Does anyone fear....being alone??

[Chosen4Greatness]

I have been married for a year and dating my husband for 9 years. Well, it is over. He has decided that there are other things in his life that are more important then me and I cant live with that.

Well, the reason I am posting is because I am 25 and scared to death that I will not find the man God REALLY wants for me. I mean, It is all is God's timing, but it still scares me.

Does anyone else feel this wat sometimes???

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

Of course girl. Though not necissarily the man for me, but if God wills, then I'll go with it

Seriously, a lot of the loneliness is down to simple momentum from long-term relationship (i was married for 10 years till 3 months ago). It's tough, but learn to appreciate friendships, allow those to give you the intimacy you crave. Male or female. I dont mean this is any vulgar way, just open honest conversation and friendships can realy tip the balance when it comes to that particular loneliness. I know it does for me.

I'm nearly at the point where I'm comfortable in my skin now, where I'm happy to watch a dvd on my own after the kids are in bed. But it isnt whole yet, and some of us maybe never find it entirely. But God is gracious and so we need to be gracious with ourselves.

PM people around CF too, some of them are realy handy in a tight spot!!!

Smile, if you can't turn the world upsidedown, rather than your frown!

 

[faith177]

I am newly separated 3 weeks and the lonliness is hard. I do pull on friendships phoning people when I am lonely but they are not available at all times and I have to go through the grieving sometimes alone. The people in my life that have been through it all tell me the bad, sad feelings go away. The two main people that went through separations say that they are much happier in their lives now. So I hold on to that, there are good days and bad ones but I believe it will get better. Feel free to im me anytime

 

[Chosen4Greatness]

Thanks guys. I feel better. I guess we are going to have to help eachother through this. I am going to be ok, I know I will, but in the beginning it is so very hard. Thanks guys...I will be Pm-ing you.

 

[madison1101]

I was married for 25 years, till six years ago. I have been alone since then. I was afraid, terrified, that I would spend the rest of my life alone, till a year ago. It was then that I decided that God would be my husband, and be the love of my life, till He decided to share me with a man. I also decided that if God decided not to share me with anyone, that was okay too, because God is the best husband I could ever want.

Work on your relationship with the Lord for now. Let Him heal you and love you the way you deserve.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[deliciousBass]

I have been separated five months today and I have to say, it DOES get much easier. I look back and I'm thankful that I'm past that initial intense loneliness now. After a while, you get quite comfortable being alone. I'm not saying that the loneliness will disappear completely, heck, you can feel alone even while married. But God has a plan for you and in the long run, if this is meant to be, I believe your life will improve.

Please, take the necessary steps to better yourself and heal. With God's help and time, you will be okay.

Irv

 

[tryingtobeagain]

The loneliness does go away, but I do understand what you mean by wondering if you'll ever meet a good man. I've made some really bad decisions regarding men in the past but I've grown alot from my husband leaving me. I've decided that I will look for people who can offer good mature company and if I find a man who can offer that, we can become closer friends but I'm not willing to get involved in an intimate relationship right now and probably won't be able to for a long time so I'm not focusing on it. Try to keep yourself busy. I'm volunteering and working on hobbies alot, and I also have a friend and her kids staying with me right now so that helps alot too. I will pray for you.

 

[Chosen4Greatness]

I have been keeping very busy. I am at church a lot and I reqlly like being there. There is something about being in the house of God that makes you feel at peace. There are things that I look forward to in the time to come. I am learning a lot about myself. Being a pastors child I grew up with Christ being my Rock and even before I got married I have seen Him as my husband so this is not really a problem for me.

What I feel is that I am 25, young and I have always wanted a family, someone to worship with and pray with. I guess you can say that the 'physical' desire for companionship is what I miss/would want eventually.

I know I have to heal and I know I have to make Christ my all...I have done that already. I just wanted to know if anyone else felt the way I do sometimes.

 

[Idahofroggie]

I so understand! Feel free to PM me sometime too! God is great! I've been personally using this time to really get to know God and his mercies. If you want someone new to chat with, let me know.

