Divorce & Remarriage - Need advice

[Jennifer615]

Hi there, I'm Jennifer. I am new.

I need a bit of Christian encouragement. I've never been a strong Christian and never had assurance of salvation.

Anyway, I've done a dumb thing. I have been posting on the forum of a hard-core patriach "christian" website. They are extremely inflexible and seem to be robots who take everything the bible says but don't seem to have a relationship with God. They see women as 2nd class citizens who must be dominated by their husband. The women there are the worse offenders! They think that Christian "denominations" are too liberal. Their God seems to be a mean tyrant who will damn anyone to hell who is not perfect.

Anyway, they basically said to me that I'm unsaved because of my marriage situation. I divorced my ex-husband because of mental, emotional and spiritual abuse. I am now remarried to a wonderful man. I have a daughter from my previous marriage and a 17 month old son from this marriage. They actually told me that my marriage is invalid and I MUST divorce my husband, or go to hell. They use bible verses to back up everything they say.

I know I should keep away from those hard-core religions, because of my weakness. In the back of my mind, I question if they could possibly be right.

I really need encouragement right now. Please help.

Jennifer x

 

[joshua_cheung]

Care about your present family and forget your ex-husband.

Love is built on Truth (Reality). You left your ex-husband is a right decision because he abused you. It is a right decision that you protected yourself.

Without love and care, Bible is nothing. We something like to condemn people using the words of God. Then the words of God became condemnation, became judgement.


I remember something what the bible had written 'My people perish because lack of widsom / knowledge'. So build up your knowledge and widsom based on truth - the real reason and understanding.

God bless you.

 

[E-beth]

My opinion is, stick around here...and learn that sometimes people can back up ANYTHING with Scripture.

The validation of divorce for reasons of abuse is still relatively unclear. It has been debated alot around here.

My personal opinion is, it is between you and God whether or not you divorced for the "right" reasons. And now you have anew life and a new husband, making a family that He has blessed you with. Hallelujah! To divorce him because some people told you that God said so would definitely be divore for the wrong reason.

You will not go to hell no matter whom you marry. You only go to hell if you die without the repentance of sins through Jesus Christ. Don't let anybody tell you God will shut the door on you.

Stay away from the hard-core groups. It sounds like they have more "thou shalt nots" than God does! God's rules are designed to make us feel better about ourselves and our world. God loves you!

Welcome to CF. Make yourself at home, and put us in your favorites.

 

[desi]

Hi there, I'm Jennifer. I am new.

I need a bit of Christian encouragement. I've never been a strong Christian and never had assurance of salvation.

Come as you are Jennifer.

Anyway, I've done a dumb thing. I have been posting on the forum of a hard-core patriach "christian" website. They are extremely inflexible and seem to be robots who take everything the bible says but don't seem to have a relationship with God. They see women as 2nd class citizens who must be dominated by their husband. The women there are the worse offenders! They think that Christian "denominations" are too liberal. Their God seems to be a mean tyrant who will damn anyone to hell who is not perfect.

What a bunch of jerks.

Anyway, they basically said to me that I'm unsaved because of my marriage situation.

Their point is arguable.

I divorced my ex-husband because of mental, emotional and spiritual abuse.

There are no Biblical reasons for a wife to divorce her husband. There's a long thread about it around here somewhere...

I am now remarried to a wonderful man. I have a daughter from my previous marriage and a 17 month old son from this marriage. They actually told me that my marriage is invalid and I MUST divorce my husband, or go to hell. They use bible verses to back up everything they say.

If you thought those people were wrong my illusion is that you would not be here. From my understanding they are right, your current marriage and prior divorce are not valid in God's eyes, unless your prior husband divorced you for infidelity.

I know I should keep away from those hard-core religions, because of my weakness. In the back of my mind, I question if they could possibly be right.

Such people are hard to bear listening to sometimes, especially when they convict us of ourselves.

I really need encouragement right now. Please help.

