Do I need therapy or is this normal?

[Life2Christ]

Be honest! Do I need therapy or am I just over-sensitive?

A few years ago some of my family was living in Luxemburg (in Europe) and I had the chance to spread my wings and travel to Europe to visit castles and stuff (all for the price of an airline ticket; no hotel needed). I booked the flight. Then I coudn't leave my daughter and I felt horrible. So I canceled this once in a lifetime opportunity (my family was living there temporarily so now they are back in the states).


Oftentimes I am invited out to the movies and such with others but feel guilty for going. This is why I haven't dated since the divorce. I always feel horrible for leaving my daughter. I don't have a social life (by choice).

Since I was a little girl I have always wanted to visit Antarctica. It is a magical place and I have always dreamed of going there. My (world traveler) aunt invited me to go to Antarctica with her. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. This trip coincides with my 40th birthday. I am scheduled to leave in 3 weeks. Everything is booked and paid for.

I have a knot in my stomach now.

I told my mother (who is my daughter's caretaker while I work) that she can go in my place!

I am afraid of not coming back in one piece. (this includes dating as well as traveling). I am perfectly happy to live in a bubble. Is that not good?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Well I had similar feelings when my girlfriend invited me to a paid cruise to Europe a couple of years ago. I wanted to go so badly, but since my husband had died a few years before I was scared...what if something happened to me? Then my boys would have no parents....My oldest, who was 16 at the time, well actually both my boys told me GO MOM! you are going to have the time of your life! And I said, what if something happens? And they said IT WON'T! you need to GO! And so.....go I did and I had THE best time! I was also afraid of cruising, because I have seen the Posiden Adventure LOL but when I got on the ship, all my fears disappeared because you could not tell you were on a boat unless you were looking at the water. You couldn't "feel" it. My fear actually turned into wishing I could take my boys on a cruise and wishing I could just retire and cruise all over I LOVED it THAT much!!!
So it is natural for you to feel anxious about leaving but you should GO!!!
Think of it this way....God has an appointed time for everything and everyone. You cannot leave this earth before it is your time and you can do nothing to prevent it from happening if it is your time. So whether you are here, and are crossing the street or sleeping or whatever, or in the air or in Antartica, if it's your time, it's your time, and if it's not, it's not. Go and enjoy yourself. Your daughter will miss you, but she will be OK too.
I don't think you need therapy, but you DO need to go on this trip. It will probably change your life in a good way. That's my 2 cents.

 

[Life2Christ]

Well I had similar feelings when my girlfriend invited me to a paid cruise to Europe a couple of years ago. I wanted to go so badly, but since my husband had died a few years before I was scared...what if something happened to me? Then my boys would have no parents....

See I knew you would understand! This is how my brain works.

In the dating world it's "what if I fall in love with a pedophile?!" oh gosh! You see how I am. You know how many times I started a Match.com profile only never to have it published?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

See I knew you would understand! This is how my brain works.

In the dating world it's "what if I fall in love with a pedophile?!" oh gosh! You see how I am. You know how many times I started a Match.com profile only never to have it published?

LOL mine is similar except instead of a pedophile I think "How do you know he's not a serial killer?"

So please please please go on the trip.

One place I have wanted to visit since I was a teen is Australia. Don't know if I'll ever get there, and I don't know what exactly makes Australia THE place in my mind, but if I won a trip to go anywhere I wanted....I would pick Australia. Of course because it's so far away it is rather expensive just to get there, so I probably won't make it any time soon, but PLEASE tell me you ARE going to take the trip.

 

[dayhiker]

Well, Life you can certianly stay home and be comfortable.

For me I find if I have a fear its best to face it. With my getting getting involved in new communities where I didn't know anyone involved. I used to not like going places where that I wasn't familiar with in come way. I've had quite few people tell me they wouldn't go places where they don't know anyone. That's how I deal with fears.

 

[blackribbon]

Michelle's advice is wonderful.

I am going to add a little more.

You are your daughter's number one role model. How do you want her to live her life? Do you really want her to believe the best way to approach life is to always "play it safe", tuck your dreams on the shelf, and be afraid of dying?

