Do you respond differently to men?

[Epoh99]

I didn't even realize I did this until today. A male co-worker asked me if I had kids and I said, "No way, I don't want to have kids ever." The other day a female co-worker asked me the same thing and all I said was, "No."

I realized this is how I typically respond. With the men I'm not afraid to tell them how I feel but with the women I hate to tell them the truth because I know how they'll respond to me.

Anyone else do the same thing or am I a freak?

 

[snoochface]

I didn't even realize I did this until today. A male co-worker asked me if I had kids and I said, "No way, I don't want to have kids ever." The other day a female co-worker asked me the same thing and all I said was, "No."

I realized this is how I typically respond. With the men I'm not afraid to tell them how I feel but with the women I hate to tell them the truth because I know how they'll respond to me.

Anyone else do the same thing or am I a freak?

No, you're not a freak! I don't think I can remember a time when a man asked me that question, but thinking on it I know I would react the same way. That's not a subject men judge us on like other women do.

I also tend to get along much better with men than I do women, so I tend to gravitate to them as friends, which would make me feel more open to share something like that with them.

 

[HeyHomie]

I think that, in general, women judge each other more harshly than men judge each other - or more harshly than men judge women.

Mercifully, very few of the men I know would ever have the nerve to bring up the subject of children with me (at least in real life - on these message boards, all bets are off). Maybe we guys are just more private in that respect, I dunno.

 

[Rebekka]

No man has ever asked me if I had or wanted any kids. That shows me that men in general indeed tend to respect someone's privacy more than women, and/or judge others less on this subject than women do.

Also, related to this, my husband doesn't have a problem with telling people that he doesn't want children. People will sometimes bingo him, but not like they bingo me! It is more accepted of men not to want children than it is of women. I'm a weird, unwomanly creature, but my husband is just seen as a pretty normal guy - men are allowed to be unexcited about children.

If a coworker is pregnant, women are expected to admire the bump and talk about the pregnancy in an excited voice, while men are allowed to ignore it. Grrrr. Personally I think babies are pretty cute - but I can't find them cute as long as women expect it of me - it only lasts 10 minutes, not hours.

Yeah, there's a huge double standard.

I sometimes wish I had been born a man. Or at least that's what I wished before I met my heterosexual husband - had I been a man, I would not have had him. My husband is very happy that he wasn't born a woman.




Edited to add:
The fact that people will hold it against me that I don't want kids, because women should want them, is the main reason why I hardly ever tell people that I don't want children. My husband is more honest about it - I never lie about it, but I try to avoid the subject.

 

[pepperfish]

Hehe you're not a freak! I think I agree with what HeyHomie said - most women do tend to be more judgemental (especially when it comes to this issue, I've found that most mothers/hopeful mothers can't comprehend another woman not wanting kids...), and unfortunately children sometimes seems like the only thing some women can think of to discuss. Personally, I'm more apt to ask someone what political party they support rather than something as inconsequential as whether they have kids or not.

Hmm, but no, I don't respond differently to the genders. I'm very...outspoken, I guess, because I've had way too many people bingo me already. I mean, really...I'm 18. So generally I'll say the same snarky thing regardless of the gender of the person mentioning kids to me. And for some reason, I do get just as many men saying things about kids to me.

 

[fuzzymel]

Women ask more questions whereas men just accept your first answer.

 

[mina]

Women are extremely judgemental of each other, at least in my experience.

 

[Epoh99]

Great points by you all. I agree with each one of you. We're a smart bunch of adults.

 

[bluebug83]

The difference in my reaction would probably not be based on their gender, but whether or not they were childed or childfree. For example, I would probably be gentler in my response to a person that had kids or wanted to have kids someday, and would be more bold if I was responding to someone who didn't have kids and didn't want them. I think I would respond to a male parent in the same way I would a female parent.

And I agree that I think women are more judgmental than men. That's why I keep telling my husband that if we ever have a baby, I really hope it's a boy. That really goes against the whole "women want girls" mentality

 

[ChrisW357]

Hi Epoh99, nice to meet you! I'm new here...

No I don't think that makes you a freak or anything like that. My wife is a little different, though. She actually responds the same way to both genders, with any elaboration to make the point.

Not to go off topic here, but I find that it's a little different between the genders as recipients of the child question. From women, if I'm asked if we have children, I say no, and that ends the discussion. Women ask my wife if we have children, she says no, then she gets to endure all the nagging questions of why not and how does the husband and family feel about it!

I agree with others that children can be a great blessing. But I just want to sometimes tell people "enough with the kid-centric blinders!"

I'm glad I found this forum!

 

[Epoh99]

Hi Epoh99, nice to meet you! I'm new here...

No I don't think that makes you a freak or anything like that. My wife is a little different, though. She actually responds the same way to both genders, with any elaboration to make the point.

Not to go off topic here, but I find that it's a little different between the genders as recipients of the child question. From women, if I'm asked if we have children, I say no, and that ends the discussion. Women ask my wife if we have children, she says no, then she gets to endure all the nagging questions of why not and how does the husband and family feel about it!

I agree with others that children can be a great blessing. But I just want to sometimes tell people "enough with the kid-centric blinders!"

I'm glad I found this forum!

Great post and it's wonderful to have you here! You make some very good points. Looking forward to having you post in this forum. God bless!

 

[snoochface]

Glad you found the forum too, Chris -- welcome!

 

[Rebekka]

Hi Chris! Nice to meet you!

 

[desmalia]

Hi Epoh99, nice to meet you! I'm new here...

No I don't think that makes you a freak or anything like that. My wife is a little different, though. She actually responds the same way to both genders, with any elaboration to make the point.

Not to go off topic here, but I find that it's a little different between the genders as recipients of the child question. From women, if I'm asked if we have children, I say no, and that ends the discussion. Women ask my wife if we have children, she says no, then she gets to endure all the nagging questions of why not and how does the husband and family feel about it!

I agree with others that children can be a great blessing. But I just want to sometimes tell people "enough with the kid-centric blinders!"

I'm glad I found this forum!

Excellent points, and welcome!!
Along those lines, most often when men discuss permanent birth control with their doctor, they're congratulated for taking responsibility. When women do the same, they're questioned and told they will probably change their minds once they grow up (regardless of age).


I find these days that I don't bother to offer any information unless asked. I will be happy to explain further when needed, but only then. This actually reminds me of my experiences with doctors. I saw one (female) a little before I got married and mentioned that I was looking into permanent forms of birth control. Well she had a five minute (I kid you not!) lecture on why that would be such a horrible decision, going on and on about how her daughter has been through so much with fertility drugs, etc. Nothing I said would convince her that I was an adult and fully capable of making my own decisions. She was convinced I was wrong and that was that. Fast forward to a checkup with my gyn (male) and he actually didn't question me on it. He wasn't supportive of permanent bc, but never asked why we don't want kids, etc.

Now for the funny one. I still laugh when I think of it. A couple of weeks ago I had a first appointment with a naturopath (male). Of course they take a full medical history, etc. And one of the questions was what form of bc you use, so I wrote vasectomy. Well, when he was reviewing it with me he looked up and asked if I have kids already. When I said no, he got the funniest look on his face!! From his office I could see he had pictures of his kids here and there, etc. and was obviously a family man. Just from his momentary expression I could see that he was very confused and had no idea how to respond to me. He wanted to discuss it further, but knew it really was none of his business. So then he looked back down at my file and we carried on. I don't think that I will ever forget that look in his face! And I have to admit I'm impressed with the amount of restraint he showed!!