Divorce and Remarriage?

[Aloha Joe]

Hiya, folks...

I have no idea why, but I was suddenly struck with curiosity as to the Orthodox stance on divorce and remarriage. So tell me. Tell me or else.



Pretty please?

 

[VickiY]

Per canon law, divorce is allowed for certain reasons. "Incompatibility" is not one of them. If a person married in the Orthodox Church has received a civil divorce, only, they are usually denied participation in the sacraments until they have also received an ecclesiastical divorce, at which time their good standing is restored.

As to remarriage, whether the first marriage ending in divorce or in death, the Orthodox Chruch will allow two more marriages in a person's life (for a total of three) at the discretion of the local hierarch, as this is a form of ekonomia, a concession made to the frail nature of mankind. The services for subsequent marriages are slightly different from the first, and include parts expressing penitence as well as the joy of the marriage.

 

[Akathist]

Per canon law, divorce is allowed for certain reasons. "Incompatibility" is not one of them. If a person married in the Orthodox Church has received a civil divorce, only, they are usually denied participation in the sacraments until they have also received an ecclesiastical divorce, at which time their good standing is restored.

As to remarriage, whether the first marriage ending in divorce or in death, the Orthodox Chruch will allow two more marriages in a person's life (for a total of three) at the discretion of the local hierarch, as this is a form of ekonomia, a concession made to the frail nature of mankind. The services for subsequent marriages are slightly different from the first, and include parts expressing penitence as well as the joy of the marriage.

Vicky I agree with you that divorce is NOT preferred by Orthodoxy and that subsequent marriage services within Orthodoxy includes expression of penitence as well as you.

But it is ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE that in ALL JURISDICTIONS of Orthodoxy that an "ecclesiastical divorce" is required for "good standing" to be restored under any condition.

The jurisdiction that you are a member of may require this. But keep in mind that there are some differences.

 

[VickiY]

Beg pardon, Thornygrace, but I assumed that since the Ukrainians, ROCOR, the GOA, and the OCA held this to be so, that the other jurisdictions do as well. Which does not?

 

[Akathist]

OCA does NOT require ANY form of "ecclesiastical divorce".

 

[MariaRegina]

An OCA priest told me that the OCA merely gives a "blessing" for a second marriage once a legal divorce has been received and the Bishop has reviewed all the facts pertaining to the failed marriage. Not all divorced persons are granted a blessing for a second marriage. I know a person with some mental problems who was not granted a blessing but was told to remain single. She was only divorced once.

The Antiochian Church holds an "ecclesiastical" court to reinstate a divorced person after a period of penance. From what I was told, the Antiochians do not grant an "ecclesiastical" divorce either. The ecclesiastical court convenes to grant the divorced person the privilege of receiving the Holy Mysteries once again (including another marriage if deemed worthy of a blessing, not all people are allowed a second marriage).

 

[VickiY]

The review by the hierarchs and or spiritual court is what is referred to as ecclesiastical divorce by the GOA, etc. Sorry to confuse!

 

[Akathist]

An OCA priest told me that the OCA merely gives a "blessing" for a second marriage once a legal divorce has been received and the Bishop has reviewed all the facts pertaining to the failed marriage.

That is what I have been told by my Priest about my own situation.

One of the reasons I came to Orthodoxy from my exploration of RCC was about divorce. I did not want a divorce at all. (Still don't). But since I was abandoned I saw no reason to have to have my status questioned.

Keep in mind however, that Priest can have different views on this and there is some differences in how Bishops handle things even within OCA. For example, If I went to my Priest and said: "I'm bored being married and washing my husband's dirty socks. I want a divorce. He has never hit me, he works and pays the bills, he is kind to me, has not had an affair, and still lives with me." Or if someone said "I decided to marry this man I met at the gym so I'm divorcing my husband."

