Divorced, re-married and confused

Sometimes we make mistakes we have to make the best of, and hurting people over again would not be an answer, IMO, whether it be a new husband or the old one. Things that happen in life like these types of issues remind us why we need a Savior. We actually need forgiveness and there are things we just cannot make right about our past. Repent and move on, forgetting those things which are past, and pressing on towards the goal and responsibilities we have before us, learning to not repeat the sins of the past.

Right now you are commiting adultery with the man you are with(Matthew 5:32).

It matters that your ex-husband told you have his addiction, for it can let you know, at least one reason(maybe the only one),why he was being so very uncaring and distant(because of shame, guilt, and perhaps more) from you and your children. Now please re-read Matthew 5:31.

Scripture does not negate other scripture.

I shall be praying for you jwebhead, that God may give you guidance, understanding, patience, wisdom, and the strength to know what He wants you to do and to do it.

Peace be with you. God bless.

desi said:

Biblically you are still married to your first husband until he divorces you for fornication.

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Married couples by definition cannot fornicate.

For the record, a lot of the guys' replies in this thread sound like Pharisees, legalistic and without mercy. Also a Bible study about Jesus and the woman at the well sheds light that she was NOT an adultress as been the common misconception...

Session Start: Thu Jul 10 18:52:13 2003
[18:52] *** Now talking in #TheChapel
[18:52] *** Headline: Woman at the well vindicated! God will do this for you jwebhead!
[19:06] <@Gr8rIsHe> I was praying for days about what to bring to you and the Lord has laid this story on my heart
[19:07] <@Gr8rIsHe> it's the story of the woman at the well and I know we've all heard it before but I thank God that he has opened my eyes to see in this story something I have never before
[19:07] <@Gr8rIsHe> I pray that you too will be blessed.
[19:08] <@Gr8rIsHe> Tonight I would like to set right a wrong that has for too long stood as 'gospel'. We will be taking our text tonight from John Chapter 4. The story of the woman at the well. It is my sincere desire that if nothing else we each come away with a deeper understanding of exactly what it is to 'read a scripture in context'
[19:09] <@Gr8rIsHe> Context is so much more than reading a scripture with the verses before and after it. It is understanding the situation, culture, tradition, and the mindset of the author and those being written of, to better understand what is being expressed.
[19:09] <@Gr8rIsHe> With that said
[19:09] <@Gr8rIsHe> John 4:5-6
[19:09] <@Gr8rIsHe> Then cometh He to a city of Samaria, which is called Sychar, near to the parcel of ground that Jacob gave to his son Joseph.
[19:09] <@Gr8rIsHe> Now Jacob's well was there. Jesus therefore, being wearied with His journey, sat thus on the well: and it was about the sixth hour.
[19:10] <@Gr8rIsHe> Samaria for those who do not know was the capital of the ten northern tribes of Israel that had succeeded from the united monarchy David had established. The people of Samaria worshiped Yahweh, used the Torah were keepers of the law, but as many in this room are all to familiar some of the most heated arguments and divisions arise through theological differences.
[19:11] <@Gr8rIsHe> This could be considered one of the earliest church splits
[19:11] <@Gr8rIsHe> So from the time of this succession (shortly after the death of David's son Solomon) to the day of this encounter and beyond, the two 'denominations' if you will, seethed with hatred for one another.
[19:12] <@Gr8rIsHe> Now Jacob's well was there. This was a holy site to the Samaritans and Jews alike. And as such there was no way to draw water from the well. Lest someone (in sin or an unbeliever) defile the sanctity of the place.
[19:13] <@Gr8rIsHe> John 4:7 There came a woman of Samaria to draw water. Jesus said to her, "Give me a drink."
[19:13] <@Gr8rIsHe> Ok we've just established that Jacob's well is considered a Holy place. It is unlawful for one 'lacking moral fiber' / 'in sin' / or an unbeliever to draw from it lest it be defiled. Yet here she comes. This supposed poster child for premarital counseling, this woman who apparently goes through men like tissue paper.
[19:14] <@Gr8rIsHe> If anyone were unworthy to draw SHE should be at the top of the list. Yet she comes with water pot in hand, this serves as our first clue that this woman is more than we've made of her.
