Do you think he really loves me?

RedRose1 · Apr 30, 2018

Hi I have some relationship questions on my mind and I hope that here I will find some clarity.

I live in Sudan Khartoum. I am in a relationship with an American Jewish man and honestly I have suffered greatly with him. I always believed that the choice of your love object stems not from only your personality and interests and what you have in common but also it includes your whole life i.e childhood and adolescence. I will give you a background of my personality and his so you could give me an idea of whether we are compatible or not, whether I should try. This maybe a really long read but I need to know the truth and let my feelings out.

I am almost 25 by the end of this year. He approached telling me " I love you, there. I said it". I thought he was just being really cute I didn't notice the tone of his voice or his body language. He then started teasing me everytime he gets the chance I really really liked him he became my friend he would always say things that made me happy but he was also very critical of me he would always question my behavior and tell me where I am going wrong. He was my life and he was everything to me. I became so attached to him very quickly because he seemed sincere how things developed in 8 months is really sad and I still trying to recover it makes me feel like he was making fun of me. I said I would tell you about his personality and mine I will start with him.

It is not short to say that this man is excessively handsome. Slender slim and fit. The most sparkling blue eyes a mustache and dark hair. If you see him in real life you will realize he has a dark side to him almost even very sinister. When you look again his whole personality is laid out in his face. Sincere, gentle, highly intelligent, very tranquil but vibrant and very emotional. He has been through the losses and tragedies of life. He carries a lot of pain inside of him but he has the most relaxed soft smile on his face. To me he is .....the story of life. He is 65 years old. And me...I am a very naive and foolish girl his relationship with me revealed to me the worst aspects of my self. I learnt that I could be racist although I am not white. That I am cruel utterly just cruel I said the most hurtful things to him because he keeps cheating on me with other women. I'm sorry I wanted him for myself all of him for my self but he has the enpathetic personality and any woman that shows him she likes he him he immediately has a relationship with her. He keeps claiming that he has feelings for every woman in his life I am starting to feel like I'm wrecked because everyone blames me for the cheating. I don't take care of myself or I don't know how to keep a man. I'm not pretty I have petite looks but I try my best to keep good hygiene.

In 8 months the relationship fell apart. I used to doubt that he even loved me to begin with. I am so confused. He became so moody he always fights with me making me unwanted and unloved. He treats other women like queens but he treats me like I'm nothing. Everytime I try to tell him I love him he just throws me away I then feel really stupid. He said he will never allow me to go to a western country he also wants me to live poor. I don't understand why.

Please help me I wanted to write more but I'm just tired.

Thank you.

“Paisios” · Apr 30, 2018

RedRose1 said:
Hi I have some relationship questions on my mind and I hope that here I will find some clarity.

I live in Sudan Khartoum. I am in a relationship with an American Jewish man and honestly I have suffered greatly with him. I always believed that the choice of you love object stems not from only your personality and intetests and what you have in common but also it includes your whole life i.e childhood and adolescence. I will give you a background of my personality and his so you could give me an idea of whethet we are compatible or not whether I should try. This maybe a really long read but I need to know the truth and let my feelings out.

I am almost 25 by the end of this year. He approached telling me " I love you, there. I said it". I thought he was just being really cute I didn't notice the tone of his voice or his body language. He then started teasing me everytime he gets the chance I really really liked him he became my friend he would always say things that made me happy but he was also very critical of me he would always question my behavior and tell me where I am going wrong. He was my life and he was everything to me. I became so attached to him very quickly because he seemed sincere how things developed in 8 months is really sad and I still trying to recover it makes me feel like he was making fun of me. I said I would tell you about his personality and mine I will start with him.

