Do ladies only like guys with "cheating leverage"?

buzuxi02 · Jun 26, 2015

So are you saying you wouldnt care if she was a porn star? Also do you not take into consideration what that past may mean in raising children?
If one is looking to raise kids in a traditional household I dont see how that person can marry someone so untraditional

MiniEmu · Jun 26, 2015

Genuine question:

Why does the past of someone, or their reputation, have such a huge influence? Particularly if they have come to Christ? If they wanted the "traditional" household, how would an unconventional past make that difficult?

Please forgive my ignorance, I am genuinely curious.

Al T · Jun 26, 2015

buzuxi02 said:
So are you saying you wouldnt care if she was a porn star? Also do you not take into consideration what that past may mean in raising children?
If one is looking to raise kids in a traditional household I dont see how that person can marry someone so untraditional

A prior occupation of porn star is not a deal breaker for me. As long as she is faithful to our marriage vows than I accept her. If we bring up our kids with love and care then that's all that matters. I personally don't care what other people think and I never have.
I understand that this wouldn't be for everyone but just because someone has a past shouldn't exclude them. I personally don't care what friends and family think as long as we together are happy.

buzuxi02 · Jun 26, 2015

Because a leopard cant change its spots. A pothead may no longer smoke pot but will still tolerate it when their kids are caught with it. That whole thing "who am I to judge".

In other words the entire concept, "if she came to Christ" , is bizarre. That is something that makes no sense in a traditional society and proves such a persons outlook is non-traditional.

Messy · Jun 26, 2015

buzuxi02 said:
Because a leopard cant change its spots. A pothead may no longer smoke pot but will still tolerate it when their kids are caught with it.

God can.
Some of the best preachers were drug addicts and lead thousands to Christ.

http://www.jewishtestimonies.com/en/michael-brown-from-drug-addict-to-a-disciple-of-yeshua/

MiniEmu · Jun 26, 2015

buzuxi02 said:
Because a leopard cant change its spots. A pothead may no longer smoke pot but will still tolerate it when their kids are caught with it. That whole thing "who am I to judge".

In other words the entire concept, "if she came to Christ" , is bizarre. That is something that makes no sense in a traditional society and proves such a persons outlook is non-traditional.

I again apologise for the silly questions:

So if someone has done these things, but then repents as an adult, this does not matter? What is bizarre about them becoming Christian later in life, after they have done such things? Is that not possible?

What is a traditional outlook? If someone has a traditional outlook, why would they be concerned with the untraditional flocking together? If a leopard cannot change its spots, then leopards should stick with leopards and tigers with tigers. Why is it a concern of the tiger if a leopard only considers leopards?

I think it wonderful that people know what they wish for in a relationship, and the type of person they wish to be with, but I struggle with the idea that somehow the person you're looking for is interested in people so far removed from that ideal.

Al T · Jun 26, 2015

buzuxi02 said:
Because a leopard cant change its spots. A pothead may no longer smoke pot but will still tolerate it when their kids are caught with it. That whole thing "who am I to judge".

In other words the entire concept, "if she came to Christ" , is bizarre. That is something that makes no sense in a traditional society and proves such a persons outlook is non-traditional.

I absolutely don't accept your hypothesis. Saying that a person who, for example used drugs in the past, would bring up their children thinking it's OK is nonsense. By saying that a leopard doesn't change its spots basically implies that Christ can't change lives - and the lives of their children.

I want to make sure I understand you correctly. Are you saying that a traditional society can only accept 'unblemished' people? That anyone else is outside of that and thus unclean?
If so then Jesus didn't belong in that traditional society that you're talking about. He came for the lost. He associated with tax collectors and prostitutes - people not in your traditional society. I think I'll try and be like Jesus and not a traditionalist. I'm happier that way.

LoveDivine · Jun 26, 2015

MiniEmu said:
I again apologise for the silly questions:

So if someone has done these things, but then repents as an adult, this does not matter? What is bizarre about them becoming Christian later in life, after they have done such things? Is that not possible?

What is a traditional outlook? If someone has a traditional outlook, why would they be concerned with the untraditional flocking together?

