Does Biology Matter?

[Shattered-Reflections]

No wrong or right here, just looking for discussion.

Since children have been on topic...

Dose it matter to you if the child you are raising is biologically yours? Dose it make a difference or are children just children to be loved and brought up with goodness? If you want your own offspring rather than another, do you know why? If the opposite why is that?

I don't think I have ever publically voiced my full personal view on this, since I feel it will be met with disappointment or ridicule. I don't remember dreaming of having children only the desire to have a better family. Infants have always been awkward and unappealing to me, if not downright off-putting. Pregnancy sounds like a painful and unpleasant sentence (too put it nicely). But I like little kids and for some reason they really like me and I do have a desire to teach and instill goodness. When I was 15 I meet a family from church who adopted two girls from China, I was around them a lot and I adored them so. Ever since I wanted to adopt. I see there are so many children without families it doesn't make sense to have my own. I have never understood the desire others have to have their own children. I don't think that's bad, but I literally don't get it. I don't know if it's because my experience with my little sister was that unpleasant, or because I realize my offspring might be like others in my family, or I just lack something as a woman -- but being open to have my own children has been a struggle. It's something I'm trying to accept because I realize most don't want to adopt when there's nothing physically wrong. It seems a bit unfair for them and finding someone who feels the same seems unlikely. Anyhow that's my view. To me children are children, who they are raised to be matters more than their origins.

 

[Neve]

Dose it matter to you if the child you are raising is biologically yours? Dose it make a difference or are children just children to be loved and brought up with goodness? If you want your own offspring rather than another, do you know why? If the opposite why is that?

Legally and financially, it's just easier to have your own child. It's a lot less paperwork and red tape than adopting. It's also cheaper.

However, if for some reason, it's not physically possible or it poses a risk of some kind, I'm completely open to adoption as well.

 

[iambren]

I once had a step-daughter that I loved almost as much as if she was my own. I think there is an extra power or cement in that DNA bond however.

 

[Waddler]

I think folks who raise children--biological or not--do a noble thing. However, I don't think you're missing anything if you don't have a desire to have children. I don't believe there is anything wrong with you if you want to be married, but not have children. Yes, God said--to Adam and Eve and to Noah's children--be fruitful and increase in number. That does not mean that we, in this modern world, need to follow that same demand.

There are, give or take, twenty references to being fruitful and multiplying in Scripture. All of them refer to specific situations, where a command was given to a person to fill the Earth because there was no one else on it at the time (Adam and Noah's kids), or to fill a specific location with people (as in a nation). I cannot find a command for us today that demands we must have children.

Secondly, I believe there more than enough children on this planet without parents that each family could adopt one, and there would likely be more orphans in need of a home left over. I can't verify that as fact, of course, but for those who want children, adoption is an option. I personally believe that wanting to have your own children (biologically) is fine, but I also believe parents should be encouraged to adopt.

I share your view, Shattered Reflections, that children are children, and all should have the opportunity to grow up under good parents. There are couples who are called to be married, but who would not make good parents. There are families who are not called to adopt, and yet they have their own children. There are families who are not called to have their own kids and adopt instead. All of these are fine, and I honestly wish many who support having kids would stop preaching that having children is a demand from God. Of course, not everyone who supports having children preaches that message; that much should be obvious.

 

[Shattered-Reflections]

Legally and financially, it's just easier to have your own child. It's a lot less paperwork and red tape than adopting. It's also cheaper.

Good point.

I research adoption every once in awhile so I know there are a lot of expenses and the government's involvement is only getting worse as the years go on. So counter productive...
It may just be a dream for me.

 

[Niels]

Edit: If I have children someday, I'd prefer them to be my own. If they're anything like the kind of woman I'd marry, or anything like my relatives, then they'll probably be good kids. Although I do care about the plight of adoptable children, I don't envision myself raising somebody else's.

 

[Jupiter Drops]

Dose it matter to you if the child you are raising is biologically yours?