 

[Gimpy]

Of course I was afraid and very lonely at first, but now I enjoy it. Sure, I get lonely sometimes but it soon passes. It will be OK

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

Agreed.
It's called finding yourself or being "happy in yer skin".
I benefit greatly from having "girlfriends" whom i see or phone or text or msn or whatever. My boyfriends help too, but sometimes u just need to know someone else feels this stuff who can also give u hope for the opposite sex!

I talk to the stars a lot too. As a single dad with a fairly absent ex, I'm in a lot at night so the backgarden is an easy escape for an hour when kiddies are tucked up tight. I guess you might say God is in the garden, but we all know God is right here, just nice to declutter sometimes, eh?

 

[4Christ2]

Ditto to all the above sister. My 25 year marriage ended a little over a year ago. I have grown to know the Lord like never before and I'm loving my new relationship with Him. He has a plan for your life independent of your husband. For me, He is moving me into ministry to uphold His Kingdom on earth by preaching the gospel of "no remarriage" after divorce. Not a popular place to be in this world, but my obedience is to HIM and Him alone.

So, I'll say this...God calls remarriage after divorce adultery. He also tells us that no adulterer(ess) shall enter the Kingdom of God. Seek Him and see what He needs for you to do for the Kingdom. There is so much to be done and so many are deceived regarding the issues of marriage/divorce/remarriage. Many will perish because they have been deceived by the ruler of this world.

Truth in Him, Sis 4C

 

[Chosen4Greatness]

Ditto to all the above sister. My 25 year marriage ended a little over a year ago. I have grown to know the Lord like never before and I'm loving my new relationship with Him. He has a plan for your life independent of your husband. For me, He is moving me into ministry to uphold His Kingdom on earth by preaching the gospel of "no remarriage" after divorce. Not a popular place to be in this world, but my obedience is to HIM and Him alone.

So, I'll say this...God calls remarriage after divorce adultery. He also tells us that no adulterer(ess) shall enter the Kingdom of God. Seek Him and see what He needs for you to do for the Kingdom. There is so much to be done and so many are deceived regarding the issues of marriage/divorce/remarriage. Many will perish because they have been deceived by the ruler of this world.

Truth in Him, Sis 4C

I respect your opinion though I dont agree with you. And by the way you really should go into the forum on here titled Marriage after Divorce or Death. I think they will love you there.

As for me. You have not even a little clue how ABUSED I have been in the past year. AND cheated on.
Matthew 5:
31"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.'[f] 32But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery

Matt. 19
8Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."
10The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."

Just a few to know, for your ministry. Good luck

 

[4Christ2]

I respect your opinion though I dont agree with you. And by the way you really should go into the forum on here titled Marriage after Divorce or Death. I think they will love you there.

As for me. You have not even a little clue how ABUSED I have been in the past year. AND cheated on.
Matthew 5:
31"It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.'[f] 32But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery

Matt. 19
8Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."
10The disciples said to him, "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry."

Just a few to know, for your ministry. Good luck

I thought this was the Divorced or separated forum.
And nobody loves me anywhere. I am in a very unpopular place among the church. But it's OK. I count it all joy.

Jesus did not say "marital unfaithfulness". He said for "fornication". There is a great difference. But that is a whole 'nuther topic.

I wanted to add that I know all about abuse. I stayed in a physical and emotionally abusive marriage for 25 years and still didn't divorce my ex. Abuse is not scriptural grounds for divorce, but I do believe in separation for safety. Also another topic.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

Abuse IS a scriptural grounds for divorce. Abuse denotes lack of love, "without love i am nothing" springs to mind.

Also, I presume you are adhering to phallucentric rendering of Pauline letters regarding gender status and would therefore use even your own view of scripture to suggest that if a husband does not "love his bride as Christ loves the Church" then divorce is warranted. Unless you suggest we continue to be maried to someone other than Christ?

