so I didn't talk to him for awhile while I processed it. I was pretty mad at liberals for a while. When I finally did tell him my conversion story he truly accepted it and he was relieved that I didn't think the was some sort of heathen. On my last visit we talked about religion quite a bit. It was nice.

My mom on the other hand was raised Catholic and saw something in me at my confirmation and wanted that sense of peace back as well, so the next year on Ash Wednesday, her birthday, she was welcomed back into the Church. We've spent every Easter together since and in a way it's helped us both heal from the dark days of my parents divorce. I feel really bad for what she went through. Divorce is no fun.

Once I was confirmed and had a chance to figure out protestants, I got pretty mad at them for a while as well, bet eventually figured out there isn't a lot of fruit in that. To me, Catholicism is more about an action towards Christ than a reaction against liberals or protestants or whatever.

In my early days of being a Catholic I would wonder a lot about the nurturing nature of the Church. I believe that earthly model follows the Heavenly model. and just as sperm moves and fertilizes an egg which is then nurtured within the mother, my spiritual life comes from the Father, through Jesus Christ, by the power of the Holy Spirit but is nurtured by my mother, the Church.

Often times we hear about the mystical Body of Christ, the Church (that's us) which is referred to in the masculine. We also hear the Church referred to as the Bride of Christ. What's going on here? Obviously there's some sort of marriage going on. I also sense that there is another mystical body, the Bride. So, who is the Bride? I believe she is the Virgin Mary. The first lines of Ephesians describe her perfectly.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,c who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavens, as he chose us in him, before the foundation of the world, to be holy and without blemish before him

The Great Apostle goes on to talk about Christ and His Bride, the Church but even he admits at the end that this is 'a great mystery'.

This goes beyond Catholic teaching but I believe the Church is the mystical body of the Blessed Mother. To take this analogy further, consider any Catholic church as her womb, and what do we find within that womb? The Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

 

[Phil 1:21]

Some helpful passages


Matthew 5:21-24

21 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.

23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you,24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.


Matthew 5:43-48

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

 

[JesusLovesOurLady]

When I signed up for RCIA, I didn't know if I had been baptized or no, so I called my mom. "Of course you are", she said. "Why, are you thinking of getting confirmed?" Two things: if I was already baptized, why didn't I know about it and why wasn't I churched, and how did she know about confirmation?

The answer to the first question would be my dad. He's a bit of a rebel and though my grandparents were good Methodists, he rejected Christianity. While my mom always just wanted to be a middle-class wife and mother, my dad was a bit of a revolutionary and though he claimed to be a feminist, stymied my mom quite a bit.

When I converted, I was pretty mad at my dad and disappointed with all the bad information he had given me, so I didn't talk to him for awhile while I processed it. I was pretty mad at liberals for a while. When I finally did tell him my conversion story he truly accepted it and he was relieved that I didn't think the was some sort of heathen. On my last visit we talked about religion quite a bit. It was nice.

My mom on the other hand was raised Catholic and saw something in me at my confirmation and wanted that sense of peace back as well, so the next year on Ash Wednesday, her birthday, she was welcomed back into the Church. We've spent every Easter together since and in a way it's helped us both heal from the dark days of my parents divorce. I feel really bad for what she went through. Divorce is no fun.

Once I was confirmed and had a chance to figure out protestants, I got pretty mad at them for a while as well, bet eventually figured out there isn't a lot of fruit in that. To me, Catholicism is more about an action towards Christ than a reaction against liberals or protestants or whatever.

Yes, I need to cling to my Mother more, and not worry so much, as long I cling to her, and remain under her mantle, I'll be safe:

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known, that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thy intercession, was left unaided.
Inspire with this confidence, I fly to thee I, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother.
To thee I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.
Amen
​

In my early days of being a Catholic I would wonder a lot about the nurturing nature of the Church. I believe that earthly model follows the Heavenly model. and just as sperm moves and fertilizes an egg which is then nurtured within the mother, my spiritual life comes from the Father, through Jesus Christ, by the power of the Holy Spirit but is nurtured by my mother, the Church.

Often times we hear about the mystical Body of Christ, the Church (that's us) which is referred to in the masculine. We also hear the Church referred to as the Bride of Christ. What's going on here? Obviously there's some sort of marriage going on. I also sense that there is another mystical body, the Bride. So, who is the Bride? I believe she is the Virgin Mary. The first lines of Ephesians describe her perfectly.



The Great Apostle goes on to talk about Christ and His Bride, the Church but even he admits at the end that this is 'a great mystery'.

This goes beyond Catholic teaching but I believe the Church is the mystical body of the Blessed Mother. To take this analogy further, consider any Catholic church as her womb, and what do we find within that womb? The Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

Yes, that does make a lot sense, in my 33-Day Marian Consecration readings, St. Louis de Montfort says a lot that points to this. Also, awhile ago, I was in a debate with Protestants, on Mary as the Living Ark of the Covenant, and one of the mistakes I made was getting caught up with the issue of the Woman in Revelations 12.

The Woman in Revelations 12 is obviously Mary, but all the Early Church Fathers say she's the Church, the Protestant, in question, claimed that she was Israel, so I ended up defending the Woman being the Church, instead of arguing for her being Mary, and disproving the Protestants claim of her being Israel.

This speculation of Mary being the Church, certainly helps explain the confusion of why, it took so long for any Saint to explicitly say, the Woman in Revelations 12 is Mary, I should consider this idea more.

 

[JesusLovesOurLady]

Some helpful passages


Matthew 5:21-24

21 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.

23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you,24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

Yes, I should try to overcome my anger and resentment more. I should pray to the Lord and His Beloved Mary, and ask them, to complete what is lacking in the forgiveness of my earthly mother, and others. I should also pray for the conversion of my mother and modernists, that they me seek refuge under her mantle.

By the way, I plan on buying that Douay-Rheims-Vulgate Latin-english Bible today. I will do my Bible read-through, as you suggested, but not for awhile, I still have a lot of other things to do first, before I get to it.