Does God want us to be happy in marriage

[dano488]

I heard from a preacher that we should desire difficult, hard, and painful marriages, because hey will build our perseverance and make us more like Christ. Being compatible and happy with your spouse could be a sin, rather, you should desire difficulty and strife on a daily basis to grow spiritually. Is this right?

 

[ProudMomxmany]

I heard from a preacher that we should desire difficult, hard, and painful marriages, because hey will build our perseverance and make us more like Christ. Being compatible and happy with your spouse could be a sin, rather, you should desire difficulty and strife on a daily basis to grow spiritually. Is this right?

NO!!!!! My beloved and I have been married almost 32 years. We RARELY "fight". We grow spiritually together day by day without strife, anger or any of that other mess. Don't know what preacher said that stuff but he is WRONG!!!!

 

[GodsGirlToday61]

I heard from a preacher that we should desire difficult, hard, and painful marriages, because hey will build our perseverance and make us more like Christ. Being compatible and happy with your spouse could be a sin, rather, you should desire difficulty and strife on a daily basis to grow spiritually. Is this right?

Put two persons together--for work, friendship, in a grocery line waiting to pay, getting on a bus at the same time (fill in the blank...), and there will 'naturally' be opportunity for 'difficult, hard and pain...'

Now, let's be clear that a man and a woman who are married--just married, so far, not Christian--and the 'natural' opportunities for 'difficult, hard and pain...' will not only be 'doubled' but because each person comes with stuff from their childhood, their schooling, their own friends, their own this and that including work experiences, PLUS what they expect from marriage, and this 'natural difficult, hard and painful' opportunity?

Going to multiply!!!

Now, we have a married couple who are truly trying to live Jesus' Gospel, you know, 'Sin, redeemed, love God with all they have in their minds, hearts, souls and bodies...' plus 'Love their neighbors as their own selves' and again, 'naturally a lot of difficult, hard and painful stuff will come up, hold them down, and so on',

so, does God want 'difficult, hard and painful experiences' for His children?

No.

Does God, however--knowing that 'naturally' there will be for this married couple 'difficult, hard and painful' coming up, holding them down... Does God therefore want what is best (Supernaturally, and eternally) for His children?

Yes.

So, God wants us to grow in The Fruits of the Spirit: Kindness, gentleness, self-discipline, humility, joy...'

To get the Fruits of the Spirit will require that we use the 'natural' difficulties for God's Glory, to encourage one another (in Christ), to use whatever gifts we have, are given like 'emissary, prophesy, healing...', again for God,

and that means AS Christ's Body, as 'Members' of Christ's Body.

Follow this through and we don't have to 'welcome' what is difficult, hard and painful into our marriage; it will come, so what we are to do is turn what is difficult, hard and painful toward obeying God and following Christ's example:

to the best of our limited (human) ability, knowing we can never be 'good' enough (the way we might like) because Jesus asked a disciple, 'Why do you call me good? Only my Father in Heaven is good.'

We need SUPERnatural help to obey God.
God IS Love.
We live in a Fallen World.
We have fleshly desires, temptations and stumbling blocks.

So, pray, listen to gospel music, do good in Christ's name every chance you get (to your spouse, FOR your spouse, a neighbor, an enemy--remember that part: Bless those who curse you?), and you'll see this:

You will SUPERnaturally grow in discipline; you will become humbled by the task; you will feel joy that God loves you; you will 'Be These Attitudes':

The Beatitudes (Matthew 5-7; pray and ask God to reveal each one to you; to make each one come alive in you, because you are a necessary part of Christ's Body):

Blessed are they who mourn for they shall be comforted:

Mourning sin; comforted by The Holy Spirit.

It just goes on and on: God's LOVE; God AS Love; our SUPERnatural response to God's Saving Grace.

***

See how I avoided talking about the preacher's sermon? I did the avoiding because I wasn't there to hear his words, to know the context, to hear the inflection in his voice; to remember whether or not he quoted from Scriptures, and if so, did he do so in what context...

But I can hear your confusion or concern, and as your Sister in Christ Jesus, I responded to that as God revealed to me what to share:

All things work together for good for those who love the Lord. (Count on it)

~ Carolyn

 

[iambren]

"I heard from a preacher that we should desire difficult, hard, and painful marriages,because hey will build our perseverance and make us more like Christ."

What a crock! Where does it teach that in scripture? Paul does warn that if you take up the married life there will be some difficulty but he doesn't PRAISE that difficulty.