It is not short to say that this man is excessively handsome. Slender slim and fit. The most sparkling blue eyes a mustache and dark hair. If you see him in real life you will realize he has a dark side to him almost even very sinister. When you look again his whole personality is laid out in his face. Sincere, gentle, highly intelligent, very tranquil but vibrant and very emotional. He has been through the losses and tragedies of life. He carries a lot of pain inside of him but he has the most relaxed soft smile on his face. To me he is .....the story of life. He is 65 years old. And me...I am a very naive and foolish girl his relationship with me revealed to me the worst aspects of my self. I learnt that I could be racist although I am not white. That I am cruel utterly just cruel I said the most hurtful things to him because he keeps cheating on me with othet woman. I'm sorry I wanted him for myself all of him for my self but he has the enpathetic personality and any woman that shows him she likes he him he immediately has a relationship with her. He keeps claiming that he has feelings for every woman in his life I am starting to feel like I'm wrecked because everyone blames me for the cheating. I don't care of myself or I don't know how to keep a man. I'm not pretty I have petite looks but I try my best to keep good hygiene.

In 8 months the relationship fell apart. I used to doubt that he even loved me to begin with. I am so confused. He became so moody he always fights with me making me unwanted and unloved. He treats other women like queens but he treats me like I'm nothing. Everytime I try to tell him I love him he just throws me away I then feel really stupid. He said he will never allow me to go to a western country he also wants me to live poor. I don't understand why.

Please help me I wanted to write more but I'm just tired.

Thank you.

It is hard to give advice with just one post of information, but it sounds like this is not a good relationship for you to be in. You have said he has cheated on you repeatedly, emotionally abuses you, and seems to not respect you. Those are not ingredients for a healthy relationship.

But again, I am commenting on the limited information, so it may be that I don’t have the whole story. Search your heart, ask advice of those who you respect and trust around you who have your best interests at heart, and (if I may be so bold without causing offense), begin to pray and ask God for guidance.

I will pray for you.

RedRose1 · Apr 30, 2018

Shoetoyou

Thank you. It's really hard to define what a healthy relationship is in today's world. I guess I just wanted to know if you were in his place and you loved me how were you going to act?

Petros2015 · Apr 30, 2018

RedRose1 said:
He is 65 years old. And me...I am a very naive and foolish girl his relationship with me revealed to me the worst aspects of my self. I learnt that I could be racist although I am not white. That I am cruel utterly just cruel I said the most hurtful things to him because he keeps cheating on me with othet woman. I'm sorry I wanted him for myself all of him for my self but he has the enpathetic personality and any woman that shows him she likes he him he immediately has a relationship with her.

He is toxic - leave this man he is manipulating and doing harm and causing you to blame yourself for the harm he is causing. This sounds like an evil man.

“Paisios” · Apr 30, 2018

RedRose1 said:
Shoetoyou

Thank you. It's really hard to define what a healthy relationship is in today's world. I guess I just wanted to know if you were in his place and you loved me how were you going to act?

I have been married for 23 years. I think it is because my wife and I have a great deal of respect for each other. I do not try to control her. She does not try to control me. We respect each other’s feelings and needs. We are committed to each other, and we do not cheat on each other with other people. My wife is the most important person in the world to me (apart from my God), and I try to let her know that in small ways every day.

(I fail often. I am not a good man. But I hope that I admit my mistakes, apologize, and try to do better the next time. I would not want you to think that our relationship is without problems, but we are willing to work through them).

I hope that is useful.

RedRose1 · Apr 30, 2018

Thank you for your concern but you are quick to judge. He really is the sweetest man ever. I'm sure you'll change your opinion of him if you meet him.
Any girls out there who can give me a hand. I needed feminine advice.

RedRose1 · Apr 30, 2018

Shoetoyou said:
I have been married for 23 years. I think it is because my wife and I have a great deal of respect for each other. I do not try to control her. She does not try to control me. We respect each other’s feelings and needs. We are committed to each other, and we do not cheat on each other with other people. My wife is the most important person in the world to me (apart from my God), and I try to let her know that in small ways every day.

(I fail often. I am not a good man. But I hope that I admit my mistakes, apologize, and try to do better the next time. I would not want you to think that our relationship is without problems, but we are willing to work through them).