[19:14] <@Gr8rIsHe> The well is a public place and out in the open though it is early there are likely people about. And here is Jesus a Jew not asking but commanding her, a Samaritan, and a woman, to give Him a drink.
[19:15] <@Gr8rIsHe> Now in the custom of the day it was considered not just impolite to address a woman not of your family in public but an insult and a humiliation. What is more astounding is her response in v.9
[19:15] [19:15] <@Gr8rIsHe> v.8 (For his disciples were gone away unto the city to buy meat.)
[19:15] <@Gr8rIsHe> 9. Then saith the woman of Samaria unto Him, How is it that thou, being a Jew, askest drink of me,
[19:15] <@Gr8rIsHe> which am a woman of Samaria? for the Jews have no dealings with the Samaritans.
[19:16] <@Gr8rIsHe> According to custom she should have upon being addressed in such a fashion run back to her family and told the men of the house. Who in turn would come out to challenge the man who would dishonor her in such a public way.
[19:17] <@Gr8rIsHe> Not only does she not do this but she responds with her own challenge. (Here we see a seed.) Verses 10-15 show an interesting exchange almost chess-like as each seems to try to tip the others hand.
[19:18] <@Gr8rIsHe> v.10 Jesus answered and said unto her, If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of Him, and He would have given thee living water.
[19:18] <@Gr8rIsHe> v.11 The woman saith unto Him, Sir, thou hast nothing to draw with, and the well is deep: from whence then hast thou that living water?
[19:18] <@Gr8rIsHe> v.12 Art thou greater than our father Jacob, which gave us the well, and drank thereof himself, and his children, and his cattle?
[19:18] <@Gr8rIsHe> v.13 Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again:
[19:18] <@Gr8rIsHe> v.14 But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.
[19:18] <@Gr8rIsHe> v.15 The woman saith unto Him, Sir, give me this water, that I thirst not, neither come hither to draw.
[19:19] <@Gr8rIsHe> (there is so much here apart from our topic tonight. The wellspring of the Holy Spirit, etc. I got sidetracked here for the better part of an afternoon hehe)
[19:20] <@Gr8rIsHe> Pay particular attention to her questions. They are intelligent, bold, respectful, and there is a freedom to them. She is perfectly comfortable in this situation though as a woman she shouldn't be. Why? Now we begin to get a picture:
[19:20] <@Gr8rIsHe> v.16 Jesus saith unto her, Go, call thy husband, and come hither.
[19:20] <@Gr8rIsHe> v.17 The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Jesus said unto her, Thou hast well said, I have no husband:
[19:20] <@Gr8rIsHe> v. 18 For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly.
[19:20] <@Gr8rIsHe> And here is the part that has labeled her one of "The Bad Girls of the Bible." Five Husbands!!! Well I never! That Harlot! Is she?
[19:21] <@Gr8rIsHe> that is certainly the way she's taught from every pulpit I've ever sat under
[19:21] <@Gr8rIsHe> but the Lord led me to an answer most unexpected.
[19:22] <@Gr8rIsHe> v.Deut 25: 5 If a man's brother dies without a son, his widow must not marry outside the family; instead, her husband's brother must marry her and sleep with her.
[19:22] <@Gr8rIsHe> v.6 The first son she bears to him shall be counted as the son of the dead brother, so that his name will not be forgotten.
[19:22] <@Gr8rIsHe> remember the Samaritans were keepers of the law of Moses and of the Torah
[19:23] <@Gr8rIsHe> According to the Law if her husband died without leaving a son she would marry the brother of her husband. According to tradition however if a woman's husband dies she is considered: "la`anah" (Hebrew for 'cursed') should her second husband suffer similar fate, doubly so.
[19:23] <@Gr8rIsHe> A third and certainly by the fifth then the word changes to "charam" - (still 'cursed' but different) it means to seclude; specifically (by a ban) to devote to religious uses. The woman is considered consecrated by, and having the hand of, God upon her.
[19:24] <@Gr8rIsHe> She would live in the house of the family but would not be given in marriage. She would be treated as a prophetess or seer and would be given latitude not normally granted women. As it appears this woman enjoys from what we've read thus far. To further solidify this position I direct you to the following exchange.
[19:24] <@Gr8rIsHe> v.19 The woman saith unto Him, Sir, I perceive that thou art a prophet.
[19:24] <@Gr8rIsHe> v.20 Our fathers worshipped in this mountain; and ye say, that in Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship
[19:25] <@Gr8rIsHe> In v.19 She a prophetess recognizes the gift in the other. To confirm it she 'tests' Him with a matter of theology in v. 20. Jesus, wanting to dispell any further illusions of grandure she might still be entertaining confounds her with His answer prompting v.25 a veiled inquisition
