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Disipline

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Trippin

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Just had some family move in for a while. With them is my nephew who's autistic. We've also been told he has brain damage, there's more there than autism. He's really cool, and we love and care about him, have learned a lot from him. He's three, just learned "no" and "bye".
But he's also spoiled and we are loosing our minds. We're lucky to get through an hour without a screaming fit because he didn't get something that he wants. We can't keep letting him do what he wants just for quite, we also can't sit and listen to constant screaming.
Not trying to be mean, but the situation they were in was abusive and this is pretty much the first time he's been disiplined.
Is it normal to set up a sound proof room, not as a babysitter, but a room where he can throw a fit and be until he calms down? If this is comon, does anyone have some decent/cheap plans or list of materials needed for sound proofing and padding?
Any help would be great, thanks
 

vespasia

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Just had some family move in for a while. With them is my nephew who's autistic. We've also been told he has brain damage, there's more there than autism. He's really cool, and we love and care about him, have learned a lot from him. He's three, just learned "no" and "bye".
For a start stop thinking of him as a three year old and start thinking of him where is CURRENT developmental age is. Your setting the goal posts too high for him to have a hope of success.

But he's also spoiled and we are loosing our minds. We're lucky to get through an hour without a screaming fit because he didn't get something that he wants.
Nope, he is loved by parents willing to cut a lot of slack for an atypical child.
I have yet to meet an autistic toddler who does not either
a) scream and scream and scream. BTW I recommend ear plugs for the carers not gaffer tape or its equvilant for the frustrated kid.
or
b) So withdrawn and silnet its eiree.

We can't keep letting him do what he wants just for quite, we also can't sit and listen to constant screaming.
Screaming comes from frustration at NOT being able to communicate.
Think how you would feel if someone was to dump you in a country where you could not understand the language and the customs where so differant you had not even got to first base as to what was the right and wrong way of doing things. You would either go very silent or scream and cry from the build up of frustration as yu tried to fathom what was going on.
It is not that this kid will not adhere to your expectations of childhood it is simply he cannot. Its referred to as atypical development for a reason.

Not trying to be mean, but the situation they were in was abusive and this is pretty much the first time he's been disiplined.
And he has learnt...what?

Is it normal to set up a sound proof room, not as a babysitter, but a room where he can throw a fit and be until he calms down?

IF it is soundproof how will you know the level of distress you have caused him? If it is soundproof how will you know when the screams become the withdrawn silence of abject terror? That idea is a cop out not a solution.

If this is comon, does anyone have some decent/cheap plans or list of materials needed for sound proofing and padding?
Yes do not do it.
Get advice from TEACCH or Earlybird (look on line) and read up onmore constructive ways of caring for an ASD child on the web from the societies that offer sane advice instead....and some very good quality ear plugs for yourself.

Ps did I mention the ear plugs?;)
 
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Trippin

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hello, thanks for the reply. Setting up a sound proof room I think was a bad idea (got idea from a doctor).

For a start stop thinking of him as a three year old and start thinking of him where is CURRENT developmental age is. Your setting the goal posts too high for him to have a hope of success.
The problem isn't that the goals are to high, the current developement level is very known and obvious. The strange thing is that comunication is not really a problem. The being able to speak "no" and "bye" now is great, but the comunication is definitaly there. This may be an odd thing for there to be understanding and a type of comunication, but words don't always work with fully mature, capable adults.


Not trying to be mean, but the situation they were in was abusive and this is pretty much the first time he's been disiplined.
And he has learnt...what?

Yes he's learnt. I wrote this in the first three days of him being scolded for the first time, and would have pulled my hair out if I had any. But after he's been shown that somethings aren't going to be put up with he's finally stoped screaming so much, you can count maybe 2 or 3 good fits in a day. Before it was just a matter of time, around every hour.
This is a speciall case though.