I hope that is useful.

You are a good man. I really appreciate your advice. But this is my lot in life this is my providence I can't get a heart transplant and start over. I'll just be optimistic.

Petros2015 · Apr 30, 2018

RedRose1 said:
He became so moody he always fights with me making me unwanted and unloved. He treats other women like queens but he treats me like I'm nothing. Everytime I try to tell him I love him he just throws me away I then feel really stupid. He said he will never allow me to go to a western country he also wants me to live poor.

He is 65 taking advantage of a 25 year old. Not the sweetest man ever. Just good at what he does.

“Paisios” · Apr 30, 2018

RedRose1 said:
You are a good man. I really appreciate your advice. But this is my lot in life this is my providence I can't get a heart transplant and start over. I'll just be optimistic.

My advice is of limited value, but it is meant well.

I pray for wholeness, health, happiness, and clarity for you. I hope that you are supported by those around you when times get tough.

Paidiske · Apr 30, 2018

From what you've posted, he's using you, manipulating you, and abusing you. He's only interested in you as long as you give him what he wants, and he behaves in a way to control you to keep giving him what he wants.

That's not love. It's not healthy. And it's not going to do you any good in the long term. If you stay in a relationship with him, you'll go around and around the cycle of him doing something that hurts you, blaming you for your reaction, and manipulating you to control you. The best thing you can do is end it.

It might feel now as if your whole heart is tied up in this, but I am quite sure that one day you'll look back with regret for all the emotional energy you're putting into it.

I'm sorry if that's blunt, but I agree with the other posters above; this is toxic behaviour on his part.

Petros2015 · Apr 30, 2018

The best that could be said for him is that he may have confused infatuation with love, and may have never understood the difference himself. But it seems to me like he is preying on someone who is younger, emotional and financially vulnerable and has you hooked so he can do anything and blame you for it.

Job3315 · Apr 30, 2018

RedRose1 said:
Hi I have some relationship questions on my mind and I hope that here I will find some clarity.

I live in Sudan Khartoum. I am in a relationship with an American Jewish man and honestly I have suffered greatly with him. I always believed that the choice of you love object stems not from only your personality and intetests and what you have in common but also it includes your whole life i.e childhood and adolescence. I will give you a background of my personality and his so you could give me an idea of whethet we are compatible or not whether I should try. This maybe a really long read but I need to know the truth and let my feelings out.

I am almost 25 by the end of this year. He approached telling me " I love you, there. I said it". I thought he was just being really cute I didn't notice the tone of his voice or his body language. He then started teasing me everytime he gets the chance I really really liked him he became my friend he would always say things that made me happy but he was also very critical of me he would always question my behavior and tell me where I am going wrong. He was my life and he was everything to me. I became so attached to him very quickly because he seemed sincere how things developed in 8 months is really sad and I still trying to recover it makes me feel like he was making fun of me. I said I would tell you about his personality and mine I will start with him.

It is not short to say that this man is excessively handsome. Slender slim and fit. The most sparkling blue eyes a mustache and dark hair. If you see him in real life you will realize he has a dark side to him almost even very sinister. When you look again his whole personality is laid out in his face. Sincere, gentle, highly intelligent, very tranquil but vibrant and very emotional. He has been through the losses and tragedies of life. He carries a lot of pain inside of him but he has the most relaxed soft smile on his face. To me he is .....the story of life. He is 65 years old. And me...I am a very naive and foolish girl his relationship with me revealed to me the worst aspects of my self. I learnt that I could be racist although I am not white. That I am cruel utterly just cruel I said the most hurtful things to him because he keeps cheating on me with othet woman. I'm sorry I wanted him for myself all of him for my self but he has the enpathetic personality and any woman that shows him she likes he him he immediately has a relationship with her. He keeps claiming that he has feelings for every woman in his life I am starting to feel like I'm wrecked because everyone blames me for the cheating. I don't care of myself or I don't know how to keep a man. I'm not pretty I have petite looks but I try my best to keep good hygiene.

