Do you ever just feel DONE?

[nowhereville]

I am/was so angry last night.

Went to chuch for a function and a service.

Was in line for prayer.

I walked out.

I'm tired of "begging" - God knows what I need and yes I appreciate he wants us to ask, but dag gone. Seriously?

I'm so tired of asking, waiting, wanting, having faith, whatever.

I walked out.

It's not like I am lukewarm - whatever God tells me to do - I do.

It's not like I have a secret life full of sin.

I think your whole life is long enough.

and now

I don't know how to get over this feeling.

 

[rocklife]

I hope things get better for you and you get the answers you need. maybe try to find a way to be a blessing to someone else and then God will return the blessing.

if you are in an abusive situation, though, you might need to also talk with police or maybe a domestic hotline for some more advice. I'm not sure what's wrong, so I'm just throwing out some suggestions. we need to have faith and deeds

 

[Blue Olive]

I don't know how to get over this feeling.

nowhereville, what are you having trouble handling exactly?

 

[nowhereville]

In some ways, really important ways I feel completely invisible to God. I was raised by wolves and subsequently very abused to a ridiculous degree. I have prayed for healing, begged, had faith, stood on the word - whatever.

Three times this weekend I threw out my fleece and NOTHING - all of heaven was quiet.

Not a word.

Not unlike when I was child and asked to not be raped.

yea,

Whatever.

So it's not enough to endure ten years of that? I have to ask a million times to be healed from that? To have a clue or a path?

Really, I just don't care anymore. I humbled myself yet AGAIN and nothing so whatever it just doesn't matter anymore.

 

[FaithfulWife]

Nowhereville,

As you know, you and I have had "somewhat similar" lives. I grew up with an alcoholic father and a mentally ill mother. My dad would leave and get drunk, leaving us kids to be beaten by my mom with wooden boards, broom handles, and rolling pins every day. She would hit us until she was tired--so yeah--that's a BEATING. I was sexually abused when I was very young, and raped my freshman year of college. My first husband was a physically, mentally and verbally abusive mentally ill serial cheater who left me.

So....YEP it's been a rough life!

I'm writing to you today because I have SO been where you are. I'll be completely blunt--I'm not proud about it, but I was just MAD AS A WET HEN at God! How could He do this to me, and don't give me the platitudes about "He allows it to happen" or "You just have to have faith..." Blah-blah-blah HORSE PUCKEY that's what I say to that!

Here's what I have eventually learned about God. Oh, there's the usual stuff that you hear from everyone (aka "God loves you" and "He died to save you") and that stuff is true...but the part you don't hear so much is that God--the almighty Creator of heaven and earth--wants to have an intimate relationship with you. He wants to KNOW you and He wants you to KNOW Him. And that means if you are mad at Him, He wants to know the real you! If you're mad, be mad at Him!

I know that sort of doesn't make sense because we've always been told how He's God and it's a sin to be mad much less to be mad AT GOD. But Nowhereville, being mad is only an emotion just like being happy or being calm. It's a FEELING. And the fact is, right now you feel upset with God and sort of mad that He's not speaking to you out loud. So rail against the storm girl! MEET GOD in the thunder and yell at Him and let Him yell back at you. And you will come to an understanding and deeper knowledge of Him. Also, rather than laying out fleece and testing God, I have a suggestion of one good way to really HEAR from Him rather than waiting for "magic" and that's be still, stay in an attitude of prayer, and read the bible. Everything He wanted to tell ya is in there, and so is the answer to your questions.

I would also point out to you one possibility--just a thought. About 99.9% of my anger I directed at my dad...my mom...my ex...my abusers ... and all along I was the MOST angry at MYSELF!!!! How could I have just sat back and LET this happen? I didn't even love MYSELF enough to stand up for MYSELF!!! Why in the world would OTHER people stand up for me? But I had to be mad at others first before I realized that the huge, vast majority was really being mad at me.

for you as you meet God and really duke it out with Him.


~Faithful

 

[nowhereville]

My mind and body for whatever reason at the moment is doing the shell shocked thing - I can not feel, think or hear anything right now and I don't know why which is irritating. Nothing like having an on/off switch that goes off without knowing how.

I did yell at him - I am so sick of this. I talked to him last night but got nothing back, but that's probably a me thing.

It's been very very hard, but I will keep on keeping on I guess, as what are the alternatives?

 

[Johnnz]

The issues people face following abuse are far more complex than can be addressed by public prayer. You will need understanding relationship, wise counsel and time for healing. The fleece thing can be a diversion. Recognising the quiet voice of God who is within you will be more productive than looking for some external sign.

Bless you
John
NZ

 

[nowhereville]

This is/has been a very difficult place filled with dark tunnels and pitfalls and lots of other things like big hairy spiders.

My current situation is as bad, but in a different way.

Your advice (everone's) is excellent. It is hard to not want God to do something big.

I will keep on keeping on somehow.

 

[SuperAwesomeMan]

Go ahead and just quit christianity. It's not for you. Look at your problem: You're sick of praying/begging for something to be done, and it's not. Your solution (in christian perspective): Pray/beg to not feel bad anymore.