In those situations, I am sure that many Priest would say that this person's pursueing of a divorce is worthy of great spiritually exploration including possibly, some time in which the person is not able to participate in the sacrements... until the matter is settled.

It is my understanding that these matters are addressed on an individual basis. (As are most "cannons".)

 

[Michael G]

Per canon law, divorce is allowed for certain reasons. "Incompatibility" is not one of them. If a person married in the Orthodox Church has received a civil divorce, only, they are usually denied participation in the sacraments until they have also received an ecclesiastical divorce, at which time their good standing is restored.

As to remarriage, whether the first marriage ending in divorce or in death, the Orthodox Chruch will allow two more marriages in a person's life (for a total of three) at the discretion of the local hierarch, as this is a form of ekonomia, a concession made to the frail nature of mankind. The services for subsequent marriages are slightly different from the first, and include parts expressing penitence as well as the joy of the marriage.

Not exactly. I was required to do a period of penance before I was readmitted to communion with the Church, but it had nothing to do with ecclesiastical divorce. It had everything to do with the time my soul needed to grieve the death of my former marriage. This was a time of intense spiritual care from my priest and a time of great personal growth.

 

[HandmaidenOfGod]

Beg pardon, Thornygrace, but I assumed that since the Ukrainians, ROCOR, the GOA, and the OCA held this to be so, that the other jurisdictions do as well. Which does not?

My parents were married in the Ukrainian Orthodox Church. When they got divorced due to "irreconcilable differences" my father was not required to get any type of "ecclesiastical divorce" to receive communion.

When he remarried in the church there were penitential prayers said during the marriage ceremony, but that was it.

There were no problems with him getting a divorce or remarriage.

This is just what his experience was; I'm in no way speaking for all of Orthodoxy. As always, speak with your priest.

Maureen

 

[repentant]

How can the OCA not require some kind of ecclesiastical divorce. Civil marriage means nothing to the OC, except for the fact that it is needed by Law of the land. If the Church marry's you, than only the Church can seperate you. I guess that is another problem with the OCA.

 

[MariaRegina]

A divorce is not a mystery of the Church.

It is highly frowned upon.

Divorces are a political consession granted by the civil courts.

The Orthodox Church will sadly recognize that a marriage has failed and will SOMETIMES grant a blessing for a marriage of repentance.

The Crowning ceremony is a Holy Mystery of our Church.

 

[OrthoTauf]

I know he could not marry again, but otherwise, what happens to a priest whose wife divorces him?

 

[MariaRegina]

There was a recent case where that happened.

The priest was transferred to another parish were he recuperated from his wife leaving him for another man. After his heart healed, then he was allowed to serve in another parish. It would not have been good for him to serve at the same parish as before. He is serving as a celibate priest now.

Bishop Alexander, may his memory be eternal, experienced the same kind of situation. He embraced celibacy, took monastic vows, and was later consecrated to the bishropic.

In some cases, the priest may choose to leave the priesthood and marry again.

In very rare cases, the bishop may allow a priest to remain a priest and bless his second marriage. Again, this is very rare. I only know of one case where this happened.

 

[Michael G]

How can the OCA not require some kind of ecclesiastical divorce. Civil marriage means nothing to the OC, except for the fact that it is needed by Law of the land. If the Church marry's you, than only the Church can seperate you. I guess that is another problem with the OCA.

Ok, let us stop this before it begins. I do not want to see this turn into a Jurisdictional debate. I am sure there are plenty of things about your particular jurisdiction that I dislike, but I am not going to let a single one of them be an issue of divisiveness. The Church is merciful and understands there are times when marriages are unhealthy, and even toxic, and that it is best the two parties go their separate ways. Would you rather things be like they are in the RCC where once you divorce if you remarry you are forbidden the Eucharist the rest of your life?

 

[HandmaidenOfGod]

I know he could not marry again, but otherwise, what happens to a priest whose wife divorces him?

He's still a priest. I know of two priest's that divorced while they were priests.