[19:25] <@Gr8rIsHe> v.21 Jesus saith unto her, Woman, believe Me, the hour cometh, when ye shall neither in this mountain, nor yet at Jerusalem, worship the Father.
[19:25] <@Gr8rIsHe> v.22 Ye worship ye know not what: we know what we worship: for salvation is of the Jews.
[19:25] <@Gr8rIsHe> v.23 But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship Him.
[19:25] <@Gr8rIsHe> 24. God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship Him in spirit and in truth.
[19:25] <@Gr8rIsHe> 25. The woman saith unto Him, I know that Messiah cometh, which is called Christ: when He is come, He will tell us all things.
[19:27] <@Gr8rIsHe> "Are you the Messiah?" She is already reaching that conclusion. Only to have it confirmed in v.26.
[19:27] <@Gr8rIsHe> v.26 Jesus saith unto her, I that speak unto thee am He.
[19:27] <@Gr8rIsHe> Along come the disciples. You may remember they had gone into the city (v.8) leaving Him alone to accomplish THIS discipleship. They being keepers of the Law themselves 'marvelled that He talked with a woman' showing us that it is indeed a thing not done.
[19:28] <@Gr8rIsHe> John 4:27 And upon this came His disciples, and marvelled that He talked with the woman: yet no man said, What seekest Thou? or, Why talkest Thou with her?
[19:28] <@Gr8rIsHe> But as we see in v.28-29 He was successful nevertheless. 28. The woman then left her waterpot, and went her way into the city, and saith to the men,
[19:28] <@Gr8rIsHe> 29. Come, see a man, which told me all things that ever I did: is not this the Christ?
[19:29] <@Gr8rIsHe> NOTE: when she leaves she does three important things:
[19:29] <@Gr8rIsHe> 1) She leaves the water pot. She has no doubt whatsoever about Jesus character nor concern that the well should be defiled. She has found the Christ! What possible care could she have for the idol that the well had been?
[19:30] <@Gr8rIsHe> 2) She goes to the MEN of the city (not the other woman). This further attests to the argument that she is a prophetess or seer or such and NOT the woman of ill-repute she has been labeled by the modern church.
[19:30] <@Gr8rIsHe> 3) Just as Jesus modeled to her she presents the facts, invites the question, and allows them to come to their own conclusions regarding Jesus as Messiah.
[19:31] <@Gr8rIsHe> It is my sincerest desire not only that you see this woman differently but that you see how dangerous it is to instill/impart/filter scripture through our modern western mindset. The truths of the Bible are timeless but if we don't carefully examine scripture and rightly divide the Word Look how easily we can fall into error.
[19:33] <@Gr8rIsHe> Here is a woman that for over the centuries has suffered from our perceptions of her all because time wasn't taken to look at the situation from the same spirit in which it is written.
[19:34] <@Gr8rIsHe> We in America find ourselves embroiled in the same type of battle with our constitution when we don't interpret by the spirit we bring defamation of chararcter, error in judgment and ultimately death.
[19:35] <@Gr8rIsHe> Another biblical defamation of character occurs in GEN 3
[19:36] <@Gr8rIsHe> Adam and Eve. For as long as I can recall Eve has taken the blame for the fall of man. She ate then beguiled Adam to isn't that how it's widely told? Not by Scripture:
[19:36] <@Gr8rIsHe> Genesis 3:6 And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.
[19:37] <@Gr8rIsHe> NOTE: The word WITH. He was right there and stood by and let it happen. He didn't say a word, didn't pick up a stick, didn't intervene in any way but he WAS there.
[19:37] <@Gr8rIsHe> Then only verses later when God questions him he shifts blame and completely excuses himself from wrongdoing. At least in his own mind.
[19:38] <@Gr8rIsHe> Gen 3: 8. And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.
[19:38] <@Gr8rIsHe> 9. But the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, "Where are you?"
[19:38] <@Gr8rIsHe> 10. And he said, "I heard the sound of thee in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself."
[19:38] <@Gr8rIsHe> 11. He said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?"
[19:38] <@Gr8rIsHe> 12. The man said, "The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate."
[19:38] <@Gr8rIsHe> "God it was the woman that YOU gave me. It's her fault, it's your fault I'm out of it!" Is the argument essentially.
[19:40] <@Gr8rIsHe> My hope is that from these examples I've encouraged you to research the Word of God. Not to take at face value what is familiar. but to understand the background of the Word.
[19:41] <@Gr8rIsHe> Context is not just how verses relate but getting the WHOLE picture. I exhort you all to diligently seek JESUS in His Word for if you seek you will find.