It would matter to me. As much as I don't want to give birth to another mini-me, I would still like to give him/her a good life.

Adoption makes me feel iffy nowadays.

Dose it make a difference or are children just children to be loved and brought up with goodness?

Does what make a difference?
I think that all children are born to be filled with love, joy, and education. It does make a difference to the world if you raise your kid to be good.

If you want your own offspring rather than another, do you know why? If the opposite why is that?

I'm not sure why I would want my own rather than opting out for adoption. Maybe it's just the way I am?

 

[KitKatMatt]

I don't think it matters, no.

I don't understand when people say "it's not the same", to be honest. Maybe it's because I make bonds differently than other people?

I don't have children and don't think I ever will. If I ever decided to raise a child, though, I would definitely adopt (I have genetic diseases I don't want to spread and there are so many children who need homes already).

I also don't like being around very small children, and would most likely fair much better with a slightly older child.

But in terms of bonds... I bond with everyone very strongly, no matter how they're related to me or if they're related at all. I don't see how blood matters at all. We are all human beings and are all together in that way.

 

[AztecSDSU]

Good point.

I research adoption every once in awhile so I know there are a lot of expenses and the government's involvement is only getting worse as the years go on. So counter productive...
It may just be a dream for me.

The red tape hasn't changed very much, but of the 250,000 or so kids in foster care right now only a very small number of them are actually available for adoption. Most of them have parents whose rights haven't been terminated by the state, and the end goal is that those children will go back to their parents' care (and many of them do).
When the cold war ended a lot of people adopted out of eastern Europe because they could for the first time, but at this point there aren't many children left there either and as the economic situation has improved most former Soviet bloc countries prefer to place children at home rather than sending them to the west.

I do think biology matters, even to people that want to adopt. There are a lot of kids available in Asia and Africa, but those aren't popular adoption centers for westerners. I think the reality of that is because people want their own kids, and failing that, they at least want kids that others around them will assume are their biological children.

 

[Keri]

If I ever choose to have children, I would want it to be mine biologically, but I don't particularly want to carry or birth it. So I guess I'd have to make enough money to allow for this situation to occur. I think it depends on the person I'm with.

With that said, if I meet someone with children, I would do my best to raise them as my own.

 

[Messy]

I think folks who raise children--biological or not--do a noble thing.

People who adopt do a noble thing, I knew one guy and he had a brother they adopted from I don't know which country, he was disabled.
I Always watched a show of children who grew old and wanted to meet their biological parents. A lot of times they had a nice bond with the step parents and were friendly, but some had real issues because of the adoption and weren't very greatful to the ones that raised them.

 

[Gnarwhal]

When I went to Uganda in 2006, I encountered a lot of orphans. There was one little boy at the time who I thought was just adorable, he was probably three. Ever since then I've wanted to adopt a little Ugandan child, but one of my companions told me the Ugandan government wasn't allowing children to be adopted by foreigners. That seemed terrible to me because the country has over two million orphans from HIV/AIDS and the civil war against the LRA. Maybe one day they'll open it up to foreigners and I'll be able to.

I don't want to become a parent until I'm in my 30's anyway, and truthfully the idea of adopting a kid is more compelling to me than having my own. There are just so many kids out there suffering in unjust circumstances without parents that I would feel completely irresponsible if I didn't open my home to them first before bringing another kid into the world.

 

[Paulie079]

Before I read the OP I was anticipating another science vs. the Bible type of discussion

I would love the idea of having a biological child, but the opportunity to father any child would be an unbelievable blessing. My grandparents had 6 children of their own and adopted 5--4 Korean girls and 1 African American boy. They are still a couple of my heroes largely because of that.
I also know several other families who have adopted--two different families who each adopted a child from Ethiopia, one family who just adopted a boy and a girl from China, another family who adopted a child from China, a family who adopted a boy from Russia and one from the U.S. There's also a married couple at my church who were each adopted as children and have now adopted a daughter.

