do you have repressed memories?

[alilsa]

I have repressed memories where I know horrible things happened to me as a child around 5 yrs. old. I was raped and beat up by a relative. I had reaccuring dreams about bits of what happened. But the later abuse I definitely remembered, the sexual abuse through the years.I still have trouble relating to God as a loving Heavenly Father still that would really love and accept me. Any of you can relate to this? I also cut myself and SI myself in ways I wouldn't talk about here. How safe would it be to try to recover deeply repressed memories. The person that did that to me had a history of abusing people though and wouldn't admit what he did.

 

[Imani]

your not alone... i can relate...im at the same place

sara

 

[mesue]

If it is your hearts desire to remember these things, pray about it. Bring it to God. The best way to heal a wound is to expose it to the Light.
I love this verse in Isaiah, I find great comfort in this verse:
Isaiah 41:10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
God really does love you. I don't know why He allowed us to go through what we went through, but it certainly wasn't because He doesn't love us. Look at Job, he went through wave after wave of stuff. God says of Job that Job was a perfect and upright man.
Job:1:8: And the LORD said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil?
and yet we read in the same chapter
Job:1:13: And there was a day when his sons and his daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother's house:
Job:1:14: And there came a messenger unto Job, and said, The oxen were plowing, and the asses feeding beside them:
Job:1:15: And the Sabeans fell upon them, and took them away; yea, they have slain the servants with the edge of the sword; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee.
Job:1:16: While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, The fire of God is fallen from heaven, and hath burned up the sheep, and the servants, and consumed them; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee.
Job:1:17: While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, The Chaldeans made out three bands, and fell upon the camels, and have carried them away, yea, and slain the servants with the edge of the sword; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee.
Job:1:18: While he was yet speaking, there came also another, and said, Thy sons and thy daughters were eating and drinking wine in their eldest brother's house:
Job:1:19: And, behold, there came a great wind from the wilderness, and smote the four corners of the house, and it fell upon the young men, and they are dead; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee.
Notice the phrases "While he was yet speaking". Imagine hearing all of this stuff in a matter of minutes. How do you deal with it? You children, your farm, your cattle, your home all gone in one fell swoop.
Why?
God never told Job.
We may never know why we go through stuff, but we are taught how to deal with it in the very next verses:
Job:1:20: Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped,
Job:1:21: And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.
Job:1:22: In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly.
We go to God.
Don't go about it alone. Talk to your Pastor, if your Pastor is male have another female in the room always. Not because I don't trust male Pastors, but that it is just the right thing to do for both of you.
You may need to seek professional help. Someone to talk it over with. Someone to just listen and knows how far to go in bringing back painful memories. There is nothing wrong with seeking professional help. You'd go to a doctor for a broken arm, or had an infection, wouldn't you? Sometimes we need help straightening things out in our head. There are medicines that can help you control your SI without making you some sort of zombie. You wouldn't be on them for the rest of your life, just until you are better able to handle things.
There are support groups for SI, Christian and secular. Sometimes it's comforting just knowing that you are not alone.
Part of me feels that if I can't remember something that happened to me, then it is God's way of protecting me.
okay, I'm hogging the thread, sorry.

 

[beetlequeendiva]

I can relate too - I had a man rape me for 6/7 years of my life - 5 of those years it happened alot!! This started when I was 5. He also abused me with another member of his family, they raped me at the same time. I repressed my memories until about 6 months after I turned 21, and I have memories coming out all of the time. the one about being abused by 2 people at the same time only came out a couple months ago - I've only been dealing with repressed memories for 17 months, since October 2003. So I can relate to what you're all saying. I handled it badly at first - mass suicide bids which landed me in hospital for a while. So i think repression is a childs way of dealing with stuff!!!

 

[HeyJupiter]

i do, but what happened was when i was an adult...

 

[Pilgrim1951]

Before you starting remembering, what happened to lead up to it? I have been struggling for years but no actual concious memories. Dreams and emotional stuff, shadowy things. Feelings of terror, despair, etc. Things like that. I want to be able to remember. I know that these things happened, but it is as if I can't validate it. I'm stuck.

 

[pentecostalgirl0414]

I too have repressed memories. I was abused when I was 5. I was raped continually by my ubncle 2 years ago. I can't talk about it. I have dreams every night and the are so vivid. I know what you are dealing with.