jwebhead said:

twistedsketch,
okay, more clear...thhose reading this thread, do not think of this question as trying to get justification, I am trying to get advice.
Does it matter that my ex-husband did admit to me before the divorce was final that he had been addicted and obsessed with pronography? If Jesus says that if we look at another with lust we have commited adultery...does this negate any of the scriptures you have quoted?

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Well, hmm, that porn was not the main reason you divorced, was it?

It's good that you're not trying to get justification. The verses clearly state that whatever your next move may be, staying with your current "husband" is not an option. That would be like repenting for a sin but not stopping it. Biblically, the better option is to return to your original husband. As for the OT command not to, that requires a good prayerful look. But that does not negate the fact that as long as you stay with your current man, that is still a sin.

Ok well my take on the things is this:
Everybody sins, no one is sin free. This woman is asking for Christian Advice, she is not claiming to be perfect, she is merely asking a question. She is asking for a answer to this, I think, and OP tell me if this is correct.
She was in a marriage that showed no love or affection anyways, her husband was addicted to porn, I hate to say it, but I might have done the same thing as her. After seeking counsiling of corse, but and only if that didn't work and things didnt work out between us, why be in a marriage that is unhappy and not a good environment for the kids. What if the kids walked in on the dad while he was looking at porn on the computer or at a magazine, would it then be ok for this woman to leave her husband?
*As a administrator of this CF and a moderator for this forum, I'm asking that you guys show a little more compassion in your replies*

Well, I was just saying what Scripture says on the subject. I didn't write it. Christian advice is to come first from Scripture, as that is our handbook. Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth. In view of these verses, she can't stay as she is, and I think she knows that.

OP, In view of what Scripture says, I would say pray about your next move. Unless you read your original husband's obituary this morning, you can't stay with this man. You can't pick another one out of the blue. I would say pray about reconciling with your original husband. That is the most Biblical advice I can give.

twistedsketch said:

Unless you read your original husband's obituary this morning, you can't stay with this man. You can't pick another one out of the blue. I would say pray about reconciling with your original husband. That is the most Biblical advice I can give.

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What exactly do you mean by this? What is she supposed to do now, she is already divorced and married. What do you think, she wont be accepted into the Kingdom of Heaven?

There is one other way out of a marriage other than the adultry issue. It is the being yoked with an unbeliever that is not pleased to dwell with the believer and then leaves. The Bible says that the believing wife is not bound.
Now it gets down to defining what a believer is and what does "pleased to dwell with" mean. If a wife is being abused by a spouse, is the husband a believer that continually shows no fruit of what a Christian husband is supposed to be or are they just saying it as a lip service to themselves? I don't think so. If a person does not dwell on the level of a Christian, then they may forfeit the benefits of a Christian, such as a good Christian wife. Who left spiritually?
In the Old Testament, Nehemiah beat some people up for marrying unbelievers and told them that their marriages were not valid before God. What God has put together is not to be put asunder by man, but marrying an unbeliever is definately not a marriage put together by God, but a couple of people - one making a mistake, if a Christian.
In Leviticus, there is a sacrifice for making a foolish vow. How much more do we have forgiveness, today for making a foolish vow with the blood of our Lord Jesus covering us?

Mr 10:9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

1 Corinthians 7:13 And if a Christian woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him.
14 For the Christian wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the Christian husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not have a godly influence, but now they are set apart for him.
15 (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a Christian insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife is not required to stay with them, for God wants his children to live in peace.)



