Do I Stay or do I Go...

[TrustingGod]

Where do I start? I've never posted on any blog/forum/website, etc, only emails, so bear with me. I'm not into social media at all.
I was kind of skeptical about posting anything, but after viewing this site on several occasions, I've had the "feeling" that I should.
First off, me and my husband have been together over 30 yrs & married for 25 yrs. From this relationship, we have 2 children(ages 24 & 18). Relationship started out great, just like any other relationship. We even got saved during the course of our marriage and I thought everything was "perfect". Little did I know that being "saved" means a lot more than just saying that you are a Christian, that it takes a lot of commitment, dedication, trust and faith. I know that all marriages have ups and downs, but not in a million yrs did I expect to be torn into pieces!!!!
Fast forward to now...Within the past 7 yrs or so, I think that my husband cheated, physically/emotionally.I've seen phone calls to this "woman" that he's been talking to on numerous occasions, text messages and even heard a voicemail from the woman, saying to him that they've "always worked out their problems". Hearing this, I was soooo distraught. I was at the point where I didn't want to be in the marriage anymore. I had this feeling that this was an "old flame" that he never got over. I thought that we were faithful to each other and that we had trust for one another. I even confronted him about my suspicions, but of course, he denied it. I asked him to be truthful to me and if there were any unresolved "issues" between him and this "woman". Of course, he still kept saying that he wasn't talking to anybody else. Even went to the point to ask about marriage counseling, but he wouldn't go.
Where do I go from here?

 

[beaverpond]

At first glance, he could be being completely honest with you and the other woman could be the one with the marital problems and she leans on him for support because she has nobody else to lean on.

Tell him you have seen all the calls to or from this woman. You would like to know if he is helping her. This way you are leaving it open to a non-confrontational discussion as to which he might then open up to you a little more. He might not be able to tell you who she is or a lot of the details, but he might be able to give some basic info. It might start a dialog.

However, you only told us about one voicemail...what about details about other messages. It might give us a little more to go on. For the moment I will stick with my original suggestion.

You have been married for 30 years and people married this long don't typically throw it all away after this amount of time.

 

[Catherineanne]

Where do I start? I've never posted on any blog/forum/website, etc, only emails, so bear with me. I'm not into social media at all.
I was kind of skeptical about posting anything, but after viewing this site on several occasions, I've had the "feeling" that I should.
First off, me and my husband have been together over 30 yrs & married for 25 yrs. From this relationship, we have 2 children(ages 24 & 18). Relationship started out great, just like any other relationship. We even got saved during the course of our marriage and I thought everything was "perfect". Little did I know that being "saved" means a lot more than just saying that you are a Christian, that it takes a lot of commitment, dedication, trust and faith. I know that all marriages have ups and downs, but not in a million yrs did I expect to be torn into pieces!!!!
Fast forward to now...Within the past 7 yrs or so, I think that my husband cheated, physically/emotionally.I've seen phone calls to this "woman" that he's been talking to on numerous occasions, text messages and even heard a voicemail from the woman, saying to him that they've "always worked out their problems". Hearing this, I was soooo distraught. I was at the point where I didn't want to be in the marriage anymore. I had this feeling that this was an "old flame" that he never got over. I thought that we were faithful to each other and that we had trust for one another. I even confronted him about my suspicions, but of course, he denied it. I asked him to be truthful to me and if there were any unresolved "issues" between him and this "woman". Of course, he still kept saying that he wasn't talking to anybody else. Even went to the point to ask about marriage counseling, but he wouldn't go.
Where do I go from here?

Honesty is an absolute requirement of any relationship and non negotiable.

Depending on the family home you do not necessarily have to go anywhere; you are not the one with another relationship.

Pack a suitcase for your husband, put it on the front doorstep, lock & chain the door and tell him to take a couple of months to sort out what his priorities are. He has to choose his marriage or his other woman. He has to know that this is serious, and you are not messing around.

Legally speaking if he is joint owner of the home then you cannot actually lock him out, but the chances are he will respect your wishes if you make it clear that you want him to go away and make a proper decision on this one.

 

[98cwitr]

If you havent already...seek God's guidance in the matter and wait for an answer. He knows BEST!

Have you considered reaching out to the "other woman?"

 

[Autumnleaf]

Talk to the woman in person. If it were me I'd meet the guy where he works unannounced. His nonverbal language would tell the tale. One way or the other.