Does God expect us to be actively looking?

[GreatistheLord]

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to start a debate based on predestination etc. I was brought up thinking that everything would "fall into my lap" when God so desired it. But now I've started questioning how much control do I have over my life partner.
Maybe for some, there is only one person, and they will meet them regardless of what they do, but for others, is God urging us on to make the right choices, and He's there giving us opportunities that we sometimes miss because there was no magical explosion or "sign".

Sometimes I wonder if God is hitting His head against a wall in heaven because I keep on asking, and He is saying "Just go ahead, it's human nature to follow the impulses in your heart. Step out in faith!". You may think by now that I am/have been super spiritual in this matter. Maybe I am one of those that just has to wait for God to move His hand.

 

[covenantwmn]

Dunno, struggle with this myself. I do think if someone's right there in front of you that has possibilities, you have to step out a bit, it will be clear soon enough if they are interested or not and you can go from there. But on the whole, i'm not really sure. I live in a small-ish town, and would rely on meeting someone in church, there's really only one single guy my age around, so there ya go. Maybe we do have to be pro-active, not sure.

 

[INFJ]

Hello there friend,
I totally see it like this...God has someone special picked out for us and no matter where we are or waht were are doing we WILL meet that special someone. IT IS ALL in Gods timing. We have to have faith in that and lean on it!

Good luck! I hope this helps sister! God bless

 

[faithgoeson]

God helps those who help themselves sometimes. The best thing to do is pray about the whole situation. I waited the last few years in hopes that the Lord would just cause my future mate to fall into my lap. All that got me was loneliness and a few years older. Now, I felt called to go online to one particular website. I've felt the need to do this for some time, but didn't. Since I finally did, I'm meeting some great people. If I didn't actually DO something, I'd probabaly be single forever. I think it depends on your own individual relationship with God and the opposite sex really.

 

[nb37]

Well I don't know. For women I don't think that women should be actively looking, but in the word in Proverbs it does say that a "man that findeth a wife, finds a good thing." You can't find something if you're not looking. But then I keep hearing whether you are man or woman let God send you the "one." So as far as men I just don't know, I have that one scripture to suggest that men should seek, but I really don't think women should.

 

[faithopelove]

I agree with nb37. Issac sought Rebecka, Jacob really sought after Rachel. I think we women have ways of giving Men the green light to court us. I believe God causes our paths to cross with suitable mates, and in some cases he'll even lead us to a particular person, but we still have to take that step of faith to get things started.

 

[Jenster]

I agree too, that the women need to make themselves available. That does take some effort. It's easier to sit at home!

Here's my dilemma. I'm on an online dating service, but I can't decide when to respond to a man's wink. I guess I should pray about each and every one. It's hard to know based on what little is in a profile, you know?

 

[faithopelove]

Definitely pray and then respond to any that you even barely think God may be leading you to. I believe God will honor your faith. And then let us know how it goes .

 

[Deliberatetourist]

Definitely pray and then respond to any that you even barely think God may be leading you to. I believe God will honor your faith. And then let us know how it goes .

Do what you want to do. If you are sick of being single then get out and start looking. As for the women not taking the innitiative...wasn't it Ruth who fixed herself up and visited Boaz in his field that night?

 

[overit]

I don't know....I never "actively looked" for anyone I dated. If I sensed a mutual interest I have given "signs" and friendly chat or looks/smile to help initiate the contact and show them I'm receptive but that's all.

Only once did I get very very bold...but I knew he was interested, he was just taking his time w/the approach so I helped him out. No, I'm not saying what I said becaues I'm mortified when I remember....needless to say he loved it though and him/friends still till this day tease me about it and laugh and say it's the coolest thing a girl could have done. I half laugh/blush about it myself now.

 

[Heart of a Seeker]

I think it's a lot of work and I'm new at it...

 

[Jenster]

Definitely pray and then respond to any that you even barely think God may be leading you to. I believe God will honor your faith. And then let us know how it goes .

Thanks, faithopelove!

 

[Radagast]

I was brought up thinking that everything would "fall into my lap" when God so desired it.

Hey, I believe in predestination and in God's plan too, but my pay cheque doesn't fall into my lap without me working for it -- why should I expect a wife to do so?

Well I don't know. For women I don't think that women should be actively looking, but in the word in Proverbs it does say that a "man that findeth a wife, finds a good thing." You can't find something if you're not looking.

Good verse!

Of course, as Jenster says, that doesn't mean that women should completely hide themselves from whoever might be looking.

 

[smiledaily]

Not really sure on this topic, but my mom told me once that I wasn't going to find anyone while sitting at home staring at the four walls in my living room.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

my mum actively looks. she seems to find dates galore but not the 'right guy' (although it seems the man she's been seeing since May is a decent prospect)

me.....actively seeking only reinforces any negative feelings i have about myself. i'm not what men are looking for...tall, thin, pretty, brainless, a good cook.

 

[OhhJim]

I think that if you want to do things the Biblical way, you should leave it in the hands of your parents, and let them be the ones who decide who you marry. After all, the Bible says to honor and obey your parents. It would ensure that you are obeying God, as God can work through your parents. Or, if your parents are dead, let your pastor decide, he's going to let God lead him, right?

Or, you could draw lots, that has a solid Biblical base. There are several instances in the Bible where drawing lots has revealed the truth.

Or, you could do like Abraham's servant, (Gen. 24) and make up a bizarre requirement, and accept that the first one who meets that requirement is the one God has for you.

There are lots of ways to do it, and still claim that you are doing it "the way God wants".

 

[Jenster]

There are several instances in the Bible where drawing lots has revealed the truth.

With my luck, I'll end up with the shortest stick!

 

[eatenbylocusts]

Cloud wrote in How to find a date worth keeping, that unless you're going to date the fedex or UPS person you'd better do something about your dating situation. Of course, that's assuming your church or work environment is like mine with about zero prospects.

I was bold and let a guy know at a single's group that I was interested in getting to know him. By the way I had kept finding him staring at me, I thought it was a safe bet. Apparently there was some other reason he was staring at me for months and I bombed badly. Perhaps that is why he is still single at 47? Never again.

 

[OhhJim]

I was bold and let a guy know at a single's group that I was interested in getting to know him. By the way I had kept finding him staring at me, I thought it was a safe bet. Apparently there was some other reason he was staring at me for months and I bombed badly. Perhaps that is why he is still single at 47? Never again.

In my humble opinion, letting a man know you're interested works best when he doesn't know you are around. If he keeps staring at you, but doesn't approach, then he knows you are there, but is too...something...to talk to you. If a 47-year-old man doesn't know how to approach a woman he's interested in, there's a major problem. Next time a man stares at you, hold his gaze for 5 seconds and smile. If that doesn't get him off the dime, you probably don't want to get to know him better.

 

[nb37]

In my humble opinion, letting a man know you're interested works best when he doesn't know you are around. If he keeps staring at you, but doesn't approach, then he knows you are there, but is too...something...to talk to you. If a 47-year-old man doesn't know how to approach a woman he's interested in, there's a major problem. Next time a man stares at you, hold his gaze for 5 seconds and smile. If that doesn't get him off the dime, you probably don't want to get to know him better.

So true!