Do your friends even know you?

[memoriesbymichelle]

It seems as if I am always the one that keeps the friendships going. I've grown used to it, so that's not really my issue. My issue is that my 2 closest friends (the ones that I went to Europe with), I feel, don't even know me. For Christmas one of them got me this ugly sign. Grant it, it says "Give Thanks" on it, but it is not my decor, style or taste.Also she gave me some christmas socks that have the toes. My other BFF got me a journal (I do journal, but I use composition books) and a little sampler of Bath and body works stuff, which is not really my style either. Now the one girlfriend that got me the sign and the socks. She is much better off financially than me and she can pretty much buy whatever she wants. She loves bracelets and I usually get her a new bracelet. Since she had her B-day in November I got her one then, so I got her a nice ornament for her tree (she knows I'm broke). My other BFF cans jam and likes to drink wine and I found these cool wine glasses that are canning jars on the top and somehow they attached them to what look like candle holders for the stem (all glass) and inside they put a note saying they were "redneck wine glasses". I thought it was funny cuz she does canning and she loved them. My point is that I took time to get something I thought was "her" and I feel like they just picked (or re-gifted) whatever they could find and that they don't really even "know" me. Of course I can't really say anything to them but it kinda blows my mind.
Do you have friends like this? What do you think?

 

[mjmcmillan]

You're doing somewhat better than me in the gift department. I got nothing. Not even a lump of coal for Christmas. I expect I'll get something similar on my birthday. Good part: One size fits all. Bad part: If you don't like it, it's impossible to return it.

 

[dayhiker]

Well, I think I know my GF. She asked me to get er personal gifts this year. So I get her 6 gifts. She asked me to take back 5 of the 6. So I just don't have the ability to pick out gifts for people. That's my experience.

 

[djamestampa]

Are we feeling a little ignored?

You know, when we are the one who's "on the path", one of the things that we start to see, is others lack. So God seems to give us this lesson right up front, "passing on the grace" he has given.

Staying worldly and getting caught up in judgement, envy, jealousy, now just brings us down even harder than before. Being in Christ is a pain sometimes!! LOL

DJ

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

I think it sounds like they just didn't put as much thought into their gifts to you as you did to them. I can understand your disappointment.

 

[Camalinda]

I think some people really do have a gift of giving and really knowing what someone else would appreciate, and some people really don't- even though they try.

I seem to know what people would appreciate most, but one of my spiritual gifts is giving so perhaps those go hand-in-hand.

So that could be part of it.

Also, if we go from the viewpoint of something like The Five Love Languages, gifts are some people's primary love language and I may be wrong, but I would venture a guess that a lot of people whose love language is 'gifts' also are great at gift-giving. If your love language isn't gifts and gifts just aren't that important to you, your gift-giving may reflect that as well.

Which is interesting, as I type this, because receiving gifts is NOT one of my primary love languages but I do seem to give good gifts. Hmmm....

Anyway, for what it's worth, those are my .02 cents.

 

[dayhiker]

Camalinda,
Your comments make a lot of sense to me. Compassion might also help a person pick out gifts that the other person would really like.

I'm very analytical which is another reason I miss the non practical personal gifts my GF would have liked.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Are we feeling a little ignored?

You know, when we are the one who's "on the path", one of the things that we start to see, is others lack. So God seems to give us this lesson right up front, "passing on the grace" he has given.

Staying worldly and getting caught up in judgement, envy, jealousy, now just brings us down even harder than before. Being in Christ is a pain sometimes!! LOL

DJ

It's not really that, but that may be part of it I guess....and I really don't care about getting gifts or not, just that my feeling is more along the lines of if you are going to give me a gift, at least try to give me something I would like, I guess. I'm not sure I am grasping your whole comment. Do you think I am being worldly/judgemental because my friends didn't put effort into the gift they gave me? I still am appreciative that they gave me a gift at all, it just makes me wonder how much I matter to them or not. It's hard to put into words, but these women, I have been there for, they have shared their secrets and I have too, but I need friends that understand me and sometimes I don't think they really do. I still love them though.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Camalinda,
Your comments make a lot of sense to me. Compassion might also help a person pick out gifts that the other person would really like.

I'm very analytical which is another reason I miss the non practical personal gifts my GF would have liked.

@Camalinda, the one BFF that gave me the journal and body samples gave her husband the love language book when they first got married because he did not know what kind of gifts she would like lol. So she understands the love language thing and she is a very giving person.
@dayhiker, I too am very analytical and maybe I just think I pick out good gifts and maybe my friends are thinking the same about the gifts I give them lol. In your case, you need your gf to be specific on her wants and then get her those exact things. My husband would have probably never bought me anything if I asked him to take back 5 of 6 gifts.

 

[dayhiker]

I can see how one would let a thing like this get the better of them and say its not worth it. I'm thinking I did what she asked. I even took the gifts back. Then on our way to Cape Cod we stopped by the store and she was able to pick out what she liked. The bathing suit got her a lot of compliments in the pool. So in the long run I guess I did the right thing. Ya, it was a round about way of getting there.

So hopefully she learned her lesson ... LOL

 

[Camalinda]

So hopefully she learned her lesson ... LOL

Or at least, maybe next time she'll just ask for a gift card instead.