In 8 months the relationship fell apart. I used to doubt that he even loved me to begin with. I am so confused. He became so moody he always fights with me making me unwanted and unloved. He treats other women like queens but he treats me like I'm nothing. Everytime I try to tell him I love him he just throws me away I then feel really stupid. He said he will never allow me to go to a western country he also wants me to live poor. I don't understand why.

Please help me I wanted to write more but I'm just tired.

Thank you.

Just saw a Pastor post this on Facebook.

Here are Kris Vallotton’s 16 rules of dating:

1- Know who you are so you aren’t trying to get your identity from the people you date.

2- Make sure you make your intentions clear; are you trying to find a spouse, just having fun, etc? Then date people that are on the same journey as you are.

3- Don’t create expectations you have no intention of fulfilling. Leading people on sucks.

4- If you are a virtuous person don’t date a alley cat, date people who have great character.

5- Where you fish and the bait you use will determine the kind of fish, (person), you catch. If you are fishing at the bar, strip club, or porn site for example, you are not likely to find the “marrying kind.”

6- If a person says, “If you really love me you would have sex with me,” you have got the wrong person. If they really loved you they would respect your values and protect your personhood.

7- When looking for a spouse don’t look for someone you could live with; look for someone you can’t live without.

8- It’s much easier to make a lover out of your best friend, then it is to make a best friend out of a lover. I hear people say, “I couldn’t marry him (or her), he (or she) is my best friend. Best friends make great lovers and amazing marriages.

9- Ladies, pay attention to how a guy treats his mother, that’s most likely how he will treat you in time. Guys watch how a girl treats her dad, that’s probably how she will treat you.

10- If you argue and fight while you are dating; marriage will make it worse. I promise you marriage wouldn’t fix your relationship.

11- Self centered, selfish, and self-absorbed people make terrible spouses. Kind, self-aware, emotionally intellect people make great life companions. It’s true that beauty is only skin deep but arrogance is ugly to the bone.

12- If a person doesn’t respect themselves they won’t respect you. If they don’t love themselves they can’t love you.

13- If a person will violate their relationship with God to please you; they just made you their god! Hopefully you can live up to the task because being god to someone is an impossible task.

14- Dating should be a journey into the lives of two people; a noble adventure into the unknown and a beautiful exploration of discovery. So communicate, dialogue and be transparent about how how you feel, what you believe and what you love. Telling the person what they want to hear undermines the purpose of dating.

15- Don't marry the person you fall in love with. A fall is an accident, not a act of your will. If you fall once, chances are you will fall again for someone else. If you do fall in love you will need to grow in love because what you did on accident you will need to do on purpose.

16- Having sex before your married to keep someone is not only a bad plan, it never works.

Long Island Pilgrim · Apr 30, 2018

Hello Redrose1,

I am sorry to hear of your troubles but I think you have solid reason for concern. You have good instincts because you are smart enough to be paying attention to these warning signs that you are talking about.

I am enclosing a video and a book . If you are able to purchase a book from the internet then I would highly recommend reading this book .
It's called :
"The Emotionally Destructive Relationship: Seeing It, Stopping It, Surviving It"

https://www.amazon.com/Emotionally-...preST=_SY344_BO1,204,203,200_QL70_&dpSrc=srch

Long Island Pilgrim · Apr 30, 2018

This is also important to watch.

Long Island Pilgrim · Apr 30, 2018

I came back to post one more thing because I'm hoping to save you from an ocean of of pain by being honest.

You have described some of the classic warning signs of a potential abuser.

Do you know what the number one reason that women get trapped in violent situations is?
It's because they refuse to believe what they already know in their gut. What they want is to believe in the hope and the fantasy and the fairy tale . So they deny, minimize and ignore the reality and create all kinds of mental justifications to support the illusion. And they know it's an illusion. But they absolutely refuse to face that.

This is what domestic violence shelters in the United States and all over the world have discovered. Most women who ended up in domestic violence situations saw some of the danger signs when they were dating...just as you have mentioned. But they ignored them.