Don't know if this is common to autistic or just all humans.
For example; He'd start playing with something he shouldn't have had in the first place, a cell phone or money that he got ahold of. It's normal for a child to do that, at first he plays with it, and then it's like he's looking for it to do something more, something faster or something about it that will hold his attention so that he doesn't have to slow down. When it doesn't he continues to find new things, destroy them and move on. I'm not quit sure how to explain this but I have the same problem at times. It's mentally and physically difficult to slow down and have to focus your attention for yourself. When this happens to me it makes me realize it's time to throw the tv out again. tv=death

But I'm very thankful he's been doing a lot better, which is amazing after a week and 1/2!
But this seems to be the thing that drives other problems. When he's instigating, doing things he knows is wrong either to get attention or to keep himself occupied by seeing how far he can push you, which he does seriously do, along with acting and chasing after sympathy. For a lot of it he's a regular child, in some ways advanced and others behind. We think he's only mildly autistic, but I haven't been around any other autistic children.

Anyway, what he's learned the Lord has shown him. Like I said this is a special case and this was a blessing, even children without disability of any kind don't ussually start adjusting that quickly.
He's cool, it's unreal how much I've been shown about myself through the time that I've known him.
Thank you for the advise though, no sound proof rooms. The cool thing is that ear plugs aren't needed for the moment......
:D
 
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uniquetadpole

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Hi...I have AS... and let me share that it wouldn't matter if you met anyone else with an ASD...each and every one of us is different... yes there are tendencies but those tendencies can many times be opossing and at the same time...it can be just as confusing to us that are on the spectrum.

I am glad you decided against the soundproof room...I was going to suggest looking at it like an isolation... my worst punishment when I was little was being sent to my room. And I didn't have restrictions about playing with my toys...just couldn't come out of my room until mom said so...

As to how to handle a so called behavior problem... you mentioned that he just moved in... that is a huge transition... and for me transitions are H*LL even small ones... I feel like I am losing my world... change is so difficult for me to adapt to. And it has NOT gotten easier over the years.
Keep this in mind... his "getting his hands into everything that he shouldn't" is probably his means of learning his new environment... be it money or whatnot... and yeah there still needs to be behavior management... but discipline is not a term that even sounds pleasant... to me that is about a power sturggle... I suggest finding creative ways to promote good behaviors... and for each child that is going to be different...but something that I have read and my therapist wants to help me modify (even at the age of 36) for life skills today is a book about using special interests not only to teach social skills but also behavior management... most of us want to do the right thing...but we have a very hard time "getting" how your way is the right way... so we have to be taught that in a different way then just being told sometimes...and other times we just need to be told what is the right way. Unfortunately he doesn't have a way of communicating to you why he disagrees with you at this point...but I am absolutely sure that in his head there is a comepletely logical explanation as to why he objects to your decisions of what is right and wrong... and getting to the point of being on the same page so to speak is in my opinion THE stumbling block... my mom told me once that if she would just remember to stop and ask me why I did a certain thing I would always have a completely logical (off the wall to her but logical none-the-less) explanation for my action and/or behavior...and if she could match my logic...I would go out of my way to accomodate her logic and usually be enforcer of the "new rule" with my brother which would create a whole other issue, but hey...my point is we want to connect and fit in socially...it is just that society to us doesn't quite make sense in our world most of the time.

So we need just as much compassion for our "misguidedness" as ydo those that aren't on the spectrum.


I praise you for being open to the suggestions above and seeing what is best for your nephew. I have had a ton of trauma to overcome through my years simply because I was misunderstood for so long... and am still working through them and probably will be for life... and thus the more people that surround the child with ASDs that are compassionate...the better chance they have at not being traumatized and exuding PTSD symptoms... which the more I learn about the more convinced I am that all of us on the spectrum have these symptoms, whether it be due to the trauma of the sensory issues or the misunderstandings I have yet to decide...but both are there for me...and it would not surpirse me that most on the spectrum deal with them...

Anyway...I applaud the effort you are giving all of this and encourage you to return with more questions as they arise... and hope that we here on the forum can be of future help to you.

Tad
 
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