Do you ever feel.

[berry2000]

Like you can see the chess pieces falling into place for your fall? Like you husband gets a new job that will place more strain on you so that if you do fall into depression the consequences will be greater. And you feel like you can't possibly fail now...so you know you will? The pressure the stress mounting. You haven't paid the bills in like a week or two because you haven't had the strength...you're just waiting to feel better to do it. Like you biology is at a weak point at the worst possible time.

Please God no...not again. I don't want to cause my family this kind of pain again. Please spare me this time.

Today at church I realized all the pressures I am facing. And all the situations I cannot possibly even begin to handle right now. And I realized something......why am I trying to do this on my own strength. Wait...I cannot possibly do this on my own strength. When did i start counting on myself to be Atlas?

So I am praying...surrendering....giving God this whole dang mess and hoping he can sort through it for me. Cuz I'm lost in it.

End rant...sorry sometimes it helps to tell others.

 

[Crystal~Rose]

Thanks for sharing...yes sometimes it helps just to confess it to another. Praying for you God bless you...know you are not alone

Check out my signature it really spoke to me today!

 

[angelkiss]

Still praying for you berry!
's and es!!

 

[broken4him]

Praying for you Berry.

 

[Alive again]

I'm praying too and I know exactly how you feel.

 

[berry2000]

I talked to my therapist today. Only she called at a really bad time and I was in the middle of like 3 things mentally and I couldn't really explain myself to her properly. I wish she would have called at a better time.

 

[PrairieGurl]

Like you can see the chess pieces falling into place for your fall?

More like the rocks falling from the cliff to flaten me.

Like you husband gets a new job that will place more strain on you so that if you do fall into depression the consequences will be greater. And you feel like you can't possibly fail now...so you know you will? The pressure the stress mounting. You haven't paid the bills in like a week or two because you haven't had the strength...you're just waiting to feel better to do it. Like you biology is at a weak point at the worst possible time.

Or like when you were in a hypomania state and over a period of time racked up a credit card to about 4 grand or so...haven't told your husband, the guilt and fear of the consequences slips you into a depressive state...your mind trys to figure out how you can confess this...and this just causes more stress. You haven't paid the bills because you've mismangaged your money with no regard for the consequences...

Please God no...not again. I don't want to cause my family this kind of pain again. Please spare me this time.

Or Dear God...I've done it again!!! I'm worthless and a hopeless case. When will I learn??? Why do I keep falling into this trap???

Today at church I realized all the pressures I am facing. And all the situations I cannot possibly even begin to handle right now. And I realized something......why am I trying to do this on my own strength. Wait...I cannot possibly do this on my own strength. When did i start counting on myself to be Atlas?

I haven't gone to Church for some time...then last week I attended and the Sunday service was on integrety... something I have with others...but not my husband??? Why am I doing this on my own strength ??? Because then I can chose to share my wrongs with my husband when I want to rather than when I should.

So I am praying...surrendering....giving God this whole dang mess and hoping he can sort through it for me. Cuz I'm lost in it.

I am lost in it... but praying about it has not been on my agenda...He is the only One who can sort out this mess... I want to be willing and yet in the same breath...don't want to be???

End rant...sorry sometimes it helps to tell others.

Not a rant Berry...something that has brought out the truth of what I must deal with if I want to not dive into deep dispair. Something I needed to read today. Honesty from a dear friend...which has touched my heart. So I thank you friend.

s & s,
Wendy

 

[berry2000]

((((Oh WEndy))))
I'm sorry that you understood my post so well.
I am glad that it helped you look at things a little differently. And I'm so sorry you are struggling with that much stuff right now.

Church and prayer my dear friend...or we won't make it. It's too much stuff for any human to handle. And if you can't pray, cuz I'm been at that point myself please let me know so I can pray on your behalf. Somehow praying for someone else is so much easier. Isn't it?