It seems like a bit of a heart-wrenching experience because it is so drawn out and because there is so much red tape, as Neve already mentioned, but it would be completely worth it to me. It's something I know that I would love to do someday.

 

[Miss Spaulding]

Yes, biology matters to me. I personally would prefer having my own biological children, and if it should be that I'm unable to conceive children of my own, then...I honestly don't believe I would be interested in adoption. I'd probably just have pets for the rest of my life. This is one of those things that I don't readily admit very often as it makes me sound.......indifferent to orphans? Unloving? Hard-hearted perhaps? ...And I'm not. I simply don't believe that adoption is for everyone and I feel that it is not for me.

I know many people who have adopted children. Babies, small children, and even teenagers. American and foreign. One even has a disability. And even one of my brother-in-laws was adopted himself. I see the beauty and importance of adoption and I commend every person who has adopted and is able to love that child as if he/she were their own biological offspring. So my belief that adoption is not for me does not stem from any sort of negative opinion I have of it.

I battle a lack of a maternal instinct enough to know that I would not be able to love (in the necessary and essential motherly way) an adopted child as if it were really my own. ...That sounds so disgustingly heartless...but I don't mean it like that and it is simply a fact that I cannot help. I'm sorry if some of y'all think I'm a horrible and heartless wench now. :-/

 

[Messy]

Yes, biology matters to me. I personally would prefer having my own biological children, and if it should be that I'm unable to conceive children of my own, then...I honestly don't believe I would be interested in adoption. I'd probably just have pets for the rest of my life. This is one of those things that I don't readily admit very often as it makes me sound.......indifferent to orphans? Unloving? Hard-hearted perhaps? ...And I'm not. I simply don't believe that adoption is for everyone and I feel that it is not for me.

I know many people who have adopted children. Babies, small children, and even teenagers. American and foreign. One even has a disability. And even one of my brother-in-laws was adopted himself. I see the beauty and importance of adoption and I commend every person who has adopted and is able to love that child as if he/she were their own biological offspring. So my belief that adoption is not for me does not stem from any sort of negative opinion I have of it.

I battle a lack of a maternal instinct enough to know that I would not be able to love (in the necessary and essential motherly way) an adopted child as if it were really my own. ...That sounds so disgustingly heartless...but I don't mean it like that and it is simply a fact that I cannot help. I'm sorry if some of y'all think I'm a horrible and heartless wench now. :-/

I'm surprised that so many here want to adopt. I had never even considered it to be honest. I'd like to sponsor one in Africa, just give money and that's it.

 

[Gnarwhal]

I respect people that are honest about where they see their limitations, there's nothing wrong with that. I think it would be worse if a person felt social pressure to adopt, but knew all along they wouldn't do well at it and ended up being an inadequate parent to the adopted kid.

In some cases, I think the plight of orphans in other countries is... intangible... to a lot of us in western society. That's not to say that anybody's mind would be changed if they met an orphan in the flesh, but I think he attitude of throwing money at it kind of diminishes their situation to a degree.

 

[Shattered-Reflections]

I battle a lack of a maternal instinct enough to know that I would not be able to love (in the necessary and essential motherly way) an adopted child as if it were really my own. ...That sounds so disgustingly heartless...but I don't mean it like that and it is simply a fact that I cannot help. I'm sorry if some of y'all think I'm a horrible and heartless wench now. :-/

I don't have those maternal instincts for infants so I completely understand. Mother's are suppose to have a bond with their own Infants because of hormones so I understand why you feel that would be the best option So I really do not view you as heartless and I hope no one else does ♡

 

[Shattered-Reflections]

I'm surprised that so many here want to adopt. I had never even considered it to be honest. I'd like to sponsor one in Africa, just give money and that's it.

I haven't researched it, but there is a need there. If someone can give to a child or children organization so they can have a chance to improve themselves in their own cultural and in turn improve their cultural I see that as a win