You can't protect your daughter from your death if God has determined that it is your time. If you don't go, you might get in a car accident...or catch a disease...or just have a heart attack for no reason that anyone can determine. Your job as a parent to to prepare her to be a Godly woman who is able to live life to the fullest serving Him and be confident and independent.

If you don't model leaving...how does she learn that people who love you RETURN? And if you don't model leaving every now and then, where is she going to find the confidence to walk out your door and face a scary world when she is an adult and it is time for her to fly on her own?

One more consideration...if you don't ever leave her, how is she going to be able to walk out your door one day and become an adult without feeling guilty because YOU NEED HER. I think the saddest thing I see is capable young adults who are not allowed to fly because their parents are too dependent on them (not talking illness, just emotionally dependent).

You have been given a gift...a chance to fulfill a dream. Go out today with your daughter and buy a journal so that you can record everything you see and share it with her when you get home. Bring film and a movie camera if possible. Make love packages for your mother to give to her one a day every day that you are gone...stupid little dollar store trinkets...love notes...favorite snacks...

If you are really worried that you might not make it back alive, then write her a "last letter" to be opened "only if" and put it somewhere it could be found in your personal belongings if you didn't return...( And you will be throwing this away when you get home...because you will get home).

And chances are you can skype and converse via the internet most, if not the whole time you are gone.

Now go and show your girl, that you are strong enough to fly...so that someday, she will be strong enough to do the same.

 

[cam44]

You don't need therapy - you are a loving parent!! God Bless you.

 

[iambren]

Wife and I went on a 2nd honeymoon when our son was age 2. BAD idea. When we returned and met our son at the airport he had mommy in a vice-grip and me hugging nearby. When I went to use the bathroom he came unglued. So we never vacationed when kids were that young(we had another boy 1 1/2 years later).

So when boys were in school we were still a little tentative, took a cell phone (which worked USVI to Ohio) and it was much nicer, and less traumatic on the kids. I think you should push yourself a little and take these opportunities. After trauma it is only natural to hunker down, become agoraphobic, but I'm not so sure that's good for our mental health. Good luck however you go.

 

[Life2Christ]

These responses have meant so much to me. Thank you all.

 

[dayhiker]

My wife and I went on a vacation when our boys were like 2 and 4. They stayed with the woman who babysat them during the day while we worked. I don't remember that it was over problematic for them. I guess each family is different.

Like I'm thinking about all the kids that are sleeping with their parents these days. When our boys stopped nursing they were moved into their own bedroom. Like 15 feet away. Very rare after that for them to come into our bedroom.

What works for each family, I guess.

 

[dayhiker]

Alright, Life .... hope your going for it!

 

[Life2Christ]

Alright, Life .... hope your going for it!

I'm definitely going to go for it at this point, but I'm not relaxed about it!! I have to fly to the tip of Argentina and then take a 2 day boat trip.

 

[blackribbon]

You are a good mother and because of that might not feel completely relaxed with it until you are back. However, that said, embrace the good feelings...the excitement of the dream. God is in control today, tomorrow, and every day after that. Go worship Him in places you have never experienced.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I'm definitely going to go for it at this point, but I'm not relaxed about it!! I have to fly to the tip of Argentina and then take a 2 day boat trip.

YaY for you! I'm so excited for you and it is OK for you to not be relaxed about it, but it's one of those trips of a lifetime and it WILL be OK. How old is your daughter?

 

[Life2Christ]

She's 6 and she will be in school the whole time I'm gone. So she has her own agenda lol. The only reason we are going in February is because it is summer in Antractica now. After February no tourists are allowed to go there because the deep cold comes in. The sea turns to ice.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Take lots and lots of pictures and the journal thing is a great idea. I bought little journals for me and my girlfriends to record our trip. I think I'm the only one that used it, but I'm glad I did, because I would not have remembered half the stuff when we got back. I have over 700 pictures though, but remembering the names of places and people you met. I even forgot Pompei! I remembered going, but I could not remember the name of it. Every night I would write in my little journal what we did that day. I've looked at it a few times since, and I'm SO glad I have it. Your daughter will be fine while you are gone. God will take good care of her.

I'm SO glad you are going!!!! I can't wait for you to tell us all about it when you get back. Don't let anything hinder you from going unless it is a dire emergency. Your stomach will unknot once you get thru the first day, I promise!