Divorce vs. Invalidity.

[The Gregorian]

So the disagreements in my "marriage" are irrelevant... but needless to say, neither of us want to be married any more. I'm actively working on a fix for this, but I've been waiting for her to sign the joinder and fax it back for around 3 months now.

But I'm still looking for some way to avoid the "divorced" thing, because in my opinion the marriage was never valid. Here's my reasoning, and if anyone has advice, it'd help:

We had a good, caring relationship up until the day we signed the papers. A mutual friend told us she was actually an ordained minister, we got the license, waited the proper time, had her and two other people sign the papers, and sent 'em in... Stereotypically enough, the girl got a headache that day.... that didn't go away for a month... which could only be cured by her spending a LOT of time "at her brother's house"... drama, drama, drama for another week, she runs off to geogia for a month, comes back for another two days, tired from her trip, then moves away... to somewhere I'm not entirely sure.

She admits that she was never interested in a marriage. I wanted to end it quickly so she couldn't run off and get pregnant and have me paying for it for 18 years, but only now she informs me that the doctors told her she's completely infertile anyway, and even if she wasn't, she would never have a kid with anyone... and proceeded to express her opinions on abortion in a way I refuse to repeat.

SO... yea... bad experience... either way I need to get it resolved... but I'm wondering if anyone can see a way to have the marriage simply be made invalid in the first place so I can avoid being divorced at my age.

So the first issue: Turns out the girl who solemnized us... wasn't really an ordained minister. Unfortunately washington state law says:

A marriage solemnized before any person professing to be a minister or a priest of any religious denomination in this state or professing to be an authorized officer thereof, is not void, nor shall the validity thereof be in any way affected on account of any want of power or authority in such person, if such marriage be consummated with a belief on the part of the persons so married, or either of them, that they have been lawfully joined in marriage.

...which at first looks bad for my case... but it specifies that it's only "not invalid" IF "such marriage be consummated with a belief" that the solemnizer was legitimate. Because we never consummated it at all.

In reality, this should be two ways out, because washington state law requires the marriage to be consummated to be "complete" ... But... how would one report "btw, we still haven't completed it, and she's run off and 'consummated' with a number of other people?"

If that were not to be enough, the RCW 26.04.130 states that marriages entered into under fraud are voidable. I checked with two lawyers, and both agreed that this would be applicable because she didn't disclose that she was incapable of having children (something important to me), and even if she managed to support one, she wouldn't hesitate to abort it without so much as telling me it had happened, let alone taking my opinion into consideration. ... of course, they said it was applicable, but didn't give me any useful advice as to how to use this applicable information to void the contract. The only thing they would tell me without signing contracts to hire them as my divorce lawyer with minimum fees I could never afford is where to find the forms to file for divorce.

... but divorce is simple to file for when there are no kids and no mutual assets and both parties are in agreement and neither want compensation or the court to do anything other than "put an X on that, so I can morally justify thinking about another relationship." The point is I'm looking for a way to make use of the "marriage is VOIDable due to fraud" and since it was never consummated, and since we found out the person signing the certificate wasn't ordained before we consummated the marriage (which is never).

So... any suggestions? Useful information?

 

[FaithfulWife]

First, Gregorian, I'm sorry that you find yourself in this situation. I'm sure there are parts of it that really hurt, but I think you are wise to make moves now to make the legalities match what has been occurring here--no marriage has ever really taken place.

I'm not a lawyer so my advise is just based on common sense and some experience with the legal system. There in Washington State they have a thing where you can challenge the validity of a marriage. Here's a link to the proper forms and whatnot: Declaration Concerning Validity of Marriage. Here's what it says about that form "If either spouse wants to ask the court to declare that the marriage is invalid, then the person requesting the declaration should file a Petition for Declaration Concerning Validity. This petition is similar to asking the court for an annulment. Washington State does not enter an Annulment rather a Declaration Concerning Validity." That sounds like your situation, and the form is downloadable right there on that site. Now as I said, I'm not a lawyer, but usually there's a fee to file to form with the court and then you have to have her served with the papers. Usually even if you have NO IDEA where she is, they have methods that you can "have her served" like publishing in the paper, etc. She will have X number of days to respond or likewise she can do a thing where she accepts service and just agrees to it. Then the court does a "finding of facts" and will make their declaration about the validity. If they declare that it was invalid, it's just like an annulment and in fact and civil law, you were never married.

Once again, I'm sorry you are in this situation and I'll pray for a swift resolution.



