Divorce Biblical Justifiable Option?

[CheeseD1]

Hello All,

I sought out this forum because I need a Biblical perspective with something I am struggling with.

For the past 3 years, I have been dealing with an abusive, [emotionally and physically] wife. (Yes it is embarrassing from the other end of the spectrum me being a male to state that she is abusive physically) She has had at least 1 affair that I know of and I have my suspicions of another. I have 1 son with her that I love more than life itself. I have had the police called on her, PFA's against her etc. yet I am still drawn toward reconciliation once again because I wrestle with the struggle of divorce from a Biblical perspective.

No, she is not a christian she stated she was when we got married, and frankly speaking her actions spoke of this while dating. Everything changed when we got married, she no longer wanted to go to church (has even kicked and punched me while I have tried taking him to church), she is content on doing almost nothing....I work a 40 hour work week, own a business on top of that (additional), cook, clean etc absolutely everything that needs to be done inside of the home and outside of the home I attend too because if I leave it go, simply put - it will rot/mold etc as not a finger is lifted unless I do it.

When i'm not doing the above, I am playing with my son (he is 3) OR he is helping me. The little guy is fantastic, he somehow recognizes what is going on and will out of the blue (my 3 year old mind you) will say, "daddy let me help you with that" and sure enough he does.

I do absolutely everything in my power to instil Christian morals and values into him dispute my short comings and it shows.

I know this forum is NOT here to ask "IF" I should divorce or not, I am by no means asking that. What I AM asking is, in your opinions....is enough finally enough, and more importantly Biblically; are the grounds there.

Thank you for your time..

 

[ValleyGal]

The grounds are indeed there. So many people take verses on divorce and use them to justify either divorcing or not divorcing. But there are other principles to apply as well. One of them is to do your best to live at peace with all men (mankind). If you have done your best to live at peace with your wife in your marriage, and the only way to really live at peace with her might be through divorce. I rarely suggest people should or should not divorce, because even if the answer is painful, most people have the answer within themselves. You already know. You just need to step out of denial, whether that be staying or not.

If you are struggling with the concept of divorce, you might want to read a couple of the threads on the board. This one http://www.christianforums.com/t7709685/ started out as a discussion and ended up being closed for debate, but it has some excellent biblical study on divorce, with Christians arguing both sides of the debate. You might find it helpful to sort out the divorce issue in your own mind and heart.

Making the decision is never easy. But this might help. I used to be a child protection social worker. Where I live, children who witness domestic violence are in need of protection because witnessing parental domestic violence causes vicarious trauma. When one parent is abusive and the other parent does not leave to protect their child from vicarious trauma, you put your child at risk of having an open case file/investigation. Do what is best for your son and protect him from seeing or hearing the abuse going on. If you need help with this, contact your local Child Protection agency and let them know what's happening and that you need help and support. Because you call voluntarily, chances are they will do what they can to support you in protecting your son. I know there are a lot of horror stories about CP, but for every horror story, there are hundreds of good stories.

 

[CheeseD1]

I appreciate your thoughts and response, thank you.

My greatest concern is that here in the states, the male has to work 100x more to retain custody than the female does, I need to be sure my son is safe with me... Typically, men here are stripped bare as well.

 

[razzelflabben]

Hello All,

I sought out this forum because I need a Biblical perspective with something I am struggling with.

For the past 3 years, I have been dealing with an abusive, [emotionally and physically] wife. (Yes it is embarrassing from the other end of the spectrum me being a male to state that she is abusive physically) She has had at least 1 affair that I know of and I have my suspicions of another. I have 1 son with her that I love more than life itself. I have had the police called on her, PFA's against her etc. yet I am still drawn toward reconciliation once again because I wrestle with the struggle of divorce from a Biblical perspective.

No, she is not a christian she stated she was when we got married, and frankly speaking her actions spoke of this while dating. Everything changed when we got married, she no longer wanted to go to church (has even kicked and punched me while I have tried taking him to church), she is content on doing almost nothing....I work a 40 hour work week, own a business on top of that (additional), cook, clean etc absolutely everything that needs to be done inside of the home and outside of the home I attend too because if I leave it go, simply put - it will rot/mold etc as not a finger is lifted unless I do it.