 

[Akathist]

Ok, let us stop this before it begins. I do not want to see this turn into a Jurisdictional debate. I am sure there are plenty of things about your particular jurisdiction that I dislike, but I am not going to let a single one of them be an issue of divisiveness. The Church is merciful and understands there are times when marriages are unhealthy, and even toxic, and that it is best the two parties go their separate ways. Would you rather things be like they are in the RCC where once you divorce if you remarry you are forbidden the Eucharist the rest of your life?

Regarding repentence's offensive and abusive remark about a jurisdiction he knows has a great number of people here: I can not understand this very UNORTHODOX attitude... we are one church and should demonstrate mutual respect. There should be NO place here at TAW for that kind of behavior.

About Michael's question regarding the RCC not allowing the Eucharist for the rest of one's life.. That is what I meant when I said that when I was first looking for the "Real Prescence" in the Eucharist, I looked first to the RCC. But I was told that unless I divorced my husband and received an annulment that I would never be allowed to receive the Eucharist... since my husband had been married before. I would have qualified for a Catholic annulment but I did not want to get a divorce. It was the main reason I stopped exploring RCC..

fortunately.... this led me to EO, so the end result is good.

Please understand that each Priest and each Bishop is going to look at every situation individually. While Michael had some time when he did not receive the Eucharist following his divorce, this might not be the same for each individual. This was what was best for him spiritually. However, for someone else, the Priest and Bishop may decide that something different is best.

No one here at this Board, as far as I know, is qualified to state what the offical stance of the Orthodox Church is or how it would be applied. Someone might quote a cannon. But cannon's are quidelines for Bishops and Priests (and Hierarches). How the cannon is applied is based on what is best for the spiritual health of the individual and parish.

One last comment: Divorce is considered the worst choice. The best choice is for each person in the marriage to be converted to true Orthodox praxis and to live as husband and wife within the love of Christ. However, if either one of the two (husband or wife) sins and refuses to repent and change their ways, resulting in abusive behavior toward the other, adultry (in all its forms) and abandonment, then divorce is ALLOWED. It should be the exception to the case, not the common result.

We can not excpect marriage to make us feel happy and content. That is not the purpose of marriage in the big picture. Marriage helps us grow spiritually and if so blessed, to bring more children into the world and into the faith.

 

[repentant]

Ok, let us stop this before it begins. I do not want to see this turn into a Jurisdictional debate. I am sure there are plenty of things about your particular jurisdiction that I dislike, but I am not going to let a single one of them be an issue of divisiveness. The Church is merciful and understands there are times when marriages are unhealthy, and even toxic, and that it is best the two parties go their separate ways. Would you rather things be like they are in the RCC where once you divorce if you remarry you are forbidden the Eucharist the rest of your life?

What do you mean? I asked how can the OCA not have a Church divorce. I didn't say anything about not getting divorced, or not recieving Communion. If you get married in the Church, there has to be something by the Church to seperate, remember what Christ said. "What God joins together, let no man seperate."? So besides the lawful civil divorce, usually the Church has some sort of seperation.

 

[Akathist]

I guess that is another problem with the OCA.

Repentant, this is an offensive statement. I am offended. I believe it is a remark intended to be offensive and to offend a great number of people on this board.

There is no place here for a debate about how your particular jurisdiction is better than mine.

 

[Grand_Duchess-Elizaveta]

What do you mean? I asked how can the OCA not have a Church divorce. I didn't say anything about not getting divorced, or not recieving Communion. If you get married in the Church, there has to be something by the Church to seperate, remember what Christ said. "What God joins together, let no man seperate."? So besides the lawful civil divorce, usually the Church has some sort of seperation.

This is true, and I think you raise a valid point. However, I think what stirred up the emotions of some was the statement about this being "another problem with the OCA". It's okay to state your disagreement with a jurisdiction, but you need to try to be more respectful/tactful about it.