Do you ever wish you could forget it all ever happened and just live a normal life without memories or flashbacks of it. That's how I feel!! I'm living a double life cause my family don't know anything about my past and it's so hard. I don't feel ready to tell them and maybe never will. Is there anyone else out there whose own family don't know? How do you cope?
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Do you ever wish
- Thread starter FIC/forever
- Start date
Hello,
I know how you feel. I have been married for 10 years, but only told my husband last year. But I still feel really alone. Although I told him we have never spoken about it since. It took me a lot of courage to tell him, but he get very worked up and annoyed at things very easily, so once I told him he was so annoyed at my mum amd in such a bad mood that it made things really difficult, he also acts like it affects him and not me. I decided it best not to talk to him about it. I am really down at the moment, there seems to be a lot going on in my life all at the wrong time, and I feel so alone, I feel like I lead one life that everyone sees, but inside its like different life, very different, where I'm crying out for help but no one can hear.
Sorry I'm not sure how to help, but just wanted you to know you are not alone.
I know how you feel. I have been married for 10 years, but only told my husband last year. But I still feel really alone. Although I told him we have never spoken about it since. It took me a lot of courage to tell him, but he get very worked up and annoyed at things very easily, so once I told him he was so annoyed at my mum amd in such a bad mood that it made things really difficult, he also acts like it affects him and not me. I decided it best not to talk to him about it. I am really down at the moment, there seems to be a lot going on in my life all at the wrong time, and I feel so alone, I feel like I lead one life that everyone sees, but inside its like different life, very different, where I'm crying out for help but no one can hear.
Sorry I'm not sure how to help, but just wanted you to know you are not alone.
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Thank you so much for your message it's just that I needed to know I wasn't alone in this. Not that I want anyone to have to endure what I go through every day but knowing someone else understands how I feel helps thank you for sharing
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- Aug 3, 2004
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One of the greatest burdens for an abused person is the sense of shame and degradation that makes them feel unworthy and therefore unwilling to share. Plus the big question "Will I be believed"?
John
NZ
John
NZ
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I agree with what you said John. I also feel that people will think I'm so stupid for 'letting' it happen (I know it wasn't my fault that it happened, but I can't help thinking like that) and I think they will think I'm making a mountain out of a molehile and that I am stupid for letting it affect me now.
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- Aug 3, 2004
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None of which is helpful, supportive or shows any real understanding. Thus the cycle of non disclosure is perpetuated. Grrrr.
John
NZ
John
NZ
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- Oct 21, 2009
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Hi Forever.
Ya know, I was going to spend a few minutes attempting to comfort you. But I'm just not going to do it.
I'm comforted out. So I'll give you some cats and some music instead.
YouTube - Probably the Funniest Cat Video You'll Ever See
Ya know, I was going to spend a few minutes attempting to comfort you. But I'm just not going to do it.
I'm comforted out. So I'll give you some cats and some music instead.
YouTube - Probably the Funniest Cat Video You'll Ever See
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I hear you and get what you all have been saying. It can be difficult for others to understand and I find this can make me feel alone as well. I'm glad you shared.
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Boy, do I agree. Yes, shame can be an ugly monster. It is also difficult to share if you have previously done so and have felt rejection or invalidated, etc. especially if it's done by people who are meant to support you.
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kimmiemae
follower of Yeshua
When I was about to get serious with, my now husband, I told him everything up front. I knew I had behavioral problems like getting angry quickly, being too quiet, etc...
I'm glad I did because he could focus his prayers toward these things. Although he came from a picture perfect family, they really aren't. Everybody's got skeletons people!
Anyway, after I got free from my past, he wanted more freedom too, so he submitted to some ministry. woohooo. Our marriage is better than ever.
Life isn't perfect, but there's HOPE. You don't have to stay stuck forever. I'm living proof.
My mother was a practicing witch. That should tell you a lot. Dad was an atheist. Physical, sexual, verbal, cruelty etc...
I'm glad I did because he could focus his prayers toward these things. Although he came from a picture perfect family, they really aren't. Everybody's got skeletons people!
Anyway, after I got free from my past, he wanted more freedom too, so he submitted to some ministry. woohooo. Our marriage is better than ever.
Life isn't perfect, but there's HOPE. You don't have to stay stuck forever. I'm living proof.