When i'm not doing the above, I am playing with my son (he is 3) OR he is helping me. The little guy is fantastic, he somehow recognizes what is going on and will out of the blue (my 3 year old mind you) will say, "daddy let me help you with that" and sure enough he does.

I do absolutely everything in my power to instil Christian morals and values into him dispute my short comings and it shows.

I know this forum is NOT here to ask "IF" I should divorce or not, I am by no means asking that. What I AM asking is, in your opinions....is enough finally enough, and more importantly Biblically; are the grounds there.

Thank you for your time..

It seems to me your asking two different questions 1. is divorce in this situation permitted in scripture....the answer would be yes, if there is sexual impurity divorce is permitted according to scripture....2. a question I asked not long ago about another matter, when you do you that God has "spoken" on a matter and the answer is X. As I pondered this question and sought God, I found 3 things (more depending on how you divide it) that God says endure forever. A. righteousness...therefore I asked the question, does this thing, or this decision spur me and anyone else involved to righteousness or to sinfulness. If righteousness, then it is something that God says should endure, if sinfulness then no, there is a stopping point somewhere along the way. B. Love...this is biblical Love. The short version of this measure if found in I Cor. 13. Does this thing spur you to Love, does it demonstrate God's enduring Love. and C. God Himself endures forever...thus, does this thing glorify God...what I found is that when I measure the decision against these three things, I discover when it is time to accept this as God's will and when it is time to "shake the dust off our feet".

You alone can know these answers, but the measure I have found very helpful in determining when God is saying move on, and when He is saying, stay put. Hope it helps...may you find wisdom to know, grace to accept, and hope for tomorrow as you seek more and more of God.

 

[razzelflabben]

I appreciate your thoughts and response, thank you.

My greatest concern is that here in the states, the male has to work 100x more to retain custody than the female does, I need to be sure my son is safe with me... Typically, men here are stripped bare as well.

Based on the experiences of some friends of ours, one of the problems will be how much time you have with your son. Your description of your work life is one of a great many hours, that could be a strike against you when it comes to custody.

 

[dayhiker]

CheeseD1 .. start documenting every negative things she does. Have a journal, take photos, get police records. Record of anyone friend see anything.

I think you have grounds. But what you want is documentation before you do any thing.

 

[CheeseD1]

CheeseD1 .. start documenting every negative things she does. Have a journal, take photos, get police records. Record of anyone friend see anything.

I think you have grounds. But what you want is documentation before you do any thing.

I have been documenting for the past 2.5 years, I just wanted validation that what I was considering was just and biblical I think.

 

[razzelflabben]

I have been documenting for the past 2.5 years, I just wanted validation that what I was considering was just and biblical I think.

from a biblical perspective, adultery gives you standing. As to the other issues, they are not discussed in scripture. That is not to say that one should not seek safe shelter from an abusive relationship. Safety is always a priority, but divorce isn't necessarily on the table for abuse from a pure biblical perspective. Sorry to all who don't like that, but when we look only at scripture, sexual immorality is the only permissible divorce....it's that way for good reason.

Look at it this way, marriage is suppose to be a picture to the world about how Christ Loves the Church. As such, we should ask ourselves when He left us (the Church)...look at Isaiah 53, even when we the church despised Him, He stood beside us, Loved us, cared for us, provided, etc. It wasn't until adultery, that is to say, the church left Him to marry another, that God divorced Israel. So, as an example of God's love, perseverance even in abuse is the picture we should want to present to the world. But again, I am not saying stay in an abusive situation, there are lots of options available to be safe without divorcing. Nor am I saying don't divorce, that is between you your spouse and God. What I am saying is that from a purely biblical perspective, the only permissible divorce is adultery, and the above lays out some of the reasons for that (some is the key word).

Now to brace for the attacks from those who don't want to read what I wrote for meaning. May our God give you wisdom and grace.

 

[akmom]

Can you get her into therapy, or even just evaluated? Maybe there is something wrong with her.

 

[CheeseD1]

She was court ordered to go to see a psyc, she never went more than once and was supposed to go 4x

 

[Autumnleaf]

If she had sex with another guy while you were married to her then you have Biblical grounds to divorce her.