Do I move on or hang on?

[trumpetgirl1]

I'm at a crossroads right now. I don't know wether to move on or hang on. Me and my husband are going through the divorce process because he cheated on me. Anyways, I still love him and if he turned back to God and wanted me back I probably would go back not only because I love him but also because of our two girls. Well he is not exactly going back to God and he doesn't exactly want this marriage to work. Do you think that it's a lack of faith to move on if I'm praying that God will restore my marriage? I have not dated anyone and wont because we are still married and because I'm not anywhere close to being healed. Godly advice welcome.
trumpetgirl

 

[mimi4him]

It is not a lack of faith to think that God can restore your marriage. Its a walk of faith. You know God can restore it but at the same time if your husband has told you he wants a divorce then its hard to focus on what your future is .
Keep praying for your husbands salvation no matter what . Seek God for what you need to be doing for you and your girls future as far as financially . I know this is hard but no matter what if he stays or goes you need to provide for you and your girls. If you dont have a job get one and no matter how hard it is don't let your husband see your confusion , hurt etc.
Show him a strong women that is going to make it thru this storm no matter what the outcome.
many blessing and prayers
carol

 

[fromcentex]

It is a very hard situation to be in. I am unfortunately seperated from my wife right now due to an affair she had. She suffers from depression, so that just adds to the stress. I thought we were getting close to maybe working things out, so I spent Christmas with her. Things didn't go great and now I am back not knowing what to do. I want this marriage to last, but just not sure she does. I do not know how long to hold on and pray. It is a very difficult thing to do when it appears that only one person really wants to be in the marriage.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

It is hard when we are not resolved.
If you can be resloved about whether the marrage is truly over - which should usually boil down to whether or not both people are "in love" or "love" one another in the way that makes a marrage.

But I understand some things are not so simple, especially as this is a thing of the heart which can make it impossible to heal.

For clarity, I will share something of my own seperation here;

My wife never really loved me. Been together 10 years, have 4 kids. We are seperated and I have the kids, she visits every day for food and to see the kids.

I never felt that I didnt love her, but I see the truth in her view; she did never love me. To make it worse, she is having an affair. Still, however, I love her. I do not want her back in any way at all, I welcome her to the house because my children need their mother, I even advise her or listen regarding her new life and lifestyle. But we will never be together as hubby and wiffey again. Never. EVEN SO, I still love her. Such a thing takes time to heal. It's only been 2 months since seperation, so I'm gracious with myself in this.

Feeling love, despite knowing a marrage is ovr and being treated like poo is just normal. If we truly are compassionate and worthwhile people, then our hearts will take a looooong time to adjust and relearn and return to us. But this doesnt mean that we allow our love for our spouses to turn us into their slaves or eunuchs or, even worse, fuel as to react negatively and hate and hurt them. All these things may come to mind and may be in or hearts at any given time, but it's got a name; its called GRIEVING. And grief of a dead person is bad enough, but grief of someone who we see and have to get along with in a whole new way as if they are dead to us in our hearts - that's gonna hurt and carry on for some time. God will provide the situations and relationships neccisary to carry us out and thru. So eyes open.

 

[madison1101]

I did not start to date till my ex remarried. I had resolved to be pure and available for reconciliation till the bitter end. His marriage sealed for me the thought that reconciliation was not meant to be.

Pray and ask the Lord what He wants. Seek Godly counsel from a pastor if you need to discuss it further.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[mimi4him]

Great wisdom on greiving a a live person . I never looked at it that way . You have helped me understand my thoughts of what if he wants to come back even though he is with someone else , I cant ever take him back after him living with someone else , and Could we actually be husband and wife again after all this .
Of course like you said I know in my heart there is no way we could ever love each other like husband and wife should . we hadnt done that in yrs ; yet we stayed togather because it was eaiser to do , he did his sleeping around and I did my shopping and being lonely.
So with your wisdom i now accept what my heart has been telling me since we separated , it is over and it will take a long time to heal and let go of my past with my husband for the reason I always believed God could heal our marriage but he had to have both of us in the healing process not just me.
Final divorce papers are being drawn up now and he will be served them sometime next week then we will have to wait for a court date to be set . It hurts to think that it will all be over soon . 27 yrs more than half my life married and now im soon to be single again . But I know I will be ok for I have my Jesus to get me thru and lift me up .
thnk you all on this site for your prayers and understanding . I am greatly blessed to have found you all.
blessings
carol

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

LOL. Excellent Carol.

Some of these troubles, they get easier, yer know?
Some of them come and go, and some get a whole lot worse before they are resolved.

So glad you are thinking and feeling and praying.
Remember to live day by day by day and you'll just about survive, if yer anything like me!

 

[mimi4him]

Just about survive LOL, That is about right , Some days it even feels like i have been drowned . And its usually the days that I have had to talk to ex to be.
I can't tell you how glad I will be when divorce is final and income tax for 2006 is filed then I will not have to communicate with him at all hopefully. Our kids are 26 & 23 so they are more than old enough to carry on a relationship with him if they choose with out me in the middle.
I hope and pray that one day I will be able to talk to ex and be nice to him without feeling all the hurt rise up again. I pray for his salvation still even thru the mess of divorce.
blessings to all and Happy New Year
carol

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

Carol, that day will come. Yer know what? Yesterday I actually missed my Ex-to-be and enjoyed being her friend. Quite remarkable. Dont get me wrong, we are never getting back together, ever. Oh no, no, no. But it's good to actually feel more like her friend rather than have to constantly recieve the grace to look her in the eye.