 

[blackribbon]

I amazed by how few people really take the time to get to "know" their friends. This point was driven home after my husband died. It was then that I realized how few of the people he loved (especially family) really "knew" him. They knew more about how he made THEM feel than what he felt. I know I often feel invisible. People want me for what I add to their life and don't bother to get to know who I am.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I amazed by how few people really take the time to get to "know" their friends. This point was driven home after my husband died. It was then that I realized how few of the people he loved (especially family) really "knew" him. They knew more about how he made THEM feel than what he felt. I know I often feel invisible. People want me for what I add to their life and don't bother to get to know who I am.

True dat! and then when they feel you no longer can add enough to their life, sometimes they discard you without so much as a word and blame you for not making THEM a priority in your life.

 

[djamestampa]

Hi Mich,

I was just trying to share about my experiences with gifts and things. I wasn't calling you out on your thoughts. Please don't take it that way. I am a very stubborn guy and my walk in Christ has been tough on my selfishness.

I can indentify with the gift thing and what I had to accept for myself was I always gave gifts with "conditions" sorta. Like I was testing people to see how much they cared about me. What I painfully discovered is that I used my giving for me and not for God. So I've had to change gears and TRY.... to "give without care". Like Jesus said "what good is it to give and be rewarded for it, even the rich do that"

So for this hard head guy I try to give without the admiration I used to attach to it.

this year I gave money to someone close to me who needed it, but i sent it in an unsigned Christmas card, with no way of them finding out who gave it. Boy that was hard! I so wanted to say "I gave that to you"

Peace

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Hi Mich,

I was just trying to share about my experiences with gifts and things. I wasn't calling you out on your thoughts. Please don't take it that way. I am a very stubborn guy and my walk in Christ has been tough on my selfishness.

I can indentify with the gift thing and what I had to accept for myself was I always gave gifts with "conditions" sorta. Like I was testing people to see how much they cared about me. What I painfully discovered is that I used my giving for me and not for God. So I've had to change gears and TRY.... to "give without care". Like Jesus said "what good is it to give and be rewarded for it, even the rich do that"

So for this hard head guy I try to give without the admiration I used to attach to it.

this year I gave money to someone close to me who needed it, but i sent it in an unsigned Christmas card, with no way of them finding out who gave it. Boy that was hard! I so wanted to say "I gave that to you"

Peace

Good for you on the secret money gift! See if it were me, I LOVE to do that ALL THE TIME! (I just usually can't afford it) I sometimes secretly wish I could see their faces, but I don't want the accolades from them. I want to glorify GOD and if He sees fit to reward me later, than that's up to Him. I don't give looking for admiration at all. I DO try to get things I think my friends would enjoy or need. I just don't feel that some of them do the same, but oh well. Maybe they do and they just don't know me IDK.
One time a long time ago, I sent my ex boyfriend some yellow roses for his birthday. He didn't want to even be friends with me after we broke up and that made me sad, but I still cared for him as a friend. To this day, he doesn't know it was me that sent him flowers. I did hear from our mutual friends that he was trying to figure out who did it, but he did enjoy getting them from an "admirer" LOL. I wish I had more money to give anonymous gifts all the time. It's really fun and I think it glorifies God.

 

[blackribbon]

My 13 year old daughter said this week's lesson was about friendship and the various levels. We talked about it and I expanded on what was discussed. I also pointed out that you can have friendships where it is not equal. I have a couple friends who need me but don't always treat me right or carry their side of the "friendship". I understand that these are not "equal" friendship...I will not allow them to abuse me, but sometimes God still wants us to reach out.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

My 13 year old daughter said this week's lesson was about friendship and the various levels. We talked about it and I expanded on what was discussed. I also pointed out that you can have friendships where it is not equal. I have a couple friends who need me but don't always treat me right or carry their side of the "friendship". I understand that these are not "equal" friendship...I will not allow them to abuse me, but sometimes God still wants us to reach out.

I think all of my friendships have been unequal. I always carry more than my share and they are usually never there for me but I still love em. If I didn't keep up the communications I probably wouldn't have half the friends I do, just sayin...and it's been this way my whole life IDK why.

 

[Jere209]

oh, this topic is a sore sore spot for me..I struggle with this,..going to think on how to word it and will come back.

 

[edwardfsmith]

What friends? LOL

Giving gifts always seems like a lot of pressure to me.
Generally i do not like the pressure.

Does anyone really know you?
I feel like nobody knows me too well.
And the internet makes it worse. People have many friends and know nobody.
I try hard to limit my internet friends and get to know them well.

When I give to people I try very hard to not have expectations of anything in return.
I know Jesus talked about giving in secret. I have not been able to do this very well.
I do not expect much in return but I would like the person getting the gift to be responsible. It seems this is more likely when they know a person is involved? And they also then know that I want to help and that I care. It just seems more honest to me. They know they have a person interested in them and can build a relationship if they want. If they have more needs they can ask me then. Otherwise they might still feel lost.
The glory of course still goes to God. I would not have anything to give without him.

 

[Jere209]

I have never had a friend send me flowers just because..
I have never had a friend remember my birthday..
I never had friends give me a 50th..they forgot..
I never had friends support me when my grandmother passed away
I never had friends help me when I had surgeries
I never had friends help me when I fractured my back..

I once asked a friend recently to pray with me..She looked at me (she's my age) and kind of made a face, and said, well, can I do this raid on WOW first? They are all waiting on me..
We never prayed again..
God told me that we needed to pray every night together on the phone..I called and some times we connected, others we didn't. She acknowledged it too..
Circumstances happened that caused me and my daughter to have to live there with them for about a week after Thanksgiving..We spent 9 days there..We prayed zero times..she was on WOW..now I know why we didn't connect all the time..I know also where I am on her friends list..