Nehemiah 13:23 ¶ In those days also saw I Jews that had married wives of Ashdod, of Ammon, and of Moab:
24 And their children spake half in the speech of Ashdod, and could not speak in the Jews’ language, but according to the language of each people.
25 And I contended with them, and cursed them, and smote certain of them, and plucked off their hair, and made them swear by God, saying, Ye shall not give your daughters unto their sons, nor take their daughters unto your sons, or for yourselves.
26 Did not Solomon king of Israel sin by these things? yet among many nations was there no king like him, who was beloved of his God, and God made him king over all Israel: nevertheless even him did outlandish women cause to sin.
27 Shall we then hearken unto you to do all this great evil, to transgress against our God in marrying strange wives?

Ezra 10:11 Now therefore make confession unto the LORD God of your fathers, and do his pleasure: and separate yourselves from the people of the land, and from the strange wives.
12 Then all the congregation answered and said with a loud voice, As thou hast said, so must we do.

Leviticus 5:4 "‘Or if a person thoughtlessly takes an oath to do anything, whether good or evil—in any matter one might carelessly swear about—even though he is unaware of it, in any case when he learns of it he will be guilty.
5 "‘When anyone is guilty in any of these ways, he must confess in what way he has sinned
6 and, as a penalty for the sin he has committed, he must bring to the LORD a female lamb or goat from the flock as a sin offering; and the priest shall make atonement for him for his sin.

There is a good reason why God made a rule for israel that if a woman was divorced from her husband and remarried she was not to go back to her first husband even if the second marriage ended too.......
also notice that with the woman at the well, Jesus said you have had several husbands.....clearly it wasn't because she was widowed several times......if God only recognised the first marriage, wouldn't Jesus have said "you have had one true husband and committed adultery with the others".......
Please don't allow the issue to be clouded with all these complicated arguements. it really is very simple.....God is not asking you to step in a time machine and go back and fix past mistakes. You need to deal with what is today and you have a vow to your current husband which is just as valid as the vow you made to your first husband.......
Furthermore, on the issue of children, what would a person do if they had children from three different marriages??? Live with all three men at the same time for the children's sake??? It is sad that the children are suffering......but the children will learn far more and come out better if they watch you go from here doing the right thing than if they see you breaking your vows to your second husband. That sends the message that if the reason seems good enough to you , then it is o.k. to divorce your husband......

Yitzchak said:

There is a good reason why God made a rule for israel that if a woman was divorced from her husband and remarried she was not to go back to her first husband even if the second marriage ended too.......
also notice that with the woman at the well, Jesus said you have had several husbands.....clearly it wasn't because she was widowed several times......if God only recognised the first marriage, wouldn't Jesus have said "you have had one true husband and committed adultery with the others".......
Please don't allow the issue to be clouded with all these complicated arguements. it really is very simple.....God is not asking you to step in a time machine and go back and fix past mistakes. You need to deal with what is today and you have a vow to your current husband which is just as valid as the vow you made to your first husband.......
Furthermore, on the issue of children, what would a person do if they had children from three different marriages??? Live with all three men at the same time for the children's sake??? It is sad that the children are suffering......but the children will learn far more and come out better if they watch you go from here doing the right thing than if they see you breaking your vows to your second husband. That sends the message that if the reason seems good enough to you , then it is o.k. to divorce your husband......

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Ditto, this is good advice.
It is good that your former husband is coming around and showing more fruits of faith, but before, when he was not behaving as a Christian and not repentant, he forfeited the companionship of a Christian wife by not obeying God and now suffers the consequences of those actions. Our actions portray the truth that lives inside of us - what we do, more than what we say. Just saying one is a Christian isn't enough. We are in the process of salvation, and if we aren't acting like Christians, then we aren't and need to repent of our sins and ask for forgiveness - examining ourselves to see if we are truly in the faith.
God can heal and restore, but he can't destroy other people's lives to restore a person from their mistakes while all are under grace. God forgives mistakes and cancels the debts owed by the blood of the lamb, and we should be ever more grateful for that covering as we go on in life and learn from the past's mistakes.

2Co 13:5 Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you? —unless indeed you are disqualified.

Mt 7:21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.

