Ok so yesterday i discovered a site that was pro anorexic and bulimic. I was curious so I joined it. I was amazed at how I could relate to the girls on there. I started posting pictures of me up and asking for their honest opinions. I also went out and bought a load of fruits and broths and teas. I am on a fast now and I feel so empowered. I know that I can do it and I even avoided going out last night so I wouldn't have to eat. I want to be thin again. When I was in my teens I use to starve myself and throw up but then I just ate out of control. Now I am smaller but not even close to small enough. I feel invisible anyways and I want to be waif thin. I don't know how to explain it, but I feel accomplished when I dont eat much. I feel IN CONTROL. I feel that if I am a lot thinner then men will pay attention to me more although I was a lot thinner at one time and men didn't. I still got many compliments and I realished it. I loved it. Food is consuming my thoughts. Do you think I have an eating disorder??? I don't. I think I just want to be really thin and taken care of.-
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Do i have an eating disorder?
- Thread starter Incontrol29
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Ok so yesterday i discovered a site that was pro anorexic and bulimic. I was curious so I joined it. I was amazed at how I could relate to the girls on there. I started posting pictures of me up and asking for their honest opinions. I also went out and bought a load of fruits and broths and teas. I am on a fast now and I feel so empowered. I know that I can do it and I even avoided going out last night so I wouldn't have to eat. I want to be thin again. When I was in my teens I use to starve myself and throw up but then I just ate out of control. Now I am smaller but not even close to small enough. I feel invisible anyways and I want to be waif thin. I don't know how to explain it, but I feel accomplished when I dont eat much. I feel IN CONTROL. I feel that if I am a lot thinner then men will pay attention to me more although I was a lot thinner at one time and men didn't. I still got many compliments and I realished it. I loved it. Food is consuming my thoughts. Do you think I have an eating disorder??? I don't. I think I just want to be really thin and taken care of.Yeah, I think you probably do have an ED. It's a struggle, but you can overcome it . . . but not until you admit to yourself and to God that your eating habits are a problem.
Best wishes.
Best wishes.
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i can't do that but i thank you for your opinion. I will not lose control anymore and It's not a huge deal anyways. i'm fine...
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Shannie
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Hi Incontrol##,
I can't tell you whether or not you have an eating disorder as I am not trained to do so, but it does sound like a possibility. I know you don't think you do, but I would challenge you to consider why you are joining pro-ana sites and posting on Eating Disorder boards if you aren't a bit concerned at least. I remember when I first started considering if I had an ED, and thats exactly what I did. I told myself over and over I was fine, nothing wrong, I was just getting control over myself and losing a couple pounds, but I started going on pro-ana sites and recovery sites as well, and found myself relating to the people on the boards. Why could I relate? Because, as much as I was in denial, I did in fact have an ED. When I was truly healthy it never occurred to me to look at such websites.
I know its terrifying to consider you might have a problem. You think that not eating means your in control, you feel powerful. Admitting it might be a disorder means admitting you are not in fact in control. When my counselor said the words eating disorder it didn't sink in for a couple days. When my doctor expressed concern I was trying to convince him i was really fine, despite the obvious signs to the contrary. Admitting i had an eating disorder meant giving up on this illusion of control. But to be honest, I'd lost it long ago. At first I was in control. I felt powerful. Until one day I realized I couldn't eat normally and feel normally about it even if I wanted to. I wasn't in control at all. It was a terrible realization, and one i wasn't prepared to deal with, so I kept on, pretending I was still in control.
Anyways I'm sorry, I don't want to make this about me. I just don't want to see anyone else have to go through this. I'm still struggling, constantly trying to recover, then sliding back, then trying to recover again. Its terrible. An eating disorder is not powerful. Its an illness. Eating healthy, taking care of yourself and accepting your body is powerful. When I go out with my boyfriend for dinner and I'm staring at the menu panicking, trying to avoid all the dishes I really want because they are too fattening, unable to focus on him cuz I'm so overwhelmed isn't being in control. Its ruining a perfectly nice date and makes me feel pathetic. My eating disorder made me feel worthless and powerless. I can't even enjoy the most simple thing. I'm trying to recover now, but its so hard. I never understood how hard it is until I was in this situation.
I know I can't convince you that you might have a problem. Only you can do that. I just wanted to share a bit of my story, because you sound so much like I did when I first started and I wish I knew where it was going to lead me. I wouldn't wish an eating disorder on my worst enemy. You've already skipped a social event. Food is consuming your thoughts. There should be so much more to life than food and calories and nutrition labels. You deserve so much more than that.
I can't tell you whether or not you have an eating disorder as I am not trained to do so, but it does sound like a possibility. I know you don't think you do, but I would challenge you to consider why you are joining pro-ana sites and posting on Eating Disorder boards if you aren't a bit concerned at least. I remember when I first started considering if I had an ED, and thats exactly what I did. I told myself over and over I was fine, nothing wrong, I was just getting control over myself and losing a couple pounds, but I started going on pro-ana sites and recovery sites as well, and found myself relating to the people on the boards. Why could I relate? Because, as much as I was in denial, I did in fact have an ED. When I was truly healthy it never occurred to me to look at such websites.
I know its terrifying to consider you might have a problem. You think that not eating means your in control, you feel powerful. Admitting it might be a disorder means admitting you are not in fact in control. When my counselor said the words eating disorder it didn't sink in for a couple days. When my doctor expressed concern I was trying to convince him i was really fine, despite the obvious signs to the contrary. Admitting i had an eating disorder meant giving up on this illusion of control. But to be honest, I'd lost it long ago. At first I was in control. I felt powerful. Until one day I realized I couldn't eat normally and feel normally about it even if I wanted to. I wasn't in control at all. It was a terrible realization, and one i wasn't prepared to deal with, so I kept on, pretending I was still in control.
Anyways I'm sorry, I don't want to make this about me. I just don't want to see anyone else have to go through this. I'm still struggling, constantly trying to recover, then sliding back, then trying to recover again. Its terrible. An eating disorder is not powerful. Its an illness. Eating healthy, taking care of yourself and accepting your body is powerful. When I go out with my boyfriend for dinner and I'm staring at the menu panicking, trying to avoid all the dishes I really want because they are too fattening, unable to focus on him cuz I'm so overwhelmed isn't being in control. Its ruining a perfectly nice date and makes me feel pathetic. My eating disorder made me feel worthless and powerless. I can't even enjoy the most simple thing. I'm trying to recover now, but its so hard. I never understood how hard it is until I was in this situation.
I know I can't convince you that you might have a problem. Only you can do that. I just wanted to share a bit of my story, because you sound so much like I did when I first started and I wish I knew where it was going to lead me. I wouldn't wish an eating disorder on my worst enemy. You've already skipped a social event. Food is consuming your thoughts. There should be so much more to life than food and calories and nutrition labels. You deserve so much more than that.
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