 

[ChrissyLovesJesus]

I had traumatic events when I was young, although they are not repressed, but clearly in my memory

 

[alilsa]

I have not been able to recover some of my memories of when I was raped when I was about 5 yrs. old. I strongly believe that at the time I was raped, it nearly killed me. I remembered then being at the top of the room, looking down at my body on the bed. I've prayed about it since all this was making me suicidal. But can almost dying, wipe out a memory? The more I prayed to remember what happened, the more I remembered about being with Jesus. I felt Jesus hug me so tight and cry so hard and draw the pain and terror out. Now, if anyone shows me compassion or cries for me, I get scared. It hurt Jesus so much to block the pain of abuse and he took it for me. I also remembered going to heaven and being with God. He told me to always remember he loved me. When I came back, I felt like I was missing a friend and nobody here ever loved me like that. I would remember some nights after being abused, that God was there and touched my face and gave me peace. My dad believed the abusers and told me I would never amount to anything, I was worthless. He never loved me and the sexual abuse in my continued. I still believe that God does not stand idlely by and watch his child get abused. He alot of times will step in and stop the memories but people made the choice. Sometimes I believe that God will step back and when someone keeps abusing children, God tells them to stop, they don't stop, the child dies, and God takes the child home. At least in heaven they will never be abused again. Sorry, I'm rambling. I know that sounded horrible but so does child abuse.

 

[ZACTAK]

I can't relate to the rape, but I can relate to the repressed memories. I have realized that I have a lot of problems as a result of the abuse.. and I didn't come to grips with my problem until after I moved out, which was less than a year ago. Recently, I began having a lot of dreams about the pain I went through, but the dreams are metaphors, not actual events, but dreams about "killing" my memories and such things . I have blocked out a lot of my memories, but I remember some, and they haunt me in my sleep sometimes. So I can definitely relate.

 

[~BelovedDaughter~]

My memories aren't repressed....I kept them right up front and vivid, sadly.

 

[DIVAMOM]

do you have repressed memories?

Yes, there are many. I know they are there because I've had glimpses of them from time to time, but not recently. I've dealt with the abuse and I've forgiven those that abused me, but it still hurts to think about it. I have a daughter and a son, I have to focus on protecting them from the same thing but not turn psycho over it either. I don't want them to walk with fear in their lives.

One of the five or six that abused me over the period of about six years was my grandfather. I've asked God to put forgiveness in my heart for him because I believe he has repented and is truely remorseful of what he's done. However, I won't leave my daughter alone around him.

I say five or six because I really just don't want to sit down and start reliving all of those memories and I've never really counted them.

It's so sad that so many children have to go through abuse of any kind at the hands of adults.

I know the Bible tells us to ask for forgiveness and we will recieve it, but I wonder what happens once those people get to Heaven and have to stand before the Lord and give an account of their lives? Do they get crowns for Jesus, or are they defaulted because of all the bad? Is it give and take or is it everything is gone? HMMM, some things for me to pray about.

 

[beetlequeendiva]

It seems that many people have repressed memories - they are so scary because when they come back it's like reliving it. I had someone say 3 words to me once and it brought back some memories!! It's terrifiying

 

[Velcro]

Have any of you run into people who told you that repressed memories are not real? I was one of those who believed that one could not repress memories of abuse. My reasoning was that, like HisPureGirl, I thought that remembered all of the abuse vividly, so I could not imagine how such horrors could be forgotten. However, I got a vivid awakening that let me know that there are such things as repressed memories.

Back in the late 80s, a lot of people were jumping on the Repressed Memories Bus, so when an acquaintance told me that she was suddenly recalling repressed memories, my gave a smiling, condescending response, but I didn't believe her.

Then she confronted her mother. She was a lucky one: her mother confirmed everything. She also confronted her father, who denied it all -- for a while. Eventually, not only did they admit everything, but they supported her in her search for healing.

And I learned a good lesson.

 

[beetlequeendiva]

I know that me and my sisters could not press charges against my stepfather for his abuse because all the evidence came from repressed memories. There are always going to be people who don't believe it but as long as you know what the truth is then you can find the support you need through God

 

[Velcro]

Yes, and I have since realized, through certain circumstances, that I must have one particular repressed memory, still repressed. I don't know -- I guess that if and when He want me to remember, I will.

 

[beetlequeendiva]

I always feel like i've still got repressed memories and it scares me that they might come out!!!