One more thought....Before listening to those who would say that God doesn't recognise your second marriage, consider that jacob was married to Leah first and then Rachel. No where in the scripture is it ever hinted that god didn't recognise both marriages.....While being married to more than one spouse at a time is considered wrong in the new testament, there is no where in the bible where the first marriage is said to be any less valid than the second.......
If a man could be married to several women at the same time in old testament times, then obviously it is a misinterpretation of scripture to suggest that God does not recognise second marriages......consider that Jesus came through the lineage of david's second wife Bathsheba and David had many wives before bathsheba who were still living at the time.....
Are those who say that the second marriage is not a "real" marriage prepared to say that solomon was an illegitimate child????

allieisme said:

What exactly do you mean by this? What is she supposed to do now, she is already divorced and married. What do you think, she wont be accepted into the Kingdom of Heaven?

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No, she will be. I don't think I need to repeat those verses I posted. I believe she must divorce this husband in a careful way, and reunite with the real husband. How else would she leave her sin behind if she continues in it? If I have a sin habit, let's say it's pornography. I confess it to God as a sin. Yet if I don't get rid of my stash under the bed, what does that say to God? How serious is that repentance?

Yitzchak said:

There is a good reason why God made a rule for israel that if a woman was divorced from her husband and remarried she was not to go back to her first husband even if the second marriage ended too.......

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By all means, share it.

Rapha said:

If a wife is being abused by a spouse, is the husband a believer that continually shows no fruit of what a Christian husband is supposed to be or are they just saying it as a lip service to themselves? I don't think so. If a person does not dwell on the level of a Christian, then they may forfeit the benefits of a Christian, such as a good Christian wife. Who left spiritually?

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You're taking an awful lot of license with those verses. Beating a wife is a sin, to be sure, but it won't cost the believer his salvation. Paul is very specific about what he is talking about here. Two unbelievers are married, one gets saved, and the other one cannot deal with it.

Rapha said:

In the Old Testament, Nehemiah beat some people up for marrying unbelievers and told them that their marriages were not valid before God. What God has put together is not to be put asunder by man, but marrying an unbeliever is definately not a marriage put together by God, but a couple of people - one making a mistake, if a Christian.

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Entirely different context there. By marrying unbelievers, Isreal became corrupt and began to worship idols. Nehimiah was nipping this in the bud before it came to full bloom again.

Rapha said:

In Leviticus, there is a sacrifice for making a foolish vow. How much more do we have forgiveness, today for making a foolish vow with the blood of our Lord Jesus covering us?

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Please find where it is specifically so I can look that up.

Yitzchak said:

One more thought....Before listening to those who would say that God doesn't recognise your second marriage, consider that jacob was married to Leah first and then Rachel. No where in the scripture is it ever hinted that god didn't recognise both marriages.....While being married to more than one spouse at a time is considered wrong in the new testament, there is no where in the bible where the first marriage is said to be any less valid than the second.......
If a man could be married to several women at the same time in old testament times, then obviously it is a misinterpretation of scripture to suggest that God does not recognise second marriages......consider that Jesus came through the lineage of david's second wife Bathsheba and David had many wives before bathsheba who were still living at the time.....
Are those who say that the second marriage is not a "real" marriage prepared to say that solomon was an illegitimate child????

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Matthew 19:3-9 answers this:

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"
"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"
Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

twistedsketch said:

You're taking an awful lot of license with those verses. Beating a wife is a sin, to be sure, but it won't cost the believer his salvation. Paul is very specific about what he is talking about here. Two unbelievers are married, one gets saved, and the other one cannot deal with it. .

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Not really, and I don't propose to judge a persons salvation, but I know that a person can forfeit blessings in life by unrepentance and living sinfully - sowing and reaping. A penalty, a price comes with sin. Legalizing that verse binds woman to abusers that offer lip service about being Christians or to unblievers that wish to ruin a persons life with beatings and stick around as tyrant. The woman sanctifies the husband who is an unbeliever. If he chooses to leave that sanctification, the dwelling in that sanctification is what he left - not the house. Actually, what business has darkness with light, as the scripture tells us about the unequally yoked, and what compromises would have to take place for a marriage between light and darkness? Actually, Ezra and Nehemiah had the right idea about this, there is no compromise. Darkness will never and cannot dwell at the level of a believer.

twistedsketch said:

Entirely different context there. By marrying unbelievers, Isreal became corrupt and began to worship idols. Nehimiah was nipping this in the bud before it came to full bloom again. ."