My mother was a practicing witch. That should tell you a lot. Dad was an atheist. Physical, sexual, verbal, cruelty etc...
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No, people don't have to stay stuck forever but we are human and that means memories. Memories come up and they need to be dealt with. Some times that takes some processing and time and discussion rather than denial and bottling it in and dealing with it alone.
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kimmiemae
follower of Yeshua
My memories are tools that help other and no longer weapons that the enemy can use against me. TOOLS. Wow, this was how I am equipped. It wasn't God's plan that I be abused, but He took what the enemy did and is turning it on him to do damage to the kingdom of darkness. Now, I am helping to snatch those that are in torment and bringing the truth in.
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when Jesus died on the cross He died for the sin of the world, every sin that has ever occured can and has been erased under the blood of the Lamb and nailed to the cross once we appropriate it properly ... I was raped by a family member and abused in various other ways by other members of my family, today I share this with the same level of emotion as saying "I mowed the lawn yesterday"
it really has no impact on my life at all except that people who have more faith in pyschobabble than they do the fact that Jesus restored Mary Magdalene absolutely, completely in body, soul and spirit, this is my only problem, christians with no faith I will pray for you ... Love Jude
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when Jesus died on the cross He died for the sin of the world, every sin that has ever occured can and has been erased under the blood of the Lamb and nailed to the cross once we appropriate it properly ... I was raped by a family member and abused in various other ways by other members of my family, today I share this with the same level of emotion as saying "I mowed the lawn yesterday"
I noticed you said "today I share..." however, you probably felt differently about it after it happened. Whenever trauma occurs we can take steps in the right direction but the fact of the matter is expecting someone to get over an emotional hurt pronto would be like expecting someone to heal from a broken bone pronto. It's unrealistic. With time, support from God and others and taking steps in the right direction people heal and memories are less jarring. However, judgment and invalidation does not help one who has experienced trauma heal. If you wish to help someone who has experienced trauma then look at them as an individual without judgment.
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Yeah this thread is sparking emotions. I totally wish I could just forget it. I hate it and how it made me the way I am. Now I have all of this stuff to overcome and it is really difficult. I keep thinking it is my fault and I let it happen. I didn't think it affected me as much as I just learned that it did and it is hitting me hard. For the longest time I thought certain ways I did things and felt were normal.
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I hear you and you are not alone. I just want you to know the abuse is not your fault. It's an evil, harmful, selfish decision / action / sin made by the abuser and the shame is on them. I think God reveals different things to us at different times for different reasons. Because I experienced and healed from certain things years ago, I was better able to cope with and deal with the things that have occurred over the last four years. This is not me saying what happened years ago was right. Instead, it's me saying that my choosing to take steps to heal and see it as a challenge rather than total destruction and that I could learn and grow from it, has created character, insight and strength in me that have helped me cope with other things the devil threw my way. There's a passage that says this but it's a tricky passage for some because some people seem to use it to invalidate suffering and feelings and from what I have studied that is taking this passage out of context. Please understand invalidating one's pain is never my intention. The passage that I'm talking about is:
Romans 5:2-5 "...And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
It goes on to talk about how we are so very loved and reconciled to God, etc. When taken in the right context I find this scripture insightful and encouraging. Like the story of Joseph, the devil and people in his life meant things for evil and God meant it for good. I truly believe and have witnessed God in my own life and others lives turn some situations that have been so very ugly and sinful into beautiful spiritual victories. At times, I compare it to looking at a kaleidoscope the right way round. It's unfortunate we are living in a fallen world with sin but I believe God is on our side and He loves us and wants to help us 'come out on the other side'. In my life there hasn't been any formula for overcoming and we are all different with different situations. But, staying close to God, being honest with Him, seeking support and taking steps in the right direction has helped me heal. As I have done this God has changed / molded my mind, heart and behavior into something I could not have achieved on my own. I am happy He has woven these beautiful spiritual victories into my life. I'm happy He has developed insight, character, hope, etc. into my being. I truly believe I wouldn't have these things in my life if I never experienced tragedy. I doubt I would have this closeness to God and this understanding if my life had been different. Believe me this is not me justifying abusive sin. (Matt. 18:6) It's just the best way I know how to explain a story like Joseph's. Take care. I'll be praying.
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