DivorceCare

[ido]

Hi, I'm new to this particular board, but not the forum. I have a question -

How many of you have participated in DivorceCare or a similar support group? If you have, what did you like/dislike about the group? Would you recommend it to others?

I am signed up to begin a DivorceCare group in a month and would like to have an understanding of how it has/hasn't helped others before I begin.

Thanks!

 

[deliciousBass]

Hello, welcome to the Failures at Marriage errrrmmmm Divorce and Separated forums!

I participated in DivorceCare and I would HIGHLY recommend it to a Christian going through a separation or divorce. The reason I say Christian is because it's very biblically based and the one non-christian we had attend was very uncomfortable with it and she eventually left.

The things I liked about it were:

1. You get the opportunity to interact with other people going through similar circumstances.
2. You get their feedback and advice and see how your situation isn't as bad as someone else's. LOL, there's ALWAYS someone worse off!
3. You learn more about divorce and separation in general and about how you're feeling, should be feeling, etc. The class is very informative.

I'm not sure how all DivorceCare classes are set up but mine was a two hour thing where for like 30 mins we chat and update our situatinos, 45 mins we watch the movie lesson, and then afterwards we talk about the movie and about our situations some more. Then we closed with prayer.

I think the only potential downsides are if the gender numbers are skewed. Like for me, there was only 1 or 2 other guys ever present and towards the end, it was just me and 1 other guy. The rest were females... which I'm fine with but I'm sure it bothers other people. Also, the group leader should be knowledgeable and not let people carried away with their stories. Some people have no one to talk to and they end up monopolizing the talk time.

Overall, it was a great experience and I will probably take the class over again. Lots of people do. You make good friends too .

Anyway, good luck!

 

[mimi4him]

Ive been to divorce Care class and it was the best thing I could have done during my separation and thru my divorce.
You meet people that are going thru what u are or have been thru what u have. You have others that you can talk to that wont tell you things like , You'll be ok , you will find someone else .
It is Christ centered .
IrvRiv gave a very good discription about how it works.
I am going a second time to hopefully help others and continue to heal in areas I still have trouble with.
And it is a place you feel a part of . This world is so married centered its hard to not feel alone.
I reccomend it totaly.
blessings
Carol/mimi4him

 

[ido]

Thank you both for your responses. I have heard positive feedback from the people in my home church that participated as well. Some of them even went on to become co-facilitators for the next session.

I have been divorced for almost a year now and I'm still struggling with some issues that I'm hoping DivorceCare will help me resolve.

I have signed my 5 y/o up for the DC4Kids group, as well. I'm really hoping it will help him be able to put words to the frustration I know he feels.

 

[MsAnne]

Hello, welcome to the Failures at Marriage errrrmmmm Divorce and Separated forums! ...

Ouch. Seriously... ouch.
Back to the OP - Is DivorceCare a part of a particular denomination? I'm not familiar with that. Our church offers something a little similar, but it includes losing a spouse, single parents, etc. If you're divorced it's a little akward if you and your spouse used to go to that church.

 

[ido]

Ouch. Seriously... ouch.
Back to the OP - Is DivorceCare a part of a particular denomination? I'm not familiar with that. Our church offers something a little similar, but it includes losing a spouse, single parents, etc. If you're divorced it's a little akward if you and your spouse used to go to that church.

DivorceCare is non-denominational. My ex lives 2 hours away from me so I don't think I'll run into him there.

 

[porterross]

No one offers it this area, but after seeing how those who struggle while going through it and how they are treated by some afterward, I suggested it to my pastor and he is excited about being able help people who are or have been through it. Unless someone has been through it, they can't possibly understand how devestating it is and to be told by some that they are no longer welcome in their church (or worse) because of it makes me very sad.
There is a real need for such classes and I'm glad to know you'll be attending one, Flnative.

 

[hope4today]

I can't believe I didn't answer this before. Sorry.