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And if we are not Israel, then who is? All things said to Israel pertain to us today. God doesn't put together marriages between unbelievers and believers. Fact.

twistedsketch said:

Please find where it is specifically so I can look that up.

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Leviticus 5:4 "‘Or if a person thoughtlessly takes an oath to do anything, whether good or evil—in any matter one might carelessly swear about—even though he is unaware of it, in any case when he learns of it he will be guilty. 5 "‘When anyone is guilty in any of these ways, he must confess in what way he has sinned 6 and, as a penalty for the sin he has committed, he must bring to the LORD a female lamb or goat from the flock as a sin offering; and the priest shall make atonement for him for his sin.

Point being, how much greater the sacrifice Jesus has given us.

twistedsketch said:

Matthew 19:3-9 answers this:

Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"
"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?"
Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

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"marital unfaithfulness" - you said it, what all does that entail? What constitutes faithfulness between true believers?
If a person decides to sin against the truth, them knowing right from wrong, they lose benefit of God's blessing. If they mistreat their wife, they will reap what they sow, and God will provide that woman wronged grace somewhere along the way no matter what lies come out of the lips of the person losing their blessing by sinning against her and God. Esau was profane and lost his very birthright as "firstborn", which meant alot in forfeit, and God has abounding grace for this lady and any that suffer unrighteousness or extended mistreatment from another's hand no matter what they call themselves at the time they are actively in sin. We pay a price for sin in this life if we willingly chose it when we know the truth, and it is only God's grace that keeps us from not reaping eternal consequences. Any parent knows what taking away priviledge to chastise children is about. They forfeit earthly priviledge when they transgress and disobey. With God, He chastises all that truly belong to Him, as any loving father would do in order to preserve their eternal lives.
This goes into a much deeper debate that is not allowed at the forum. There are those with much more liberal views, but I know from experience that a person can lose the gifts of a king in this life if they take the blood of Jesus lightly. They are fortunate to be recipients of God's chastisment, for it can gain entrance to eternity for them. His rod comforts and corrects.

Lu 6:46 "But why do you call Me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do the things which I say?

Rapha said:

There is one other way out of a marriage other than the adultry issue. It is the being yoked with an unbeliever that is not pleased to dwell with the believer and then leaves. The Bible says that the believing wife is not bound.

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This scripture clearly points out that the unbeliever must be the one to leave. Not the believer, who wants out for their own reasons. That is the way they are not bound. Only if the UNbeliever leaves. It's my understanding that the UNbeliever in this case didn't go anywhere.

kbean said:

This scripture clearly points out that the unbeliever must be the one to leave. Not the believer, who wants out for their own reasons. That is the way they are not bound. Only if the UNbeliever leaves. It's my understanding that the UNbeliever in this case didn't go anywhere.

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What if the unbeliever likes to beat you and is a tyrant that laughs and enjoys staying and tormenting you? Does this mean that he is pleased to dwell with you on a Christian level? There are three elements to that verse: pleased, to dwell, and peace. Interpretation of those three elements and the rest of scripture concerning marriage to unbelievers and about grace should be considered before binding another person to torture in God's name, IMO. Legalistically, I've seen this very thing happen, and women condemned for leaving abusive husbands by the Church. I won't do that, and I think a mistake is clearly shown in scripture to be covered by God's grace and the blood.

Agreed Raphe. I do think God ultimately judges each individual situation. I hope it's not blasphemous to say that as it is only my opinion, not written in the bible I don't think. Who really knows, what is right or wrong in this case....only God. He is the maker of all laws and everything.

there is also yet another way out of a marriage other than because of adultery or being unequally yoked or being abused.......there is just flat out making a mistake and sinning by abandoning my spouse.....
The Lord does not fail to recognise a second marriage because of wrong reasons for the first divorce........The original poster does not claim to have proper grounds for leaving their first spouse but did leave them and make a new life in a new marriage.....If God recognised a man being married to several women at the same time as in the case of King David, then that clearly proves that the arguement that God only recognises one marriage is false.....Also, the scriptures in deuteronomy clearly indicate that God recognises divorce even when it is for the wrong reasons...Dealing with the guilt and forgiveness is a seperate issue from what to do about the current situation....