I have to agree with you. If someone has repented, they are transformed. They no longer live the same lifestyle or indulge in the same sinful practices they did prior to conversion. I don't think that person should be considered unclean or second-rate. There are many examples in the Bible of great saints who had rough beginnings. Rahab was a harlot and ends up in the lineage of Christ. I am not saying that a person's past makes no difference when it comes to marriage. Not everyone has lived the same life and perhaps those with more similar backgrounds would be more compatible. I don't think a guy who has saved himself for marriage is wrong to prefer a girl who has as well. It's ridiculous though when guys expect a woman to be a virgin and they themselves are not. That is an archaic mindset. I think it's important to remember that even if you have preferences, you should never look down on someone who has a checkered past. It is very contrary to the spirit of Christ's teachings to be unmerciful or despise those who have made mistakes.

buzuxi02 · Jun 26, 2015

So there is nothing to being a christian then? All you have to do is settle down when you get older and all is foregiven? Even though you and your family comes from a christian pedigree for centuries it doesnt go into effect until you say it does.
All that stuff about not defiling yourself is meaningless. But this thread proves another thing that good christian women are a myth as their very outlook on morals is immoral. Try using that argument elsewhere in the world it wont fly.

LoveDivine · Jun 26, 2015

buzuxi02 said:
So there is nothing to being a christian then? All you have to do is settle down when you get older and all is foregiven? Even though you and your family comes from a christian pedigree for centuries it doesnt go into effect until you say it does.
All that stuff about not defiling yourself is meaningless. But this thread proves another thing that good christian women are a myth as their very outlook on morals is immoral.

No one is saying you have to marry a woman with a wild past. I don't think there is anything wrong with preferring a woman with the same background as yourself. Sometimes that is wisdom. I do think that your mindset is very wrong though. A person should keep himself undefiled because he is desirous of obeying God. It doesn't matter what anyone else does or thinks. You are not keeping yourself pure for others. If you love God and want to follow him in truth you should consider this your reasonable duty. The reward for this is knowing you have done the will of God. Even if you are unable to ever meet a compatible woman, that doesn't make your abstinence meaningless.

MiniEmu · Jun 26, 2015

buzuxi02 said:
So there is nothing to being a christian then? All you have to do is settle down when you get older and all is foregiven? Even though you and your family comes from a christian pedigree for centuries it doesnt go into effect until you say it does.
All that stuff about not defiling yourself is meaningless. But this thread proves another thing that good christian women are a myth as their very outlook on morals is immoral.

I am deeply sorry you feel that way. What do you define as an immoral outlook? I am sure it would be quite educational for those interacting with you to know such things.

If you have laid yourself bare to God, repented, and now live according to His will, then who are we mere mortals to say the sins and immoralities of the past should colour their present? Did Jesus not say the only perfect being is God? Did Jesus not forgive those who led such lives? If someone feels God calling them to a different way of life, should they be punished by humans for having ignored Him? I do not mean punished by not wishing to marry them, but punished in that they are forever tarnished? God will do as He sees fit once our time comes, until that day I shall let the current actions of another speak for them.

However I feel I am left without many answers. I am not sure what you mean by a Christian pedigree, or how that relates to what you were saying earlier. Could you possibly educate me a little more on the importance of this? It sounds fascinating.

buzuxi02 · Jun 26, 2015

Ah exactly! You keep yourself pure for God!.
This is why agreed with the original poster. Because that idea is actually detrimental to a man in this life. its a fact that the overwhelming majority of women dont want to marry a guy who has not slept around. This is Not true the other way around.

Al T · Jun 26, 2015

buzuxi02 said:
So there is nothing to being a christian then? All you have to do is settle down when you get older and all is foregiven? Even though you and your family comes from a christian pedigree for centuries it doesnt go into effect until you say it does.
All that stuff about not defiling yourself is meaningless. But this thread proves another thing that good christian women are a myth as their very outlook on morals is immoral. Try using that argument elsewhere in the world it wont fly.

When a person finds Christ and accepts him into their life - massive changes happen. Having a family that consists of generations of Christians is meaningless if you don't live out the teachings of Christ. To love God. To love our neighbours as ourselves.
The stuff about not defiling yourself isn't meaningless, but equally saying that just because a Christian wasn't born into a Christian home, and that they lived a worldly life before finding Christ, is completely opposite to Christ's teachings.

On behalf of the Christian women on this thread - What are you talking about? Immoral? Nonsense. You provide nothing to back this up. I've read the thread so I know what's been said. Just because they don't agree with your very narrow view of what's right doesn't make them immoral.

I'm proud to belong to a nontraditional Christian society and family. We accept everyone is washed clean by the blood of Christ.

