Divorce and Trust

[question33]

In the middle of a divorce...

Is it normal for the other spouse to have escalating trust issues?

My Ex to be seems to trust me less and less. I notice that it is independent of my words and action. I just got to the point that I pretty much ignore it and act on my own conscious.

She admits that I will never be a dead beat dad and that I would care for the children no matter what. Then makes moves acting like she doesn't trust me to be that way.

It sure makes it hard to come to any agreement when she keeps changing her mind on subjects.

Or maybe this is this a symptom of her affair?

 

[ALABALE]

It also depends on who she's speaking to and who she's listening to.

It's only normal to have these highs and lows that she's experiencing. Anything and I mean ANYTHING can trigger her to go either way. It also depends on how easily influenced she is by those around her.

I pray that God give you patience and knowledge to deal with this hard time in your life. Be strong and be encouraged. Stay faithful to your children and especially to God!

 

[tryingtobeagain]

It's a tough situation. I lost more and more trust for my ex every time I tried to involve him and he refused. He's made a lot of big mistakes and I have forgiven him for his behaviour but at the same time, my priority is my daughter. I need to make sure that she's treated well at all times. I can't stop protecting her in hopes that he might be the person he once said he could to her.

The answer is communication. You need to be able to communicate with your ex about your children. This is one of the main reasons my ex and I don't get along. He comes and goes, hides things from me, and leaves me to find out at the last minute or hear it from my daughter. This seriously causes me to not trust him. It's apart from the relationship issues, because I'm completely over that... but I need to be able to trust him as a parent and when he does things like call the week before to let me knwo he's moving and won't be spending time with our child anymore... . then calls a few months later to let me knwo he'll be in town the next week and wants to take her... it just dosen't give me time to adjust her properly (she has special needs with this). Show your ex that you are committed to your children and talk to her about the sitaution. I pray things get better.

 

[deliciousBass]

In the middle of a divorce...

Is it normal for the other spouse to have escalating trust issues?

My Ex to be seems to trust me less and less. I notice that it is independent of my words and action. I just got to the point that I pretty much ignore it and act on my own conscious.

She admits that I will never be a dead beat dad and that I would care for the children no matter what. Then makes moves acting like she doesn't trust me to be that way.

It sure makes it hard to come to any agreement when she keeps changing her mind on subjects.

Or maybe this is this a symptom of her affair?

LOL short answer, Yes!

I have been WAAAAAAAAYYY TOO kind to my sbex! I've done what I've had to do plus more and she STILL doesn't trust me. And I've always been a trustworthy person--even before she left.

I think it's guilt man.. she's trying to find some reason to not trust you or not like you or whatever.. find some blemish in you to justify her actions. She also probably feels pretty crappy about herself. If she can't even trust herself, who can she trust? I also agree with Alabale that who she is speaking to can mess things up big time. My sbex talks to other single moms sometime who have gone through COMPLETELY different situations than ours. They get all bitter and have man hating sessions. Anyway, I'm the exact opposite of their exes. I've stuck around, I pay my child support, I visit my son as much as I can, I treat my sbex like a queen really. And even then, just because her friends were married to deadbeat dads, she's all paranoid that I am too even though my words and actions are the exact opposite.

What I'm trying to say is that you can be perfect right now.. and she will still not trust you. That's going to take time.

 

[Autumnleaf]

In the middle of a divorce...

Is it normal for the other spouse to have escalating trust issues?

My Ex to be seems to trust me less and less. I notice that it is independent of my words and action. I just got to the point that I pretty much ignore it and act on my own conscious.

She admits that I will never be a dead beat dad and that I would care for the children no matter what. Then makes moves acting like she doesn't trust me to be that way.

It sure makes it hard to come to any agreement when she keeps changing her mind on subjects.

Or maybe this is this a symptom of her affair?

When people are dishonest they often think others are too and act accordingly.

 

[Brotherfromanothermother]

When people are dishonest they often think others are too and act accordingly.

Yep. My experience exactly.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

In the middle of a divorce...

Is it normal for the other spouse to have escalating trust issues?

My Ex to be seems to trust me less and less. I notice that it is independent of my words and action. I just got to the point that I pretty much ignore it and act on my own conscious.

She admits that I will never be a dead beat dad and that I would care for the children no matter what. Then makes moves acting like she doesn't trust me to be that way.

It sure makes it hard to come to any agreement when she keeps changing her mind on subjects.

Or maybe this is this a symptom of her affair?

Your and her friends will tell you things that might happen, that you will think she'll never do, and then she does. Or she will accuse you of something you would never do, and she won't believe it. So many people have experiences in divorce, and will share them with you and with her, and it will scare you and her.

You won't want to believe what they say, but sadly some of it will happen. Some of it won't, but I guarantee that you'll be surprised by somethign she does.

Rough time, brother, and you just have to learn to deal with it, unfortunately - nothing will make this go away. Choose to be honorable and do what's right without letting yourself be walked on. Don't let old emotions and feelings get in the way of making proper decisions. Find an older Christian man you trust, and when possible or when in doubt, let your self be accountable to that person before you make a decision. My mentor keeps repeating to me, "this is no longer an emotional transaction, it's a financial transaction. Emotions have no part in it - either anger or sentiment."

Take care.