It can be very life threatening to escape one of these relationships after you are married.

May God protect and guide you.

RedRose1 · Apr 30, 2018

Long Island Pilgrim said:
I came back to post one more thing because I'm hoping to save you from an ocean of of pain by being honest.

You have described some of the classic warning signs of a potential abuser.

Do you know what the number one reason that women get trapped in violent situations is?
It's because they refuse to believe what they already know in their gut. What they want is to believe in the hope and the fantasy and the fairy tale . So they deny, minimize and ignore the reality and create all kinds of mental justifications to support the illusion. And they know it's an illusion. But they absolutely refuse to face that.

This is what domestic violence shelters in the United States and all over the world have discovered. Most women who ended up in domestic violence situations saw some of the danger signs when they were dating...just as you have mentioned. But they ignored them.

It can be very life threatening to escape one of these relationships after you are married.

May God protect and guide you.

Thank you. There is a huge HUGE misunderstanding. Maybe I did not articulate my feelings well. The truth is I asked around and he normally is very kind. He is not a toxic person and I don't think or believe he had narcissistic personality disorder. He never had problems with his other relatioships. It unfortunately is just me. He only trestd me this way. This is why I am seeking some guidance explaining his behavior. I feel terrible knowing that my opening post insinuated that he is a bad person. He is one of the kindest men in the world and he treats people really well. I'm sorry but please rather than telling me how I should expect someone to treat me if they love me please tell me how interpret his relationship with me. He never tells me how he feels....

“Paisios” · Apr 30, 2018

RedRose1 said:
Thank you. There is a huge HUGE misunderstanding. Maybe I did not articulate my feelings well. The truth is I asked around and he normally is very kind. He is not a toxic person and I don't think or believe he had narcissistic personality disorder. He never had problems with his other relatioships. It unfortunately is just me. He only trestd me this way. This is why I am seeking some guidance explaining his behavior. I feel terrible knowing that my opening post insinuated that he is a bad person. He is one of the kindest men in the world and he treats people really well. I'm sorry but please rather than telling me how I should expect someone to treat me if they love me please tell me how interpret his relationship with me. He never tells me how he feels....

I am sorry, but it seems to me that it doesn’t matter how he treats everyone else in the world, if he treats you poorly in his relationship with you. He may be very kind, good and virtuous, but what you have described suggests he is not kind, good and virtuous with you.

If I read what you say right, I would not stay in such a relationship. I would interpret the behavior you have described to mean that he doesn’t care for you or love you, except to gain what he can from you, at your expense.

If I am reading it wrong, please forgive me. It is hard to get a full picture on line. I encourage you again to seek the counsel of wise people around you who care for you, who you can trust, and who know this man and your struggles with this relationship.

Long Island Pilgrim · Apr 30, 2018

Ok Redrose..I do understand what you are saying and I pray things will work out well for you. But just for the benefit of all who might be reading this post I wanted to include these articles that talk about the violence against women in the Sudan...which is where you are from. Because violence against women in your area is among the highest in the world.

Violence against women in South Sudan among highest in the world: survey - Xinhua | English.news.cn

Levels of Violence Against Women and Girls in South Sudan Among The Highest in the World Reveals Groundbreaking Study

South Sudan violence against women 'is twice global average'

Radagast · Apr 30, 2018

RedRose1 said:
he keeps cheating on me with other women

This is the important thing. It shows that the man is no good.

It is a sad reality that many of us, both men and women, fall in love with people that are no good. It hurts a lot, and it never works out. The sooner one walks away, the better.

Do you think he really loves me?

Member

Sinner

Member

Well-Known Member

Sinner

Member

Member

Well-Known Member

Sinner

Clara bonam audax

Well-Known Member

Well-Known Member

Active Member

Active Member

Active Member

Member

Sinner

Active Member

comes and goes

Similar threads

Privacy & Transparency

Privacy & Transparency