Jennifer x

I encourage you to read the word, seek to understand, and apply it through God's eyes.

 

[rainyday]

Hi Jennifer and WELCOME ...

First off, say hello to our version of what you dealt with on your old board ...
can I hear a loud round of applauds for desi already slamming in this thread?

Secondly, E-beth is cracking me up ... "My opinion is, stick around here...and learn that sometimes people can back up ANYTHING with Scripture." So true!

I'm at work now but will post in here again later with some scriptures of my own.

Again ... WOO HOO AND WELCOME ABOARD. Glad to have you fellow sister in Christ Jesus our Lord and Savior!

 

[I'ddie4him]

My ex started our divorce proceedings back in 1998 and it was final in August of 1999. Frankly I am glad she did cause she was the one who had to rely on a probono attorney cause she refused to work during the 10 years of marriage and shafted herself out of alimony. I know this sounds insenitive on my part, But, I pay my child support every month like I am supposed to, But, I don't have any rights to see my daughter.
Anyhow, Back to the topic, I was never unfaithful or abusive, I just didn't make enough money to suit her. That was her reason, Besides irreconcilable differences. She saw my telling her that running up 25,000 dollars in credit card debt was a stumbling block in our marriage. But, I am really glad now that I didn't fight things, I have a wonderful wife and a 2 year old son that keeps us busy from sunup to sundown.

I also say stick around here and we will dispell some of these misconceptions about women who start divorce proceedings.

 

[phantom_309]

You live life as of today and not what happpened yesterday. God has plans for us and you are living it. Sometimes people run out of marriage without trying or want a upgrade. Then you have those who never FORGIVE anything. also, those who arent willing to try... It hurt 10 times over but keep God in your heart and pray to him daily. He wont tell you to divorce but he will guide you. Marriage is a promise to him..... sometimes we dont think before we say " I DO" and want that one day of honor. Just Communicate today and keep going forward in life. I know what you are going through. I was the man who never communicated or treated my wife like the princess that she was.

 

[E-beth]

Hey desi...way to be supportive.

I would lke to point out that the Bible also does not say "thou shalt not abuse thy wife." but that doesn't mean it is OK in God's eyes to do so. Just because the Bible doesn't make written permission for a wife to leave her marriage, doesn't mean God doesn't make provision for it. When the Bible was written, women had no legal recourse for anything. Now women can vote, hold office, wear pants, teach in mixed company at church, and can even maintain a household on her own.

But that is neither here nor there, and I don't want Jennifer's thread to be hijacked with junk from another thread topic.

So...as you can see Jennifer, Christian support for divorced people is a rather slippery slope, unfortunately. I hope through sites like this you will gain some discernment about what God is telling you as opposed to what people tell you.

 

[charligirl]

Welcome! Sounds like you have had a rough time - bordering on religious abuse if you ask me!

I have done much research into this because I married a man who has been married before. I believe God's hand was in it, it continues to be in it and I believe scripturally I have done nothing wrong in marrying him. (pm me if you want to know the reasons etc as I have probably bored people enough on these forums with my views on it )

Anyway, suffice to say you cannot lose your salvation by marry the wrong person, you are called to be a wife and mother in the marriage you are in now and have the chance to make that everything you first one wasn't.

 

[jwebhead]

Jennifer,
I have been going through the same struggles (not at another forum, but face to face people telling me the same as those who told you ...) I posted a thread called 'divorced, re-married and confused' on in the 'women who struggle' regarding the same issue of my marriage. Please view it. There are some rather harsh comments from others but I came away with feeling that Satan was attacking me and just trying to get my focus off of the Lord. You stated that you do not feel like a strong Christian...Satan will grab a hold of anything he can and perhaps he is doing the same to you as he did to me.
Be in the word...seek wisdom from Our Lord and we cannot change the past. We have to take each day as new and follow, trust and obey what we know the Lord has for us today.
I know the frustration and confusion you are dealing with. Listen to the guidance the Lord is giving you. I trust that you will be encouraged and understood here in these forums, and be sure to not base all your thinking on what is said here. You don't know us and we do not know you. Good or bad advise take it to the Lord and meditate on everything you 'hear'.