 

[tryingtobeagain]

I am separated because my husband was extreamly unfaithful (all the while he was criticizing my devotion to Christ). IMHO I was never married under God's eyes because my husband lied to get me to the altar and was never faithful to me before or after the wedding. I don't think God would want me to stay in a marriage where I am being put down for not being as knowledgable about the bible as my husband claimed to be (I don't think he really understands it though) and cheated on, being put at risk for std's because my husband has a problem and refuses to seek help or counsel. I don't plan on remarriage at this time but I don't know the future, and if the right circumstances came along I would have to follow my heart, after all, that is where I carry Christ so I ask Him to lead it.

And all the scripture I've read, and the church leaders I've spoken with have told me that I am right to want a divorce in this situation.

 

[tryingtobeagain]

And 4Christ2, I wanted to add that I do love you, because God teaches us to love our neighbours, and I would never wnat you to feel unwelcome. I appreciate your concern for other people's souls

 

[Chosen4Greatness]

Thank you guys for you opinions. I know this is a topic with a whole bunch of views. I thank you all for you concerns. I just wanted to share my personal feelings and fears.

My father is a pastor and I have sought counceling from MANY of his supporting ministries from all over the country. I know what I am doing is right. I believe that the Lord doesn't want to see his children is a desperate situation and I know he has chosen me for more. Therefore....I press into the high calling in Christ Jesus.

 

[4Christ2]

Abuse IS a scriptural grounds for divorce. Abuse denotes lack of love, "without love i am nothing" springs to mind.

Also, I presume you are adhering to phallucentric rendering of Pauline letters regarding gender status and would therefore use even your own view of scripture to suggest that if a husband does not "love his bride as Christ loves the Church" then divorce is warranted. Unless you suggest we continue to be maried to someone other than Christ?

Flan,

State your position with the word of God and I will listen. Was Jesus loved when He hung on that cross? No. He was hated and despised. Yet our Lord said, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do."

A christian man or woman who does not "love" their spouse is walking in the flesh, not in the spirit. God does not tell us to divorce them - He tells us to love them and forgive them. Yet, in His mercy we are told that if we depart (and for the abused I belive we must for safety), we are not to seek a divorce but reconciliation. Is our God not able to change an abuser's heart? An adulterer's heart? The fact is many of us can't or won't wait on God. We want our "happiness" now (flesh) instead of suffering for the sake of the Kingdom (obedience).

Calling good evil and evil good is lacking grace. Divorce is allowed - remarriage is not while a spouse is still living. And yes, I believe what the Apostle Paul wrote because I believe that the word of God is spirit and truth - all of it! Do you not believe that marriage is a type of the relationship that Jesus has with His bride, the Church? Has Jesus divorced us? Yet, if you read some of these posts (such as yours), we crucify Him anew everytime we deny the truth of His word and what He taught. If anyone has a reason to divorce his bride, Jesus sure does - yet he forgives us by HIS grace. We are commanded to do the same!

Blessings, Sis 4C

 

[tryingtobeagain]

My sister,
while it is imposible to understand what another has gone through in their relationships it is realistic to believe that us who are here in this position are not here by choice. I can only speak for myself but I know that I tried everything to work things out with my husband because we both swore that we did not believe in divorce because we wanted a christian marriage. It's not that I'm unwilling to wait for him to change, it's that he's unwilling to change. He talks the talk but can't walk the walk and there comes a point where I have to do what's best for my daughter and myself. I pray that God will show him the way he needs to be going but he seems to be going further in the opposite direction and I am unable to reach him spiritually and he is unwilling to be reached. I say all of this to you so that you understand that there are those of us who are already feeling so low about our situations that we don't want to feel judged by other's oppinions of what we believe that God wants us to do in our lives. Some of us may remarry and if you truly believe that it is a sin, then that option is not for you. I personally believe it is ok to remarry in situations when you divorce because of adultery and abuse. That said, I don't think I personally will remarry because I don't think I can give my heart to another person the way I did to my husband. Other than that I do not want to judge anyone else on this board because we all need love and support right now.