Do ladies only like guys with "cheating leverage"?

Gen X said:

So what do our runners up win? What do women have planned for men who stayed the course in their purity? Didn't father children and leave. Didn't get into porn. Didn't abuse, hit. Didn't cheat. What's in store for these solid men? Bob, show us the prize

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There IS no "prize". You are not entitled to a woman because you have "stayed the course".

KitKatMatt said:

There IS no "prize". You are not entitled to a woman because you have "stayed the course".

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I didn't say entitled or deserved. YOU DID. I am speaking about professing Christian women. Not agnostics, atheists btw ;-)

KitKatMatt said:

There IS no "prize". You are not entitled to a woman because you have "stayed the course".

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I really agree with this. Marriage isn't about entitlement or fairness. It is supposed to be a union between two people who love each other and enjoy each other's company. I might be a very decent Christian who has lived a pure life. That is good, but it doesn't mean that God owes me a great spouse or that it is unfair that others don't want to be with me.

I do think there is a prize in a sense. You can view the situation different ways. A person can be thankful that even though he might be alone, he escaped being in a relationship or marriage with a selfish, shallow woman or one that doesn't really love God. The blessing could be freedom from such a negative union. I'd also add that such unions tend to destroy a person's spiritual life.

Gen X said:

I didn't say entitled or deserved. YOU DID. I am speaking about professing Christian women. Not agnostics, atheists btw ;-)

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I didn't put quotes around the word entitled, so I never insinuated that you said the word

You want a "prize" for being good. That is entitlement. There is no "prize" for being good, it is its own reward. If you do good just to get a prize, did you do good for the right reasons?

sigh.......

yet I am somehow responsible for all the single women in church though.....all the poor decisions they make. As for my above comment, I was trying to be funny with TPIR reference...and as usual my humor didn't go over well.

YankeeGirl said:

I really agree with this. Marriage isn't about entitlement or fairness. It is supposed to be a union between two people who love each other and enjoy each other's company. I might be a very decent Christian who has lived a pure life. That is good, but it doesn't mean that God owes me a great spouse or that it is unfair that others don't want to be with me.

I do think there is a prize in a sense. You can view the situation different ways. A person can be thankful that even though he might be alone, he escaped being in a relationship or marriage with a selfish, shallow woman or one that doesn't really love God. The blessing could be freedom from such a negative union. I'd also add that such unions tend to destroy a person's spiritual life.

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Bolded, because I think this is really important, and something people look over. Do you really want a relationship with that kind of woman?

Great post, btw

Gen X said:

sigh.......

yet I am somehow responsible for all the single women in church though.....all the poor decisions they make. As for my above comment, I was trying to be funny with TPIR reference...and as usual my humor didn't go over well.

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You are only responsible for yourself. If someone else makes a poor decision, who cares? It's their life. If you don't like their decisions, don't hang around them.

YankeeGirl said:

I really agree with this. Marriage isn't about entitlement or fairness. It is supposed to be a union between two people who love each other and enjoy each other's company. I might be a very decent Christian who has lived a pure life. That is good, but it doesn't mean that God owes me a great spouse or that it is unfair that others don't want to be with me.

I do think there is a prize in a sense. You can view the situation different ways. A person can be thankful that even though he might be alone, he escaped being in a relationship or marriage with a selfish, shallow woman or one that doesn't really love God. The blessing could be freedom from such a negative union. I'd also add that such unions tend to destroy a person's spiritual life.

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marriage is a sacrament before God. Nothing in the Word says anything about personal happiness.

KitKatMatt said:

You are only responsible for yourself. If someone else makes a poor decision, who cares? It's their life. If you don't like their decisions, don't hang around them.

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I really don't have a choice, that is just about the whole planet

Gen X said:

marriage is a sacrament before God. Nothing in the Word says anything about personal happiness.

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True, but the nature of God is good and just. I don't think that God delights in marriages that bring unhappiness to his followers. Christians often have this strange view that God will bring them a spouse that they will hate. In my opinion, a marriage is not God's will if you feel no joy in your partner. Being spiritually and physically compatible are not mutually exclusive. I don't think you should marry a person unless both are in place.

So now God brings a spouse? This just gets more and more confusing.

Gen X said:

I didn't say entitled or deserved. YOU DID. I am speaking about professing Christian women. Not agnostics, atheists btw ;-)

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It doesn't matter whether or not you said you were entitled or deserved to be with a woman, but your post SCREAMED desperation. Now, you are frustrated and bitter about it, and this is coming across by saying it's women's fault and not yours. I know this because I used to be you and CCHIPS. I thought "I'm a nice guy, I don't watch porn, I treat women right, I'm saving myself, etc. Why do women not like me?" If anything, women were repelled by me. Women can smell desperation from a mile away, essentially, doing all these things to get a woman to date you, in reality, is no better than the player who fakes it to get in her pants. The difference is that the players know what their doing and so they know how to hide while "nice guys" do not. The reason women were repelled by me is that I didn't actually care about them, I just wanted a girlfriend. I eventually started watching what other people did, and asked friends about what I was doing wrong. It was tough, but I'm thankful that I made that choice.

All, right....all right...enough. You win.

God wants me miserable, wants the rest of you happy. I won't reply anymore. Just so tired of everything

Gen X said:

All, right....all right...enough. You win.

God wants me miserable, wants the rest of you happy. I won't reply anymore. Just so tired of everything

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We're trying to help you. Believe me, I didn't want hear it at first either.

Too late for me. Pushing fifty.

actually, he said he was frustrated. do you know what it is like to feel frustration?

Indeed.

******************thread interruption******************

Sweet sweet Jesus...

Okay back to regularly scheduled post....

nm

redblue22 said:

actually, he said he was frustrated. do you know what it is like to feel frustration?

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I think we all do. I know I definitely understand and sympathize with Gen X and the OP. I don't think anyone is trying to tell either of them that it is wrong to feel frustrated. Truthfully, nothing is harder to accept in life than an unfulfilled desire. It is only natural that a person would feel hopeless and depressed in this situation. I know Matt is genuinely trying to help with his advice. His advice is very sound. Perhaps Gen X feels like it's too late for him and that Matt's advice and my suggestions are more annoying than helpful. I get that. Matt wasn't just giving this advice to Gen X though. The OP is actively on dating sites and still hopeful of meeting someone. So, in my opinion, Matt's advice is definitely very relevant to this conversation. Also, Matt stated that he used to feel the same way, but learned from his frustration.

I realize that when a person is very frustrated and in a depressed state (I've been there), the last thing he wants to hear is others saying how to "fix" his mindset. I also realize that many well meaning Christians make things worse by repeating cliches. My comments about being single being a blessing in a way, weren't a cliche though. I wouldn't say this to someone who lost a child in a tragic accident or a person who lost a limb, etc. I don't believe all suffering equals blessing. I do think that being single (although it can be lonely) is to be greatly preferred over being in a toxic marriage.

I would add that when individuals are very depressed and frustrated, they often say things they don't really believe. I don't really think that the OP truly believes everything he posted. If he did, he wouldn't be still actively trying to find a girlfriend (he can correct me if he disagrees). I think deep down he really hopes he will meet a sweet, attractive Christian girl who will fall in love with him. When he does, that will put his views on Christian women in perspective and balance. I think his current post, Gen X's, and others are coming from frustration. It is okay to feel this frustration, but a person has to be very careful that when he is in that mindset, he doesn't lash out at others, or worse, God.