LoveDivine · Jun 26, 2015

buzuxi02 said:
Ah exactly! You keep yourself pure for God!.
This is why agreed with the original poster. Because that idea is actually detrimental to a man in this life. its a fact that the overwhelming majority of women dont want to marry a guy who has not slept around. This is Not true the other way around.

Perhaps this is true in many instances. I know it is not the case for all. I would always be drawn to the guy who had spent his youth following God to the best of his ability. There are other Christian women who would feel the same. Guys can't be let off the hook though. Do you know how many men I have encountered that are not virgins and love to look down on women who aren't virgins. They have all sorts of derogatory terms for what they deem loose women. This is disgustingly hypocritical. These men are furthering the stereotypes that you and the OP are complaining against. They are adding to the idea that women should be "nice and pure" and guys can have fun and just "be boys". So it isn't just women who can be blamed for what you deem as society's put down of nice guys. Not to mention that many guys do pressure decent women into sleeping with them. How many women have caved and lost their virginity because they feared the guy was going to move on. It is never easy following God regardless of your sex. There are pitfalls all along the way. There are just as many decent Christian women who get scorned for living purely as men. This brings me back to my original point, what kind of women are these men pursuing? You can't expect women or men who don't live seriously themselves to seek out Godly attributes in their partners.

Al T · Jun 26, 2015

buzuxi02 said:
Ah exactly! You keep yourself pure for God!.
This is why agreed with the original poster. Because that idea is actually detrimental to a man in this life. its a fact that the overwhelming majority of women dont want to marry a guy who has not slept around. This is Not true the other way around.

Again why do you continue with such stereotypes? It is not a fact that women don't want to sleep with men who remained pure. It's just your assertion. Please prove facts to back this up - all of this up.

Messy · Jun 26, 2015

buzuxi02 said:
Ah exactly! You keep yourself pure for God!.
This is why agreed with the original poster. Because that idea is actually detrimental to a man in this life. its a fact that the overwhelming majority of women dont want to marry a guy who has not slept around. This is Not true the other way around.

I don't know if that's true. I don't think so if a woman is a virgin. I wanted to marry a virgin when I was a virgin but God said I shouldn't be so judgemental. I wouldn't want to marry an ex serial rapist either for the idea but not because he isn't changed.

buzuxi02 · Jun 26, 2015

Al T said:
Again why do you continue with such stereotypes? It is not a fact that women don't want to sleep with men who remained pure. It's just your assertion. Please prove facts to back this up - all of this up.

Oh come on are you serious? The entire womans argument that 'why can men sleep around but not us' is nonsensical precisely because a woman not only doesnt care, but views such a man as more desireable.
Of course im talking more about the newer generations than the era of our great grandmas.

Messy · Jun 26, 2015

buzuxi02 said:
because a woman not only doesnt care, but views such a man as more desireable.

Maybe learn some Dutch and visit a Dutch reformed forum where only virgins from the same church married each other, not grandma's but in their twenties and thirties now. Yeah they still exist the old fashioned ones, but most are happily married and thus not interested.

LoveDivine · Jun 26, 2015

buzuxi02 said:
Oh come on are you serious? The entire womans argument that 'why can men sleep around but not us' is nonsensical precisely because a woman not only doesnt care, but views such a man as more desireable.
Of course im talking more about the newer generations than the era of our great grandmas.

There are several women on this thread that stated the contrary. It is not fair to keep saying that women prefer men who sleep around. I'm not doubting that you have witnessed this attitude in some women, but you can't take those experiences and generalize all Christian women. I have met some really horrible men who were professing Christians and they had no respect or regard for women. I don't think that all men who profess Christ are liars or misogynists though. I view the ones I have met to be poor representatives of the Christian faith and not living seriously. I still believe that there are decent and sincere Christian men who would make great husbands. Your argument has more weight when it comes to the secular world, but not in Christian circles. I'm sure there are some Christian women who have a more secular mindset, but most would prefer a decent guy. I have never dated a guy who wasn't a professing Christian (I'm not saying all of those guys were genuinely decent) and I'm not unique in that. I think like Messy has said, there are many Christian women who are virgins and are looking for that in a husband. I would be open to dating a guy with a past (I do believe people can change), but that doesn't mean I prefer that or get excited by it.

buzuxi02 · Jun 26, 2015

This is a fast moving thread so I may have to go back and re -read the womens post. But I think what the women have written here confirms the assumptions of the OP. Much that has been written here is of a secular mindset. In other words there is only minor difference between christian circles and western secularism. There is a chasm between what christian men believe and what christian women believe. The latter is from venus the former are from mars.

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