Divorce or stay separated?

[Chocolatesa]

Have been separated since last Nov. Posted my whole story in the marriage restoration thread here: http://www.christianforums.com/t5411767-seems-pointless-warning-long-post.html but nobody has answered. I think it must be too long. If anyone feels like reading a book and giving an opinion, thanks!

 

[Mayzoo]

Just wanted to reply--I did read the whole story. Sorry for the situation you are in. I would wait to consider divorce, and definately not consider dating any time soon. You need time to heal , from the inside out.

Let God work in your life for a while. Just focus on him and you.

Mayzoo

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

Do what seems necissary. Which isnt always about right and wrong.

I read the story, decide what you want and live accordingly. Be patient and gracious/gentle with yourself cos no one else will. Make mistakes, but learn girl!

Yo need to retrieve yourself, some friendship enable this, some hinder. Use your intuition to know which are which and who is who!

Well done for coping this much, girl.

 

[faith177]

I think it is so hard to get a stay or dont say opinion from someone because we are not there, here you get one side of picture. From what you say, it sounds like there some seriouse mental issues and I would be very careful, if you decide to go back. You know in your heart and gut if this is going to work or not, it does not sound healthy to me. In my situation, it is addiction issues that broke us up, and for me to consider going back he would have to be healthy and got his crap together for a least a year to prove that he has really changed.

 

[Chocolatesa]

Thank you for your replies and encouragement

 

[koban4max]

Have been separated since last Nov. Posted my whole story in the marriage restoration thread here: http://www.christianforums.com/t5411767-seems-pointless-warning-long-post.html but nobody has answered. I think it must be too long. If anyone feels like reading a book and giving an opinion, thanks!

It's too long for me to read. Let's try this: in 3 sentences, explain what happened or what you're asking.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

You'll get a better idea if you just read it, mate.

She deserves that much

 

[porterross]

You know you need to give all these worries to Him and wait for the healing. I've been through much of what you're going through and only after accepting the fact that my own bad choices put me there and asking for forgiveness and His guidance, did things change for the better. This doesn't mean you won't have to work hard to overcome the mess you are in, but trusting that He is holding you and giving all you need sure takes the load off.

As for the divorce, that is something you must receive counsel on from God. If you believe that you will not be forgiven for divorcing him because of Lutheran doctrine, please PM me so we can discuss that. I've been there and I beat myself up about it for too long, but God is amazing.

Please, please don't fall into the trap of thinking reliance on another man could solve your problems either. Let God have your life and see what He does with it and how much He loves you.

Healing takes time and trying to get your focus and financial challenges back on track will as well, but this needs to be your goal, with His help. He will carry you if you let Him.

The Lutheran church provides counseling and if you aren't comfortable with sharing too much with your pastor, ask him to get you in contact with the service that can help. It is free and I have made use of it.

You know where the source of your strength is. Keep your eyes on the cross, your trust in God, and keep working to improve things for yourself each day.

If you need help from a Lutheran pastor, let me know and I'll point the way.

In Christ

 

[Chocolatesa]

Thanks My pastor knows the whole story, I meet up with him every so often to talk about it, and he was the one who took me in when I moved out.
I've already given the whole situation over to Him, I guess I just need to pray for more patience. Things are not moving and I want them to, whichever way they go.
I actually don't know much about lutheran doctrine... I attend a lutheran church, but only for the past year or so since we got married there, and haven't bothered to look into it. I've talked about divorce with my pastor, and he assures me that my case is an exception, that I wouldn't be in the wrong if we got divorced. Not clear though whether there's a difference if I'm the one who gets it or my ex, but so far he's been stressing that it's my ex that wants to get it, so let him get it. But he's not doing it... and might never for all I know... so will I have to do it myself eventually? when do I quit waiting and make a move???
As for reliance on another man, I know I should be patient and wait for the one God sends me, but it gets lonely, so I have to remind myself of that. Not that I'm meeting guys left and right, anyways.

 

[porterross]

Good. I'm glad you have such a caring shepherd.

Some people can get hung up on divorce as if it were THE one unforgivable sin, but don't buy into that. Sometimes our bad choices are very costly on many levels, but that should help the lesson stick, right?

Keep in touch with your pastor and keep asking him to show you the answers in Scripture and you'll be well on your way to being OK with where you are. It's in God's hands and He will provide.

If you want to learn more about the Lutheran church, come over to Theologia Crucis in the Congregations section and ask all the questions you want or just exchange general nonsense. We're good at that, too.

http://www.christianforums.com/f367-theologia-crucis-lutherans.html