Discipline disagreements

Heidilein said:

I have to say, I'm quite surprised that so many people feel that spanking is useful and effective. In my oppinion, spanking is a reaction of the parent out of frustration or anger. There are many other ways to discipline a child that don't involve hitting. If a child of two is throwing a tantrum it's due to his struggle for attention. My parents *never* used spanking to stop a tantrum or to discipline. If a tantrum was being thrown it was highly ignored. I would rather learn (and have my child learn) not to engage in such behavior because he knows it's going to be ignored rather than because he's terrified he'll be hit.

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I appreciate your view, and even though I do spank, I agree to an extent. I think it's inappropriate and ineffective to spank a child out of anger or frustration. But, if a child is being 'willfully disobedient' (to use reformationist's favorite phrase ) then I do feel it's appropriate. And that's the type of spanking I think both I and some others were talking about.

This is one of the first post of yours I think I've seen. Welcome to CF!

Love, Heather

HeatherJay said:

Hehe...you guys sound like me and Mark (my hubby). He pulls the Happy Gilmore lines out when he's really trying to suck up. I mean, how's a girl to argue with that logic??

Another of his favorite lines when he's trying to crack me up after an argument..."Stop looking at me, Swan!" Which makes no sense to anyone listening, but it's from Billy Madison. LOL, oh how I love that man! (my hubby, not Adam Sandler )

You guys are so cute...your kiddies are lucky to have such positive examples as parents.

Love, Heather

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LOL! Thanks Heather. That's very sweet of you.

God bless,
Don

Heidilein said:

In my oppinion, spanking is a reaction of the parent out of frustration or anger.

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A generalization like this is just that, a generalization. I have spanked my child out of frustration before but that is not a reflection on the applicability of spanking, rather it's a reflection on my own sinfulness and immaturity. Impoper usage of spanking as a tool for discipline doesn't make the tool wrong, it makes the user of the tool wrong.

There are many other ways to discipline a child that don't involve hitting. If a child of two is throwing a tantrum it's due to his struggle for attention. My parents *never* used spanking to stop a tantrum or to discipline. If a tantrum was being thrown it was highly ignored. I would rather learn (and have my child learn) not to engage in such behavior because he knows it's going to be ignored rather than because he's terrified he'll be hit.

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I think that this mindframe of "ignoring" unacceptable behavior is a large part of the problem with children today. Is your child's inappropriate behavior going to be ignored when they get older? Is their boss going to ignore their emotional outbursts? Is he/she just going to say, "It's okay. Let's just ignore it. He/she is just struggling for attention?" Let me guess, you think they'll "grow out of it," right? Wrong. Children who are selfish, self-centered, and inconsiderate (which is pretty much all children to start with) don't "grow out of it." They grow up into selfish, self-centered, inconsiderate adults. You're crippling your child. Ignoring their ungodly behavior just teaches them that there are no consequences for their actions.

Please don't be offended. I'm not judging your love for your child. I'm just offering my opinion on the appropriateness and effectiveness of ignoring ungodly behavior.

Let me also echo Heather's welcomes. Welcome to the forums!

God bless