~Faithful

 

[The Gregorian]

No worries. Finding her won't be hard. She's still on my myspace, which is how I've been sending her EMails once or twice a week asking her to fax back the paper. I'd already found that particular form along with a couple others that I think may help. And she's agreed to sign a joinder stating that she doesn't contest any of it and agrees that nothing happened between us before she ran off with the guy she's currently with (who, according to her myspace, she puts her anniversary with him as pretty darn soon after we were married... weeks before she moved out).

I'm just waiting for her to send back that joinder because I assume that'll make the thing run significantly more smoothly.

I appreciate the thoughts, but I'm far over it by now. It's actually been two years now... The first whole year I was all sorts of messed up, didn't even want to leave the house because of some of the details I won't go in to. But at this point, I realize the situation and deal with it by just unfairly shifting my disgust with her actions toward all woman kind and not trusting a-one of 'em.

... that and a healthy dose of at least 3-4 hours of video games a day to repress the emotional trauma.

AAANNYYYYWHO... so I was just wondering if anyone had any more details about the topic or specific advice on ways to make it run smoother. Looks like I'm just still waiting for that joinder, then I can go file it... which I'm sure I may be able to figure out. Then I anticipate a month of waiting for a court decision, then probably a 90 day waiting period or something. But by-golly... it'll get done.

 

[Autumnleaf]

You are the Captain of your ship of destiny.

If someone told you you can never marry again would you do anything different than if someone told you you can marry again? In the end you will decide one way or another despite what others say. So decide and walk on. Don't dawdle here for impertinent opinions.

 

[The Gregorian]

Oh, trust me, I'm not waiting on your guys' opinions. I'm just looking for anything you guys might suggest that might speed it up. And I'm working on a number of other projects at the same time.

 

[dbhost]

From a moral perspective, it certainly sounds like you were never married. IF she spun around that quick it is painfully obvious she was not ever planning on living up to her vows...

On the LEGAL issue of whether or not the marriage was valid, I am not going to read up and down this thread, if nobody else has advised this yet, they should have...

HIRE A LAWYER!!!

No number of forum friends can help you with a legal issue. Get a good lawyer, and get this thing taken care of... And see if you can pursue for damages as she is definately putting you out of the way to put an end to her fraud.

 

[Lisa004]

It is a good idea to hire a lawyer and then pursue her to foot the bill. You can also hire a Paralegal who works under a lawyer. This will save you on some of the fees.

Here in California some lawyers offer advise and help for a fee. They charge per hour and this way you are only paying for what you need. They will help guide you along the way.

 

[The Gregorian]

On the LEGAL issue of whether or not the marriage was valid, I am not going to read up and down this thread, if nobody else has advised this yet, they should have...

HIRE A LAWYER!!!

No number of forum friends can help you with a legal issue. Get a good lawyer, and get this thing taken care of... And see if you can pursue for damages as she is definately putting you out of the way to put an end to her fraud.

Only problem with that is I have a crappy minimum wage job at office max. I can't even afford gas, let alone a lawyer. Neither of us are contesting it, there are no kids and nothing to split up... just a matter of filing papers. I can't afford to pay a few grand for that.

 

[JayCeeGirl]

I don't know about in Washington, but where I live in California the court has an office that checks over your paperwork and tells you what forms you need if you are missing anything. They don't offer legal advice, but they make sure you're not missing anything so your case doesn't get delayed. by the way you describe things, it sounds like this is pretty open and shut. I'd ask your court what you need to file and file it. Since you don't make a lot, you may be able to get the filing fee reduced.

 

[The Gregorian]

reduced filing fee sure would be nice. lol.

But last time I contacted the court, they wouldn't say ANYTHING involving papers... they could take papers and take money, but they wouldn't say anything about them being "the proper" papers because that would count as "legal advice" ... and if I made any mistakes in filing or forgot to file anything, it'd be up to me to notice and pay for a new filing.

 

[JayCeeGirl]

Yikes! Our court figures it reduces the number of hearings and backlog if they at least check to make sure you yohave the info the judge needs. They won't tell you what to put in the papers, they just make sure the info that is absolutely necessary is there.

 

[The Gregorian]

Exactly... if you have to pay a couple hundred dollars for a filing fee... if you accidentally miss something, they get to refile it... another drop in the hat for 5 minutes of work.

Least that's what it seems like.

 

[BeanMak]

My sister in Illinois did her divorce without any lawyers. She used forms found on line and got a court date on her own. She needed one more paper when she went before the judge so he tabled it for a week for her to get that paper done and ta da... no longer married.

 

[The Gregorian]

My sister in Illinois did her divorce without any lawyers. She used forms found on line and got a court date on her own. She needed one more paper when she went before the judge so he tabled it for a week for her to get that paper done and ta da... no longer married.

OOO I hope I get a judge nice enough to do that!