I've done DivorceCare and highly recommend it. Lots of useful information to help you work through the issues and people who have been there too.

I found the homework format a bit simplistic (that's probably just a personal thing because I hate 'fill in the gap' type exercises) but when you get past that the information and encouragement is fantastic. The video's are excellent.

Well worth it. I may even facilitate them myself someday so I can help others get access to the material.

 

[GritsnGrace]

I wish I had known about it when I was divorced in 1990. I had a good church base at the time though, but even with them, it still took me years to get myself over the hump.

 

[overit]

I agree with everyone, it is fantastic! It got me through the toughtest times. Irv described the format well, true. And yes there were only women in my class lol.

That said I made friends and still keep in touch with a couple of the ladies that are in my church, it's been several years now.

I HIGHLY recommend it, it makes a huge difference and every person going through a divorce-especially Christian of course, should go to it.

I've also been thinking about attending againg just for the sake of it. Just to meet more friends at church, and also I believe it would probably make me realize how much I've grown, learned and how far I've come.

You'll love it. Just the sharing with others in your shoes in itself is great, the videos, and also our class instructor was fabulous, she really had a heart for us.

They have people that have been in the classes that still meet monthly for dinner and such, sadly I never kept up with them but I'm rethinking that and will try to find the time to meet with them again.

 

[catlover]

No one offers it this area, but after seeing how those who struggle while going through it and how they are treated by some afterward, I suggested it to my pastor and he is excited about being able help people who are or have been through it. Unless someone has been through it, they can't possibly understand how devestating it is and to be told by some that they are no longer welcome in their church (or worse) because of it makes me very sad.
There is a real need for such classes and I'm glad to know you'll be attending one, Flnative.

The saddest thing is...I have noticed the men get a pat on the back and the women are condemned.

There were some ladies at the bank where my husband and I had a joint account and they looked at me like they were snakes.

Of course my charming and manipulative husband could have said something to them.

 

[deliciousBass]

The saddest thing is...I have noticed the men get a pat on the back and the women are condemned.

There were some ladies at the bank where my husband and I had a joint account and they looked at me like they were snakes.

Of course my charming and manipulative husband could have said something to them.

Umm... I don't understand your logic... So because some ladies at the bank gave you nasty looks, that means that all men get a pat on the back and all women are condemned when in a separation/divorce situation?

This is not the first time I've heard that. I think every situation is a unique. Going as far as applying your experience to how all women feel when going through a divorce sounds pretty off base to me. I also think that more women care what people think about them when they leave their husbands than men do when they leave their families behind. At that point, many men just don't care, are in denial from their problems and just want to escape to their mistresses, addictions, etc.

My point is: the whole world is not against you simply because of your gender. More than likely the people who are nasty to you are that way because they have formed their own opinion of your circumstance based on what other people have falsely told them. Everyone sees things through a different lens...

 

[Lambkins]

I do not have Divorce Care in my area...but I did stumble across the Website.
They have a "One Day at a time" email that I receive ...it is great and very down to earth.
Has been a great help on many of these days!
Here is the addy for it:
http://www.divorcecare.com/dailyemails/

Hope they are helpful to you all!!
Love and Hugs

 

[ido]

I do not have Divorce Care in my area...but I did stumble across the Website.
They have a "One Day at a time" email that I receive ...it is great and very down to earth.
Has been a great help on many of these days!
Here is the addy for it:
http://www.divorcecare.com/dailyemails/

Hope they are helpful to you all!!
Love and Hugs

Thanks for sharing that. I receive the emails and find some of the messages to be helpful all-around, not just in relation to my divorce situation.

 

[hope4today]

Did you end up doing the course, flnativegrl?

Did you find it helpful?

 

[ido]

Did you end up doing the course, flnativegrl?

Did you find it helpful?

I didn't get to do the course. I was all signed up for it and had my older son signed up for DivorceCare for Kids. I was explaining it to my son and he started to complain. I asked him why he thought he didn't want to go - and he said, "I just don't want to be away from you, Mom."

