Do most single Christian guys fail at being men?

Paulie079 · Jun 30, 2012

While generalizations aren't always helpful, I do think that she did touch on something that more Christian guys would think about in terms of acting like 'just friends' towards a girl when they did actually have interest in dating her. I think guys far too often wait to try and feel out how she feels first instead of just being honest with her and giving her the opportunity to express her feelings. I do agree, though, that her choices in life are not the fault of those Christian guy friends, nor are all Christian guys the way she described.

scotty81 · Jun 30, 2012

Alot of churches seem to preach the "Jesus is your boyfriend" message and lay on the touchy feely worship songs which is why church is more popular with women. Men are taught to be passive and meek and never offended anyone because of feminism creeping into the church

there is alot of men in church who have been emasculated by it.

That's why there's less men now who go to church because they aren't going to go to something that has been designed to appeal to women

blackjellybean · Jul 1, 2012

Miles said:
No. Men are still men, and women are still women. What people fail at is knowing what they truly want. Even when people *think* they know what they want, it isn't necessarily so. If anything, I'd blame overly zealous advertisers and unstable home environments. That said, if one insists on blaming men, then I'll throw it right back to them. Why should a man act like a "real man" if there aren't any "real women" for him to pursue? But seriously, the notion that a member of the other gender isn't being a real member of their respective sex is ridiculous. If more folks cared enough to learn who they really are, to know what they need rather than simply what they want, then this wouldn't be as much of an issue. It all boils down to compatibility, regardless of gender.

Thanks for this.

127.0.0.1 · Jul 1, 2012

blackjellybean said:
Also, I got sick of the Christian boys being so focused on their church bands and church youth groups (yay, let's isolate youngin's from wise adults. Good one! That's a stupid thing the church is doing, btw) and church mission trips and church baking and .... gah. Get out into the real world, people, where there are real things to spend time on, where people live in small apartments with out toys and food and furniture, no access to health care (don't worry, obamacare is a bad idea, I know!) and bad schools. Seriously. You know, in your own country, in your own city. Don't think you have to go overseas for a fun little vacation to get that. I've worked in social work where the board of directors was Christian, and not a single employee was. Because those boys have their band ministry. With the cheesy little skits for Sunday's sermon. Wow, that's important stuff there.

Thank you, for making me glad to be Orthodox.
Yeah, thankfully, I don't have to go to Church and see stupid teenagers dong stupid made-up skits, and I don't sit in a movie theater seat, and there isn't a popcorn machine in the back.

The other thing I picked up on, from this, is...just be yourself and live your own life. I mean, if what she's saying is true it makes it sound like a lot of these guys she associated with were living highly sheltered lives.

welshman · Jul 1, 2012

Think the person has issues. Would rather go against God's Word to please her own flesh than have faith in the Lord.

TheUnforeseen · Jul 1, 2012

Xaxaxaxa, reading that made me laugh. But seriously, she needs a good slap around the head.

MacFall · Jul 1, 2012

That sounds like a really good description of many men who are immersed in "cultural Christianity". But here's the thing - there's a whole world of Christian men outside of cultural Christianity who can give her what she's looking for. This honestly sounds to me like she's trying to justify her accepting an unequal yoke by characterizing all Christian men as unsuitable for her. Who is she really trying to convince?

blackjellybean · Jul 1, 2012

MacFall said:
That sounds like a really good description of many men who are immersed in "cultural Christianity". But here's the thing - there's a whole world of Christian men outside of cultural Christianity who can give her what she's looking for. This honestly sounds to me like she's trying to justify her accepting an unequal yoke by characterizing all Christian men as unsuitable for her. Who is she really trying to convince?

This is what I thought as well.

I was thinking, why couldn't she find an evangelist or missionary or someone like that to marry?

Humble Pie · Jul 1, 2012

Christian men have diverse personalities.

Elliewaves · Jul 1, 2012

Humble Pie said:
Christian men have diverse personalities.

I agree with this; I can see some truth in what she is saying and it might be easy to get fed up and generalize, but there are Christian men out there that are not that way and a thousand other ways in between. Just like there are probably many Christian women that would agree with her and many that would not, and many that act one way and many that act another.

Boondock_Saint · Jul 1, 2012

Elliewaves said:
I agree with this; I can see some truth in what she is saying and it might be easy to get fed up and generalize, but there are Christian men out there that are not that way and a thousand other ways in between. Just like there are probably many Christian women that would agree with her and many that would not, and many that act one way and many that act another.

I'm with you. It is a ratio problem. In the church there are far fewer men to choose from if you are going that way. The ratio of good solid men to sloppy bachelor dudes is the same in the secular pond. Just in the secular pond you get your pick from the country and in the church you get pick'ins from the bible studies and small groups. It sucks!

Men are in the same boat. When I go out at night, I see skin all over the place. But none of those woman are my type. I find the only good place to meet a solid Christian woman is at church. And let me tell you, it ain't that big of a selection.

Sometimes it feels like we have to say to ourselves, "Ok, find some one who is the least bad and run with it."

Elliewaves · Jul 1, 2012

or be single until you find someone that is a better match for you; but then I think people like to remark about how picky you are or that you want someone that is impossible. I find that sort of unreasonable; I mean are all these people that think general civility (or whatever) is impossible; are they setting just to have someone? They just kind of insulted themselves in a weird sort of way......

KingCrimson250 · Jul 1, 2012

Why does this sort of thing always have to be about "boys vs men?" When you do that, you are fundamentally just bullying. Nevermind the massive equivocation fallacy it entails ("No TRUE man would act that way!"), it comes down to saying "You want to be a man, don't you? DON'T YOU? Better do what I say, then, darn it, otherwise you're just a little boy!" You're basically just ridiculing anyone who doesn't act the way you want them to act.

Is there such thing as maturity and adult behaviour? Of course. But this rarely seems to be about that, and going around calling people names because they haven't met your standards yet just does not seem to be a good way of doing things.

Also, never belittle or look down on anyone for being immature, because to everyone older and wiser than you, you're immature

Blank123 · Jul 1, 2012

There's no belittling. At least not on my part. But if a man acts like a child, I will call a spade a spade. If a man wants to play games with me and play with my heart for whatever reason and will not be upfront and honest with me, then that is childish. There's no other term to describe it.

Socktastic · Jul 1, 2012

Oh, that was an interesting rant. One that is quite typical of individuals who have had poor experiences within their Christian social circle (and the wider circle they come into contact with). Do I agree? Only in the sense that for many people there are a great many disappointments when it comes to dating, perhaps it is that they're too this or too that, maybe it's more to do with the lack of complementary traits between the people involved and different expectations of the budding relationship.

Sure, reading over it I do notice similarities between men (Christian or otherwise) I know, but they are people problems. The change isn't limited to a specific subgroup within a gender but individual people who must want to address their issues or find someone who doesn't find those issues quite so bothersome as the last one did.

someguy14 · Jul 1, 2012

Putting like minds with like minds. That solves a bunch of problems.

MehGuy · Jul 1, 2012

In the title of this thread you forgot to put a "a" after the word "e" in men.

blackjellybean · Jul 1, 2012

MehGuy said:
In the title of this thread you forgot to put a "a" after the word "e" in men.

Shut up, I did not.

Thunder Peel · Jul 1, 2012

Looks like it's time to get the man-bashing thread rolling again.

SeraphimsCherub · Jul 1, 2012

Women are far better at being men. Men have been turned into women by the media,and the feminist movement. Men have completely lost their idenity in this wretched politically correct "gay" world.

Do most single Christian guys fail at being men?

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