I believe there is a kernal of truth that as we learn to be more selfless in marriage we are sanctified more. But I also think that of becoming a parent,maybe MORE!

 

[CounselorForChrist]

NO!!!!! My beloved and I have been married almost 32 years. We RARELY "fight". We grow spiritually together day by day without strife, anger or any of that other mess. Don't know what preacher said that stuff but he is WRONG!!!!

Lies, we all know marriage is horrible and no one can live happily married!

BTW being sarcastic lol. Not sure why so many people believe marriage means you can't be happy. People tend to tell me as a newly wed I don't realize how unhappy things might get later. To me thats messed up. It depends on the couple.

I know plenty of couples who are have been married for decades and are just as happy as when they first met. Me and my wife have not really had any fights. Only one or two misunderstandings because of the language barrier. Even then they weren't fights. Marriage is alot of work yes, but it doesn't mean you have t be constantly at each others throats.

Also being happy with your spouse is not a sin. Thats the most crazy thing I've heard. God wants you to be happy with your spouse, love them like Christ.

 

[Hetta]

I heard from a preacher that we should desire difficult, hard, and painful marriages, because hey will build our perseverance and make us more like Christ. Being compatible and happy with your spouse could be a sin, rather, you should desire difficulty and strife on a daily basis to grow spiritually. Is this right?

Good grief, no! Why would anyone marry with the expectation of difficulties, hardship or pain. For many, some of these things come anyway, unexpectedly, during the marriage - but marrying someone who you know will cause these things would be ridiculous.

Are you sure you didn't misunderstand him?

 

[dano488]

It makes sense, Christians are called to deny themselves, called to suffer. Maybe the more suffering you endure, the more you're following Christ. So if you have a difficult and painful marriage, you're more blessed.

 

[Hetta]

It makes sense, Christians are called to deny themselves, called to suffer. Maybe the more suffering you endure, the more you're following Christ. So if you have a difficult and painful marriage, you're more blessed.

So you are saying that those in a happy and joyful marriage are not blessed - when quite obviously they are? It just doesn't make sense. Nobody should deliberately choose a difficult marriage. BTW, Jesus doesn't tell us to "suffer more" to follow Him. He just says to follow Him.

 

[dano488]

Jesus calls us to deny ourselves and take up our crosses daily though, doesn't that imply we're called to daily suffering?

 

[Hetta]

Not really. I don't suffer daily - do you? If I don't suffer daily, should I go and find a way to suffer so that I can be godly? Hardly.

Ah, I just noted you are a Calvinist. Never mind. No point going any further.

 

[dano488]

what does my calvinism have to do with this?

 

[Hetta]

It is the way you think - entirely different. That's fine. If that's what you want to do to be more "holy" - entirely up to you, but the vast majority of people, 99.9%, do not go looking for trouble (looking for a painful and hard marriage) because they understand that quite often, trouble will come looking for them. Tell me, if you marry and you aren't pained and troubled every day - will you be disappointed in your marriage?

Your theology is confused imo. I don't see any place that God tells us to look for trouble - but just to understand that faith in Him can help us to overcome troubles that do come our way.

 

[dano488]

I just can't shake the sermon I heard, it bothered me, I'm engaged, and we want to honor God, but for some reason, it had me thinking we're too compatible

 

[Hetta]

OMW. You would give up a happy relationship because you think you should have a less happy one? I cannot see the point of that. You would hurt yourself and hurt your fiancée, and yes, you would probably then both have less happy marriages - but why? As a woman who has been married for a long time, let me say again that troubles will find you! They may not be serious, or they may be serious, and it is the way that you handle those troubles that define you. Not that you go looking for trouble! I don't know what more I can say to convince you. I consider mine to be a very good marriage, but we have had all kinds of griefs and hurts and troubles along the way that we surmounted. But I didn't go looking for trouble when I married my man. I married one who was good and honest and who suited me (and I suited him) and I feel NO regrets that I did not marry a man who had a history of trouble behind him and a future of trouble ahead.

Have you talked to your parents about this, or some kind of counselor? There must be someone who can set you straight.

 

[dano488]

marriage is about becoming like Jesus, not finding a compatible partner

 

[Hetta]

marriage is about becoming like Jesus, not finding a compatible partner

If that is your belief then we have nothing to discuss. But you are wrong - and if you go about your marriage like that, you will be looking for trouble.

Tell me, why come and ask married people for their opinions and then not be willing to listen to their opinions? Do you think that those of us married for 10-20-30 years have not learned anything to teach you?

