Different interests or deeper issue?

[Brianlear]

What do you do if your partner is really into something and you just aren't?

For example my girlfriend has this thing with Anime culture, to the point where she goes to the big conventions with her friend who is also into it. They dress up and put a decent amount of time into it. I guess it's always been one of her hobbies since she was a child. She is asian so it's kind of a cultural thing too. But a big part of it for her is just being around tons of people. She likes the atmosphere of large gatherings and the people watching I think.

I on the other hand, just don't really get it. It's not really a part of my life in any way. And to make it worse, I'm not super into the people aspect of it and I'm not really a "convention" kind of guy...the thought of thousands of people all dressed up like characters packed into a large gathering seems very un-chill to me. I like to be out in nature, I'm not really a big city person, and I am pretty mellow and peaceful.

So she is at one of these things this weekend. It sucks because it was one of our free weekends and I feel a little bit "ditched" because she went with her friend to this convention in another city. And then when we talked today, she says things like "Next year YOU should come to the convention, you can dress up." And so I respond with "Yea, okay" but I am not really enthusiastic in talking to her because it's not really my thing and there are a lot of other things I'd rather be doing. Then I start thinking, will our relationship always be like this? Her always wanting to do that kind of stuff and me wanting to do my things? She does make an effort to join me in doing things I am interested in but she never seems as happy as when she is doing her own thing with other people.

We are thinking about getting married and I want to be able to have fun and relax with her and participate in things together. This seems difficult for us though. Could this be a sign that we are not meant for each other? Or am I just over-analyzing it? I don't know

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

You're always going to have different things you're into. It's important that you allow each other to have those things while at the same time not letting them rule over who you are. Obviously you have a lot in common other than this one thing if you're made it this long to considering getting married.

What matters is that you support each other in these hobbies as well. You may not be as into them as she is, but it might be good for you to experiences this first hand and maybe gain some insight into why she likes it so much by allowing yourself the opportunity to give it a try and be open to it. Even if it's not your thing, it's still good to be supportive in things that you're not as involved in.

For me, it's music production. For my wife, it's crafty stuff. She's not a musician and knows very little about what I do in the recording studios, but she humours me when I go on about things she obviously knows nothing about. The same goes for when she starts talking about knitting or something along those lines. We support each other in these differences even if they aren't our thing and occasionally we get involved with events or gatherings having to do with them. I never thought I'd end up at a craft expo but I actually found that when I allowed myself to be open, I actually enjoy them even though I am not the least bit crafty in that aspect of these events.

 

[litbylove]

As my bf says, sometimes you just have to take one for the team. You're not always going to like EVERYTHING the other is interested in, but u should let her go and enjoy it if thats what she wants to do. I wouldnt see it as being too bad a thing, unless there's jealousy issues of her going with another guy/getting attention from other guys? then that would need to be discussed...

Loving another person will often mean making a small sacrifice on your part. Either agreeing to go with her, or letting her spend time going to those conventions (and giving up your time with her for that weekend). Think of it as if it was you. If you were really into soccer, and she wasnt. There's a big soccer game that u HAVE to go to, so take a saturday to go with the guys to watch. Girlfriend stays home because she finds it extremely boring, but lets u go because she wants to have fun.

Hope maybe that helps!