God bless and be encouraged in Christ

 

[OrthodoxyUSA]

Perhaps you would be encouraged to know that the "original church" allows up to three marriages. Even Priest's can go through a divorce, although they are not allowed to re-marry and continue serving.
Remember that the "Bible" was written and compiled by the members of the church from the 1st-4th century. The church is the authority on the Bible, not the Bible the authority on the church. The written text is only 20 - 25% of the complete faith or "Holy Tradition" of the church.
Those who base "everything" on scripture alone "solo scripturu" are not dealing with the full Tradition of the church. The Holy Tradition was set in place by Christ and was not meant to be changed or re-interpreted using only the scriptures.

Seek an Orthodox Priest for futher answers...

Forgive Me...

 

[Jennifer615]

Just a quick note to say thank you to everyone who has posted advice. It is very much appreciated. God bless.
Jennifer x

 

[ElizabethanLady]

Jennifer, ignore the "know-it-alls" who care not for you. Their spirit is so easily discernable.

How ignorant and arrogant to say that a woman has no scriptural reason to leave her husband.
You are living in la-la land, desi, whoever you are; and I daresay you HAVE YOUR OWN AGENDA.

Jennifer: Satan would LOVE nothing better than to render you impotent through tormenting you with GUILT, GUILT, GUILT.
Evidently there WAS A REASON, else you wouldn't have divorced him.

The past is GONE. We cannot undo what has been done - THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT LESSON TO LEARN. You cannot turn back the clock and do this or that a different way.
All we have is TODAY!
Break free of the BONDAGE that Satan and what passes for God's reps on earth would love to put you in, so that you cannot do anything for the Lord!

If you have any doubt, ask forgiveness. Put it under the blood, then live your life with the assurance that YOU ARE FORGIVEN.

THERE IS NOTHING STRONGER THAN THE BLOOD OF JESUS.

He makes all things new.

Anytime you start feeling those feelings, just whisper his name....He breaks every yoke of bondage!

Bless you..........

 

[desi]

Jennifer, ignore the "know-it-alls" who care not for you. Their spirit is so easily discernable.

How ignorant and arrogant to say that a woman has no scriptural reason to leave her husband.
You are living in la-la land, desi, whoever you are; and I daresay you HAVE YOUR OWN AGENDA.

Jennifer: Satan would LOVE nothing better than to render you impotent through tormenting you with GUILT, GUILT, GUILT.
Evidently there WAS A REASON, else you wouldn't have divorced him.

The past is GONE. We cannot undo what has been done - THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT LESSON TO LEARN. You cannot turn back the clock and do this or that a different way.
All we have is TODAY!
Break free of the BONDAGE that Satan and what passes for God's reps on earth would love to put you in, so that you cannot do anything for the Lord!

If you have any doubt, ask forgiveness. Put it under the blood, then live your life with the assurance that YOU ARE FORGIVEN.

THERE IS NOTHING STRONGER THAN THE BLOOD OF JESUS.

He makes all things new.

Anytime you start feeling those feelings, just whisper his name....He breaks every yoke of bondage!

Bless you..........

Are you suggesting Jesus died so Christian women can divorce their husbands and still go to heaven?

 

[bkg]

Are you suggesting Jesus died so Christian women can divorce their husbands and still go to heaven?

I think clarification is needed here, Desi.

People sin... period. no two ways about it. Given that, repentence gives us the wonderful gift of asking Christ for forgiveness, which He gives.

So yes, divorced women can go to heaven.

Those who divorce DESPITE knowing God's will for marriage is another situation... but even then, God forgives the repentent of heart.

So what are you really asking?

 

[desi]

I think clarification is needed here, Desi.

People sin... period. no two ways about it. Given that, repentence gives us the wonderful gift of asking Christ for forgiveness, which He gives.