 

[GodsGirlToday61]

marriage is about becoming like Jesus, not finding a compatible partner

Marriage is 'as one' in 'God'. Do you imagine that God is 'divided against Himself'?

Think about this, pray...

We are to pick up our cross and follow Jesus, and 'each of us' will have gifts (emissary, prophesy, teacher, steward...) to contribute as parts of Christ's Body, as members of Christ's body,

and we are to 'die to our selves', i.e. 'die to our sinful, natural natures', which is part of the 'Regeneration', and in a Christian marriage, where we become 'as one', it is a given that we 'choose' if we are already born again, that we choose a 'compatible', i.e. a fellow born again Christian as our marriage partner to best serve as parts of Christ's body.

As part of our 'taking up the cross to follow Christ', we will have the 'opposite' of the gifts of the spirit to work against (through the holy Spirit's intervention), and we will have the Fruits of the Spirits, as promised, as a result,

so malice, miserliness, pride, despair (keep going...) will be replaced by joy, by generosity, by humility and joy (and more!) as we 'become regenerated'.

Do you see anywhere in the Fruits of the Spirit for deliberately choosing to be UNequally yoked? Anywhere for INcompatible, on purpose, as 'one in Christ'?

I can see how you might feel disturbed or thoughtful or concerned about something you hear in a sermon; I feel that way, often enough:

Then I go to prayer, straight to God, in humility, with patience, listening as a child listens to her Father for what He tells me about what is a stumbling block for me, and at no time does our Loving Father tell us to 'choose', or 'lament' the blessing of a 'Spiritually compatible spouse'.

If, on the other hand, you are wondering if your 'natural sins' are too compatible, i.e. likely to result in complacency, in malice, in pride, in despair DOUBLED, then I suggest, all the more that you take this concern to our Heavenly Father, put this burden at Christ's feet, right at the bottom of The Cross, and with humility and as much faith as you have, listen...

God will reveal what you need, not what you want--what you need to hear, and from there, what you need to do--or not do, because 'All things work together for good for those who love the Lord.'

~ Carolyn

P.S. I don't check threads regularly, so if you want to PM me, please do.

 

[ProudMomxmany]

marriage is about becoming like Jesus, not finding a compatible partner

There are plenty of opportunities to become like Jesus in the context of a peaceable, compatible marriage. The vows are "better, worse, richer, poorer, sickness and health"...there's plenty of all of those in a marriage. There's struggle, occasionally strife, there's all sorts of things in a marriage WITH a compatible partner that can grow you, stretch you, teach you lessons.

BUT...this rubbish that some preacher said (which I'd love to verify) is WRONG!!!!

 

[mkgal1]

Marriage is 'as one' in 'God'. Do you imagine that God is 'divided against Himself'?

Exactly.

 

[ValleyGal]

I did not read everything in the thread, but skimmed a few posts. Here's my take. Yes, marriage is more about making us holy than making us happy. But that is not to say we cannot be happy IN our holiness.

Imagine this. Imagine you are married to someone who is 100% selfish, and only appears to be unselfish - those are the times that being unselfish will ultimately result in gain for self. Imagine this person buys you gifts that s/he wants rather than what they think YOU want. Imagine always being the one to have to apologize - even for things that are not your fault. Imagine having to always give up what you want and need because their want or need is more important. Imagine never being complimented, never receiving affection unless it is expected to lead to sex, always being put down, always being last, not good enough. It's easy enough to think of this as in a little while - a week, a month, or even a year if you're really selfless. But imagine this for a decade, two, no, five decades! Uh...no.

While marriage is about learning godliness and service and self-sacrifice and selflessness, it is also about receiving those very things. The marriage relationship is akin to the relationship Jesus has with the church. Yes, he laid down his life for her just as we need to do with our spouse. But Jesus also receives love from us, service, adoration, etc. Relationships are bilateral - give and take.

Marriage in its own right will offer many opportunities for you to learn selflessness, sacrifice and service, but it will also offer those same opportunities for your spouse! Don't go looking to make it any harder than it already is - becoming one is a process, and sometimes a grueling process that is painful and costly. But when you recognize that your spouse also does these things for you, it creates security and significance - both key factors in commitment. If you do not receive care from your spouse, you will eventually feel insignificant, and that will damage the marriage commitment.

Your pursuit of holiness is good....but that does not mean you should seek out difficult circumstances to accomplish that goal. Jesus is the only way we can pursue holiness, and we can live that out in our marriages....but a holy life is a happy life! And does not have to be marked with deliberate self-inflicted conflict or strife.