He's been through so much in the last couple of years. He went from being at home with me full-time to being in daycare full-time and really struggled to adapt. He still asks me why I can't pick him up when school is done like the "other moms" do.

I didn't want to force it on him, b/c I wanted it to be something he would embrace - not feel forced to do. So, I signed him up for Fall Teeball instead. He's been doing wonderful and really enjoying himself! His coaches have even requested that I sign him up for the Spring league as they say he has tons of potential. I have seen a huge change in his willingness to comply and he has some regular male role models in his life that provide him with some of what his dad can't/doesn't. So, I feel that God led us in the right direction where all of this is concerned (for now - DivorceCare is still an option down the road).

 

[hope4today]

I understand completely. Sounds like you made a good choice. Although many things can be good to do, we have to often make choices, not between what is good and bad, that is relatively easy most times, but we have to choose between what is good and what is BEST.

I hope you get to do it at some time as it will probably be good for both of you, but if and when the time is right, I am confident you will hear the voice of God tell you.

And the daily emails are great too.

Bless you heaps

Hope

Hope

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Hi, I'm new to this particular board, but not the forum. I have a question -

How many of you have participated in DivorceCare or a similar support group? If you have, what did you like/dislike about the group? Would you recommend it to others?

I am signed up to begin a DivorceCare group in a month and would like to have an understanding of how it has/hasn't helped others before I begin.

Thanks!

The absolute hardest thing for me in divorcecare (I started the week after she asked for the divorce) was the people in thereurging me to get a lawyer quickly, and the constant warnings from people about "what she might do." When I started, I was convinced it was entirely my fault, and all I wanted to do was get back with her. Hearing people say bad things about her just freaked me out.

When my divorce care teacher told me that she was dating someone else, I got really upset. I finally told her that that was the woman I loved, and I couldn't hear stuff like that, that rumours like that would make it really hard for me to get back together. She called me the next morning and told me that I wouldn't be allowed to attend if I was going to be argumentative.

It was three days after then that I congronted my wife, and she admitted she was dating the guy.

I would recommend DC mainly to evangelicals - there is a VERY strong Christian thrust to everything in it, and it may be overwhelming to casual Christians or people from other mainline denominations.

Overall I think it was worthwhile, and I will probably attend again when I get back. My instructor allows people to attend three times, and I only made it to about half of them anyway because of business trips and work. The best thing about it? Seeing the other divorced people and realizing that I am not damaged goods, I am not worthless forever and that I can be OK with myself even after a failed marriage.

 

[ido]

The best thing about it? Seeing the other divorced people and realizing that I am not damaged goods, I am not worthless forever and that I can be OK with myself even after a failed marriage.

I think this is huge. Even if that is the only thing that you take away from the program, even if you attend again, that you've gotten a really important message out of it.

I was the one that did the leaving. It took me several months to convince myself that I did everything I could to encourage my ex to save our marriage. At some point, I realized that he wasn't willing to fix what was wrong, and that I wasn't responsible for that. That is when I truly began to heal. It took me over a year to finally get to the point where I am fully ready to move on with my life. I'm sure I would still gain something from attending the classes, tho. I do subscribe to the daily e-devotional that DC offers and get a lot out of those.

AFT You're one cool dude in my book - flaws and all.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

I think this is huge. Even if that is the only thing that you take away from the program, even if you attend again, that you've gotten a really important message out of it.

I was the one that did the leaving. It took me several months to convince myself that I did everything I could to encourage my ex to save our marriage. At some point, I realized that he wasn't willing to fix what was wrong, and that I wasn't responsible for that. That is when I truly began to heal. It took me over a year to finally get to the point where I am fully ready to move on with my life. I'm sure I would still gain something from attending the classes, tho. I do subscribe to the daily e-devotional that DC offers and get a lot out of those.

AFT You're one cool dude in my book - flaws and all.

The real trick is to keep believing it now.