So yes, divorced women can go to heaven.

Those who divorce DESPITE knowing God's will for marriage is another situation... but even then, God forgives the repentent of heart.

So what are you really asking?

Again, people seem to be using Jesus's sacrifice as an excuse, since they theoretically won't be punished, to do what they know is wrong. People choose to sin, they do not have to though. It baffles me how Christians look upon themselves as helpless not to do wrong when the Holy Spirit is there to show us the way.

 

[SirKenin]

Hi there, I'm Jennifer. I am new.

I need a bit of Christian encouragement. I've never been a strong Christian and never had assurance of salvation.

Anyway, I've done a dumb thing. I have been posting on the forum of a hard-core patriach "christian" website. They are extremely inflexible and seem to be robots who take everything the bible says but don't seem to have a relationship with God. They see women as 2nd class citizens who must be dominated by their husband. The women there are the worse offenders! They think that Christian "denominations" are too liberal. Their God seems to be a mean tyrant who will damn anyone to hell who is not perfect.

Anyway, they basically said to me that I'm unsaved because of my marriage situation. I divorced my ex-husband because of mental, emotional and spiritual abuse. I am now remarried to a wonderful man. I have a daughter from my previous marriage and a 17 month old son from this marriage. They actually told me that my marriage is invalid and I MUST divorce my husband, or go to hell. They use bible verses to back up everything they say.

I know I should keep away from those hard-core religions, because of my weakness. In the back of my mind, I question if they could possibly be right.

I really need encouragement right now. Please help.

Jennifer x

Biblically speaking, you can not divorce and remarry outside of adultery, or if the non-believer leaves, you're to let him do so. Otherwise you commit adultery.

However, it is difficult for me to speak in Biblical terms to you, as you aren't a believer yourself from my understanding of your post. My only advice is to first find God, then your second will be to remain in the position you were called to. If that's in this marriage, so be it. Only God can tell you that. There is no clear Biblical direction in this for a non-believer.

Running off on the person you were with now seems nothing short of whacked to me. Allow God to clean your slate off and start over again.

 

[Jennifer615]

Dr Feelgood, what gave you the impression I'm not a believer???? I gave my life the the Lord 21 years ago! I am a Christian. I just said that I am not a strong Christian and have never had assurance of salvation. I absolutely am a believer!!! I repent everyday of sins I commit.

Desi, isn't it good that God decides who will be forgiven and not you!!!!!! You have worked out in your mind that it is not right for a woman to be forgiven if she divorces her husband and remarries, and given reasons why you think that, but that is just your opinion. It is God who ultimately decides who and what He will forgive!

Also, I started this thread to get some Christian encouragement, not to be thrown into condemnation. I have read alot of your posts on other threads, and you just don't realise how much you are hurting people!! We are living in a fallen world, and not everyone's situation is ideal. Some marriages have broken down for a variety of reasons. You have no right to be the judge, jury and executor of those people! Only God knows their hearts, if they are repentant, and He completely understands their situations. Divorce and remarriage are NOT the unforgivable sin!

 

[SirKenin]

Dr Feelgood, what gave you the impression I'm not a believer???? I gave my life the the Lord 21 years ago! I am a Christian. I just said that I am not a strong Christian and have never had assurance of salvation. I absolutely am a believer!!! I repent everyday of sins I commit.

My bad. My apologies, I misinterpreted what you said. I mistakenly assumed that one who is a believer also has assurance of their salvation, as this is a fundamental Biblical principle. Sorry about that.

 

[Jennifer615]

Dr Feelgood, I'm not sure whether you're being sarcastic or not. Having a low self-esteme and not being sure whether you're good enough for God doesn't make you a non-believer. Besides, there are so many different doctrines around, some talk of assurance of salvation, and others say salvation is a process. I'm just not sure what to believe.

I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour. I have said the sinner's prayer many times. I repent almost every day for my daily sins. I love God.

Please don't be sarcastic. That would not please God.